A Bride for Esau

by Parker J Cole

  “I see.”

  “Well, although that took a moment to tell, that’s why we can’t leave right away. I want to see what I can do to help the reverend.”

  The server came with their order and the conversation drifted back to his and Heather’s upcoming marriage. It was a good thing he’d procured the license early enough so that he didn’t have to wait too long to make her his wife. Gazing at her again, he couldn’t believe she was all he could ever hope for in a woman.

  The reverend needs a woman like that, he thought as he took in his soon-to-be wife. Someone unexpected and the very thing he needs.

  His conscience started to nudge at him, since he hadn’t been entirely truthful about the story. But he figured, there was no harm done. The Misses Hampton and Madison appeared to be the type of women who weren’t hard up for male companionship. Heather had spoken how helpful her friends were and how kind they’d been.

  They finished the meal and took the long way back to the boarding house where Heather was staying. Miss Madison and Miss Hampton gave him some privacy with Heather. He longed to kiss her and hold her in his arms, but they would be married soon, and he’d have all the time in the world for that.

  Instead, he took her dainty hands in his and pressed them to his face. “I’ll be thinking of you, Heather. Can’t wait for you to be my bride.”

  Her green eyes watered again. A fist punched him in the chest. “Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?”

  “I’m so…so happy,” she whispered, sniffling.

  He hurried and scrounged around for a handkerchief. “What is it then?” He handed the handkerchief to her.

  “I never expected to be with a man as kind as you are. You don’t seem to care that I used to…used to be...”

  “Shhh…” he told her. He didn’t want to think about her past life. It unsettled him, yes, but not because of her. Anyone who had been in her company for a little while knew that something must have happened to make her enter that lifestyle. He didn’t care to know why. All he knew was that from now on, she was his wife to love.

  Yeah, he loved her. In the same way his parents had fallen in love with each other. It was something he always wanted. “It doesn’t matter to me at all, Heather. I think you’re the nicest, kindest, prettiest woman I ever met. I want you for my wife and no one else.”

  A tear slid from under her eye again. “Oh, Thomas!”

  He had to do it. He kissed her on the cheek, savoring the feel of that softness against his mouth. “Sweet Heather,” he breathed in her ear. “Go on now.”

  Tom watched her enter the boarding house, his heart swelling so big he thought it would burst.

  He wanted the reverend to have a woman like that and he wouldn’t stop until he found one.

  ***

  Esau woke up with the lingering scream of a woman in his mind. His chest heaved as he gulped in air, shaking as if a fever had taken hold of his limbs. Visions of smoke and phantom rings of gunshots filled the interior of the cabin. A man with a headdress of feathers and buckskins lay on the floor, his lifeless eyes staring up at him. Esau squeezed his eyes shut, begging the haunting images to go away.

  When he opened them again, it was a woman this time, hand outstretched, her mouth gurgling indecipherable words.

  “Go away,” he begged in a hoarse whisper. “Go away.”

  He closed his eyes again, praying for the images to abate once and for all.

  His eyes opened once more. This time, he was truly alone except for the child who lay in the crib, sleeping.

  Esau pushed the covers away and swung his feet to the floor.

  How long would the past continue to haunt him? Would the nightmares ever go away or was he doomed to have them until the day he died?

  Glancing across the way, he saw Jacob sprawled on his bed, limbs akimbo. His twin brother didn’t have nightmares like he did. Esau had often wondered why. Jacob refused to care or give concern about anything. He grabbed hold of things or people with loose fingers as it were. Try it out and then, when he ultimately became bored with it, tossed it aside.

  Had Jacob tossed aside the memories? Did that account for his lack of nightmares?

  Esau knew what the Bible said: “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

  His anger had vanished from those long-ago days. Most times he didn’t even think about them anymore, which must mean he’d put that part of his past behind him.

  How did that explain the nightmares though? What about the waking daydreams?

  Sighing, he knelt by the crib and stared at the child. Maybe it had to do with this little one. In the past two weeks, Esau became painfully aware of motherhood and its underrated difficulties in a whole new light. The child needed constant attention; feedings, changing nappies, sleeping, or just entertaining.

  For a man who had lived as a bachelor without any intention of getting married or having children, he found himself out of his element.

  The child didn’t care that Esau was tired. He didn’t understand that Esau had sermons to prepare for or parishioners to advise and counsel – not that many came - but that was neither here nor there. The child had no concept that a man also needed his sleep.

  The babe was taking over his life.

  Wearily, but with his ear tuned to the slightest sound the babe made, an attribute he’d learned quickly over the past two weeks, Esau walked over to a small table in the corner. Opening the drawer as quietly as he could, he withdrew the Bible and sat.

  Lighting a candle, he smoothed his calloused fingers on the thin pages.

  Esau wasn’t sure what he needed to hear from the Lord. Was it comfort? Guidance? Praise?

  His fingers sifted through the pages until he landed on a verse. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

  Esau’s eyes fixed on that verse. Plans for you to prosper. He was having a hard time believing that.

  What could be prosperous at this time in his life? Esau had taken on the childrearing of a baby that wasn’t his own. The child chose that moment to mewl. Esau’s head jerked up, ready at a moment’s notice to see to the child.

  The boy moved once, then twice. Esau eyed him. After another shift the baby relaxed back into slumber. Turning his attention back to the verse, he prayed in a soft whisper, “How will you prosper me, Lord? With the wife that you will send to me by Tom?”

  Was marriage a prosperous thing? It couldn’t be that. It was a necessity like most things in life. Until this child came into his life, he’d no interest in going the way of marriage. He was called to preach to the people out here who otherwise didn’t have a chance to hear the gospel.

  Not to take care of a child.

  Why had God allowed this to happen? Why take the child’s mother in such a terrible way?

  A vein pounded against his temple. Blood rushed through his head, hot and bubbly.

  In your anger do not sin…

  He took in a deep breath. Anger had no place here. He had to repress it. Never let it find expression. A preacher was called to serve. He didn’t have the luxury of letting emotions cloud and shroud his spirit.

  After all, it was better to be single than to marry anyway. The apostle Paul had made that abundantly clear. Esau knew he was called to be a shepherd. A shepherd who could give his all to his flock. Serve them without the encumbrance of a family life.

  But this child…

  Just then, the baby started to wake. He rose from his seat and went over to where the child lay.

  “Good morning,” Esau spoke to the boy.

  The child blinked and rubbed sleepily at his eyes. Esau took in the changes. The crown of the boy’s head boasted a thick crop of black, silky hair. The tan skin had darkened in hue while his legs grew chubbier and stronger as they kicked. His dark eyes often flashed, reminding Esau of the boy’s mother. Tho
ugh she’d been in pain, her eyes flashed with life until the very end.

  When his eyes drifted up to Esau, the strangest thing happened.

  The boy smiled.

  Something slammed into Esau’s chest, knocking the breath out of him. So visceral, so real the reaction, he took a step back. What was that?

  In that moment, Esau knew something extraordinary had happened. A fundamental shift occurred. The world moved.

  “Are you smiling at me?” he asked the boy in wonderment.

  The child lifted his arms; another first. Drawn by some inexplicable force, Esau reached down and hefted the boy out of the crib.

  Holding the child away from him, they both stared at the other.

  Whenever he’d held the child before, it was a necessity. Jacob refused to have anything to do with the babe, so all care fell on Esau’s shoulders. Today, he welcomed the weight of the child in his arms.

  “What have I done to make you smile, son?”

  A small part of him recognized that for the first time, he acknowledged the boy as his son. It was a distant part, a hint of awareness that passed with little fanfare.

  Perhaps the boy knew in that unfathomable way of children. With a burst of sound, the boy began talking. Patting Esau’s face, or slapping it really, he reached out and scratched his nose.

  “Ow!” Esau moaned. “Do you have to attack me, you ungrateful coyote?”

  The child gurgled, something that sounded suspiciously like laughter erupting from the cherubic mouth. Esau found himself grinning. “Is that a yes, son?”

  The boy clapped his hands enthusiastically. At this, Esau laughed outright. “Let’s begin our day, shall we? Maybe the good Lord will send a mother for you.”

  “I hope so,” Jacob groaned from behind. Esau twisted his head to see his brother rise from his bed. “Then you can give up that brat to the new mother, and I can have my life back.”

  A hand clutched around Esau’s heart as he lay the child down to change its nappy. “Perhaps,” he replied dutifully. He unpinned the soiled nappy, but before removing it, placed the cloth of the new one on the boy’s nether regions. It had only taken one time to get a stream in the face to learn that trick. Jacob had laughed himself silly.

  “How long you reckon it’s gonna take Tom to bring this wife to you? If she even comes.”

  “As long as it takes,” Esau answered, wiping the child down with a wet cloth he kept handy.

  “Hope it don’t take too long,” Jacob murmured.

  “And he’s not a brat. He’s my son.”

  “Since that ain’t my nephew, then he ain’t your son, but I’m not going to keep telling you something you already know. You ain’t even named him yet. What kind of father,” he sneered the word, “Doesn’t name his own kid?”

  Esau clamped down. In anger do not sin…

  “The child does have a name,” Esau responded in an even tone, methodically wrapping the nappy around the boy’s kicking legs with an ease and deftness that wasn’t present two weeks ago. “However, his mother asked he be given a new one since she would not be able to care for him anymore. That the name she gave him would belong to her and for her always. I have been thinking of a name for the child but, I wanted to wait. In the event Tom does procure a woman willing to be my wife, then I would like her to have a hand in naming the boy.”

  “Don’t give me that!” Jacob exclaimed, jumping off the bed and pulling on his pants. “Do you really think Tom’s gonna succeed? You’re mad to think that.”

  “Am I?” Esau lifted a brow as he folded the soiled nappy.

  His brother’s face flushed red. “You’re hoping against hope, aren’t you?”

  “You said it yourself, Jacob. I can’t do what I need to do without a wife, can I?”

  “You need to get this fool-hardy plan out of your head.”

  “Why does it matter to you? Why are you so insistent that—”

  Jacob’s eyes flared. He clenched his fist. “Do you think I don’t know about the nightmares you keep having?”

  Esau straightened. How did he…?

  “How you keep waking up and beggin’ God to take them away? Well, guess what, Esau? He ain’t did nothin’ for you. Ya hear!”

  His nostrils flared and red blurred his vision, blotting out the face of the boy lying before him.

  “Is that why you don’t want to get attached to anything, Jacob? You think someone’s going to take it away?”

  “I ain’t got to think it. I know it. We both know that anythin’ we love, someone’s gonna take. I ain’t gonna stay around and let that happen to me.”

  The child started to cry. Instantly, the red mist lifted, and he blinked, bringing the baby back into focus once more. Esau lifted the boy in his arms, for the first time grateful for the child’s tears. He’d come so close, so awfully close to reaching out and slamming his fist into his twin brother’s face. But why? Because he’d voiced an opinion or because he’d voiced something reflected in his own heart?

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Two days later and Delilah couldn’t get the story of Reverend Caldwell and the baby out of her mind. Lying on the clean sheets and blankets she’d washed earlier that day, she stared up at the white ceiling.

  Unlike the other Magdalens, she had her own bedroom, a treat that had been given to her a few years ago. Anna still slept in one of the large dormitories with other Magdalens. Right now, Delilah wished her friend were with her so she could talk about the strange pull she had for this unknown man.

  She’d made every effort to try to forget what she had heard. It wasn’t too difficult to let her thoughts shift to other things; Heather’s wedding for one. Anna and she had spent many weeks creating a wedding dress for her. The next day after Tom arrived, they surprised her with it. A lovely ensemble in delicate sky blue and lace, the gown had fit Heather perfectly. Its soft color brought out her strawberry complexion and emphasized the rich auburn of her hair.

  Heather had sobbed for the better part of an hour, overwhelmed by all she’d experienced within the past year.

  “God must love me,” she’d cried brokenly. “He hadn’t forgotten about me.”

  Delilah pondered on Heather’s words. In her friend’s eyes, all their actions had led to this moment. Delilah believed God has used Anna and herself to let Heather know she hadn’t been forgotten.

  It made her decision to stay with the Society a lot harder.

  They had decided to focus on women and young girls as she’d once been. It was too much effort to reform a woman of lost virtue. Did that mean the Society would give up on women like Heather?

  The lingering question had bothered her so the next day, while Anna received permission to leave from the Visiting Committee to help Heather with the wedding preparations, Delilah had gone to Matron McDonald.

  Turning over in the bed, Delilah remembered the conversation she’d had with Matron McDonald. “Matron, is the Society giving up on women of lost virtue?”

  Her smile she’d kept friendly and inquisitive. Keep smiling, Delilah. Even when it hurts.

  “That’s a rather coarse way of saying it, Delilah,” Matron McDonald said with a disapproving eye. “The Society isn’t giving up on them.”

  “Then why—?”

  “The care of Magdalens is expensive, Delilah,” Matron McDonald interjected. “We rely on the generosity of various churches, as well as private donors, to continue our work. If the women refuse to submit to efforts for reformation, not only is time wasted, but also finances. We need to be wise with the talents God has given us.” The woman gave her a light smile. “Such as yourself, those funds are better spent on prevention before the loss of virtue, as opposed to after.”

  Delilah waded in. “What about women who want reformation but need more assistance?”

  “They are few and far between.”

  “But…they are there, Matron.”

  “Are they?” The matron scoffed. “We’ve seen the opposite.”

  Delilah had
left the meeting unsettled. She had seen some disappointment in the matron’s eyes as she had not yet accepted the staff position. Her non-responsiveness was still in the allotted time frame. She had almost four more days before she had to give her answer.

  There was much to think about, not the least of which was her problem with Mr. Simon North. He lurked in the background like a monster lurked under the bed in a child’s dream. Though she’d forced herself to not dwell on the moneylender, without proof of the payments she’d made, he expected her to have his money by next week.

  Delilah shivered and curled into a ball. She didn’t want to think about that awful man.

  Like a balm of healing oil, she turned her mind into the direction of Reverend Caldwell and the baby. Her heart throbbed with an odd ache. How alone the man must feel, taking care of a child that wasn’t his. How honorable and gallant of him.

  She smiled, relaxing in the center of the bed. What did Reverend Caldwell look like? Tall, she’d suspect. With dark hair and piercing blue—no, green eyes. If he lived in the Montana territory, then he probably had a physique tailored to living out there. Finely sculpted perhaps, with lean muscles to corral in horses.

  Or maybe, instead of a rancher or cowboy, he was a learned man, a scholar. Thinking of the picture of the founder of the Society, her mind drew a different picture. Tall, of course, with dark hair and green—no, not green. Brown eyes. He’d have a beak of a nose over a pair of thin lips. A pair of spectacles would be perched on his nose, and he’d look over them like some sort of dark crow-like bird.

  Could he be a short man, round and stout with protruding belly and bowed legs? Did he have a squint and smoke a pipe? A curling mustache?

  Or maybe…

  A soft giggle erupted from her lips. What foolishness! For all she knew, Reverend Caldwell could have a pegged leg and one eye. But did it matter what the man looked like?

  He could be the ugliest man with bucked teeth and a wart on his nose…and she’d still think he was the most wonderful man in the world.

  She turned her mind to the baby, a beautiful Indian boy. He’d have fat cheeks and a wonderful smile. Tiny hands and feet at play. She could imagine holding the little one in her arms, rocking him to sleep as she’d done in the past with a Magdalen who had come with a young babe for a few days of respite.