Well, that didn’t happen. The reaction I got from Lashawnda wasn’t something I was expecting. What I got was a rude awakening when I walked in on a conversation she was having with her sister about the whole thing.
“I was just a regular girl, minding my own business, before this guy came into my life. Then, to pull me into this fairytale world of love. Crystal when I tell you I wanted to go with the flow, bend to his will, and give him what he wanted. But, six months seems like it’s too soon. I know I told him we’d talk about it, but I don’t think I’m ready.” Lashawnda’s voice carried into the living room where I’d just walked in and dropped my bag.
The scent of dinner simmering on the stove made my mouth water. While the words coming from Lashawnda’s mouth made my stomach turn in knots. Those insecurities I had a few months ago when we first started dating resurfaced again, making me question if I was in this thing deeper than she was. I felt like a fool because I really thought she was considering moving in with me. Hell, I thought we were on the same page. Wasn’t sure if I should turn back around and give her the privacy to finish her conversation with her sister; but I knew either way I had to address the issue.
I dragged a hand down my face, frustrated at possibly ending the night on a sour note.
Shit! There’s no point in putting this off.
“Lashawnda,” I yelled, letting her know I was here.
“I’m in the bedroom,” she hollered back.
I silently looked up at the ceiling, praying for the Lord to guide me in this discussion we were about to have. I could be an asshole, and I say the wrong things at times. Since dating Lashawnda, I’ve been working hard on becoming a better version of myself. The truth of the matter was she was the only person in this world, besides my mother, I truly cared how I presented myself. My best friends knew how blatantly honest I was about a lot of things, but with Lashawnda, I tried my best to always make sure I was choosing my words carefully. Now, here we were in this difficult situation I knew would turn into a heated argument.
“Sean, babe, I’m in here!” Lashawnda called out. “Dang it!”
The screech of her voice with those infamous two words made me quicken my steps.
As I stepped into her room, she was lying on the floor with her robe halfway open. The red bra and panties set she picked out on our last trip to the mall, highlighted the deep undertones of her supple skin. I shook my head with a laugh, thinking about how much money she spent that day. My woman had a fetish for pretty undergarments, and I had no qualms about it. I loved to watch her walk around the house in them. My favorites were those lacey boy shorts that showed off the cheeks of her luscious ass.
I did a quick survey of the room to make sure she didn’t hurt herself for real, this time.
I ambled my way over, dropping down on the floor, and slid my body on top of hers. Lashawnda’s thighs came up around my waist and her feet settled at the back of my legs. She smelled like my favorite scent, coconut lime. I could lick this woman like a cold dessert on a hot Sunday afternoon.
With an exhale, I dropped down and took her mouth in a kiss. Lying on top of her like this was one of the most comfortable places to be. I felt myself getting hard just thinking about how gorgeous she was. Hair splayed around her in a mess, beautiful body wrapped in her lingerie, and her soft core pressed against me. All I had to do was slip her panties to the side, pull my length out, and slide home into her sweetness.
She was a distraction. One I loved to fall prey to. But, right now, I needed to have a serious discussion with her.
Reluctantly, I pulled away, popping a kiss on her full lips, and sat up with my back against the foot of the bed. Lashawnda’s brow wrinkled in confusion. From the way she returned my kiss, I could tell she wanted to go further than just a quick make out session.
“You okay?” she asked, deep-brown, almond-shaped eyes boring into mine with concern.
“Yeah,” I stated cautiously, rubbing my forehead and silently praying for God to give me the right words to address this situation.
“I mean I could be better.” I hedged.
“What’s wrong, babe?” Lashawnda eased up from the floor and placed her back against the bed next to me. Her knees bumped against my thigh repeatedly—a clear display of her anxiety. I rubbed my hand over it, trying to calm her down. This situation didn’t need to escalate.
“I umm…I overheard your conversation when I walked in.” Her knee bounced even faster under my touch. My anxiety kicked in and I could hear my pulse pounding in my ear. “I heard what you said to Crystal about us moving in together.”
Uncomfortable silence stretched between us. My mind raced with all the possible scenarios this conversation might lead to. Lashawnda was the first to break the awkward silence.
“What exactly did you hear?” Her voice was low, sounding timid.
“I heard you say you didn’t want to move in with me.” I let out, voice coming out in a gruff bark as I felt my irritation rise.
Lashawnda’s shoulders jumped at my words, and I felt her body tense underneath my hand.
Shit, this wasn’t starting off the way I needed.
“I’m sorry.” I breathed out. “I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”
She let out a loud breath. “Sean why are you so upset. I didn’t say I never wanted to move in with you. I’m saying I don’t think we are ready for that yet. I know I said when we reached six months, we’d talk about it. So, let’s talk about it. But I’m letting you know I’m not ready to take that step yet.”
“But…” I started trying to find the right words. “Okay, so what can I say to convince you. I think this will be a great thing, sweetheart. Our lives are pretty much melded together at this point. We are together more than we are a part. We practically live together, now.”
“Sean.”
“No, listen.” I squeezed her knee turning to face her, shoulder squared with determination to get her to change her mind. “Sweetheart, I’ve got this all figured out. We’ve been together six months, right? That’s longer than most people’s marriages. Not only are we lovers but we’re friends first. You’re my best friend, Lashawnda. That’s more than most people can say about their relationships. We’re alike in a lot of ways. We can talk about anything. We’ve both got similar goals. Also, importantly our families get along well. Our friends are cool with each other too. We’re perfect, sweetheart. Why not take the next step and move in together? I think six months is more than enough time to do that. Hell, I’ve heard stories of people getting married after only knowing each other a few days. So, if you think about it, we’re a head of the game. Right?”
I waited expectantly for her to agree with me. But as the seconds ticked by my heart pounded for a whole different reason. Watching her shoulders sag was like seeing a car crash in slow motion. Nothing good was going to come from whatever she was about to say.
“Sean, I don’t think moving in with you right now is a good idea,” Lashawnda spoke in a barely audible voice. “We need more time.”
This wasn’t how I wanted things to go. I’d never begged a woman to give me a chance or invest this much energy in one before. But, Lashawnda just made me think about a future beyond a romp in the sheets. From the moment I laid eyes on her, I felt an invisible pull. Hell, even before seeing her face, her scent, which I was convinced now was some love potion, had held my attention for days on end. But now that I had her, had her here with me, I couldn’t handle the thought of her not wanting me just as much.
She tugged at the thick tan carpet fibers, lip still tucked in the side of her mouth as she bit on it furiously. “Why do you want to change things? Aren’t you happy with the way things are, now?” she asked.
“I’m more than happy?” I said.
“So, why can’t we just keep it like it is. I’m happy and you’re happy. Let’s just be happy together, just like we are now.” The timid half smile she gave me didn’t even reach her eyes.
“Because, it’s not okay for
us to stay stagnant like this when there’s more to explore. More I’d like to explore with you. I’m thinking about the future, Lashawnda. Marriage, kids—the whole nine yards,” I responded.
She sucked in a sharp breath, somehow making me cringe in the process. Why are we here again? This was just like the last time when her parents walked in on us. She was shocked then about me being serious about marriage. Why did I have to constantly reiterate how serious I was about this woman? Most days I could deal with it. But, today, I just couldn’t. The headache forming above my left eye was getting worse by the minute. How could she even imagine that? Hell, I couldn’t process what she was thinking at this moment.
“Things are perfect, Sean. I don’t want us to move in together, and everything changes.” Lashawnda spoke lowly, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Why are you under the assumption they are going to get inevitably worse? It doesn’t have to. It could get so much better than it already is,” I pleaded.
“But, it could though,” she countered. “I just... Sean, I just want things to stay the way they are. Okay?”
“Well at least give me a solid reason other than your fear of us breaking up.”
Silence.
I felt like I was fighting with a brick wall. She didn’t argue back, didn’t counter my argument with some solid reasoning. Which just made this fight worse. We debated all the time. We bounced ideas off each other about work-related stuff, debated politics, even got into some deep discussions about religion and spirituality. But here we were in a place to discuss our future together and she had nothing to say.
I was floored.
“Come on, say something. Explain why you think we’re going to eventually break up,” I pressed.
It felt like an eternity passed. Still more silence.
I turned my head, cutting my eyes at her, feeling my ire rise. This couldn’t be the same woman I woke up to this morning. This couldn’t be the same woman I’ve been imagining a future with. I let out a hard sigh, gripping the back of my head to prevent myself from saying something I didn’t mean. I needed to get my words right in my head before this conversation turned left, and I wouldn’t be able to go back.
I was hurt. Shit, I was getting pissed. There was no other way to explain what I felt, but she hurt me by telling me she didn’t want to move in with me. That’s all I heard in that moment. I wasn’t enough, wasn’t someone she wanted to build with.
Then, it was silence after. Nothing. Not a single word was spoken between us.
“You don’t have anything to say?” I asked.
“What do you want me to say? I’m just not sure me moving into your place is the right thing to do right now. Obviously, you feel different; so, I guess we are at an impasse.”
“But, can’t we discuss it and try to get to the bottom of why you feel that way?”
Lashawnda bit the skin on the side of her thumb. Her legs were shaking so fast, it made her whole body move, filling the silence with a steady beat.
“Sean, I get it, but I don’t want you to push me into making a decision I’m not ready for.” She shrugged her shoulders sounding defeated.
My chest tightened at her words. I just stared at the carpet, calming myself down mentally. In that moment, I knew anything would trigger me into being rash.
“See, there’s so much wrong with your explanation,” I said cutting her off. My fist hit the carpet with a muted thud. “I can already see where this is going. You wanna wait, right? A few months ago, you told me six months. Today you’re going to tell me six more months. And when that time comes, you’re going to tell me a year. I’ll keep waiting until you’re ready. Forget what I want or how I feel right? By the sound of things, you’re never going to be ready.”
“Sean I—”
“No, it’s cool.” I pressed forward, rolling my body up on my hands and knees off the floor. “It’s obvious we can’t sit down and work this thing out like adults. And, before either one of us says something the other might not want to hear, I’m going to go.”
She kept her face turned down, not even meeting my gaze as I spoke to her.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you, Lashawnda; that’s disrespectful,” I said, voice still calm even as my emotions were running wild all over the place.
“Sean,” she spoke my name again, face still looking down and her hands rubbing together with agitation.
I shook my head as nothing came out of her mouth. No other words but my name. This wasn’t how I was raised. Maybe there was something with Lashawnda and her family where they didn’t confront problems head on. But, not me. Sandra Colcord made sure she sat me down and talked things out about everything that was an issue between a boy and his mother. At times the guys made fun of me because I was always the one ready to have these long powwows. But this silence was something I wouldn’t be able to get used to.
“Forget it. I’m tired. It’s been a long day, and it’s clear you need your space.” I heaved up with a bounce, planting my hand against the footboard to keep my balance.
I was off kilter. My equilibrium wasn’t what it should be, and it all was because of this woman. Here I was, ready to push deeper into our union, and she was still on the fence. She did this to me. Made me become so dependent on her love that I was falling apart at the thought of losing her. Falling into an abyss where I couldn’t even keep myself balanced.
“Come lock up behind me.” I thought about staying. My mind kept telling me not to walk out of that door, but my body was moving on autopilot. By the time I made it down the elevators and out to my truck I felt like the world was caving in on me. My phone buzzed in my hand. Looking at the display, I saw Brent’s number.
“Yeah?” I answered dryly.
“Yo, Jamal’s in town. You got time for a beer or are you staying in with your girl, tonight?”
“I could use a few.” I ran a hand over my face. “Where would you like to meet?”
“Mulligan’s off of 54th.”
“See you in about fifteen,” I said before hanging out. I stared at the phone wanting to dial Lashawnda’s number, but not knowing what to say. Instead, I punched the steering wheel, the horn letting out a loud blare causing the couple crossing in front of me to look back.
“Fuck!” I threw my car into gear and sped from the parking garage. My goal tonight was to get as drunk as possible until I could clear my head.
CHAPTER 14
JENNY
Hating a woman everyone seems to love was one of the most maddening things in the world.
This overly proper, happy-go-lucky, nice for no reason bitch. I hated her. Hated everything about her, from that God-awful name of hers, to the way everyone fawned all over her like she was a Godsend. So what, she’s able to put up with a bumbling lunatic of a boss? She wasn’t saving humanity for Christ’s sake. Even her fucking skin, I hated that most of all.
My blood boiled watching the man who was supposed to be mine fawn all over her. Lashawnda was nothing but a backstabbing whore. She knew I was interested in Sean. I was the one that invited him to stop and talk with us. I was the one that told her about him when he started working here. So, why would she pursue him, when I told her I was interested? It was simple; She was nothing more than a conniving witch. That sugary sweet persona was all an act. Some farce she used, to make people think she was a good person. I saw the real her. I knew what her game was. Nothing about her behavior was different from any other two-faced friend.
Not that I would ever call her a friend. I just spoke to her at work because I wanted to get away from my duties. Also, since she was the company’s sweetheart, no one would give me shit about always hanging out at her desk. The times we spent together outside of work was just for show. You ever heard of the first rule of dating? Always hangout with as many ugly women as possible. It makes you look even hotter. That’s all it ever was between us. I wasn’t her friend but I feigned friendliness for my own benefit.
Innocent? Far from it. Lashawnda
was desperate is what she was. I knew how easily desperation could breed manipulation. No one wanted her. Not a single man gave her the time of day in years. Yet, the one guy I see myself with, she ends up catching his eye. I call bullshit. Knowing her, she probably badmouthed me to him. I could see her doing it. Telling him about my past dating life. Probably encouraging him to ignore me out of spite now that they were dating. I wonder what she used as a tactic? Maybe her closeness to her bumbling fool of a boss.
I knew the real Lashawnda Price. She was evil, rotten to the core. I knew it, and soon, everyone would know it too.
Now, every damn morning, I had to see them coming in to work together. I’ve timed their arrival to the T on most days. It’s always the same routine. He pulls up with her sitting in the front seat, looking as if she’s some goddess or the queen or something. She’s usually stuffing her face with food or yapping away. Sean always goes around to her side of the truck to help her down. It was a big truck, but she was a grotesque, almost six-foot-tall wildebeest; so, she could climb down on her own.
Some days, Sean would spend a disgustingly amount of time helping her put on her shoes and then making out with her.
Jesus, it’s all just a bit much. I rolled my eyes at the memory of it all.
What is she too fat to put on her own shoes? Does she have to pretend to be helpless, so he’ll help her out of the truck? Sure, she’s clumsy, but that’s because she needs to lose weight. I bet if she lost like fifty pounds she could see where she’s going and have better coordination.
The first time I saw him making out with her, I honestly felt like bringing up the wine I had for dinner the night before. Her lips on him, her touching him, the look of pleasure on her face; everything about the two of them together was all wrong. I hated everything about Lashawnda Price, and it burned me deep she didn’t even notice my hatred.
This morning, I sat in my usual spot waiting for them to arrive. But, after an hour of not seeing either one of them, I had to leave or else I would be late for a Human Resource recruitment meeting. I even walked by Lashawnda’s desk to see if she came in later. It had been a few weeks since we had any real conversations. It was truly hard being around her knowing she had stabbed me in the back as a friend and didn’t even think twice about it.
Over the Hedge: Part 2- The Finale (Lucky in Love) Page 16