Jaron wasn’t Heath’s son by blood, although he was his son of his heart.
“Can’t be easy on her, with Bryony and Ava both pregnant,” Heath continued. “Maybe what you both need is a complete break. Get away from here.”
Tom closed his eyes for a moment, feeling exhausted. “I think you’re right. I’ll see if I can arrange some time away for both of us.”
“You’re welcome to go to the cabin, no one’s using it and you’ll be guaranteed privacy.”
Tom opened his eyes and looked at Heath, grateful for his support. “Thanks, I think I’ll take you up on that.”
Frankie awoke as her neck was covered in kisses. She moaned softly and rolled sleepily onto her back to give those wandering lips more access. As her bottom pressed against the mattress she whimpered in pain.
A chuckle escaped those amazing lips, pushing her more fully into consciousness.
“It’s not funny,” she murmured, still not opening her eyes.
“You deserved it,” Tom answered, his lips moving against her collarbone as he spoke. “And I ought to give you another spanking for this little stunt.”
She sat up suddenly, ignoring the pain in her bottom. Her body slammed into Tom, whacking him in the nose. He followed her up, rubbing his nose.
“Hey,” he protested.
“Sorry,” she said with concern, pulling his hand away from his nose to peer at it in concern. “Did I hurt you?”
“I’ll live,” he grumbled. Then he turned to her again, eyeing her sternly. “Just what did you think you were doing leaving the bed when I told you to stay there until I returned?”
“But I am in bed,” she said.
He just narrowed his gaze and continued to stare at her. Frankie shifted uncomfortably.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.
“Tell me, if Heath hadn’t made you call me to let me know where you were, would you have called? Or would you have let me return home to find you’d disappeared again?”
Frankie gazed down at her clenched hands. “I’m sorry; I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She didn’t know if she’d have called him or not. She wouldn’t like it if he did the same to her. “I’m so selfish and horrible, why are you even with me?”
Tom placed his hand under her chin, forcing her gently to raise her head and look at him. “Frankie, you are not a horrible person and I am not going to leave you. When we first got together, I remember that you were scared I’d leave you. I thought we’d worked through your insecurities until the other night. Baby, are you scared that if you can’t get pregnant, I’ll leave you?”
She nodded slowly.
“Why would you think that? Honey, we’re married. I love you. I take my wedding vowels very seriously. Why would you ever think I would want to leave you?”
“Because you deserve more!” she wailed. “You deserve better than me. I’m not good enough for you. I just create trouble. I try so hard, but nothing I ever do seems to go to plan and then I go and do stupid things like last night. I’m just so scared of losing you sometimes, it kills me. I can’t lose you, Tom; I don’t think I can survive it. Yet, at the same time I can’t help but feel that I am going to lose you and so I find myself doing things I think will push you away. It’s horrible, I find myself doing it, but I can’t seem to stop. I don’t know what to do.”
“Shh, shh, honey.” He pulled her into his arms and rocked her. “It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere. Let it all out. Oh, sweetheart. You’re exhausted, aren’t you? Trying to be perfect takes a lot of energy, especially when you’re working full-time then coming home to clean and cook for hours. I’m so sorry I never noticed what was going on, that I let it get to the point where you imploded in a cry for help.”
Frankie pulled back and rubbed her hands over her face, trying to clear away her tears. “But I don’t deserve you. I’m not a good person like you. I’m never going to be perfect.”
“And you think I am?” he asked incredulously. “Honey, I make mistakes, I do stupid things, I can be grumpy, I snore when I drink, I never remember to leave the toilet seat down and I get so caught up in my work sometimes that I don’t give you the attention I deserve.”
She shook her head. “Your work is important. You help people and they love you for it. I’m sure everything thinks you married down.”
Tom took her shoulders in his hands and shook her gently. “Enough,” he said sternly. “I never want you to put yourself down, do you hear me? I married you because I love you. Neither of us are perfect, but you are not a bad person, Frankie. You are beautiful, kind, funny and you’re the one I desire, the one I want to grow old with. Frankie, why haven’t you talked to me about your insecurities before now?”
Frankie shrugged, averting her gaze.
“Look at me, young lady,” Tom ordered.
A shiver raced up her spine at his firm tone and she gazed up at him obediently. “These feelings weren’t as bad when we first got married. Sure, I felt really amazed that you would want to marry me, but I wasn’t going to tell you what a horrid person I could be. I thought I could change. I was going to try so hard to give you everything you wanted so you wouldn’t see my faults. So I worked hard to bring in some money to pay my way, I tried to keep the house really clean and tidy for you and I when I watched you with Jaron, well, I realized what an amazing dad you’d make, so I...”
“You decided you’d give me a baby. Shit, Frankie, do you even want kids?” he asked with shock.
“Yes,” she quickly reassured him. “I would never bring a child into the world if I didn’t want one. Then months went by without my getting pregnant and I figured that was just another failure, another way I’m letting you down.”
“Honey.” He grabbed her hands in his. “You’ve never let me down.”
“I did last night,” she pointed out. “Tom, I’m not sweet and nice like Ava or calm and together like Bryony, I feel like I’m always lost, like I’ll never measure up and be the wife you need. And the last thing I wanted to do was add to your problems, you’re so busy with your practice, you need a wife who doesn’t give you any trouble and that’s all I give you.”
“Shit.” He gathered her onto his lap and sat with her on the bed. Frankie snuggled close, loving the feel of him surrounding her, protecting her. This was home.
He clasped her face in his hands. “Frankie, you do not have to be perfect. I don’t want perfect. I want you. All of you. You don’t have to be the best at everything to keep me. Honey, you are stuck with me no matter what. It doesn’t matter if we can’t have children, we can adopt or find a surrogate if necessary. Nothing is as important to me as you.”
“What if you find in a few years that you’re sick of my temper?”
Tom snorted. “Never. Frankie I know who you are, I always have. Besides, I know just the cure for your temper.”
He grinned as she rolled her eyes.
“I’m so sorry for failing you, honey. I’ve been too wrapped up in my work when I should have been taking care of you. Can you forgive me?”
“Forgive you? Why? None of this was your fault.”
“Because I should have realized the stress you were under. You’ve worried and worked yourself into exhaustion, baby. No wonder you snapped. And I spanked you for it.” His voice held self-reproach.
“No.” She pulled back to look at him. “I deserved it. I knew the consequences. Sometimes-sometimes I think I might disobey just to...” she trailed off.
“Because it makes you feel safe?” he guessed. “Knowing that I care enough about you to punish you for putting yourself at risk?”
“I guess. Does that make me weird?”
“No, baby. You are not weird or strange, okay? I want you to get that right out of your head. Because if you’re strange for needing that sort of care and attention then that must mean I’m a freak for needing to care for you that way.”
She shuddered. “What are we going to do? I feel so lost, so unsure.”
&nbs
Relief filled her, he wasn’t running. He didn’t think she was selfish and too much work. And damn, a holiday sounded like heaven.
“That sounds great,” she said. “But can you get the time off?”
“It’ll take me a week or two to organize it, but yeah, I can get the time.”
“I’ll ask for the time off, too.”
Tom ran his hand over her arm. “How much notice do you need to give to resign?” he asked.
Frankie sighed. “Tom, I don’t know...”
“Do you enjoy your job, baby?” he asked. “I know you love nursing, but do you enjoy working where you are? What if we could find you a new job, maybe part-time?”
She thought about it seriously. “I guess I haven’t been happy there for a while. And a part-time job does sound good.”
“So will you hand in your resignation?”
“I feel like I should support myself. I mean, I should wait until I have a new job. I can’t just stay at home all day and laze around.”
“Honey, somehow I can’t see you sitting around all day watching TV. You work too hard. You need to ease up and if you can’t do on your own, I’ll help you. Why don’t you give up your job and start looking around for part-time work? If our practice gets bigger, we might need more help.”
Frankie chewed at her lower lip. “I don’t know if working together is a good idea.”
He chuckled. “Maybe not. We’d probably kill each other in the first week. But honey, you do not need to support yourself. That’s my job, I’m here to look after you and give you what you need. You take such good care of me, but when I try to take care of you, you make it so hard I have to pretty much force you to accept my care.”
“No, I...” her protest trailed off as she realized the truth of his words. “I do that, don’t I?”
He nodded.
“I’m sorry. I love having you look after me, I just feel bad because you take care of people all day and then you have to come home and take care of me.”
“Honey, it’s not a chore. I love looking after you and you come first, before everyone else. But, this is who I am, I like caring for people, it fills this need inside me, I would never see looking after you as a chore, never. It’s a need.”
“I’ve been mucking everything up, haven’t I?” she said with a sigh.
“I think we both have, love. I’m as much at fault as you are. I think some time away will do us both good. When we go away, I’m going to push you, though. I want you to totally open up with me, Frankie.”
She stared at him. Was she ready to completely let go? Could she make herself completely vulnerable? She always held a bit of herself back, knowing how devastated she’d be if he ever left her.
“I’ll try,” she promised.
“Good girl,” he told her. “I want us to make a pact, right now. If either of us feels lost or unsure or if we need something the other isn’t giving us, we’re going to ask. There is no judgment in our house, nothing we can’t talk about. Promise?”
“I promise,” she swore, feeling her heart lighten.
“Pinky swear.”
She burst into laughter. “What?”
“Pinky swear.” He held out his pinky to her.
“What are you? A twelve year old girl?” she giggled.
His lips twitched as he tried to stare at her sternly. “Pinky swear,” he said in a growly voice, dropping her onto the bed to tickle her. “Pinky swear.”
“Okay, okay,” she yelled. “I give in.”
He sat back.
“Pinky swear,” she told him.
Chapter Six
“Have you been to the bathroom?” Tom asked as he grabbed the suitcases to put them in the car. Frankie was busy running around checking all the appliances were turned off. Except the fridge. She’d made that mistake once before when they’d left for a week’s holiday.
She wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.
“I’m fine,” she asked, only half-listening to him. After all, she was twenty-seven. She’d been going to the toilet by herself for years.
“I didn’t ask if you were fine, I’d asked if you’d been to the bathroom, young lady,” he said sternly.
Frankie gaped at him in shock. “Umm, yes.”
“Good, go hop in the car, please,” he said firmly.
She walked slowly to the car, wondering what she had really gotten herself in for. They’d both agreed that Tom was completely in charge for the next two weeks. Of everything. Frankie swallowed heavily. She’d agreed to this but could she really? Was she ready? But then, would she ever be truly ready, how did one even ready themselves for this? By the time Tom walked into the garage she was a mess of nerves. She’d talked herself into this then out of it.
Questions rolling around in her head, she didn’t even notice him enter the car and jolted with shock as he took hold of her hand.
“Honey, stop worrying. For the next couple of weeks, I’m in charge. You don’t have to worry about anything; you don’t have to think about it, because frankly, you have no say in anything that goes on.”
A shiver raced up her spine. “I don’t get a safe word then?”
Tom raised his eyebrows. “And what do you know about safe words?”
She shrugged. “I’ve been looking them up.”
“Have you just?” he murmured thoughtfully. She blushed a little. She’d been looking into Roarke’s background. She’d managed to find the club he owned in Waco. But she hadn’t worked up the courage to call him or go there. Tom had gotten rid of the card Roarke had given her, and she wanted to call him and thank him.
Well, okay, she also had an ulterior motive; she wanted to help heal the rift between him and Tom. This was a man Tom had once looked up to and cared for. Tom’s pain hurt her and Frankie thought she might be able to help them both. Tom had told her he’d gone to visit Roarke and warned him that he wasn’t to contact her. And that if she ever saw him, she wasn’t to even acknowledge him.
So, Frankie knew she’d be in a hell of a lot of trouble should Tom ever find out what she was contemplating, but this was hurting him and it was the least she could do for him when he did so much for her. Look at them now; he’d taken two weeks off from his busy practice to take her on holiday. She’d finished up at work yesterday and it was a relief, if she was honest, she was exhausted and stressed and work only added to her problems.
So while part of her was rebelling against his arrogance, the other part was cheering him on. This is what she needed. To not have to make the decisions, to let herself go.
“If I ever do anything you don’t like, tell me to stop and I will.”
“Even when you’re spanking me?” she asked, still feeling the effects of her latest spankings.
Tom chuckled. “No, baby, that is one area where it won’t work. I really think this is what you need, isn’t it?”
“Maybe,” she said, not wanting his arrogance to get out of control.
Tom just grinned and reached over to grab her seatbelt. “Let’s get you buckled up and get on our way. We’ve got a bit of a drive ahead of us.”
He did his own belt up before pressing the button for the automatic garage opener then reversing the car out.
“We’re really doing this, then,” she murmured half to herself.
“Yes, baby, we really are.”
“Shit, I’m in trouble.”
She yelped as Tom slapped her hand sharply. “No swearing. It wouldn’t take much for me to pull this car over and put you over my knee.”
Frankie’s jaw dropped. “You wouldn’t.”
Tom remained quiet.
Damn it. The bastard would really do it.
Yep, definitely in trouble now.
*****
Frankie finished off her hamburger and chips. They’d stopped for lunch and were about two hours away from the cabin, now, although they’d have to do some grocery shopping first, there wasn’t much close by to the cabin and they’d need some supplies.
“Are you finished, honey?” Tom asked her. She nodded and pushed the plate away. “Give me your hands then.”
Puzzled, she held them out to him where he sat across the table and nearly snatched them back when he wiped them clean for her.
“Tom,” she hissed.
He smiled. Then he stood, placing some money on the table for their bill. “Come on, bathroom break then we’ll get on the road again. I know you must be getting tired, honey, you’re doing really well.”
He held out a hand to her and she took it, letting him help her up. He kept hold of it as he turned and walked across the room to the bathroom.
“I don’t need to go to the bathroom,” she told him.
“I didn’t ask.”
With a huff to show she wasn’t impressed, Frankie stomped into the bathroom, squealing as he gave her a sharp smack to her bottom on the way inside.
When she exited the bathroom he was standing there, waiting.
“Did you go?” she asked him sarcastically.
“Why yes, baby, I did,” he said cheerfully. “Come on, let’s get going then. Thank you,” he called out to the waitress as they left. Frankie nodded and smiled, too embarrassed to say anything.
Tom settled her in the passenger seat, buckling up her seatbelt. But instead of immediately jumping into the driver’s seat he took hold of her hands and kissed her forehead. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” she whispered back. Closing her door, he moved to the boot of the car, rummaging around before climbing into the driver’s side holding a pillow and a blanket.
“What are those for?” she asked suspiciously.
“It’s time for you to have a little nap,” he told her.
Frankie stared at him as he leaned down and pushed the lever on her seat, letting the back drop back. Frankie refused to lie down.
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