“Stacy, I promise nothing is wrong. I am in a relationship now. Which means my significant other and I won’t always see eye to eye. I’m trying to sort it out with myself first before I talk to him tomorrow.” I walked into my bathroom and grabbed a towel from the bottom of the linen closet.
“So, something is wrong…”
“No, no, no…” I added cutting her off. “Nothing is wrong with Sean and me. We are just butting heads about the next step in our relationship. Like I said, I just need to get it all sorted out in my head before I discuss things with him.” I tossed the towel into the bag I was holding and bent down underneath the sink to find some cotton balls.
“Oww…dang it!” I screeched.
“What was that?” Stacy asked in alarm.
“Nothing,” I replied, pressing my palms against my head. “Just me…being distracted…again. I bumped my head on the sink; so much for my amazing depth perception,”
“Girl, you know you have no hand-eye coordination.” Stacy laughed at my ridiculous attempt at a joke.
“Yeah thanks…don’t remind me. You know I just thought of something,” I responded in a whimsical tone. I sat on the tile floor and massaged my aching scalp.
“What’s that?”
I pulled my knees up to my chin and let out a puff of air from my mouth. “When Sean and I are together, I’m less klutzy.”
“Aww…that’s so sweet. Why do you think that is? Maybe you two spend so much time doing the horizontal rumba, you don’t have time to be falling over stuff,” Stacy added playfully.
“Who says stuff like that—horizontal rumba?”
“I do,” Stacy teased playfully.
I snickered. “No…actually he spends most of the time making sure I don’t hurt myself. He’s always there moving things out of the way or catching me before I fall.” I paused, angling my head toward the open bathroom door. “Do you hear that?”
“Umm no. Hey, how hard did you hit your head?”
“Shhh…I think someone is at the door.” I scrambled up from the ground and headed toward, the front door. The flashing green light on top of the microwave indicated it was after midnight.
“So, who is it?” Stacy asked impatiently.
“I don’t know. I haven’t gotten to the door yet.” My heart sputtered around in my chest. Only someone who had access to the building could come up to my door. Was there something wrong with one of my neighbors? Or, maybe the security guard let up someone I had added to my unrestricted visitor list.
Not waiting to see if the person would knock again, I unhitched the chain, turned the deadbolt, and pulled the door open to find Sean standing in the hallway with his hands deep in his pockets.
I felt weightless.
Looking at my love, I recalled the first time our eyes connected over the hedge of my cubicle. I remembered the way my skin felt flushed when he first kissed me, the first time he said, ‘I love you’, our first-time making love, the way he held me close to his magnificent body at night. And, I recalled the last few days of arguing and realized I wasn’t whole without him.
The phone was so loud that Stacy’s voice could be heard yelling ‘hello’ repeatedly. Sean reached out and plucked the phone from my shaking fingers. He pressed the speaker button and held the device up between us.
“Hello,” he answered.
“Who is this?” Stacy asked in a panic.
“Hey Stacy…it’s Sean.”
“Oh, is everything okay? One minute I’m talking to Lashawnda and the next I hear her whimpering and then silence.”
Sean looked at me, arching his brow in question. “Yeah, everything is good. I think I shocked her by coming over so late.”
“Hmm…I know y’all are fighting. As soon as she called me, I heard it in her voice. Now, I’m not trying to be all in y’all business. But you need to fix whatever the hell it is that’s wrong. Cause my best friend doesn’t need to have anything on her mind that’s distracting her.”
Sean smiled into the receiver. Stacy was speaking to him like he was a petulant child. I’d already explained to him she was a bulldog and very protective of me. Now, he was getting a hearty dose of Stacy at her best.
“Don’t worry. That’s what I’m here for. Can I have her call you back?” Sean posed the question to me with a shake of his head. I nodded, desperately wanting to clear the air between us.
“Sure, but not tonight. My hubby just got home, and I need to go have a discussion with him about letting me know when he’ll be late, so I don’t sit up and worry,” Stacy said.
That was way more information than she needed to give Sean about the current state of her relationship. If I knew Stacy, and I knew her well, she was going to be digging into Will’s ass about him coming home late. I would not want to be in his shoes.
“Night, Stacy,” Sean answered. Silly me waved as though she could see me. Sean laughed, but was gracious enough not to point out my faux pas.
“Bye,” she responded. “Now, I know you did not just walk up in here all cool as a cucumber. Do you have any idea…”? That was the last part of her speech we heard before the line went dead. Sean hit the end button on the phone before handing it back to me.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I replied in a barely audible voice.
Sean stepped over the threshold and into the foyer. He looked just as nervous as I felt, which ironically put me at ease. He took my hand in his and walked through the living room and out toward the balcony. The feel of his warm, firm hand wrapped around mine made me feel like putty on the inside.
“Make sure you don’t lock us out,” I said when he closed the door.
Sean’s face scrunched at the memory of that night and he chuckled. He made an elaborate show of keeping the door ajar. Smiling at me, he pulled my hands between his and helped me take a seat in the lounge chair. He sat across from me, straddling the chair.
The silence was uncomfortable, neither one of us knowing how to start the conversation. I found it hard to meet Sean’s gaze. This whole fight would have been a non-issue if I could just manage to be less insecure.
With a heavy sigh, I finally reached out and pushed my fingers through Sean’s dark hair. It had gotten long and began to curl slightly on the ends. He leaned into my touch as my fingers caressed his scalp. He took hold of my wrist, pulled my hand from his hair, and placed a tender kiss inside of my palm. Sean looked so vulnerable holding my hand to his lips. The only other time I could remember him looking like this is when we first met. He was uncertain of himself.
“I love you,” Sean whispered.
“I love you too,” I responded.
He dropped my hand on his thigh. The thick corded muscles jumped beneath my splayed fingers, while he fished in his pocket for his cell phone. I watched while he thumbed through his apps, nervous about what he was about to show me. Panic set in. My first thought was that he’d written an elaborate breakup speech. Sean was very eloquent, but I could easily see him writing down his thoughts for fear of leaving anything unsaid.
We’d only been arguing a few days, was that enough to make him want to end things? I squared my shoulders, bracing myself for the worst.
“While I was on my way over here, I heard this song on the radio. I tagged it and then bought it on iTunes. The words hit me the first time I listened to it. It sort of explains how I feel about us. Here listen.” Sean hit the play button on his phone and placed it between us on the chair.
The sounds of Tank’s masculine, desirous vocals streamed from the tiny speakers crooning You Mean that Much. He sang about all the things he’d do for the woman in his life because she meant that much to him. From giving up his money, fighting for her love, to taking bullets for her. When the song ended Sean’s nervous twitching of his leg was even more evident. I wanted to comfort him, ease his tension so he would know nothing could break us apart.
“The second verse really hit home. As I was driving, I thought about the person I was befor
e I met you. And, while I don’t know how hard it will be for me to gain all your trust, I’m willing to put in the work.” His voice shook while he spoke.
I began to speak, but he put his finger on my lip. The move caught me off guard, but I guess there were a lot of things he needed to get off his chest; so, I kept quiet.
“I’m not always sure what to think when things like this happen. You know…when we fight or disagree. I think about the kind of relationship we have. I love that when things happen, we hash it out. But today, I felt unsure about myself…unsure about us. I don’t know if I’m always doing the right thing. I keep telling myself, ‘Sean don’t fuck this up; don’t do anything to make her unhappy’.” He paused, running a frustrated hand through his hair.
I’d never seen him this vulnerable before.
“Look, I won’t sit here and lie. It really pisses me off when you clam up on me when we’re arguing. But, as I said, we always hash it out. I always know how to get us back to where we need to be. This time I didn’t have the answer for how to do any of those things. You know…how to get us back to square one.” Sean took a slow breath, his pointed nose flaring as he breathed out. “But today, I saw something I never want to see again Lashawnda. I saw the light dim in your eyes when you looked at me. I didn’t mean to be such an asshole about this whole move. I guess I’m just greedy, and I want you all to myself. I know I can be a little overbearing sometimes.”
“You were being very overbearing, babe,” I said with a snicker.
Sean chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Ma says it’s something I inherited from my father.”
Taking his large hand between my own, I rubbed circles around Sean’s giant knuckles. I’d never admitted it out loud, but I had a very unhealthy obsession with his hands. The feel of them on my body, the way his fingers flowed while he typed on a keyboard, even the power they possessed when he did work around his townhouse.
“Do you know that you are perfect?” I asked him in a low whisper.
“I’m far from perfect,” Sean responded quickly.
“But you see that’s where you are mistaken. You are perfect for me. When I need a bit of patience, you are always willing to give it. When I need a little loving, you are always there to carry me into nirvana. When I need a little direction, you are always there to guide me. And, when I need a wake-up call, you are willing to shoulder the blame even when the fault is not all your own.” I brought Sean’s hand to my lips. “You are perfect, Sean…absolutely perfect for me. This situation isn’t about you or me, it’s about us. If I spend the next sixty years loving you, and we never fight or argue, I think I’ll go crazy worrying that something is wrong with us.”
I reached down and picked up his phone. “How many men would buy an R&B song on the whim to help him express his feelings?” Sean shrugged his shoulders. “Not many. But, be clear of something…I’m not going anywhere. Even if we are going to argue about this living situation for the next ten years, I’ll still be with you.”
“Can I be honest with you?” Sean asked nervously.
“I would expect nothing less.”
“I just don’t know how to deal with you when situations like this happen. Please tell me why you don’t trust me?” he asked in a sorrow-filled voice.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s that I am just being cautious. I know you love me, I know you would do anything for me, I know you are a good man, and I know our relationship is more than I could ever wish for.” I paused, rubbing circles in Sean’s palm. “But, I’m slightly nervous about us moving too fast too quick. I don’t want us to make any mistakes.”
Sean tilted his head to the side as if considering my explanation.
“This may sound stupid, but it’s almost like I don’t trust the reality of what most people consider their fantasy.” I looked up at him with my face scrunched up, hoping he understood. “Does that make sense?”
Sean closed his hands around my fingers above where my pulse beat. “So, let me get this right. You think we are perfect for each other. You are the ying to my yang, the calm to my turbulence. Yet, there’s just not enough problems within our relationship, so it seems too much like a fantasy?”
I smiled shyly and bowed my head. “Something like that. I guess it sounds stupid to want to have a relationship that has a bit more drama in it. I definitely don’t want that.” I quickly amended, gripping his hands. “I guess what I’m trying to say is the reality of how good things are, is just taking time to get used to.”
Sean leaned in, pressing his lips to mine. It was our first kiss we’d shared since we started arguing. Minutes later, when we finally came up for air, I could see what the issue was all along.
“Lashawnda, baby, I love the fuck outta you but you gotta understand that we are going to make a ton of mistakes in this relationship.” Sean squeezed my fingers affectionately.
“I know.”
“Good.” He nodded. “Cause if you’re expecting us to ride off into the sunset without falling off the horse a few times you’re gonna be disappointed.”
I heard Sean’s words and took a moment to truly listen to them. So many emotions over the last few days have been centered around my expectations not being met. I’d gone to bed a few months ago worried about what us living together would be like. Worried and scared about the possibility of something detrimental happening in our relationship. Never once did I think about us ‘riding off into the sunset’ living our happily ever after without any bumps in the road. My overactive mind had conjured up every possible bump, pothole, and crater imaginable.
“Oh gosh, I’m so stupid,” I said smacking myself on the forehead. I could finally see what my dad was talking about when he said, ‘start with yourself’. “I want to move in with you...in your townhouse, which will then be ours,” I said excitedly.
“You’re serious right now?” Sean brows bunched in confusion.
“One hundred percent serious babe.”
“What changed your mind?” Sean asked, voice skeptical as his eyes roamed my face as if looking for a sign that I was pulling his leg. “I don’t want you to move in with me because you feel like you’re giving in to my demands.”
I moved across the lounge chair, lessening the space between us. “It just hit me that all this time I was afraid of being like every other woman out there. I didn’t want things to end with us, and then, I’d be left homeless and be forced to move back in with my parents or something like that. I’ve seen it happen way too many times.”
I got even closer until I was practically sitting in Sean’s lap. “But, I’m not other women, and we are not other couples. It’s just me and you—the Sean and Lashawnda show. I can’t let other peoples’ bad relationship prevent me from experiencing the best love any woman has ever had.”
“You sure about this?” Sean asked. “You wanna move in with me?”
“I’m very sure. Besides, we spend more time at your place anyways.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. The solid feel of his frame comforted and aroused me all at once.
“My place felt so empty without you,” Sean admitted sadly. “I felt so empty without you…”
“Never feel that way again. I am yours…always.” I felt as if I would cry upon hearing Sean’s dejected voice.
“You called me a turd.” Sean pressed his open palms against my bare thighs, rubbing soothing circles on them.
“I know.” I answered, distracted by his thick fingers and the veins on the back of his hand leading up to his forearm. I ran my tongue along the inside of my lip, mouthwatering with the need to trace each vessel with my tongue.
I laughed at my poor attempt at telling him off. I’d never been in a fight with a man before. I wasn’t versed in checking men like my sister or best friend. I’d heard some of the colorful things Stacy and Crystal had called their significant others in a fight before. Thank goodness we didn’t have an audience to our little spat. It honestly felt silly trying to verbally spar with Sean.
>
“Not an asshole, though?” Sean tilted his head, green eyes low, and sporting that sex appeal that I found hard to ignore.
“Definitely not an asshole.” I bit the inside of my cheek, hard pressed to keep my grin from stretching from ear to ear. “At least not to me.”
This man had become my motivation for breathing, my reason for smiling. I wondered if he knew how much power he held over me. I lightly kissed his lips, whispering my love for him. There were so many things I could be happy for and I planned on enjoying being loved by someone this amazing. My dad was right, I was deserving of Sean’s love. I smiled wickedly and slowly eased off Sean’s lap.
“Now, since my time here is limited, I think we need to take care of a few things.” Placing my hand on the door leading back inside, I turned the handle. “Sean the door is locked.”
“What? That’s not possible. I left it ajar,” he said, hopping up from his seated position.
I gave him a big toothy grin. “Sike, just messing with ya.” I swung the door open with a flourish and stepped inside.
“Minx,” Sean replied following me inside. “By the way, we sort of kind of don’t have a choice about you moving in with me.”
“What do you mean?” I stopped in the doorway of my bedroom. My legs apart, both arms against the door frame knowing how distracted I was making Sean in my skimpy night clothes.
“Umm…my mom decided she wants to give up her position in Palm Beach and move closer to us.”
“Wow! That’s awesome,” I interjected excitedly.
Sean nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “I know. So, I told her she could have my place, since we would be finding a new place. I was coming over here to let you know I was going to accept your compromise on us getting a new place together. I figured there wasn’t any point hanging on to the townhouse if you weren’t going to be there.”
“Aww, babe you’re such a good son,” I said sweetly. “I bet she was so happy. She really likes it here.”
Sean placed his hands above mine and stepped closer. “I think we should start looking for a place soon. Your lease is up next month, and my mom wants to move in the next three to four months. What do you think?”
Over the Hedge: Part 2- The Finale (Lucky in Love) Page 20