by J. P. Oliver
The stranger paused, seeming to consider something, and then spoke up again. “Actually,” he started, and then stopped for a second. “Do you know where I could get a white lamb or goat?”
The request was only a little surprising. This was a rural town, and people were always looking for new acquisitions to add to their farms. The specification was a little strange, though. There weren’t many sheep or goats in the area, for one, and wanting a specific coat color was unusual.
Before I could ask, he seemed to sense my unspoken questions and continued. “There’s a holiday coming up that my family celebrates, and I wanted to make it a good one for my siblings. It’s traditional to have a white goat or lamb for the meal, so…” He trailed off, looking a bit discomfited.
“Well,” I started, and briefly glanced up at the sky in thought. “You might have a hard time finding lambs around here. We’ve got tons of pigs and cows, but not many lambs…”
But as I thought about it, I recalled something. We didn’t have any lambs back on the farm either. Goats, on the other hand?
Well, my old man had had a fondness for them. There was a whole little group that moseyed around pretty freely on our land. If I was remembering correctly, one of them was white — a nice, pearly coat.
I grinned at the stranger. “If you’re looking for a white goat, though, I think I know just the thing for you.”
4
Tarek
Luck wasn’t always a friend of mine. My attention was scattered from the beginning of the day to the end. I bounced between texts to check on Neri and Rajal, orders from busy business folk who wanted their daily brew, and a million reminders going off on my phone for schoolwork.
By the time I got to the feed store, I was about ready to call it quits for the day. Getting food for the chickens was enough for me, but I decided to push my luck just a little further.
Fortunately, luck seemed to be looking out for me today. “If you’re looking for a white goat, though, I think I know just the thing for you,” the man said. The tag on his shirt told me his name was Jeffrey.
I forced myself to take my mind off him and focused on the goat instead. “You do?”
“Sure do,” he replied, and gave me an unfairly charming smile. “We’ve got a goat back home with that kind of coat. You can come take a look, if you want.”
My heart lifted, and for more reasons than just the goat itself. I had to tamp down on the strange excitement I felt and try to play it cool. “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, that would be the biggest help.”
The relief in my voice wasn’t faked at all. He seemed to notice that and nodded. “Give me a second, then. I gotta close the shop down, and then we can head out.”
He turned to head back to the store, but paused after a few steps and turned back around. “What’s your name, by the way?”
“Oh. It’s Tarek … Tarek Maliq.”
“Mine’s Jeffrey Kent,” he responded, nodding his head in a friendly gesture. “Nice to meet you, Tarek.” And with that he was gone, having swept back into the store.
I waited outside by my car and crossed my arms over my chest to fend off the incoming chill of night. I could see his figure through the window as he bustled here and there, pausing to talk to the person I assumed was his manager. He picked up the mop and brought a few things behind the counter, then vanished into the back room for a few minutes.
When he reemerged, he had taken his apron off. It gave me an even better view of the muscles hiding beneath his shirt, and I could feel myself flush. To clear the image from my mind’s eye, I thought instead of my family.
What would Neri say if she found out? Or Rajal? Neri hadn’t really been old enough to understand the teachings of our parents at the time, but Rajal and I had grown up in the same household, with the same beliefs and the same experiences.
I could feel already that he wouldn’t approve of having a gay brother, any more than my parents would have approved of having a gay son. No matter how much I wanted to think about Jeffrey’s smile, or how nice his arms looked in that shirt, I couldn’t risk bringing dishonor to any of them.
Before I knew it, Jeffrey was coming back out of the shop, which at least helped to pull me out of my thought spiral. I always felt despondent after considering how my siblings might react to my secret, even though I’d wondered less frequently over time. I didn’t really have room for romance when I was scrambling just to make ends meet.
“Sorry about the wait,” he said, apology in his tone, his brow furrowed gently. “You ready to go?”
I nodded and reached over to pop my car door open. “Ready. Lead the way,” I said.
I was glad that this town was so small and quiet, really. That was one of the reasons we’d moved here from the big city. In a place like that, there was no way you could take an offer like this at face value without being at least a little wary.
Here, though, people would do these things without a second thought, and it would never be questioned. It was a comforting town in that way, and almost made up for the fact that it seemed a little close-minded, too.
Oh, well. At least I was used to dealing with close-minded people.
Jeffrey moved to his own car after I gave the okay. I got into mine too, and briefly checked to make sure that the trunk was really shut, and that no emergency text messages had come in while I was gone. Once all of that was set, I started my car and followed his from the parking lot.
Small farming towns, as it turned out, had a lot of winding back roads. Since I lived close to the center of town, I had never come this far out before. Endless swaths of farmland stretched out before us, each patch full of rolling empty hills.
I imagined that during the day, they were dotted with grazing cows or roaming chickens and pigs. It made our little plot of land look almost paltry by comparison, but I knew there was a reason we’d gotten it for such a bargain price. Looking at how much land was out here, it was easy to see why.
The road we were on split off into three smaller branches at one point, and he took the one on the left. A single, one-story farmhouse with a big red barn to the side was immediately visible. It was like something out of a cartoon about the countryside. And it seemed like that was where Jeffrey lived, since he drove right to it.
I parked in an empty dirt patch near him and popped my door open to take a look around. A few chickens lazily grazed around the front of the house, fat and well cared for. The front porch was a little dusty, presumably from a day’s worth of dirt being whipped onto it from the fields by the wind, but it had a rustic and charming feel nonetheless.
Lamps on either side of the door were already on, and the screen itself seemed a little worn from use, along with the welcome mat set out before it. In the distance, I could see the silhouette of a silo and some other buildings where livestock were probably resting for the evening.
“Nice place,” I said, light and joking.
“Thanks,“ he laughed. “Wish I could say I made it myself, but I just inherited it.”
It was a light and lovely laugh. Once again, I tried — and mostly failed — to keep the flutter out of my chest, thinking about the disappointment that might be on my sibling’s faces if they only knew.
5
Jeffrey
Tarek seemed impressed by our farmhouse, which sent a surge of pride swelling through me, try as I might to play it off. He didn’t even seem perturbed by the fact that I had just inherited the place. Admitting as much was half a joke, half a small jab at my own lack of ability to actually do handyman work. Though my laugh was a little self-deprecating, he mainly seemed surprised, and looked away with a mild blush, which was probably just a trick of the dim light.
I gestured for him to follow and headed down the dirt path that led to our barns. “We keep the goats over here,” I explained, pointing at one smaller building that had several lights out front. Unlike cows or pigs, goats were surprisingly sensitive to being left in the dark. Or maybe that just applied to our
goats, who were always a little off.
“Oh,” he replied from behind. A few seconds later, I heard the scuff of his shoe catching on the edge of a rock. I was so used to the ledge there that I had completely forgotten about it. He bumped into my back, but quickly peeled away with a muttered apology. I held up a hand to steady him but he had already stepped back, having regained his balance.
“Er, sorry about that,” I said, sheepish and apologetic. “This path can get pretty jagged. I think that’s the only rock you gotta watch out for, but there are a few spots with some dents that might catch your shoe closer to the barn.”
“Thanks for the heads up,” he replied, though I could tell from the lightness of his tone that he was joking. I laughed a little myself, and led the rest of the way without incident.
I flipped the light switch on the inside of the barn, illuminating pens where goats were mostly sleeping. A few were still milling around, including the white one that I had been thinking of earlier.
“Welp, here we are,” I said, gesturing for Tarek to follow. He ducked down and dipped in after me, careful not to bump anything or trip on the uneven ground this time. As I looked back, I could see his eyes light up when he spotted the goat.
“That’s … perfect!” he exclaimed, moving closer to the pen.
I had a feeling this guy was relatively new to dealing with livestock, and goats were the kind of animals that seemed capable of sensing that. Fortunately, this wasn’t one of our more cantankerous goats, so I wasn’t too concerned. This goat was always a bit fat, and very lazy.
He strolled leisurely from one side of the pen over to the other, not seeming to care that it had become a spectacle for the evening and that it might become someone’s holiday meal in short order. “You wanna give him a closer look?” I asked, reaching to rest my hand on the pen door. “I can take him out for you, so you can make sure he’s what you need.”
Tarek nodded, stepping to the side as I swung the door open. The goat still didn’t seem to mind much, though Tarek kept a bit of distance.
The inspection didn’t last long. I was so used to our livestock being tagged and tallied and scrutinized to hell and back every time we sold to anyone else that this was quite refreshing.
“It really is perfect,” he repeated, beaming brightly. I could feel that same little flutter in my stomach again, but quickly pushed it aside to smile back instead.
“Yeah? Good, good. Why don’t we head on in and we can talk prices, then?”
It was then that Tarek’s expression seemed to shift a little, becoming less immediately joyous and more concerned. We all knew farm animals weren’t cheap, after all. I could broker him a better deal than most places that were out to make money, but it wasn’t like I could go around giving away our livestock for free. Especially not to a veritable stranger, even if he was cute.
“Right … about that. How much do you think the ballpark estimate is?” he asked.
I glanced at the goat. He really was a good one — he could fetch a pretty price on any proper market. With that coat, and the meat-to-fat ratio, I could ask for a hefty amount and it wouldn’t be unreasonable.
But I could tell from the reluctance in his tone that there was no way this guy would be able to pay full price. In fact, I wasn’t even sure he could pay half price. He probably wouldn’t have accepted the offer of a stranger’s goat in the first place if he could.
So I mulled the thought over. A ballpark estimate, huh … soon, another idea came to mind. “Listen,” I said, reaching out to pat the goat on its back. “I’ll give you this guy free of charge.”
I could see his expression immediately light up with joy, but also disbelief and confusion. I couldn’t blame him. Immediately after, I held up a hand.
“One condition, though.” I paused to let the words sink in, giving him a serious look … for all of one second, before breaking out into a grin. “You give us a hand around here. Farm work is pretty tiring, you know? And it’s just me dealing with all this land by myself.”
The disbelief and confusion had already given way to a vague sort of suspicion, but I could see the relief come just as easily. This guy really seemed to wear his feelings on his sleeve … or his face, rather.
“Seriously? Is that really okay?”
“Yep,” I said, nodding without pause. “It’s really okay.”
We weren’t hurting so badly that taking labor in exchange for a goat would be too much for us to handle, after all. Besides, I really did find myself needing an extra set of hands more times during the day than I would normally admit to. And — though it was naturally further down on my priority list — it would be nice to be able to see him outside of work.
“How does two days a week sound, a few hours each? You can help out for … hm, about a month. Fair?”
Tarek seemed to be doing some mental calculations, but nodded soon after. “Yeah, that should be just fine,” he replied, and nodded once more as if to confirm it to himself. “But I have shifts most days. They’re always in the morning or during the afternoon, though, so…”
“That’s fine,” I cut in, gesturing over my shoulder toward the path we had walked down. “You can just head over after your shifts. That space will always be open, so just park your car there. I don’t usually get home until late either, but I can leave you a to-do list on the table by the door, if you ever show up when I’ve got a shift myself.”
I would personally make sure that the overlap wasn’t too bad, though. Ma probably wouldn’t be too keen on someone I’d met just the other day showing up to work our property on his own, and — low priority, of course — I did want to spend a little more time with him. It was like a little bonus for myself, that was all.
Tarek’s face distracted me from my thoughts quickly in any case, since he was beaming even more brightly than before. “Thank you,” he said, voice bearing obvious gratitude. “You don’t know how much this means to me. I was worried I would have to really stretch us thin to celebrate this year.”
I nodded a little, feeling almost immediate sympathy. If anyone knew about dealing with life on a tight budget, it was me. But he looked a little sheepish after that and stepped away from the goat.
“Sorry, I know you’re not here to listen to my life story or anything,” he half-mumbled.
I laughed and waved my hand in a friendly gesture meant to dismiss his concerns. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve all gotta deal with stuff like that sometimes, right?”
And really, that was where I was going to leave it, but … well. If I wasn’t mistaken, we had some pretty good vibes going on between the two of us. Maybe the blush earlier had been a trick of the light, but the sparks and thin threads of tension couldn’t have just been in my head.
I decided to take a gamble. You never moved forward if you didn’t take that first step, right? So I mustered up a smile that I hoped conveyed the exact sentiment I wanted to get across, and dipped my head toward him flirtatiously. “Besides, I wouldn’t mind listening to a cute guy like you talk for a little longer, anyway.”
That was definitely a blush. I watched the surprise pass over his face, and then something akin to embarrassment. It was an amusing parade of emotion, and nothing within it suggested that he was actually made uncomfortable by my move.
“Oh, uh … thanks,” he stammered, and then laughed. He folded his hands together briefly, like he wasn’t sure what to do with them. The entire scene was so endearing that it took everything in me not to burst into laughter on the spot.
It seemed that was probably a little too much for him to deal with, though, since he immediately turned and headed toward the gate. “I should probably get back. My brother and sister are waiting for me,” he said, more of a ramble than anything. “I’ll come back tomorrow and get the goat, okay?”
“All right,” I replied back, a twinkle of amusement still in my voice. “Here, let me get you my number.”
Grateful to have so many supplies on hand thanks to having just go
tten off of work, I quickly scribbled it down and handed it over.
“See you tomorrow, then,” I said.
“Cool. Okay, cool.”
His blush darkened; he seemed embarrassed by tripping over his own words. I kept my laugh in check, but was surely grinning like a Cheshire cat. He glanced back toward me, then hurried away toward his car.
As he backed up, he looked through the windshield one last time and gave a hesitant wave before driving off.
6
Tarek
As I pulled back from the driveway and started to head out onto the dark and empty road again, I quietly cursed myself.
“What the hell was that, Tarek!? Seriously?” I muttered into the silent air of my car. My face still felt hot, and I knew that I blushed easily, so I was sure that he had seen it.
So much for making a suave first impression. I sensed amusement practically rolling off of him. He was way smoother about this than I was, and now I just looked like a fool who hadn’t ever flirted with anyone in my life.
Which, if I were honest, would have been a true assumption to make, but that was beside the point.
I couldn’t believe I had left so quickly, either. It was like panic had seized me, driving my feet to pilot me away from the scene of my own embarrassment. But looking back on it, that only embarrassed me more. I was sure Jeffery thought I was a total weirdo now.
I spent a vast majority of the drive home groaning and complaining to myself. For the most part, it was the embarrassment. A few times, it was because I hadn’t actually been paying much attention to the road on the way to Jeffery’s house, and only realized that once I had to try traversing it backwards by myself, with hardly a street light to guide the way.
But I eventually made it back home. The house was still and quiet, but the porch light was on. Rajal had probably done that, knowing that I would be late. He was a really thoughtful kid.