Delilah could tell that Esau believed he wasn’t angry at God. But how could anyone not be after suffering such devastating circumstances? There were times in her life when she’d been angry at the Lord, but she told Him about it. Poured her heart out. Screamed and shouted her woes because that’s what they were to her. Matron’s voice reciting a verse echoed in her mind. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
How could she tell him? Was it her place?
“I’m glad you told me, Esau, of your pain. I’m glad you shared it with me.”
He made a sound. “I hadn’t planned on sharing anything but Boaz with you. But, no matter how hard I try, it’s impossible to not want to have…more with you.”
“More?” The somber feeling that had accompanied his tale dwindled away. “What do you mean by more?”
“I must admit there are times when I want to have a real marriage with you.”
Her heart soared. “Esau.”
“But I haven’t done anything because I do not want you to think I married you to take advantage of you. You’ve been a terrific mother to Boaz and an unexpected, wonderful companion to me, but I’ve held back because I don’t want you to feel as if—”
“I want you, Esau,” she blurted out. Unable to contain herself, she got up and went to stand by his side. “I’ve wanted you from the first moment I met you.”
Tell him how you feel, Heather’s voice from yesterday whispered. Don’t hold back.
His mouth opened and closed several times, but nothing came out. She went on and figured that she might as well take the plunge of no return. “It’s not just want but love as well. I’m in love with my husband.”
The impact of the words sucked all the sound from the room. She stood there, next to his chair, her heart thumped in her chest as she waited to see what he would say.
“But how? We don’t hardly know each other, not really.” Though he said that, a light that had nothing to do with the flames glowed in his eyes. A muscle leaped along his jawline, and the atmosphere about them became charged like lightning in a thunderstorm.
“I fell in love with you even before I saw your face. When you were only a name that Tom told me about, when you were a story of great strength and character. I knew that I could love a man who would give a motherless child a home.” She reached out and cupped his cheek in her hand. The scruff of his beard rasped against her palm. She loved it. Loved the feel of it.
“Seeing you face to face, only made me fall deeper in love with you. Living as your wife, watching as you care for our son, as you go on your rounds with a stalwart dedication, the way you always are considerate of me, falling in love with you was inevitable.”
***
Esau could hardly get past the bulge in his throat that had formed when Delilah revealed her love. Incredible to think a woman as fine as her would care for someone like him. The way she looked in the candlelight, soft and alluring, worked powerfully against his will to remain detached from her.
“Delilah, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I wanted you to know. I’ve wanted you to know for a long time.”
He had to ask himself the important question; did he love her?
Esau frowned. What could he say? He enjoyed her company. He never tired of looking at her, basking in her blonde loveliness, finding something new to admire about it every day. Sometimes, when she smiled, his heart skipped a beat, and his breath whooshed out of his lungs. There were times when he traveled on his rounds in the territory that he missed her.
Did that constitute love?
“Esau?”
He glanced up at her, seeing she’d stepped closer to him. His body tightened at her nearness, reacting in ways he’d either suppressed or hadn’t experienced before.
“What is it?”
“Will…will…will you make me your wife? In every way?”
Jumping up from the table, he backed away from her. “Wait a minute. I don’t think that is a good idea.”
It’s a wonderful, beautiful, glorious idea, an evil voice in his head whispered. She loves you and wants to give herself to you.
“Why not?”
“Because…,” he started and stopped. Because what?
“I’m your wife, Esau. Isn’t it right that a husband and a wife know each other?”
The light from the shortening candle flicked over her, turning her pale skin into a golden sheen. Her blonde hair braided and roped over her shoulder glistened as well. The pulse at the base of her throat pounded.
“Don’t you want me? Just a little?”
He let out a raspy laugh. “Just a little? Hardly. But I didn’t marry you for myself.”
“I am giving myself to you. I’m your wife.”
“But it’s too fast,” he said, all the while his head spun at the slumberous look in her eyes. “Too soon.”
“It’s been over a month, Esau, since our marriage.” She took a step closer. “Why can’t we consummate this marriage? Give Boaz some brothers and sisters?”
A deep-rooted fear rose, warring with the desire he felt for his wife. She said she would give herself to him. Not just her body but her heart as well. Could he do the same thing? What would happen if he gave himself to her?
Jacob’s words came back to haunt him. The moment you care for something, it’ll be taken away.
If he didn’t already care for Boaz, love him even, then he was on his way to doing so. What he felt for Delilah was something that ate at him.
What if something happened to her?
“Esau?”
He blinked and saw with clarity she’d come closer, much closer. Her breath rushed against his face. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he repeated in a weaker voice. He had to keep it together.
“If you don’t want me tonight, Esau. I understand. But can you at least give me my first kiss?”
Kiss?
His gaze shifted to her mouth. How delectable it looked in the waning candlelight.
“Won’t you kiss your wife, Esau?”
How had she gotten so close to him? Not just pressed against his body but in his heart. His hands shook with restraint, but he already knew that as he lifted them, it was already too late.
“Please?”
When a woman said please like that, with that husky, pleading tone, what more could a man do than take her mouth and bring it flush to his?
Esau had never kissed a woman before. Part of him wondered if he were doing the right thing but that part of him flew out the window the moment their lips touched. Sweet, trembling softness under his mouth. He had no idea what to do but just as his own sense of inadequacy hit him, she gave a little moan against his lips.
That made Esau throw everything but this moment away.
He gathered her close and drew her lips into his. Somehow, an instinct came to life, and he let the newness and shyness of their first kiss drift away. He wanted more of her, not just kisses but more of her.
Another tiny sound erupted from her mouth and he lost his head. His hands cupped her face and he kissed her with more and more intensity. He was lost in the sweet taste of her, unable to stop himself from groaning. She matched him, her arms going around his waist and bringing her flush to the front of his body.
The intensity of the kiss grew like wildfire. Esau wondered if it would envelope the cabin. If it did, he wouldn’t care. Wild horses couldn’t drag him out of Delilah’s arms.
With an abruptness he was unprepared for, Delilah pulled her lips away from their kiss, breathing hard and needy. “Esau, please. Please, please, my husband.”
Something snapped inside and he drifted his hands over her face. Saying nothing more, he lifted Delilah in his arms and took her the short distance to his bed. Carefully, like a porcelain doll, he lay her gently down on the covers and then laid down beside her.
“Delilah, I�
�ve never been with a woman before,” he told her. “I don’t know if I will hurt you.”
She gave a sharp gasp. “You’ve never—? But you’re a man.”
Shame crawled over his face. “I am, but I refused to be disobedient to God’s words. I do not know if I can—”
Her finger drifted to his lips. “Esau, I am not complaining or trying to make you feel shame. I am surprised is all. I thought only women kept their virtue for marriage.”
He reached down and placed his hand on her cotton covered stomach. “No, women aren’t the only ones who save their virtue.”
“I can’t tell you how much better that makes me feel.”
“It makes you feel better that I am inexperienced?”
“Yes, because we can learn to please each other together.”
He said nothing as he stared down into her barely lit face. “I hope I can please you, Delilah.”
Without warning, she raised her hands and lifted them around his neck, drawing his head to hers. “I’m sure you can.”
CHAPTER NINE
Esau hurried on his way back home from going around on his rounds. The weather had been cooperative for the past week, allowing him to cover more territory and complete his duties as a preacher. Somehow, without his being aware of it, the people of the territory noted that his dedication to come see them, even through the harsh winter, and it spoke volumes. Through his journeys, he had provided a light for a few of the far-flung flock, and they wanted to know more about the gospel.
Not only what they heard from down through the years, but what it really meant to be a son or daughter of the Lord.
He sent up a prayer of thanks for the one who had come into the fold and thanked the Lord for allowing his broken vessel to be used for such a purpose.
Now, as he traveled, he was eager for the evening where he would spend time with his family.
In the three weeks since Delilah and he had made their marriage real, he’d landed in bliss. A bliss he’d never thought was possible. Why had he waited so long to make her his own? Especially when she wanted him for himself and none other.
He smiled against the cold. He’d been doing a lot of that lately. Smiling.
The morning they woke after that night, he’d stared down into her face, worried that he had hurt her or displeased her or a thousand other things a man could do wrong to his innocent wife. She’d stirred, and her eyes opened.
“Are you all right?” he’d asked her pensively.
“Are you?”
They both laughed and he gathered her closer in his arms, familiar now with kissing than he had been several hours ago. In fact, kissing Delilah was one of his favorite past times.
Life was perfect.
Boaz grew by leaps and bounds. He was a source of constant entertainment and wonder. They spent most of the evening playing and caring for Boaz.
The nights were spent in wedded bliss.
Esau shook his head at the depths of his own desire for his wife. It wasn’t likely to abate anytime soon. The touch of her lips against his only whetted his appetite for her. He was so glad he hadn’t experienced the delights of the flesh with anyone else besides Delilah. To think of another woman having possession over his body; that would never happen.
He was careful to watch Delilah, wanting to make certain that he wasn’t exhausting her with this need she’d unleashed within him, but she never complained.
His horse turned down the path toward the cabin. It came into silhouette and his heart almost expanded outside of his chest. Home, where Boaz and Delilah were waiting for him.
The family he loved.
Esau knew without a doubt that he loved Delilah and Boaz. If the Lord only gave them Boaz to love and care for, then so be it. He would cherish his son for the rest of his life. Delilah he would love till time ended and perhaps beyond.
Drawing up to the barn, he went as quickly as possible through his outside chores as he bedded down the animals and performed other duties.
Then he was at the front door, unlatching the lock, swinging the door open.
The smile on his face melted away as he took one look into Delilah’s flushed face.
Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.
“What is it, Delilah?” He shut the door behind him. “What’s happened?”
Her red-rimmed eyes showed she’d been crying. It was then he noticed that Boaz wasn’t in her arms as he usually was whenever he came back from his rounds.
Her lips trembled as she said, “It’s Boaz. He’s burning up.”
A stone of ice moved into Esau’s chest as he took several leaps across the room to stare down at his son.
Boaz was listless, the usual bright smile and energy gone. Although, when his eyes landed on Esau, the child gave a half-hearted lift of his mouth that quickly fell away.
“How are you, my son?”
Esau lifted the child into his arms. He felt like fire. His entire body was burning up as if set on hot coals.
“When did this happen?”
Delilah wrung her hands. “He’d been a little listless yesterday, but I thought perhaps it was because he was getting his first tooth in. This morning, he seemed a little better. Then, a few hours ago, he started to complain, and now, he’s barely holding his head up and is so hot.”
Tears trickled down her face. “He’s so hot and I think he’s getting hotter. We have to send for a doctor.”
He shook his head. “The doctor’s unable to get here because of the weather. There’s a blizzard starting. By the time I got there, I’d be holed up there for days.”
Delilah wept with deep gut-wrenching sobs. “My baby, dear Lord, please, my baby.”
Esau held his wife against him in one arm and his feverish son in another. This was his world now. How could anything happen to his world?
They spent the entirety of the night watching over Boaz. While the blizzard raged outside, dropping feet of snow at alarming rates, they cared for their son the best way they could. Carefully, they sponged the baby, doing their best to cool down his burning body. Boaz, as if he knew they were worried about him, tried to lift his head a few times and talk in nonsensical ways. Perhaps he was telling them that everything would be all right.
Esau fell to his knees many times during the night, even when Delilah, in an exhausted way, fell into a fitful sleep, praying for his son. He remembered how King David prayed for the son Bathsheba and he had created together, wearing sackcloth and refusing to eat. “Dear Lord,” Esau prayed. “Please heal my son. Don’t take my son from me. You gave him to me to raise as my own. I love him.”
The next morning, Delilah sent him to bed after he went outside to tend to the animals. He only slept for a few hours. Even then, it wasn’t much sleep. Images of the day his parents were killed rose along with images of his son lying in his crib.
When he finally woke up, he lay listening to the words from behind him.
Though he couldn’t see her, he heard Delilah loud and clear.
Her prayer made the ache in his chest deepen.
“Oh, dear Lord, please heal my son. I’m nothing more than the daughter of a loose woman. No one would have ever seen me as the mother of their children. But you, dear Lord, you saw more in me than anyone else did. You answered the call of my heart. Please, dear Lord, heal my son. He’s the son you gave me, and I want to be his mother so badly.”
She sniffled. “I won’t be greedy, Lord. I know Esau doesn’t love me as I love him. I won’t ask for the impossible. But please, don’t take the child from us. We love him both so much.”
Esau’s eyes smarted. “Delilah?”
He heard her gasp, and he sat up, swinging his feet to the floor. “Esau?”
“You’re wrong about one thing.” He stood and went over to where she sat at the table. Squatting down, he was eye-level with her as he said, “I love you as much as you love me. This,” he indicated to her and then the baby they both prayed over and for, “is my world. You, the woman I love, an
d my son, whom I love as well. I didn’t know I loved you, and I’m sorry, it took Boaz getting sick before you heard me say those words. I love you from the bottom of my heart.”
A bit of the sadness left her eyes as he leaned forward and kissed her in a leisurely way, bereft of passion but still as intense as with the touching of their lips together, they sealed a pact with their hearts.
When he drew away, they both glanced down at their sleeping son, and once more they prayed.
The next day, it seemed as if Boaz was getting better. He had a little more animation to him, although he wasn’t his bubbly, eager self. His fever had gone down slightly, and they took that as a good sign. The worry in his chest had eased away when Boaz gave him a baby smile. It wasn’t as bright as the ones before he became sick but at least it was there.
That night, when he and Delilah went to the sleep, they slept a little easier. Perhaps they were getting past the hard part. He shared a deep, long kiss with Delilah, and then holding her against him, fell asleep.
“Esau wake up! Boaz! He’s not breathing!”
Delilah’s voice came as if from far away, but he yanked the cloak of sleepiness away with vicious will, his body already up and moving to the crib almost without his mind fully alert.
His wife was sobbing, holding the baby in her arms. “Esau, he’s not breathing!” She screamed. “He was wheezing when I woke up just a few moments ago and now, he’s not breathing!”
Esau’s heart fell to the floor. No!
As if through a tunnel, he saw Delilah holding their son. The cabin grew darker and darker. He was falling into a pit, as he took Boaz’s still form with his closed eyes and the gray hued chubby cheeks.
The straight line of his mouth.
Why would the Lord give him this child only to take him away?
With that question burrowing into his head, something within him that he suppressed roared to life. He took the child from Delilah, feeling the heavy body and knew such a rage against his Creator that it threatened to rip his skin to pieces.
“Give him back!” He snarled as he lifted Boaz onto his shoulders and rubbed circles onto Boaz’s back. “Give him back!” Esau demanded. “You gave him to me and you’re not going to take him away!”
A Bride for Esau Page 10