by Aimee Laine
Tony put his hands on her arms in much the same way Cael ached to. “I told her you were having some memory problems but didn’t go into detail. She’s willing to do anything you ask … has been for us for the last two months.”
Tony took her chin in his palm and tilted her face up to his. “Let your Mom help. I know you’re seriously independent and don’t need her around all the time, but let her help so you …” He touched his forehead to hers. “… so you can get better.”
Lily closed her eyes.
His lips moved for hers. “Okay?”
Cael bit back the snarl. If he kisses her, I’m going to break something.
Tony’s hand slid to the nape of her neck.
Growls rumbled deep in Cael’s chest. Do not kiss her. Raging thoughts forced him to cringe.
Connected to her lips, Tony tilted.
She didn’t move.
He released and smiled. “I love you, Anj.”
“I know. I can tell, whether or not I remember everything.” She said it with such sincerity and sweetness that no one would have believed it otherwise.
Cael fisted his hands, ready to pummel an object at the first opportunity.
Tony disappeared into the house as Lily’s gaze met Cael’s. If she read the fury underneath his exterior, she didn’t show it, just ducked her head down and trudged inside.
8
Trembles wracked Lily’s limbs as she entered the kitchen. At the stainless steel sink, she dropped both hands to the counter and heaved air, forcing her stomach to settle. I’m not ready to see my mother. Not after so long. Not—no. She shook her head as bile rose in her throat. A deep yawn forced the acid back into her body.
The hand on her shoulder matched the weight of Cael’s.
“Lily.” The way he said her name made her want to curl up against him, to hide in the comfort of his arms.
“I can’t see her, Cael. I can’t. I only just learned what’s going on and yeah …” Her breath caught. “I wanted to know, but not—” She scooped water from the faucet with her hand, not bothering to grab a cup. “I can’t—I’m not ready for … her.”
“Mommy?” Max shuffled over with his Spiderman cake mold.
Lily couldn’t think with his cute face around all the time. She wiped at her eyes and turned to him, shaking off the water droplets from the back of her hand. “Hey, baby. Would you like to watch a movie?”
“Can I sit on your bed?” Bright eyes blinked back at her.
“Absolutely. Let me just—”
“I can do it!” He abandoned the tin and raced out of the kitchen. Thumps up the first stairs and across the second floor softened as he reached the third.
“He seems like a seriously smart kid,” Lily said.
“I’d agree.” Cael moved closer and tucked a strand behind her ear.
Lily stared up at his softening eyes. “How am I going to do this?” Back and forth, her mind betrayed what lay on her heart. “This woman? She sold me as a live test subject, Cael. She got paid for me.” Lily pressed a hand into her chest—a failing attempt to stem the ache. “She wanted so little to do with her own daughter that she sold her. To men, Cael. At thirteen. Why, huh? If she didn’t sell Angela, why did she ditch me?” Pain tore through Lily’s torso, radiating down her arms and into her fingertips.
“I don’t know.”
Air failed to escape or go in. “I can’t—” Tears broke the surface of Lily’s lids. “I just—” Numbness crept up her extremities.
Cael pulled her against his body.
Lily heaved sobs, the stresses reaching her breaking point. She hadn’t thought of her mother in years, had found a variety of ways to steer clear even of the memories.
“Lil?”
“Yeah?” She sniffed against him, a wet spot spreading on his shirt.
“I’ll do it.”
She hiccupped a sob. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll mimic you. I’ll be you so you don’t have to meet your mom yet. You can stay upstairs and listen if you want, and if you change your mind, we’ll change places.”
“I can’t be male, Cael.”
His chest rumbled with a small laugh. “Your body guard can disappear for a few hours, can’t he?”
“You’d do that for me?”
A slow breath escaped. “I’d do anything for you, Lily.”
“Thank you.” She nodded against him. “Yes. I need your help. I can’t do it myself.”
“Well, then … we need to change clothes and given how quickly Tony got outta here, we should probably get on that now.”
• • •
Cael followed Lily back through the house, pausing at the living room, where he took in the Angela of the portrait above the fireplace. So like Lily and yet so different. On the surface, with Lily’s most recent changes, they’d become indiscernible. Cael took in her cheek bones, the structure of her chin, angle of eyebrows and shape of her eyes.
They matched Lily right down to the cowlick on the left side of her forehead. That one Cael figured as a family trait since Lily never changed it unless she had to.
“Angela’s office?” Lily asked. “It’s just over the living room and has a bunch of pictures of her.” Lily marched up the steps.
Giggles and laughter broke from the third floor as Max reacted to whatever movie he’d chosen.
Cael paused at each photo of Angela on the walls, studying her posture and positioning, the real smiles and the clearly false ones for formal portraits.
In the office, he sifted through the frames on the shelf. Angela with a baby in her arms, showing the same dark circles Lily had when tired, and the tilt of her head when Tony drew near—the same non-verbals Lily made when she let Cael get close.
Cael had mimicked enough husbands of cheating wives, and a few cheating wives themselves, to know what came out faked. Politicians were the worst. Tony and Angela, though, loved each other.
Lily stood in front of the window again, the sunset highlighting her silhouette.
He traced his finger along the outline of her face. She closed her eyes and relaxed as he took in the detail he didn’t really need to capture by touch—just wanted to.
Cael’s hands ran over her shoulders, down the length of her arm, not to gauge her dimensions, but to be able to feel her. His own inner turmoil had ratcheted up a notch with the kiss Tony had given her.
I don’t want to lose you, Lily.
He said nothing but ran his finger along the length of each of hers, as he’d held them hundreds of times, taking in the softness of her skin.
She shivered.
His hands snaked into her hair, stretching it out to its full length, not to measure it, but to let the silky strands fall between his fingers.
He could have mimicked every inch of her body, from the flat of her stomach, to the curve of her hips, the strength in her calves and the purple-painted toenails, without having any of it before him.
To Cael, Lily represented every bit of the future of his life, and yet, he couldn’t take her. Wouldn’t make it permanent. Not just for himself.
Because someone else needs her more.
“You ready?” Lily opened her eyes, blinking the deep blues that prepared to take on their once-a-year, required lavender.
“I am. You’ll double check me?”
“Yeah.” Her eyes softened, the lines of stress disappearing as she smiled. “Shoot. I better get you some of her clothes and—”
Cael stopped her with a hand to her cheek. “Lily?”
She tilted her head, her irises deepening their color.
“I—it’s going to be okay.”
A true Lily smile bloomed with her signature twitch that took hold of the right side as it grew. “Thanks.” She moved past him and disappeared through the door, leaving Cael to create himself in her image.
• • •
Lily leaned against the wall in the hallway, trying to understand the look in Cael’s eyes. She’d read passion, desire, need, yet he�
�d done nothing to imply he craved more than the friendship they’d built so long ago. Once had been enough for him. Once had been enough for her. She’d gotten the best friend she could ever imagine, but yearned for more.
He cares. That’s all, Lily. He’s always cared about you.
Max’s giggles broke her inner war. Lily launched herself from the wall and traipsed upstairs to the third floor. Just as she expected, Max sat on her bed, his smile as bright and warm as any almost five year old with no cares in the world and a life with a mom who’d returned to it.
“Hey, big boy.”
“Hi, Mommy.” He pointed to the television. “Look!” Laughter bent him in two as he rolled on the bed.
Lily found the old Warner Brother’s cartoons with Wile E. Coyote and Bugs Bunny on the screen. She didn’t think Chase even knew about the classics. That Max did made her smile.
Any mom would be lucky to have you, Max. First things first. As much as the pull to make her Mimic form permanent plagued her, she knew she couldn’t take Angela’s place permanently until she learned the truth about her.
Lily moved to her dresser to search for suitable Angela clothes. Cael would be in mid-change if he hadn’t already finished. His ability extended far beyond what Lily could do in terms of speed. From male to female took immense energy that only a few could master. Not even Charley could shift into a male. Outside of Charley and Maggie, Lily knew no others with as much ability.
She rifled through the drawer. Undergarments, a T-shirt and pair of red sleep pants gave Lily what Cael would need. A small snort escaped at the thought of Cael faking her own breasts and other parts. This I gotta see. Her smile blossomed.
“Is Gramma here?” Max asked between bouts of laughter.
Lily faltered, holding on to the dresser to steady herself. “Not yet.” Wracking vibrations took hold of her limbs. At least you don’t have to meet her in person. Having Cael take her place let her push the worry to the side and calm her body.
“Can I wait on the porch?” Max asked.
“How about you just hang here. I need to talk to … Gramma first. But when I’m all done, I’ll come get you. Okay?” She scuffed the top of his head.
His response came with more giggles.
The kid is just too happy for his own good. His infectious nature took hold as Lily herself chuckled, watching Wile E. lose, yet again, to the Road Runner. “He’s never going to win.”
“Why not?” Max asked with complete sincerity, his eyes widening.
Lily sat on the edge of the bed. “Because the Road Runner is faster and smarter and always one step ahead. But the coyote there, he always tries, no matter what … he tries.”
“Leigh says once is enough.”
Do I contradict a tween big sister? “Sometimes, perseverance is more important than giving up.”
“What’s perservan—persevna—”
“Perseverance?”
He nodded with extra bobs of his head.
“Trying, trying and trying again.” Which is probably what your mommy has been doing for Leigh.
Without another word, Max went back to his cartoon, and Lily headed to the second floor. The ding of a bell had her rushing down the stairs to Angela’s office.
The sight of Cael as Angela stopped Lily at the door. “Wow.” She imagined if she’d been a cartoon herself she’d have been back-pedaling with whirlwind legs. “Is that what I look like?”
“What’d I miss?” Cael said in Lily-Angela’s voice.
She did a quick survey as she threw him, or her, clothes. “Nothing. I guess I’m just not used to looking at myself except in mirrors.”
Cael pulled off his shirt.
“My boobs are bigger than that.”
“Ha ha, Lil.” He snapped on the bra and threw the T-shirt over himself. His own pants still hung from his Lily-waist. “You wanna see what I concocted, or you want me to go answer the door?”
The bell chimed through the house again.
Max called out, “I’ll get it!” his feet pounding through the hall above.
Cael’s eyes—the blue of Lily’s—grew large, and he pointed to the door.
Understanding, Lily threw it shut.
Two moms would set the kid back a few dozen years after he aged.
On a sigh, Cael dropped his pants and slid into the clothes Lily provided. She made sure to look away. He might have been able to mimic a female—parts and all—but a deep down desire to see the real Cael, in Cael form, had hit her long before that moment.
“Okay. Give me the verdict?”
“Pull up your hair.” Lily fingered Cael’s tresses. She rummaged through the contents of the desk’s only drawer and withdrew a rubber band. “This will make you look more comfortable.”
“Gramma!” Max’s voice rang through from downstairs.
Less loud, whispered conversations ensued as Lily put the final touches on Cael, including a kiss to his, or her, cheek in thanks.
He gave her a nod. “One last question.”
“Yeah?” She walked to the door and held it.
“What’s your mom’s name?”
Lily’s fingers curled against her palms. “Lucinda. Everyone called her Lucy. Though the last time I saw her, I was thirteen. Who knows if she goes by that name now. She could have found a new one to start her life over.”
Creases marred Cael’s otherwise perfect Angela forehead.
“What?” Lily asked.
“Nothing, yet. I’ll be back in a little while.” Cael ambled into the hallway, and Lily closed the door, locking it behind him.
Returning to the desk, she sat in the chair. A laptop waited on the slick surface. Lily didn’t remember it being there before.
Tony must have conjured this from somewhere.
A press of the release catch and the machine came to life—sticky note stuck inside.
“Anj—I held it waiting for your return from Romania. Didn’t look inside.—T.” A heart accompanied the signed ‘T’.
“What were you hiding that even your own husband would say he didn’t look?”
• • •
Cael matched Lily’s gait with his shorter legs and smaller stature. Having shrunk by nine inches and lost over a hundred pounds would have made for a nice diet, if he’d been human.
One step after another, taking the time to adjust as he landed on the first floor, he’d hit his stride—or rather, Lily’s—or Angela’s.
“Mommy!” Max raced from an older woman to Angela. “Gramma’s here!”
It always astounded Cael that kids could stay so worked up over the smallest excitement.
“She brought cupcakes. Can I have one? Can I? Please? Can I?”
“I believe it’s ‘may I’, right, Max?” The woman, Lucinda based on Lily’s memory, but Evelyn from the information Cael had found, stood in a bright blue running suit and a baseball cap of the same color with a red-sable ponytail strung through the back. Her bright, green eyes complemented the shade of her hair in a way that made Cael think she’d picked them both for just that purpose.
Asking outright would look plain stupid. Cael chose to name her Levelyn, in his mind, to lighten his mood.
Max hung his head. “May I have a cupcake?”
“I believe—” He mimicked the cadence of the woman’s speech but mixed it with Lily’s in the hope it would sound more authentic—more Angela-like. “—we need to eat some dinner first.” He shot a glance at the clock. Seven had come on fast with Tony’s departure.
“Can I make my famous Mac and Cheese?” the woman asked, her eyes glistening with a need Cael couldn’t read.
“Would you, Mom?” Cael asked. “I just don’t think I …”
The woman came to Cael, her track suit swishing. “Oh, honey. I’ve missed you so much.” She wrapped her arms around him as the tears started and wracking sobs bumped her shoulders against his. “I’m so sorry about Leigh, honey. So sorry. It so reminiscent—” Her sobs grew, cutting off whatever she’d planned t
o say.
Cael kept up the pats on the back. He added a slight rub every once in a while.
“I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, and I wouldn’t make this harder on you than it already is.” She provided the same soothing massage to Cael’s back. “But it’s so damn unfair. A year of help, you find the most expensive doctor in Europe, and you end up on the east coast and then the west coast without your daughter.” She continued to cry against him.
Cael stayed mute, listening for any key words or phrases he could latch on to.
“It’s a damn shame is what it is. All that time and no resolution, and now I can’t even be here to tell you and Leigh that it doesn’t matter if she’s anemic and has alopecia. It’s just not a problem in this family. My girls don’t need to worry if they look gorgeous or just plain natural.” After a few chuckles, she pulled back.
Confusion reigned in Cael’s mind. Why is she laughing?
“I must look a mess.” She waved in front of her own face. “Right after I tell you it doesn’t matter what you look like, I probably look like a bowled over can of SpaghettiO’s. I’m just so glad to see you, honey. You’re home, and you’re okay—well—” The woman withdrew a kerchief from her bag and wiped at her nose. “Tony told me about the …” She circled her finger around Cael’s head. “We’ll find Leigh. I can feel it in my bones.”
Cael nodded. “Yeah. I hope—”
“Now, we’ll have none of that. I’m not letting you go down the path I went down. I haven’t gotten through seventy years without hope or with it alone. It’s about conviction. You have to have conviction.”
“Um … yeah, I know.” Though he imagined the real Angela might have had conviction, her heart would have lurched at the thought of not finding her daughter—if she were even missing.
“Oh!” She rummaged in her bag again, removed her wallet and laid it on the table. “On that note, I brought the name of that psychologist you had Leigh seeing. Dr. Brooks. Maybe he can help you with the …” She circled around her head again.
Cael took the card. “Thanks. I’ll—”
“Oh, I know, honey.”
Max yanked on Levelyn’s shirt. “I hungry, Grammy.”