Heart of Glass

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  My throat tightened with emotion as I remembered my mom’s excitement and the sound of her tearful laugh when I’d called her. She’d wanted to know everything all at once, and her questions had been so rapid that I hadn’t had a chance to answer all of them. Knowing that a little piece of Henry was still out there in the world had been a small comfort once we’d moved past the circumstances of her existence. However, not knowing if his child was happy and safe had been like a dark cloud of worry hanging over all of us. It was a huge relief to know that not only was she okay, but that her mom was someone my parents had known. The fact that Morgan had been with our family for just a short while, and over a decade ago, didn’t dim that relief.

  I’d hoped that Morgan would be a good mom. I’d prayed for it, actually, and I wasn’t a man who prayed very often. But what I’d seen while I was sitting in her little house was way better than what I’d been willing to accept. She was great.

  I knew a lot of mothers. I’d spent my life around all different types: the bad ones, the good ones, the distracted ones, and every kind along the spectrum. I knew how to spot the bad apples. She wasn’t one. If anything, she reminded me of my cousin Kate in the way she parented, and that was a huge compliment.

  I dropped down onto the edge of my bed with a sigh.

  I’d ignored it for as long as I could, but now that I was alone I let myself think of how gorgeous Morgan was. I’d been so concerned with watching how she treated Etta that I’d been surprised by the punch of attraction that had hit me out of nowhere. Damn, Morgan was fine. She didn’t seem to realize it, either. I mean, she moved like a woman who knew she had it going on, but she didn’t capitalize on what she had with skimpy clothes or makeup. It seemed like she just took her good looks for granted, which was even more appealing. Too bad she was completely off-limits.

  I needed to stay focused on what was important—Henrietta. If I’d thought that I could meet my niece once and then head back home, I’d been kidding myself. I hadn’t had nearly enough time with her. Honestly, I wasn’t sure any amount of time would feel like enough.

  God, she was really something. She’d been pretty quiet, maybe a little shy, but she hadn’t seemed to care very much that I was there. She’d just taken it in stride, neither disinterested nor interested in me, just sort of accepting that I was going to hang with them for a while.

  Two-year-olds were hard to read—catch them at a bad time and they seemed like complete lunatics or catch them at a good time and they seemed like angels. Right after nap time seemed to be the sweet spot for Etta, because she’d definitely fit into the angel category. She’d seemed confident in her surroundings. She was also easily riled, which was probably a trait she’d gotten from Morgan. Henry had been totally mellow from the moment he’d come to live with us, even though that was pretty uncommon for a toddler who’d had to switch homes over and over during his short life.

  Henrietta. I shook my head in disbelief. Morgan had actually named her baby girl after Henry, the man who had deserted them. Even though I couldn’t understand it, I still loved that she’d done that. My mom was going to love it, too. She felt really strongly about names and the meaning behind them, probably because her kids already had them by the time they came to her. I asked her once why she hadn’t changed Hen’s name when he was little. She could have chosen anything she wanted, and he wouldn’t have known the difference. Mom had just shook her head and smiled. She’d said that she didn’t want to change our histories, and our names were a part of that.

  Goddammit, I was angry with my brother. Even knowing how selfish Henry could be, more interested in showing off and charming people than in making real connections, I still couldn’t believe what he’d done. I didn’t understand how he could’ve left that sweet baby without a backward glance. Early on, after I’d read everything the military was willing to send me about the training accident where he’d died and had gone through all of Hen’s paperwork, I’d been so angry that it had scared me. I wasn’t that man. I didn’t rage. But knowing what I knew, and understanding just how selfish my baby brother had been? I’d felt myself turning into someone I didn’t recognize. After a particularly toxic conversation with Ani that left her in tears, I’d realized that I needed to lock it down, so I did. I pushed back all of that anger and rage until I could barely see it past the grief. Unfortunately, now, after I’d seen his child, I could feel that anger bubbling to the surface again.

  Taking a deep breath, I squeezed my hands around a soft hotel pillow until the joints in my fingers ached. Closing my eyes, I pictured Etta’s face until the anger disappeared like smoke from a cigarette. Lingering, but invisible.

  My phone rang as I slipped off my flip-flops and lay down on the bed.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Well?” my cousin Kate asked, her voice high and excited. “How did it go?”

  “At least say hello, Kate,” Ani mumbled, surprising me.

  “Did you guys seriously just group-call me?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Well, yeah,” Kate replied. “We wanted to know what happened. Two birds with one stone, dude.”

  “It was her idea,” Ani clarified. “I just went along with this middle-school three-way call.”

  “Wah, wah. You didn’t exactly argue,” Kate snapped back. Then her tone changed. “How did it go, Trev?”

  I took a deep breath and smiled. “Best possible scenario,” I replied.

  “Yes!” Kate practically yelled.

  “Oh, thank Christ,” Ani said.

  “Morgan’s cool. Seems to have her shit together and from what I could see in the hour I was there, she’s a good mom,” I told them, relief making my voice light. “Plus, she’s totally open to letting everyone meet Etta.”

  “Etta’s the baby’s name?” Ani asked as I heard Kate sniffle.

  “Yeah, Henrietta.”

  “No fucking way,” Ani muttered in happy disbelief.

  “Yep.”

  “That’s so cool,” Kate said, her voice wobbly.

  “It was a trip,” I said, trying to find the right words to explain the experience I’d just had. “She was super cool about everything, invited me to have lunch with them, talked about Hen like she had no hard feelings whatsoever, said she’d be open to Etta knowing this side of the family.”

  “Sounds fishy,” Ani said.

  “What’s she look like?” Kate asked at the same time.

  I frowned a little in confusion at her question, but answered anyway. “Blond. Brown eyes. She’s taller than Ani, but probably shorter than you—”

  I stopped my description as Ani started to guffaw.

  “Not the mom,” she chuckled. “She was asking about the baby.”

  “Oh.”

  “I’m guessing the mom is pretty,” Kate joked. She was laughing, too.

  “You’re both assholes,” I muttered. “Etta looks like Henry. Pull out one of Mom’s old photo albums from when Henry first moved in with us, and that’s almost exactly what Etta looks like.”

  “Awesome,” Kate said happily.

  Ani was still chuckling. “Hopefully without the mullet,” she mused.

  “Nah, her hair is still pretty thin, but it’s not a mullet. She brushes it out of her face constantly, though,” I said, smiling. “Like she’s totally irritated with the whole mess.”

  “What’s she like?” Kate asked. “Was she shy, or did she like you right away?”

  “Not shy,” I said, picturing Etta as she said hi to me. “But she wasn’t super impressed with me.” I laughed.

  “That’s okay, we aren’t either,” Ani quipped.

  “Is she talking a lot?” Kate asked, not through with her questioning.

  “Not a lot,” I replied. “But some. She isn’t talking in full sentences the way Sage was at that age, but she makes her wishes known. Mostly a lot of gibberish with some recognizable words thrown in.”

  “That’s normal,” Kate assured me. “Sage was an anomaly. That one’s a total bra
iniac.”

  “She seemed good. Healthy and happy.”

  “God, that’s such a relief,” Ani said. “I’ve been having fucking nightmares about all the potential horrors she could be living with since we found out about her.”

  “Tell me about it,” I replied in commiseration.

  “Did she say when we could meet Etta?” Kate asked. “We’re not busy this week. I mean, Shane has to work, but beyond that, we’re free.”

  “Slow down, turbo,” I replied. “We didn’t make any plans or anything like that.”

  “You didn’t?” Ani asked.

  “I didn’t want to overwhelm her,” I replied defensively. “I was just glad she was okay with making contact.”

  “That’s fair,” Kate chimed in quickly.

  “You want to know the weirdest thing I found out today?” I paused for effect. “Morgan was actually one of our foster kids back in the day.”

  “No shit?” Ani said in surprise.

  “Yeah, about ten years ago, just for a couple months during the summer.”

  “I don’t remember any Morgan Riley,” Kate said dubiously.

  “She’s a year younger than Henry, I think,” I replied. “Blond hair? She only stayed for about two months, and her last name was Harlan.”

  “Huh,” Kate said. “I think I remember her, but I had a summer job by then so I wasn’t around much. Do you know anything else?”

  “Not really,” I said, trying to think of anything descriptive I could use to jog Kate’s memory without pointing out how gorgeous Morgan was. I didn’t need to flame that fire after the ribbing I’d already gotten. “Hen had a huge crush on her, though. I remember that much. He followed her around like a puppy.”

  “Wait,” Kate said, drawing the word out. “Didn’t she have a really bad haircut?”

  “How the fuck should I know?” I asked in bewilderment.

  “You’re such a guy,” she snickered. “I think I do remember her! She was nice. Kind of quiet, but she got along with everyone.”

  “I’m just pissed that Hen was so fickle,” Ani joked. “I thought he saved his unrequited love for yours truly.”

  “Don’t worry, sis, he loved you best,” Kate said soothingly, her voice choked with laughter.

  I fucking loved that we could finally joke about him again without feeling the need to clarify or hide our amusement. There had been a time, right after Hen died, when we’d all felt a little uncomfortable making jokes. It had seemed weird for a while, laughing when our hearts felt like they’d been torn out. Slowly, my family was healing. Thank God.

  My phone started to beep, so I pulled it away from my ear to check the call-waiting.

  “Shit.” I fumbled, trying to put it back against my ear. “I gotta go.”

  “What? Why?” Kate asked in confusion

  “She’s calling me.”

  “Morgan’s calling you?” Ani asked.

  “That’s what I said,” I replied. “Gotta go.”

  Then I hung up on them without a second thought. I’d call them both back later, preferably separately so I didn’t have to hear them talking over each other again.

  “Hello?” I said, crossing my fingers that Morgan hadn’t hung up yet.

  “Hey,” she said, sounding a little nervous. “So, I have to work for the next few days.”

  “Oh, uh, okay,” I replied dumbly.

  “I was thinking if you were serious about the swimming, we could do that today? Or not. Whatever. We just won’t have time tomorrow. It’s really no problem if you’re busy—”

  “Morgan,” I said, cutting off her chattering. “I’m not busy. I came down here to see Etta.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  “So, yeah. Come whenever you want. I’ll be here all day.”

  “Cool,” she said, her voice calmer now. “Then I’ll just pack her up and we can head that way. Where are you staying?”

  * * *

  I’m not going to lie, I started to get nervous the second I hung up the phone. It was embarrassing, even if no one was there to see it. My palms were kind of clammy and I stood in the middle of the room, looking around like a lunatic. I didn’t even know what I was looking for.

  I’d been less nervous when I’d knocked on their door earlier. At least then I’d felt like I had a purpose. I was there for a specific reason, and I’d gone into the situation with a plan.

  I didn’t have a plan now.

  No, now I was just going to spend time with a niece I’d just met and a woman I didn’t know. Normally I was cool around people I’d just met, but this situation was out of my comfort zone. I was seriously attracted to this woman, and it made me feel all sorts of guilty and freaked out, and that wasn’t even the worst part. It was really important for Morgan to like me and trust me. I had to make sure she did. The stakes were so fucking high.

  Striding to my bag, I tried to remember if I’d packed a pair of swim trunks. I hadn’t exactly planned on acting like I was on vacation while I was in California. I pulled everything out of my duffel and swore as I searched. I hadn’t brought any. Why had I invited them to go fucking swimming of all things? We were in Anaheim, for Christ’s sake. I could have taken them to Disneyland fully dressed.

  The only pair of shorts I had that even resembled something I’d wear swimming were some black board shorts. They’d have to do. I didn’t have time to go shopping for something better, and the hotel’s amenities didn’t include more than snack food.

  I looked down at myself after I’d changed into the shorts and swore again. “Fuck!” I’d slid them on bare-assed, and they were practically indecent. There was no way I would be climbing into a body of water in those things the way they were unless I wanted everyone in the pool to know that I was circumcised. Grimacing, I took them back off and pulled on a pair of boxer briefs to wear underneath.

  I wondered what Henry would say if he could see me stressing about my meet-up with what should have been his family. Would he have been pissed at how attracted I was to Morgan? Proud of Etta? Jealous that I was getting to spend time with them? Regretful? Would he have even cared at all?

  Twenty minutes later as I was pacing in front of the hotel like an idiot, I saw Morgan walking toward me, wrestling with a huge bag as she tried to lead Etta across the parking lot. The baby was interested in everything, and I couldn’t help but laugh as they made it to a little landscaped area and she tried to sit down so she could look at some rocks.

  “You could help, ya know,” Morgan called, laughing as she tried to shoo Etta along. She said something I couldn’t hear, and then they were moving again.

  Chastised, I met them halfway and took the heavy bag off of Morgan’s shoulder. “Good Lord, woman,” I mumbled, pretending to stumble. “What’s in this thing?”

  “Clothes,” she said, lifting Etta into her arms. “Snacks, diapers, wipes, blankie, a stuffed animal, towels, some arm-floaty things, and some bricks.”

  Her face didn’t change expression, making me snicker.

  “Not sure if the arm-floaties are going to work if you’re planning on adding the bricks.”

  “The bricks are for me,” she deadpanned as I held the lobby door open for them. “I need the cardio.”

  “No you don’t,” I said without thinking as she passed me. Jesus, what was wrong with me?

  The back of my neck heated as she snorted in response.

  “Pool’s this way.” I pointed and tried to pretend that I hadn’t just low-key hit on her without conscious thought. Thankfully, Morgan was the type to let things go and followed me with nothing but a nod.

  “You want to go swimming?” she asked Etta as we walked inside the humid pool room. The place was pretty deserted since it was the middle of the day midweek. I’d seen families leaving on the shuttle that stopped in front of the hotel that morning, and I guessed most of them were probably out at the theme parks around the city doing their thing.

  I stripped off my shirt and stepped out of my sandals as Morgan got Etta
ready to swim. Both of them were wearing one-piece suits, but that was pretty much the only resemblance between the two pieces of clothing. Morgan’s suit had cutouts in very strategic places and I had to clench my jaw to keep it from dropping. The woman had some gorgeous tattoos, or maybe it was just one tattoo but it was huge. It spread from the top of her thigh, up her side, and ended on her shoulder, leaving her arm bare. I could see only parts of it, but it looked like bright, vibrant flowers connected by tangled vines. I would have given up a year of my life to see the parts hidden by her suit.

  Etta’s skin was the opposite—so flawless and pale that I was thankful for the indoor pool. I wasn’t sure how even sunblock could keep that delicate skin from burning. Her little suit was black with tiny red flowers and looked like a replica of a 1940s pinup’s swimsuit. It was freaking adorable, and it reminded me of something Ani would put on my niece Arielle.

  “Me swimmin’,” Etta told me, toddling over to where I was standing. “Me swimmin’ suit.” She pointed to her chest. “Me swimmin’ pannies.” She pointed to her hip.

  “Don’t be telling people about your swimming panties,” Morgan scolded jokingly, laughing as she swooped down and lifted Etta into the air.

  “Memaids,” Etta informed me with a nod, pointing to her hip again.

  Morgan met my gaze and rolled her eyes, laughing. “Mermaids,” she clarified. “We’re still working on acceptable conversation topics.”

  “Mine are just boring black swimming panties,” I told Etta, grimacing as I realized how creepy the word sounded coming out of my mouth. I quickly pointed to the waistband of my boxers that were peeking out the top of my shorts in an effort to move the conversation along. “Boooring.”

  “Bowing,” Etta said, pursing her lips in commiseration.

  Morgan laughed as she carried Etta to the steps of the pool and set her down so they could walk into it together.

  “Crap,” she mumbled. “Hold on, babycakes. I forgot your floaties.”

  “I can grab them,” I assured her, holding my hand up as Etta started to fuss about getting pulled back out of the pool.