by Marie Skye
Her body was trembling with each touch. I peered up at her. “Don’t fight us. Please.” She gazed down at me, eyes glossy with unshed tears. “I ache with need for you. I’ll show you every damn day that I do.”
Her eyes shut briefly, and when they opened, they were no longer cold and distant.
“I missed you,” she whispered softly. “I understand why you had to do it. I wasn’t trying to be a selfish bitch, but…”
Before she could continue, I immediately crashed my lips to hers, kissing her hard. She moaned softly as I licked her bottom lip.
“I abandoned you when you needed me the most. I never wanted to do that.”
She slowly shook her head. “I need a little time to figure things out. I need a clear head.”
I sharply exhaled. I didn’t like it, but I understood why. “Okay, I get it. But just so you know, I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have a choice in that.”
She shut her eyes, and a tear fell, and she started trembling. “Jesus, Gwen.” I hauled her up in my arms, taking us to the bedroom. Her body shook as she sobbed harder. I hovered over her as she pulled herself into a fetal position.
“What do you need? What can I do?”
Her eyes slowly opened. They were full of sadness and despair. After a few seconds, she finally spoke.
“Stay,” she whispered.
I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to me tight. I was going to stay. I was going to stay forever.
Forty
Gwen
Having Hawkins in bed with me gave me comfort. He had no idea why he was consoling me, but he was there. And right now, that was good enough. While Hawkins slept next to me, I reached for my phone. I had three missed calls from an unknown number. Not one of them was from my mother. I needed to talk to her and my father. I needed to know what she meant.
I gently eased myself from Hawkins’s tight hold. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants from his closet, and some shoes. I looked ridiculous but I didn’t care. I called for an Uber that was only a few minutes away, and used that time to write Hawkins a note. I wasn’t abandoning him. I just wanted answers.
* * *
The car slowly stopped in front of the gate. The driver whistled. “Wow, you live here?”
I opened the door to get out. “No. I’m just a visitor.” He didn’t look so convinced with the girl in oversized clothes, and shoes that didn’t fit.
I walked up to the gate, and pressed the button. After a few minutes, someone came on the speaker.
“May, I help you?”
I rolled my eyes. I grew up here, but you wouldn’t know it. “It’s me, Gwen.” I spoke into the speaker. After a few seconds, the gate opened, and I walked to the front door. I felt like I was walking into the unknown. The door opened, before I reached it, and Harold, our family’s gardener, opened the door.
“My, my, my, it’s so good to see you.” He hugged me in a tight embrace. I always adored Harold. I spent more time with Harold, and his wife, Daisy, then I did my own family. There were more nights of the three us of having dinner together, than I did with my own family, for whatever reason. If there ever was a reason for me to come back to this estate, it was for Harold and Daisy.
“Good to see you, too. I’m sorry I haven’t been by much lately.”
“It’s okay, we understand. The children always leave the nest.”
I smiled as we walked through the foyer. “Are they around?”
“In his office.”
I started for the office, and stared at the two big mahogany doors. I felt my heart beating rapidly as nerves overtook me. When I was younger, I used to be scared to go in here. Whenever I was called into my father’s office, it was because I did something my mother didn’t like. Half the time, the reasoning didn’t even make sense. But she wanted me in here, and made sure my father punished me for whatever I did, or did not do. I lightly knocked before opening the door. My father, was sitting on the couch, reading a book, and when he glanced up, he smiled.
“Gwen! I didn’t know you were coming. Your mother didn’t say anything.”
“I didn’t announce it.”
He led me to the seat next to him. “Well, those are the best kinds.” I sat next to him, as he began telling me about the model airplane he just finished. I admired my father so much growing up. He used to be a pilot before getting into politics, and always had a love for planes. He still flew occasionally, but for years, he never really had any more time to do it. So, he settled on model airplanes.
“Now, I know you and your mother are having a small rift right now.”
I focused back on the conversation. If I knew anything, my mother downplayed the entire thing, and twisted it around to make herself look like the victim. She was stellar at that.
“It wasn’t a little rift, Dad. I’m sure she didn’t even tell you exactly what happened.”
“Something about how you were upset, that a friend didn’t invite you to a baby shower.”
I gawked at the words that came out of his mouth. Of course, she didn’t tell him the truth. My mother was a manipulative bitch. Lies poured out of her mouth like a damn faucet.
“Of course, it’s just a baby shower. How fun are those really?”
“Dad. That’s not what happened. Not even close.” After all these years, he still went along with my mother’s lies. Even when he knew she was in the wrong. “She had me cater a baby shower for Blake and his wife, that she cohosted!”
My dad’s eyes grew wide. Right then, my mother walked in the door, and the look of shock on her face, when she registered I was here visiting, unannounced, pretty much told me she hadn’t told my father anything about our conversation.
She quickly schooled herself, and gave us that big fake ass smile as she strolled over. “Gwenivere. I didn’t know you were coming, otherwise I would’ve had something arranged for us.”
“Our daughter doesn’t need to announce her visit, Vivian. I don’t know how many times you have to be told this. You act like she never even lived here.”
My mother’s eyes widened briefly at mine and just as quickly, she looked away. She couldn’t even look at me. I took a deep breath. If I wanted answers, now was the time.
“You know, it’s interesting you say that. In fact, now that I think about it, you always say that. You’ve never said that to Tara though.” I strolled over to the bookcase, running my hands along the spine. I hated coming into this office when I was younger, I was always in here when I wasn’t in trouble. But, at the same time, I liked it in here. The smell of the leather-bound books. The beautiful intricate art that hung on the walls. Of course, I wasn’t allowed to touch any of it, but of course I did. I remember getting in trouble for knocking down an original painting. I was trying to get the book above it, and slipped and fell. I remember my mother coming in, and barely looked at me. But when she saw that painting on the floor, she immediately turned into a rage.
“It’s just a painting, Vivian. It wasn’t even harmed, just the glass. We can have that fixed.”
“That’s not the point!” She pointed in my direction. “She’s always ruining stuff. Always, and I’m sick of it. Why does she have to be here?!”
My father blocked my view of her, and his voice went low. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I could tell my father was tense.
“Can you wiggle your fingers for me, hun?”
I peered up at Daisy. I still had tears streaming down my face, and my arm was hurting. “It really hurts,” I cried out.
“Excuse me, sir and ma’am. I really think she needs to go to the hospital.”
My mom peered around my father and scowled at me. “She’s fine! Gwenivere, go up to your room. Daisy, you’re dismissed for the rest of the night.”
Daisy looked at me with pity. She stood up conflicted by my low sobs, and my mother’s intimidating glare. She turned to me one last time before leaving. “Be really careful, okay?” Then she left.
“Gwenivere, I said to your room
now!”
The movement just from getting up, put a streak of pain down my arm, and I let out another sob.
“She needs to go to the hospital, Vivian.”
“I’ll take care of her. Don’t you have a meeting to go to?”
I gave one last look at my father, before I retreated out the door.
She said she would take care of me, but she didn’t. She never came. I spent all night crying. Crying for her, crying for anybody to help me. She ignored me. She ignored my pleas for help. It wasn’t until about two in the morning the door creaked open. I was against my wall, covered in sweat, and a bit out of it.
Daisy crouched in front of me, and went to lift me up, and I yelled out. She felt my face. “You’re burning up, sweetie.” I could barely acknowledge her. I think by now my body had grown numb. I vaguely remember being lifted up by Harold, and taken to the car, and I finally closed my eyes in Daisy’s lap. “We’re almost there, baby. Almost there.”
She rocked me gently. I didn’t know where there was, but I was glad to go. I spent three days in the hospital. My arm was broken in two places, and I had a temperature of 103. My mom downplayed the whole thing. She said that I was sleepwalking and fell. They bought it, of course, because my parents were huge contributors to the hospital board.
* * *
I turned to face my parents. “I never felt like I belonged. You always hated me, when all I wanted was your love, and you couldn’t even do that. Was I such a burden you couldn’t be an actual mom to me?”
“Gwenivere, you’re overreacting.”
“But I’m not!”
She flinched as my voice boomed around us. “You always do that! No more, because I’m done!”
My father stood up walking to me hesitantly. “Gwen. I know you didn’t have the best upbringing, and I blame myself for that. I wasn’t always around.”
I scoffed at his words. “It didn’t matter if you were around or not. You were still supposed to be a father.” I turned to my mom. “You made my life hell. You make my life hell. All I’ve ever done was try to please you, and no matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough.”
I shook my head. “I was in the hospital from being attacked a few weeks ago. Someone tried to kill me, and probably would have if I didn’t scream.” I looked up into my father’s eyes. “And not one of you bothered to come see me. Not even a call.”
His head turned sharply to my mother. “You said she sprained her ankle.” She didn’t even look at him.
I sharply exhaled. “Of course, she did. Because anything concerning me, isn’t concerning to her. You should know that by now. Knowing her, she’s pissed that I wasn’t actually killed. Maybe better luck next time, right, Mom?” Her eyes narrowed at me. I was quiet a moment, before I took a deep breath. “Finish telling me what you started.”
Her eyes darted to my dad’s, and that was all the telling I needed. My hands flew to my mouth to muffle a cry. “It’s true?”
My dad faced my mom. “What did you do, Vivian? What the fuck did you do?”
She looked at both of us fearfully. “It was taken out of context,” she stammered.
I walked closer to her. “You said that I wasn’t yours.”
I heard my father mutter a curse. He placed his hand on my shoulder. “Gwen. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.”
“Which part?” I seethed at him. “The part where you weren’t supposed to tell me, or the part where I wasn’t supposed to find out ‘this way.’ I raised my hands in quotes.
My dad faced the bookcase as if needing to collect himself. “Your biological mother was someone I met when your mother and I broke up.”
“Yeah, because you couldn’t wait to fuck the first person you saw.” My mother threw back at him.
“Enough!” My dad’s voice radiated through the room. He paused before continuing. “We were together multiple times, and then one day she disappeared. I never heard from her ever again.” His eyes met mine. “Until almost three years later. By then, Vivian and I had gotten back together, and gotten married. We had Tara a few months after we were married.” He ran his hand through his hair. “The day your mother showed up again, it was a pure shock to see her. In fact, I didn’t think it was her. I thought I was hallucinating, but It was her.”
“I remember running toward her, and demanding to know where she’d been. It had been at least three years since I had seen her. She looked different. Much thinner, eyes a bit sunken in, but to me she was still the most beautiful person.” I watched as he poured himself a Scotch.
“She told me that she had something for me, because she wasn’t going to be around much longer.” I didn’t know what she was talking about. I was just happy she was here. We arranged to meet at a hotel in a few hours.” I dared a glance at my mom, who was staring over my head. “When I got to the room, she wasn’t there… but you were.”
My head shot up. “I was there by myself?”
He nodded. “Yeah. You were two years old. Sitting on the bed with a package of crackers. Sitting next to you was a manila envelope. I was confused at first, until I opened the envelope. There wasn’t much in it. A picture of her holding you when you were just born. There was a note that said:
She’s yours. Take care of her. Make sure she knows that I’ll always love her.
* * *
My father walked over to one of the books in the bookcase, and pulled it out. When he opened it, I was shocked to see it was hollow inside. “A few days later, she was found dead by drowning.” He sighed. “There was no one to claim the body, so I did. I had an autopsy done, and found out she had stage four cancer that had spread.”
My fingers traced over the picture of me and my birth mom. “She gave me to you, because she knew she was going to die?”
He nodded solemnly. “She didn’t want you to be an orphan.”
I continued to stare inside the box, tears were falling freely now. “I didn’t hesitate taking you in. You were my daughter, my flesh and blood. I loved you the moment I opened that hotel room door, and saw you sitting there. I knew you were mine, without even having to read the letter.”
He wiped a tear from my eyes. I glanced at my mom. “That’s why you were so horrible to me? Because I wasn’t biologically yours? I was an embarrassment to you.”
I didn’t ask it as a question. It was a fact.
“I never wanted you to feel out of place. I loved you every day, Gwen.” His placed his hand on my arm, and I jerked back.
“But none of that mattered, did it? You both kept this from me. All my life, I tried pleasing you both, and no matter what I did, she was still going to hate me,” I whispered, the realization nailing itself further into my soul.
“She took it out on you because of me, Gwen.”
“You didn’t exactly stop it, now, did you? You turned a blind eye.”
I took the hollowed box out of his hands. “The only family connection I have, is stuffed in this tiny box. A faded picture, and not much else.”
“That’s not true, Gwen, you have us!”
I stared at the man I called my father in disbelief. “No I don’t. I never did, because she didn’t want me to have you, because it would tarnish everything.”
I started for the door, with the box clutched tightly in my hands, as if letting it go for a second, it would dissolve.
“Gwen! Don’t leave like this, please. We can work this out.”
I stopped at the door, and turned to face my father. My mother, of course, was nowhere to be seen. “There’s nothing to work out. The choice was made for me the moment you took me in. I didn’t even have a chance.”
I glanced over to a picture that was on an end table. It had the four of us. I remember that day. I didn’t understand why I only got to take one picture, while everyone else took a lot more. Now, I know. She never wanted me a part of this family. I never had a fair chance.
I took one last look at my father, and walked out the door for the last time.
Forty-O
ne
Hawkins
To say I was pissed to wake up finding Gwen had left, was an understatement. I was fucking livid. With everything that happened yesterday, I definitely didn’t want her alone. I grabbed my phone, and turned on the tracker for her phone. Grayson wasn’t the only one that tracked their girl.
I waited for the signal to connect. Where are you, little Dove? Finally, it connected, and I stared at the location. She was at least twenty miles away. Where the hell did she go? Looking closer at the location online, I pulled up Gwen’s parents’ address. She was seeing her parents? I knew her relationship with them was always strained, so for her to want to go there, there had to be something up. Especially after yesterday. It didn’t take long for me to put two and two together. I grabbed my keys.
Paying attention to the tracker, it showed she was moving, but slowly. She couldn’t have been in a car. All sorts of thoughts started going through my head. As I got closer, it started to rain again. I checked the GPS one more time, then looked around me. According to the signal, she should be here.
I pulled over, and looked around for any passing cars. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gwen walking by with her head down. She’s on foot! I turned the car around and pulled over, getting out the car.
“Gwen!”
No response. I finally reached her, and grabbed her arm, turning her to face me. Her eyes were red rimmed, and she was shaking.
“Gwen,” I whispered. Right when I thought she was about to push me away, she did the unthinkable instead. She rested her head on my chest, and I wrapped her in my arms.
I didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t going to happen again.
* * *
We reached my place, and Gwen still hadn’t said anything. It was like she was on robot mode. She entered the apartment without a fuss. “Let’s get you changed.” I guided her to the bedroom. She stood there looking forlorn. I walked into the closet, getting her another pair of clothes. When I came back out she was gone.