by A. J. Downey
I listened to Tony talk on the phone, his voice a distant buzz in my ears as I surveyed the damage from my fixed point in the room. He ended his call, sticking the phone in his back pocket and I slowly raised my eyes to meet his.
“I have no place else to go…” I said, and the panic and the fear and the ‘oh god, what am I going to do now?’ welled up from the center of my being like blood from a cut, spilling out my eyes in a hot rush. Tony’s grim expression turned resigned and he shook his head.
“Never mind that now. You got a suitcase?”
“Hall closet,” I murmured.
“Good, let’s pack your shit.”
We went into my bedroom which had a lot of my things ripped from hangars and piled on the floor. The strong smell of urine assaulted my nose and I went to find the things that were still hanging and left in my drawers. My bed had been shredded, the ticking from the mattress welling out of the open wounds and it was a decent visual representation of how I was feeling.
“Take anything that’s important to you, anything that’s sentimental,” he ordered gently.
I handed him things and he carefully put them away. His phone buzzed and he checked the screen and said, “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”
He went out to the living room and let people into my home. I didn’t care… I mean… it wasn’t really my home anymore, was it? They’d taken everything from me. My best friend, my sense of safety, my home… just everything.
I didn’t cry anymore. I didn’t feel anything. I just numbly moved through the room and let Tony take the lead. Just gathered every little salvageable remaining bit of precious that I had. The photos I had left of me and my parents. The pictures of me and Sami. The jewelry they’d dropped when they’d been hastily stuffing their pockets. I gripped my mother’s locket in my good fist. Somehow they’d dropped it. I pressed that fist to my mouth and tried so very hard not to let the dam break in front of all these people but in the end, it all came rushing up, the bottle I’d kept stuffing all my feelings into broke and I ended up shaking and crying and generally looking like a total mad woman.
But then he was there, shielding me from all of those eyes. Giving me a place to take shelter from the storm, even though the storm raged inside of me. I pressed my forehead to Tony’s shoulder and just cried and cried, because what the hell else was I going to do?
***
One of the police officers pressed a cup of coffee into my good hand and I automatically took a sip, wincing at the bitterness. There was a crime scene unit dusting every available surface for prints while Tony, his partner, and their captain stood to the side.
They were talking about me, arguing, and I couldn’t find it in me to really even care for the time being. I was perched carefully on the edge of my ruined living room chair and couldn’t really say how long I’d been sitting here like this.
Tony came over and knelt in front of me and put his hands on my knees. He looked up at me, searching my face, eyes tracking back and forth, catching mine.
“You in there, Chrissy?” he asked, voice low and careful.
“I’m here,” I said.
“We’re gonna move you to a safe house, outside the city.”
“Okay.”
“You trust me?”
“Yeah, why?”
He smiled and it wasn’t necessarily a pleasant one. More derisive than anything but I could tell it wasn’t directed at me, more at himself and maybe the police’s inability to do anything. He was frustrated, like me, but this was the system we lived with and it wasn’t perfect. It never would be, but it was what we had, and despite all of this horror show, I still believed in it.
God, I must be delusional.
“Haven’t been doing the best here,” he admitted.
“You’ve done all you could within the confines of your protocols and the law… I get that.”
“Okay,” he nodded and looked thoughtful. “Okay, baby. Gimme just a few more minutes and we’ll get the fuck out of here, okay?”
I nodded and his captain looked me over, calling out, “You’re sure about this?”
I looked up at him and swallowed hard, nodding and asking, “Where else am I going to go?”
He took a deep breath and let it out and nodded, his hands on his hips and said, “Okay.”
Tony shouldered my bags and let one of the uniforms take my suitcase and motioned for me to follow him out. The uniformed officer fell in behind me and we went for the elevator. Out on the street, it was full dark already, and Tony hustled me into the front seat of a waiting sedan. I got in and he closed the door, going around back and dropping my bags in the trunk. He lifted my suitcase back there and shut the trunk lid and he and the officer traded some words.
The officer disappeared back inside and Tony dropped into the driver’s seat behind the wheel. He reached over and took the cup of coffee from my hand, and put it in the cup holder and then helped me to buckle up.
I said nothing as he took us out of the city. If anything, I felt as if a weight lifted from my shoulders. The further across the Bay Bridge we got, the better I started to feel. The rush of pavement beneath the sedan’s tires lulling me until I fought to keep my chin off my chest. I was so tired, the crash after all that adrenaline something fierce. Exhaustion crept in and I fought to keep my eyes open, but it was a battle I was destined to lose.
“Chrissy. Chrissy, come on now, wake up for me.”
I jolted, opening my eyes and drawing in a deep breath. We were stopped, and I sat up and stretched what little I could carefully in my seat. I looked up to Tony, standing outside the open door to the car. A house was behind him, the front door standing open, a golden rectangle of light spilling out onto the porch, stretching out beyond it onto the gravel walkway and grass.
“Where are we?”
“We’re here, we’re safe.”
I unbuckled myself, reaching across with my right hand to hit the catch on the belt. Tony held down a hand and I put mine into his, letting him help me to my feet.
“Where’s here?”
“My place,” he said quietly and I blinked.
“Your place? As in your house?”
“Yep.”
“I thought we were going to a safe house.”
“Ain’t no place safer,” he said.
“Am I even allowed to be here?”
He chuckled, “You’re an adult, the Captain couldn’t get it cleared to take you to an ICPD run safe house because of the city’s damn budget crisis, and I wasn’t about to put you in some crappy hotel. It’ll be fine. You’ll have your own room here,” he swung the car door shut and I jumped, “and the guys will cover for me. We all agree, this shit ain’t right.”
This was a huge personal risk for Tony, and he had to trust me immensely to do it but all he’d asked of me was to trust him.
I looked up at him and swallowed hard, choking up with tears again, but this time of gratitude and said, “Thank you.”
“Let’s get you inside, come on.”
I let him lead me into his home and he closed the front door behind us. He tugged gently on my good hand and I drifted along behind him, up the staircase and down the hall. He touched a door and it swung open revealing a slightly outdated but clean bathroom.
“Bathroom for when you need it,” he murmured and then led me past two more doors before nudging in a third, “and this’ll be your room.”
It was a neatly made up guest room. The bed a queen, my suitcase and bags neatly placed beside the dresser. A set of my pajamas had been neatly laid on the bed and he asked, “Need help, still?”
I did but… “Won’t that get you in trouble?”
“Just you and me here, you sayin’ you’d tell?”
“What? No!”
He chuckled, “Okay then.”
I shivered and he asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I…”
He waited me out and I took a deep breath and said without looking at him, “Self-conscious about the
scars I guess.”
“Won’t look,” he murmured, his blunt fingers already working gently at the straps on my sling. He took it gently from me and laid it aside and then asked, “Okay, how do we do this?”
“Um, I need to get my right arm out, and then the neck over my head and then down off my left. It’s sort of easier getting in than out…”
He chuckled and it sounded a bit nervous, “I can see that.” His fingertips grazed my skin here and there and I felt it grow heated, an ache starting that had nothing to do with my injuries and everything to do with it had just been too damn long…
He was as good as his word, fixing his gaze on what he was doing, not looking, making what should have been a more than slightly embarrassing process that much more bearable. Of course, I’d had weeks of strangers dressing and undressing me, so this should be simple, right?
Not so much. I was acutely aware that not only was this a man I was attracted to, but also a man I had kissed before. I swallowed and he pulled me closer into the circle of his arms, his eyes fixing on mine as he carefully followed the band of my bra around my back and unhooked it by feel.
He dragged it from my arms, carefully, fingertips barely ghosting along the skin of my arms, raising goosebumps on my flesh as he tossed it behind me on the bed. I took a step back, my good arm across my breasts as he unbuttoned my burgundy pajama top and eased my bad arm down into the sleeve.
The whole process of undressing then dressing me was beyond intimate, and by the time he’d finished easing the last button through its respective button hole, I was just ready to die from the want and desire I had to kiss him. I bit my lips together to keep myself in check and sat on the edge of the bed when he ordered me to.
He took off my boots, and I watched him. He was so careful of me, incredibly respectful and so, so gentle. He had me stand and peeled my jeans down my legs, letting me steady myself with my good hand on his shoulder while I balanced on my bad leg to pull my good one free. I stepped into the satin pajama bottom and he pulled them up for me.
“Tomorrow, you can go through your stuff and figure out what more you need.”
“They left quite a bit unscathed, what I have should be fine.”
“Me and some of the guys from the Knights will go over to your apartment and clean shit up. I’ll see if I can scare up some boxes, but the clothes and shit might end up in trash bags. I’m sorry for that in advance.”
“It’s alright. I just want out of there now.”
“Yeah. I can understand that.”
He pulled together the things I’d been wearing and set them on top of my suitcase before he came back to me. He pulled back the blankets on the bed and asked, “Was I supposed to put you back in your sling?”
“No, I just need a pillow to put under this arm.”
“Right, be right back.”
He left the room and I tucked myself into the bed, he came back and I lifted the bad arm as best I could and he eased a pillow beneath it.
“That good?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, well, uh… Oh, shit, I forgot to ask. Are you allergic to cats?”
“No, why?”
“Uh, you might have a furry visitor at some point, Roscoe, my cat. All gray, short fur, real bruiser looking but a sweet disposition. That going to be okay?”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks for the heads up.”
“No problem.”
A long silence stretched between us while we just looked at one another. The tension was real, a palpable thing, and it was as if any second the whole world would shatter into a million pieces. He bent and reached up to the lamp which had been on when we’d come in and smiled down at me.
“Good night,” he murmured.
“Good night,” I whispered back, and he twisted the little black knob. With a click we were plunged into darkness, and I could no longer see his face, backlit as he was from the light out in the hall. He straightened and turned, leaving quietly and closing the door. I closed my eyes and let out a shuddering sigh.
He was something else…
Chapter 13
Tony
It was hard as hell for me to fall asleep knowing she was just down the hall and hurting like she was. I wanted to fix it, and I couldn’t and that drove me next to insane. She was still racked out when I got up the next morning, and I let her sleep, standing in the doorway for a minute watching her chest rise and fall, her face slack and angelic but still tight with pain, a fine line developing between the sweeping arches of her brows.
I went down to make coffee, feed Roscoe, and to make some calls. First thing first, I needed to get her prescriptions that’d been left with the inpatient therapy facility called into the pharmacy closest to my house.
I sighed, because before I could even see to her comfort, I had to call my Captain. He picked up on the second ring, his own voice rough around the edges.
“Hello?”
“It’s McCormick.”
“Hey,” he started and without any preamble went right into it, it was one of the things we liked about each other. “Robbery is running prints and shit out of her place. It’s in their hands, that part of things. Still no leads on the murder of her friend, and still nothing on the dude making threats, but there hasn’t been one in a minute. Not sure where to go from here.”
“Robbery canvas her building?”
“They know how to do their job, Tony. Too bad I can’t say the same for you. What the hell were you thinkin’ having her gather stuff up and pack it up before robbery and CSU got the chance to do anything?”
“Yeah, sorry. Habit I guess, and the truth on that? Guess I let my heart overrule my head. These cocksuckers have already taken so much from her. Her whole life is down to one suitcase and a couple totes. Completely understand if you wanna give me a rip.”
“You taking the day to get her squared away?” he asked, pointedly ignoring the notion of writing me up. I think the guilt at our inability and ineffectiveness up to this point was eating at him, too.
“How’d you guess that’s what I was gonna ask?”
“Yeah, well, between you and me, this has got to be one of the biggest pain in the ass cases to ever hit our division.”
I made a disgusted noise and agreed with a, “Who you tellin’?”
“Gotta love this social media shit,” he griped. “Wish we could go back to the days where you got your news from the newspaper and not the internet.”
“I don’t think there’s even a precedent for what we’re seeing.” I shook my head as I said it, realized he couldn’t see it, and stopped.
“I don’t think there is either, I mean, not to this extreme.” We were both quiet for a minute and he said, “You’ve got the day to get her straight.”
“Take it out of my vacation if you can?”
“Yeah, yeah, I could do that. Shit, you got more than enough of it.”
“Thanks, Captain.”
“You bet.”
I had close to three hours in which I handled all other business before I looked up and saw her standing in her pajamas, hair tousled in the doorway leading from my kitchen and dining room to the staircase upstairs.
“Who was that?” she asked.
“Your physical therapist. They know to come here and given your circumstances, are willing to make house calls. Your insurance is in the know and still willing to cover. You’re good to go.”
She blinked and asked a bit incredulously, “You did all that for me?”
“Seems to me it’s about time someone out here did something to make your life easier, not harder.” She leaned her good shoulder against the doorjamb and I smiled and asked, “Need help with that?” indicating the sling dangling from her fingers. She nodded and I pushed off the stool at my kitchen counter.
I quietly helped her into the sling, carefully avoiding jostling her arm. She adjusted the strap across her chest with her good arm and I wound the one around her waist and threaded it through the metal loop for her. She sai
d, “That’s good,” when I had it tight enough for her and I stepped back.
“I’ve got to run into the city and drop the cruiser back at the motor pool. I’ll pick up my bike, come back down this way and get your prescriptions on the way. You going to be good for a couple three hours on your own?”
She smiled bravely and said, “As long as you give me the Wi-Fi password.”
I grinned and said, “As long as you promise to stay off social media.”
She sniffed and nodded, her eyes growing glassy and said, “Had to disable all of my accounts while I was still in the hospital. I went to log on and two minutes of it was more than enough for me.”
I sighed and shook my head, “Me and my mouth again.”
“No, it’s fine, really… I know you’re just looking out.”
“Yeah.”
“So, um, yeah.”
“Help yourself to whatever’s in the kitchen. I’ll be back and with food. Coffee is made, there’s creamer and shit in the fridge. Can you manage?”
“That’s at least one thing I can do one-handed,” she was smiling again and I nodded.
“Okay.”
I slid past her and went upstairs. She’d tried to make the bed, but there was only so much she’d been able to do. I could respect the effort, though. I put her bags up on the bed and opened them for her so she could try and put some things away if she wanted to. I pulled open the dresser’s drawers and found them mostly empty. The few odds and ends I dropped into one bottom drawer so they’d be ready for her.
A quick shower and shave, some clean clothes, and I was ready to go. I shrugged into my jacket and cut, and headed out the door after a brief exchange with Chrissy, giving her the Wi-Fi password and making sure she was set for now. Couldn’t say I blamed her for not wanting to deal with getting dressed or doing anything today. She looked pretty tired, despite sleeping, and I had to wonder if it was a good sleep.
I felt a little lighter when I went out my front door and got in the unmarked. The tension between me and Chrissy was undeniable, as much as it was undefinable. Sexual? Some of it, but a lot of it had to do with the weight of the situation. Shit was dire, nothing was certain for her, in her present state she was wounded, homeless, with the world out to get her. Her future didn’t look much brighter and her past was tainted with an appalling sadness. She was alone, cast adrift and everyone was hostile or, even though it wasn’t necessarily true in the case of the department, on the surface it looked like everyone was apparently unwilling to help.