“What’s wrong, Alessia, what’s in your head?”, I ask rubbing her back.
“My baby died, Blade, my baby is gone.” She says it so quietly that I worry I heard her wrong. A big, fat tear rolls down her cheek and hits my cut, and she wipes it away with trembling fingers.
My heart starts racing in my chest. “What are you telling me, Alessia?” Last I spoke with James, Tugger was still fighting his way back home.
“I was pregnant, and with what happened yesterday, I started bleeding, so they took a pregnancy test last night when I said I wasn’t raped. Then, they removed my IUD, said I would need to replace it.” She takes in a shuddering breath and continues as I sit there in utter shock. “Since I was pregnant, and that shouldn’t have happened, they had to take it out.”
She stops for a second to gather her thoughts, and her next words gut me. “But somewhere inside of me, I feel like I killed our baby. I shouldn’t have been in that building alone, I should have left with James, it feels like it’s my fault.”
She starts crying over the grief of losing a baby she didn’t even know we were having. I rock her and try reassuring her until she finally falls asleep. I can’t let go, so I hold her for the next thirty minutes, then go and lay her in our bed.
Feeling confused and tired, I call my mom. “Hey, Ma, did the old man make it home to you yet?” Stryker took Skid back to Las Vegas with him. Said he was going to make his torture last for months. I was all too happy to get rid of the traitor.
“Hi, honey! Yes and no. He’s in Las Vegas, has a few things to wrap up before he heads home. What can I do for you? Not that I don’t want to talk about me, but what is going on that’s got you worried?”
“Can’t tell you all of it, but Alessia, Ma… she lost a baby last night. She didn’t even know she was pregnant.” I feel my heart breaking all over again as I pour my heart out to my mom. “I don’t know what to do to help her. I called because I was hoping you could tell me. The whole thing really confuses me. I’m sad, but, honestly, I was just so relieved that she was okay.”
I swallow and take a breath because the next words out of my mouth are selfish. “I can stand to lose a whole lot, but I’ll never be able to stand losing her.”
My mom is quiet for a long moment that seems to stretch forever. When she starts talking, I can hear the sadness in her voice. “Makes sense, Blade, she would feel the same way if she were you. To her, she lost a part of you in that baby, a baby she wasn’t even aware of so that she could protect it. She loved that baby instantly when she knew it was there because that baby was a part of you.”
I hear her softly sniffling while trying to find words that would bring me comfort. “Now her hormones are reacting to what her body was geared up to take on. Be patient and loving, and, when the time is right, push her out of the sadness and back to living for the future. Just give her some time to grieve what she lost and remind her that you both still have a future.”
“Thanks, Ma.” I feel lighter somehow after hearing her take on this, and I can only hope that I can be the man that Alessia needs me to be while recovering from this trauma.
“Love you, and, Blade, bring your ass home more often, and bring Alessia with you.” We hang up just as there is a knock at the door.
James, Jenn and Dana walk in with a drowsy looking Tugger. Our badass dog fought for Alessia, and I can’t help but grab him from James and hug him to my chest. Walking with him into the bedroom, I lay him right next to Alessia’s head. Tugg scoots up and licks her face, then again and again until she moans out, “Tugg, use the doggy door, why do you always… TUGG!”
Alessia startles Tugg with her scream, and he happily barks back at her, thinking it’s play time. Pulling him to her, she peppers his face with kisses and tears.
Chapter 29
Alessia
The weeks following that have been hard. I’ve kept Tugg at my side all the time. Some days I felt pretty functional, others I would feel so sad that Kat, Dana and Jenn would do something so funny to each other, or tease the guys, that it would pull me out of my funk. A couple of days Blade and I would stay in and he would hold me, watch movies with me. My favorite was when we would go shooting. Or play pranks on Tank. Kat had some great ideas.
Last night Tank said enough was enough when we gave him an O’Doul’s in a mug all night long at the bar. He drank the 24-pack telling us all how invincible he was until we showed him what he was really drinking. He said we were just being mean, and that the next prank meant war, and he didn’t care what Blade said, he didn’t give a shit if it made me happy anymore.
“What’s got you smiling, baby?”, Blade asks with some concern in his voice and I wonder if he thinks that our next prank will be on him.
“Just laughing about Tank last night, that was a lot of fun. I also just realized that I can’t use what happened as my crutch anymore. Tank will declare war, and, honestly, if he does anything to my boots or my hair, I would have to kill your Road Captain,” I state very matter of factly.
“Can’t kill the boys, Vegas, and, yeah, it’s probably time to let up on your coping mechanism. Which is really funny, but we can’t keep the torture going. Tell you what, go right ahead and prank the Prospects. If they can’t out mastermind you and your evil crew of chicks, they can’t get patched in.” Blade jokes, but I’m already group texting the girls with what he said.
∞ ∞ ∞
“What are we doing in downtown Tahoe? Thought we were meeting my parents at the cabin?” I look at Blade all confused because this feels off and my senses are telling me he’s up to something.
Parking the truck, he walks around the other side and opens my door. The cold air hits my legs and I freeze instantly. Burr, a shiver races through my body. It’s cold up here. Blade takes my hand and leads me to the bench we sat on a month or so back. We sit down in the same spots we sat in before, and it sort of feels like we’ve come full circle. It’s so beautiful with the Christmas lights already out and the big snowflakes piling up on our beanies.
Blade turns to me, grabbing my hand. “Alessia, that day we came up here to go shopping… I knew that day that I wanted you to be by my side for the rest of my life. I bought a ring that day, and I wish like hell that I would have given it to you that day and eloped to a chapel. Your dad would’ve had my nuts if your mom missed your wedding, but I would’ve done it and it would’ve been so worth it.”
We both start laughing, our mixed warm breaths clouding around us. I can barely see anything through my tears. I can’t believe this is happening and I almost miss what he says next.
“Here I am asking you today to wear my ring and stay by my side and have my babies. Every day we gamble with time, betting on the outcome. Will you place your bet on me and go all in? Will you marry me, Alessia?”
A warm tear streaks down my freezing cheek. The thought of having a baby, the thought of marrying Blade, they both make me so happy. A laugh escapes my mouth as I answer, “Hell, yeah, I will!”
I throw myself at him and start peppering kisses all over his face while looking back into his eyes and thinking how far we’ve come. It feels like a lifetime when it’s been where it’s been for just months.
“Okay,” Blade starts rubbing his chin, “What do you say, highest card wins?” He pulls out a deck of cards from his coat pocket. “You pull, and I pull from the deck. If I get the highest card, we march into the casino wedding chapel and we get married right here, right now.”
“You’re on, shuffle the deck,” I screech out.
Blade shuffles the deck three times and looks at me. “Ladies first.” He fans out the deck in front of me and I pull a card, showing it to him. Queen of diamonds. Damn, please be higher.
Blade pulls a card and looks at it. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, and I’m about to cry thinking I won, but really lost, when I notice him fighting back a grin as he turns his card over. Ace. That’s a low card. Or so I thought? “Wait, what is the Ace in this game?”
; “Baby, that’s an Ace. That’s the highest card you can pull in this game.” He pulls me to my feet to smack my lips with a greedy kiss.
Not taking a minute more, we run into the casino. I stop abruptly, surprised to see all the brothers from the Reno, Vegas and Cali chapters, then my parents and his parents are waiting inside for us. My head is spinning when the girls rush over, all excited to see me.
“Go with the girls, Alessia, they have your stuff upstairs in our room.”
I am speechless for a change.
∞ ∞ ∞
An hour later, after the girls have curled my hair and redone my makeup, I feel ready. Looking in the mirror, I laugh because there is not one thing in my outfit that screams white wedding. Black silk blouse tucked into a black leather skirt, with black knee-high boots. Yeah, definitely biker bitch status, no white wedding for me. Best part is, my girls look just like me.
Jenn hums low in appreciation, “This is definitely Vegas. Blade does you good girl.”
Dana checks the text on her phone. “Let’s get moving, Axl already texted me five times in the last twenty minutes. Blade wants you in the chapel. Now,” she says and tosses her phone back into her bag.
Stepping off the elevator, I see Papa and Snake waiting for us. “Baby girl, you look beautiful, time to get you to your man.” Taking Papa’s arm, he leads us across the casino floor. The farther along we get, the more I notice the MC brothers have gathered around, walking to the sides and behind us.
Getting to the entrance of the chapel doors, I see Blade standing down at the end of the aisle, and looking up, he finds me staring. He looks so handsome in his black jeans and boots. His head is freshly shaved on the sides and a tiny Mohawk is up the middle.
Since it’s not a real traditional wedding, Papa just keeps walking down the aisle until we reach the end and he places my hand in Blade’s. The girls go to stand to my right side and the officiator starts talking, keeping all the lines straight forward, with not a lot of extras. Honesty, I don’t care for weddings or the mushy sentiment in front of other people, so I am okay with the ‘get it done’ ceremony. Finally, we get to the end. “Will you take William Johnson to be your lawfully wedded husband in all things, until death do you part?”
“I do,” I speak up, barely able to contain my giddiness. Blade takes my hand and slides on my finger a classic vintage, small carat in white gold ring. It’s beautiful.
“Will you take Alessia DeRosa to be your lawfully wedded wife in all things, until death do you part?”, the officiator asks Blade.
“I do for this life and the next,” Blade says looking into my eyes.
“You may now kiss the bride.” And it’s done. We are husband and wife.
Stepping into each other, our lips touch, and I feel Blade’s hand running behind my neck. I open my mouth to deepen the kiss, and whistles ring out. Pulling back, I ask Blade, “Take me to bed? I’ve missed you.” I need to reconnect with him on the most basic level.
With no other words, Blade turns and leads me away to the elevator. The whole ride up, my back is to the wall as he kisses me, soaking in every part of my body. Rushing into our room, clothes start flying off, boots hit the wall. All that’s left is my garter and thigh high stockings.
“I want to kiss and lick every part of your body, but I need to be inside of you more,” Blade says against my neck. “Can I have you, Alessia Johnson, put my baby inside of you tonight?”
“Yes.” I choke back the tears and fear and bet again on this man and our future as Blade makes sweet, slow love to me.
Epilogue 1
Blade
Two weeks have passed since we got back from Tahoe, and I have a surprise for Alessia. I’m patiently waiting for her to come in and see what I did. The bell rings above from the shop door, then I hear her voice. “Hey, guys, is Blade in his room?”
“Yeah, he’s been working on something, head on back,” Tank says.
“Hey, lovey, what did you need?”, she says walking into my work area. “Holy shit, Jazzy, is that you?!” She runs forward and gives her cousin from California a hug. This is the cousin who did all her rose tattoos before.
“Damn, girl, I may have to move, you did not tell me there were so many fine brothers up here”, Jazzy tells her while she smacks Alessia on the arm. “Or at least I’m coming to visit more often.”
“No,” Tank yells from his room. “We’ve met our quota for crazy bitches in their crew.”
Alessia whispers really low, “He’s having girl problems, don’t worry about him.”
“I can hear you!” Tank’s on a mission now.
“No, you can’t,” she yells back. “What are you two up to in here?” Her gaze finds mine, looking me over, then her eyes land on my chest. “Wow,” she steps over to me looking over the blue and gray rose I had Jazz tattoo.
“For the one we lost,” I tell her. Alessia’s eyes gloss over and she closes them as I pull her to me, kissing her lips. “And I had her tattoo my wedding ring.”
Her eyes pop open and she grabs my hand to see a calligraphy A on my ring finger for her. She laughs out loud, “I can’t believe you did that! Is that for the Ace or for Alessia?”
“Believe it. You’re next, and it was for both.” Sitting her in the chair I was just in, I pull off her wedding ring, then trace out the band tattoo for her finger, a thin filigree band. Turning on my gun, I permanently put the band on her finger, branding my heart to her.
Epilogue 2
Alessia
“Blade! Get your ass up, it’s time to go. FU….CK!” Standing next to the bed, I place my hands on the edge. A cold sweat breaks out covering my skin, I put my head down and grab onto the side of the sheets, waiting for the strong, painful contraction to subside. “Motherfucker.”
Blade jumps up, ready for action, as soon as he realizes that I’m in labor pain and not from any outside threat. He climbs over the bed to get to me, “Alessia, what’s going on, we need to go to the hospital?” He lovingly runs his hands over my arms and face.
“I would think so being I’m dying from these damn contraction, Blade! I would say yes, we need to go to a god damn hospital, shithead,” I scream as I feel another one coming.
He pulls his hands back from my verbal slapping, and I can’t say that I feel too bad about it since my insides feel like they are ripping me apart. Kissing my forehead, he doesn’t say another word, handing me a sundress. He gets me into the Tahoe after one more contraction paralyzes my body.
It’s the middle of summer, I’m miserable and extra cranky in this goddamn 100 plus degree heat. I’m so hot. Rolling my window down helps me to cool and calm down a bit. His eyes betray his calm exterior, as they go from me to the road. He reaches for my hand and holds on to it all the way to the hospital, trying to take the pain away from me until we get there.
Once we are at the hospital, Blade’s stuck at the front desk giving them the insurance information, while a nurse wheels me into a room. She hands me a gown asking me if I can change into it by myself. I take it into the bathroom and I mechanically exchange the sundress for the hospital gown, when another contraction hits me. Kneeling on the floor, I try breathing through it. The cold tiles from the floor call to me.
Lying on the floor, not giving one fuck as to why but just because of need, I try absorbing as much of the cold as I can. Blade finds me there, and he bends to pick me up looking scared to death. “Alessia, are you okay, baby?”
Not waiting for me to answer, he rushes to place me on the bed, then turns to face the nurse who left me alone. “You let her change all by herself? While in labor? In a bathroom? She was on the floor. I do not want to see you in here again! Get another nurse in here!” The poor woman, looking terrified, turns to leave the room just as my Papa walks in, laughing.
“Mija, your Momma is here to take care of you. Looks like you’ll need it since Blade will scare all nurses away.” Papa kisses my forehead just as another contraction hits me. “Hang in there, baby girl.” My m
om walks in the room and he turns to kiss her, then leaves, knowing it’s about to get real ugly up in here.
This one contraction lasts longer, feels stronger, and scares me with the intense pressure of need to push. This can’t be good.
Mom walks over with a washcloth and ice chips, handing Blade the cup and placing the cloth on my forehead. “You can do this, Alessia, I’m right here with you. I’m not leaving until I get to hold my grandbabies.”
“Momma, I need to push, it feels like I need to push. It hurts so bad,” I cry out to her, pleading with her to help me. Blade is at my other side, hovering by my head, unsure of what to say. He looks at my mom for guidance. “Oh shit, my water just broke!” A warm flood of water coats my legs.
Mom grabs a handful of towels and starts wiping my legs dry, placing a few more under me. “We got this, Alessia, rest in between contractions, okay?”
Blade takes my hand as the young female doctor walks into the room. “Hello, I’m Dr. Hill, I’ll be checking to see how far along you are. Can you place your feet up on the bed?”
Dr. Hill checks to see how far I’m dilated, a worried look passing her features. “Alessia, you’re going to be delivering these babies rather quickly. I’m going to set up, do not push until I tell you, okay?”
Nodding back at her I agree, “Okay.” Exhausted, I roll my head to touch Blade’s arm, then reach up to hold on to him. After a few more contractions and cries of agony, Dr. Hill is down by the foot of my bed.
She places my feet in the stirrups, scoots in closer and looks up at me. “Okay, momma, on this next contraction, I want you to push with everything you have, every time. Dad and Grandma, can you two grab her legs and push them up to her chest when she’s ready?
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