I mirror her expression. "I'll play your game. It's not bad being the only cock around here." I puff up my chest and her cheeks flush. I flash her a wink before gulping down my lemonade.
What the hell has gotten into me? Since when do I flirt? Let alone with employees?
Mini veils a grin. "Would you two save that dirty talk for after I've gone to bed?” She mutters facetiously. “No respect for your elders.” Her wrinkly hands move nimbly as she works on the blanket she started knitting for the baby a few days ago.
"Yes, ma'am," I say giving my grandmother a mocking salute.
Lily rolls her eyes. "Oh come on, Mini. Don’t be a hypocrite" She brings her gaze to me. "I just downloaded a ton of erotic romance onto my Kindle for her. Now she's trying to pretend to be a prude." Lily shakes her head and I laugh.
"That Gideon Cross is something else," my grandmother says, fanning herself and I don't want to know what that’s all about.
Things have been a lot more fun and playful around here since Lily arrived. Mini absolutely adores her. They sit around on the porch gossiping about everybody in town even though half the time Lily has no idea who my grandmother is talking about.
Having her here feels good. The idea of having a baby around feels good, too. And whether I like it or not, parts of myself that I boarded up and shut off a long time ago are coming back to life. Feelings I hadn't felt since Brittany left are resurrecting themselves. And it's not half as scary as I thought it would be.
Mini leans over and massages her ankle. She winces softly. I know that look.
“Your legs are bothering you, huh?” I ask. “How’s your blood sugar?” She just glares at me.
Lily hesitates. “It’s a little high today.”
Mini and I exchange a look. I don’t have to say a thing. She knows what I’m getting at.
I decide not to press the subject any further. “What's for lunch?" I grab for the screen door as hunger roars in my belly.
Lily grimaces. "I tried to make chicken à la king from Mini's old recipe."
My grandmother cups her hand around her mouth and whispers, "It really isn't very good."
"Mini!" Lily shrieks. "I'm trying!"
The old lady gives her a patronizing smile. "Yes, darling. You're trying. Bless your heart.” My grandmother’s love of food is no secret. She’s a downright glutton. She doesn't eat properly and she knows it. That's the reason her diabetes got out of control.
"You're not supposed to be eating that stuff anyway," I say, "the doctor wants you eating steamed vegetables and grilled chicken breasts. Remember?"
She's eager to change the subject. "Speaking of doctors, Tiger Lily's going to need next Thursday off," Mini informs me.
"Oh really?" I cock a brow.
Lily bats her eyes shyly. "If you don't mind."
"She has an ultrasound," Mini informs me. "She's going to see the baby for the first time."
I feel an excited flutter in my chest. I remain cool nonetheless. "Oh."
I've been different with Lily since I found out that she's pregnant. I've been kinder, more patient. It's been easy to be that way with her. But I've also been strict about making sure she gets her prenatal pills every morning and that she eats good food. I like taking care of her in this way. It gives me a sense of purpose I haven't felt in a long time. But still, I have to be careful to keep my distance and not get overly involved. She isn't my woman, after all.
"Is one of your sisters taking you?" I ask. The clinic is way too far for her to walk and the midday sun comes on so strong most days that she'd surely get dizzy halfway there.
A shadow fills her eyes when she says, "No. Faith will be out of town with her husband and Grace has a few job interviews. I'll take the bus or something."
The voice in my head prods me to offer her a ride but I don't want to be too forward. Despite everything, I'm her boss, not her friend.
"Okay," I say in an aloof tone. "You can have the whole day off."
Lily gives me a forlorn smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Thank you."
I nod in acknowledgement, feeling a knot in my chest. "Get back to your mischief, ladies," I say as I pull open the screen door and make my way into the kitchen for lunch.
Chapter 18
Lily
I hold the plate under the spray and watch the soapy bubbles roll off the ceramic, down the drain. My shoulders slump and my feet ache.
"Just a few more plates..." I whisper to myself.
Just a few more plates and I'll be able to go to bed.
Today was tough for me. I was in and out of the bathroom, puking for most of it. I spent hours sitting on the porch with Mini when really, I should have been in bed. Cooking dinner was the worst. I tried my hand at Mini's meatball recipe and the pungent odour of the raw beef cooking had my stomach roiling. To make matters worse, none of us were able to eat the thing because on Jakob's first bite, he discovered that meat was still raw and uncooked inside. He and Mini laughed it off, poking fun at my lack of cooking skills as he whipped up some scrambled eggs with ham and toast, but I still felt horrible about the whole thing.
I spin around at the sound of feet slapping against the kitchen floor.
"Hey," I say to Jakob as I set Mini's favorite teacup in the dish drainer.
He eyes me observantly. "You okay?" he asks with a concerned expression.
I smile. "Yeah. Been standing on my feet a little too long. That's all."
"Leave the rest of the dishes," he tells me, "I've got them."
I glance back at the pot with burnt pasta stuck to the bottom. "I'm almost done."
"Lily..." he says in that commanding tone that always gets me to back down. I don't know what it is about that cadence that gets me to submit every time.
With a sigh, I turn off the pipe and wipe my hands on a towel.
"Now, sit," he commands.
I make a big show of dropping into one of the kitchen chairs. "Happy?"
He smirks, dropping into the seat next to me. My heart grows fluttery having him this close. A nervous giggle bursts past my lips. His face becomes stoic, though and I immediately feel silly.
When he leans forward and pulls my puffy pregnant-lady foot into his lap, I grow edgy. "What are you doing?"
"Stop wiggling, Lily." He braces my foot firmly, pressing hard circles into my soles. His fingers are literally pulling the tension from my foot.
My head lolls to the side. "Oh..."
"Is that good?" He looks across at me, his eyes softer than I've ever seen them.
I bite my lip to keep from smiling too hard. I like the big, surly jerk of a farmer. But I like this guy, too. He's compassionate and kind and dare I say, sweet. He's been incredible since he found out I'm pregnant. I feel guilty that I expected him to be cruel, to fire me, even. I was wrong. He's been more than my boss. In his gruff way, he's been a friend. I guess there are still good guys out there. Not every man is Trevor.
"It's perfect," I whisper with a smile as he switches feet. "Thank you." I close my eyes and relax into his touch. "Nobody's taken care of me like this since I was a child."
My mother never had the time to dote over me. Honestly, she needed some affection herself. But when I'd get sick, she'd crawl into bed with me and read my favorite stories, then sing to me until I fell asleep. I remember faking illness on many occasions just to get her attention. I want to be better than that. I want my child to feel my love every day of the year.
Jakob doesn't say anything but his movements halt for a brief moment. When I look over at him, his eyes are hooded and needy.
"I should probably stop," he says huskily as he deposits my foot back on the cracked linoleum floor. He rises up and turns toward the hall.
"Jakob?" I call out after him.
He pauses, half-glancing over his shoulder.
"Thanks for being so good to me."
His wide shoulders straighten as if a weight just rolled off and he holds his head higher. Oh, what a man! He nods curtly wit
hout a word and then he continues on his way.
And now he's more than a good-looking guy I like to get a rise out of. He's so much more.
Chapter 19
Jakob
"It's a nice view, isn't it?"
I glance over my shoulder and see Lily edging down the path toward the river where I'm sitting on a huge rock with my guitar in hand. Her hair is pulled away from her face with little clips and it draws attention to her rosy cheeks. Her stomach rounds out the front of her dress. She’s so damn pretty. And just for a moment, I wish the baby she's carrying were mine.
"Best view in town," I say, bringing my focus back to the body of water in front of me.
She sidles up beside me and climbs onto the rock, taking a comfortable perch. Her eyes close as she sucks in a lung full of the clean air. "God, I'll never get over how good it smells out here."
"It's perfect in lots of ways." I run my fingers over the guitar’s smooth finish, taking advantage of this opportunity to admire Lily with her eyes closed. My lips twitch, wanting to touch her, any part of her. She looks like she’s sweet all over. "What are you doing out here anyway?"
She smiles, dimples pinching her cheeks, as she pulls a small leather notebook out of her pocket. "I've been journalling. Every day when Mini takes her nap, I come out here to write. Nothing too deep. Just my thoughts and the changes going on in my body. I figure that one day, my kid might want to know what his mother was going through when she was pregnant."
I hear sadness in her tone despite the happy-go-lucky curve of her lips. Beneath her smile, she's hurting. Of course she is. She's carrying some man's child and he's nowhere to be found. I wish I could take that pain away.
"Why are those fields over there all empty?" she asks pointing to the plot of land to the west of where we're sitting. A small cabin sits right on the edge of that meadow.
"It's part of a crop rotation," I tell her glad for the opportunity to share my work with her. She may be a city girl but she's been handling farm life really well. She's curious and open-minded and I haven't heard her complain once. "I'm leaving that plot fallow for a few seasons so it can recover its fertility."
"Ah..." she says, understanding, "It's a huge plot to leave empty, though."
I shrug as I set my guitar down, leaning it against the side of the rock. “Next year, it will be richer and well-rested. My crop will be better because of it."
"Next year..." Her voice comes out cracked with uncertainty as she rubs a hand along her belly. "Everything will be different next year." She'll be a mother, she'll have a baby all by herself. That must be overwhelming.
"You holding up okay?" I ask, making sure my voice doesn't betray how invested I am in her.
She heaves a breath. "It's hard, I won't lie. And it's scary but it will all be worth it in the end when I'm holding my baby, y'know?" She runs a finger beneath her eye, wiping away a tear.
I fist my hands beside me to keep from wrapping my arms around her. I don't know how much longer I can keep my distance when she's breaking right in front of me. My instincts tell me to protect her, to love her. My logic tells me that she’s not mine to protect and love.
The war inside of me succumbs to an abrupt ceasefire when I hear the sound of an engine approaching. I look out toward the main road and see a truck coming along the bumpy road.
"The vet's here," I grumble, disappointed about the interruption, "want to go watch him examine the goats."
She laughs. "No. I think I'll pass. I have some writing to do.” She waves her journal around in the air.
I give her a curt nod. "All right then." I grab my guitar and make off toward the barn.
“Hey Jakob…”
I spin around to look at her.
“Think you could play that guitar for me one of these days?” One corner of her lip curls up.
I haven’t played for anyone in years. I learned to play to impress Brittany. She wasn’t affected, not even slightly. But Lily’s eyes hold so much genuine interest that I find myself considering the possibility. “I’ll think about it.” I continue to walk away.
"See you at dinner," she calls out.
My stomach roils at the idea of her cooking but I feel a smile on my lips anyway because I haven't even walked away yet but I'm already looking forward to seeing her again.
Chapter 20
Lily
I've been completely disconnected from life outside of these fifty acres. Before coming here, I'd become convinced that social media, music streaming and video chatting were among my basic needs. Hell, I'd even forgotten the essentials of navigating life without the assistance of my girl, Siri.
But unplugging has been good for me. I've found balance and tranquility. It still shocks me that I'm able to find any peace at all given my circumstances but in the morning when I open my curtains just to watch the sun rise over the river, I feel a deep sense of contentment. Getting hundreds of 'likes' on an Instagram post has never made me feel like this.
Still, when Jakob showed up last night, hauling in a bulky off-white desktop computer that looks like it was stolen from the set of Glengarry Glenross, I couldn't help but get excited. He had laughed, saying now that I have internet access, I'll stop bothering him on the farm as a form of entertainment.
As if.
It took him the better part of the evening to figure out how to hook the thing up. Now after, clearing away the lunch dishes and helping Mini get ready for her nap, I can't wait to check my email while Jakob is in town making deliveries and running errands.
I log in and buried beneath the 'buy one, get one' online shoe store coupons and the beauty blogger video tutorial notifications, I notice an email from Trevor dated a week ago. It's like getting a bucket of cold water dashed into my face.
I'd fallen so easily in step with my new life here in Reyfield that I all but forgot about my useless baby-daddy. I hardly even think about him anymore.
My hand shakes over the mouse as I click the message open.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???
You're being a real fucking brat, Lily. Do the right thing. Terminate this pregnancy. You're running out of time.
My blood boils in my veins and I see red through my tears. "No fucking way I'm terminating this pregnancy, dipshit..." I grumble, running a hand protectively over my belly.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???
my mind is made up trevor. im having this baby.
I hit 'send' with so much force I'm surprised the old mouse doesn’t crack.
Before I can click away from the page, a new message pops up.
You're so selfish! And immature! You got pregnant to trap me, didn't you?
I shake my head. I can't believe this guy. I pound at the keys as I type.
are u really that ridiculous and self important, trevor? I can't figure out where i stand with u. one minute ur buying me an engagement ring. the next minute u accuse me of trying to trap u. I thought u wanted to marry me so why the hell would i get pregnant to "trap u"?
The next message from him confuses the heck out of me.
What engagement ring?
Is he playing dumb right now? I really don't have time for the games.
the engagement ring that was in ur sock drawer
There's a long silence as I wait for him to reply.
That ring was never for you, Lily.
I can't believe he's lying right now. Of course the ring was for me…Right?
Another message from him comes through.
My friend Dave from work asked me to hold onto it. He wanted to propose to his girl but he said she was a snooper. Too bad I didn't realize my girl was a snooper too. Now I'm SURE that there's no future for us.
Shock. That's the emotion I feel.
The ring was never meant for me. Trevor never had any intention of proposing to me.
I am such a fool, such a fool, such a fool. I saw that ring and made a fatal assumption. Marrying me was never in Trevor's plans.
My heart splits open and all the feelings I had been holding off come gushing out. I heave loudly as big, fat tears and snot pour down my face.
Dirty Farmer (The Dirty Suburbs Book 6) Page 6