by J. P. Oliver
He went quiet after that, though, and we worked in silence for a minute or two. Every now and then I glanced up to check on him. He seemed to be deep in thought. Eventually, he spoke.
“Well … my parents both died when we were young. Me and my brother and sister, I mean. My brother’s seventeen, but Neri’s just eleven. The place we were at didn’t really have the kind of stuff they needed, you know?”
I had a feeling it was more complicated than that, but I wasn’t going to pry. After all, I understood this kind of thing deeply. “I’m sorry, man,” I said.
He shook his head a little and offered a small smile. “It’s fine; it happened a long time ago.”
“Still … does that kind of thing ever really get easier?” I asked. “I mean, not to pry or anything. I just … I lost my old man six years ago, too. But it still feels like … you know? Like things just aren’t the same, or that they won’t be the same.”
It wasn’t something that I ever talked about out loud. Not to my own ma, whom I didn’t want to burden, or anyone else. But for some reason, I felt like I could say something to Tarek. Maybe because it was clear that he knew exactly what I was talking about.
I didn’t even need to ask to know that, but I could feel understanding seep through the air between us anyway.
“Yeah,” he eventually said. He paused and pulled his hands away from the milk pail to rest on his knees. “Yeah, it really lingers for a while. I mean, you kind of get used to it because you have to, right? Because life goes on, even after things like that. But it’s always going to be at least a little hard, I think.”
I had set my hands down too, and stared an intense and thoughtful hole into the ground under the poor cow. It wasn’t exactly a comforting thing to hear, but it wasn’t something that was unexpected. Who can get over the death of their own parents easily?
“I guess I expected that,” I eventually said, heaving out a little sigh. My lips curved up a little into a smile, though it was somewhat melancholic. I always felt a little bit sad every time I talked about my dad, even if I wasn’t talking about sad things.
The next time I looked over at Tarek, he was looking back at me with an expression surprisingly hard to read for someone who usually displayed his emotions so visually. He seemed to consider something for a second, but then stood, picking up his pail in one hand.
He extended the other one out toward me.
I smiled, picked up my pail, and took his hand. I didn’t let go even after I was back on my feet, and he didn’t seem to mind it. Even now, with the air of solemnity hanging over both of us, it was undeniable to me that I felt the same spark that I had felt the very first time we met. I didn’t think twice to consider if it was the same for him, when the answer seemed obvious.
“You’re doing pretty good out here if it’s just you and your mom,” he said after a pause.
I ended up smiling despite myself, thinking of the dusty porch in the morning, and how much everyone’s backs and shoulders and arms hurt by the end of the day. My old man must have been hurting, too. “Thanks.”
10
Tarek
After we finally dealt with the cows, the air was starting to get crisp and chilly, and the sun had already dipped down over the hills in the distance. I stood up from where I sat and sighed, running the back of my hand across my forehead.
“Pretty sweaty,” I joked. “I guess farm work is a good way to stay warm even when it gets cold outside, huh?”
“Yeah,” Jeff agreed, shaking his head a little. Sweat was also clinging to his forehead and the sides of his jaws, and it glistened under the lights within the barn. Maybe it was just the hormones talking, but he really did look as gorgeous as a model.
“You want to wash up before you head home?” he asked.
“That would be great.” I brought my shirt up to wipe at my face and the excess sweat that dripped from my temples. “I don’t think I’ve sweated this much in ages.”
Together, we tromped back up the dimly-lit path between the barn and their house. He fetched me a towel from the linen closet on the way up the stairs.
“The guest shower is down the hall and to the left. Just keep it down — Ma’s room is over there.” Jeffrey plucked another towel up before he started off down the hallway. “I’ll be over here if you need anything,” he said.
If the flirty tone wasn’t enough for me to decipher what he was implying, the little wink he threw in at the end sure would be. A blush rose to my cheeks again, and I waved him off with a vague “All right.” I could hear him laughing softly behind me as I went.
The guest bathroom was quite roomy, honestly. Because of Rosie sleeping nearby, I had to be extra quiet as I went about my business. After stripping away my sweaty clothes, I turned the shower on and watched as the water started to heat up. Steam soon filled the room, and I hopped in as fast as I could.
Of course, once I was actually in the shower, I couldn’t stop picturing Jeffrey’s face, or his soft hands and fingers, or the way that he’d kissed me so surely. Our little adventures in the barn earlier came to mind too, making my cheeks flush for more than just the heat of the water.
My plan was to let the water wash over me, carrying away the sweat and grime, and hopefully my flustered thoughts and feelings along with it. Which, of course, meant that about five minutes in, the spout of the shower head began to sputter. I squinted up at it, concerned.
A few seconds later, the water cut off completely. “Huh?” In confusion, I reached up to jiggle the head. Nothing.
I turned the water spout on and off again a few times, and still nothing happened, leaving me stuck mid-wash without any source of water. I groaned to myself and hit my head against the shower door.
Jeffrey’s words came to mind then. Had he actually been serious about that? About knowing where to find him if I needed anything? Well, there was only one way to find out.
I briefly toweled myself dry, so I at least wouldn’t drip on their nice floor, and wrapped the towel around my waist. Then I quietly made my way down the hall to where I could hear the shower running.
I knocked softly on the door. No answer. After I knocked a little louder, the water stopped. “Tarek?” A voice called out from inside.
“Yeah, it’s me,” I replied.
“Come in, the door’s unlocked,” Jeffrey called back. He seemed just as amused as before, which made my heart flutter.
I forced myself to open the door and stepped in, quietly closing and locking it behind me. “Er, the … shower stopped working,” I said a little awkwardly.
Jeffrey made a small sound of understanding and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that thing’s always breaking.”
There was a brief pause after that, but then he was grinning and pushing aside the shower curtain.“Why don’t you hop in? We can both wash up at the same time.”
My cheeks heated up, but after a second of hesitation, I unwrapped the towel from around my waist and set it on the counter. As I stepped into the shower behind Jeffrey, he turned the water back on. It was nice and warm against my now-chilled skin. A few seconds later, he slid his arms around my waist and leaned in to peck my cheek.
“It’s more efficient like this, right?” he joked. I could feel myself smiling, too, though I shook my head a little, as if the situation was hopeless.
“Somehow, I have a feeling it won’t be. We’ll end up using twice as much water,” I said.
His hands had ventured around already, exploring my abs and thighs. I was hard moments later. Not that it was difficult to get me worked up, considering the thoughts that had been swirling through my head not long before.
“Hang on,” he murmured into my ear. A second later, he slipped through the curtain. He wasn’t gone that long, coming back with a small silver packet and a bottle. He raised his brows at me and grinned.
“Always gotta keep some lube and a condom in the bathroom, right?”
I laughed, a combination of amused disbelief and mild embarrassment. I w
ould never have thought of either of those things, which made me feel kind of amateurish.
“So?” He set the bottle down on one of the shower ledges and then pulled close again, this time planting a sweet kiss against my lips. “Which side do you like it from?”
I was familiar with the terminology, of course, but had never actually done any of this in practice. Still, I somehow managed to answer, despite the fact that my cheeks felt scarlet.
“I like, uh…” I paused for a second, overcoming the brief embarrassment. “Being on top.”
Jeffrey grinned. As he cocked his head to the side, my face got splattered with a bit of shower water.
“You do, huh? Well, that sounds just fine to me.” He reached down between the two of us and gently ran his hand over my cock. It twitched in response, and a moan left my throat, quickly lost in the sound of water cascading down over us.
He played with my cock like that for a minute or two, gently squeezing and releasing it, stroking his hand up and down the shaft, rubbing at the head, and circling his fingers around the entire girth, giving a few pumps and jerks. I did my best to keep my voice down, not wanting to wake Rosie up, but it was pretty hard not to give in and moan and whine as much as I wanted to.
Eventually, he broke away long enough to grab the bottle of lube. He slathered his fingers up and turned around, reaching behind himself to slide a finger into his own ass. I watched, my mouth watering, my body filled with a deep desire.
“You wanna try?” he panted out. After a brief moment of hesitation, I nodded.
He handed the bottle of lube over, and I copied his motions from earlier. I coated my fingers, glad to see that the lube was water-based. Then I leaned forward and slowly slid a finger inside of him. One first, and then two. I slid them in and out, scissoring them a few times, as I had heard people do.
As I worked, hands were suddenly on my cock again. This time, it was Jeff pulling the latex of the condom down over me, starting from the top and rolling it over my length with a luxuriously slow motion. I bit my lip to keep back any noises.
“You ready?” he practically purred.
I nodded, still hesitant, but full of desire. “Yeah. Are you?”
After Jeffrey nodded, I carefully moved forward, guiding my cock into his ass. The sensation was immediate and beyond fantastic, nearly knocking me off of my feet. It was all I could do to bite back my guttural sounds of pleasure and maintain my footing as my body’s instincts took over.
I rocked my hips into him, slid in as far as I could go, and then pulled back out. He moaned softly below me and bent over to keep his face out of the water. I gritted my teeth and picked the pace up.
In, out, in, out — he kept up with me stroke for stroke, arching his back and pulling me even further in. I was coming to my peak all too soon, though Jeffrey was hardening too as I reached my hand down to grab him. My gestures became more erratic as I got closer and closer to the edge, and his panting got louder and louder.
Finally, with a restrained and muffled yelp, I came. It took everything in me to pick back up with my stroking as I rode out my orgasm. I went until I felt Jeff stiffen below me as he also reached his peak.
In a sudden burst of energy, he twisted to face me, planting his lips against mine in a breathless and fiery kiss. We rode out the orgasms together, panting harshly into each other’s mouths and the steamy air of the bathroom.
Fortunately for us, clean-up was a cinch. After rinsing out the tub, all we had to do was tie the condom up and dispose of it in a tissue in the bathroom trash. After that, we finished scrubbing ourselves clean in the shower.
Jeffrey gave me a clean shirt and pair of pants to wear from his closet when we were done and all toweled dry. “I’ll wash these up,” he said, gesturing with a thumb to my old clothes that I had taken with me into the other bathroom.
“Thanks,” I said, laughing a little. I felt giddy, but somehow, a sense of exhaustion was starting to seep in, too. “I’ll come back and get them tomorrow, then?”
“Tomorrow, yeah,” Jeff said, and then leaned forward to plant a kiss on my lips.
“Good night.”
As I got into my car and peeled away, all I could think about was how good Jeffrey’s hands had felt — and how much I wanted to crash into my bed and sleep for a few hours.
11
Jeffrey
The next morning, some of the stars in my eyes had faded, and a creeping sense of anxiety started to take their place.
I rolled out of bed the same as usual and plodded into the kitchen feeling a little ill at ease. After I poured myself a bowl of cereal, I sat down near the breakfast bar to start picking through my thoughts.
Yesterday had been great, no doubt about it. But what now? Where were we supposed to go from here?
It couldn’t really be categorized as a quick fling, considering we’d still be meeting up for a good portion of the remainder of the month. But if it wasn’t a fling, then I had to ask myself: did I really want to make this serious?
And more importantly, did I have time to make this serious?
I wasn’t exactly the biggest stickler when dating someone. I wasn’t obsessed with celebrating anniversaries, and I never expected my partners to be around me every spare hour of their day. But even I knew that my schedule, crammed as it was, would be leaning toward something almost neglectful.
I had work, first of all. The hours were always grueling, and I definitely couldn’t cut them down, considering that I was barely scraping together enough for the bills as things were. Outside of that, there was the farm to take care of, and Ma. I didn’t really want to admit it even to myself, but I was worn down from having all this heaped onto my shoulders.
As I stirred some soggy cornflakes around in my bowl, I thought once more about my dad. He’d really seemed like he had everything together. No matter what it was that he needed to do, he got it done. He’d also worked the farm right alongside his day job, but I’d never heard a word of complaint from him. And on top of that, he could still balance having an entire family.
If I really wanted to be truthful with myself, I would admit that I was a little bit envious of him. He was the kind of man who seemed like he had everything together. Like nothing that life threw his way could break him out of his groove, and working so many hours a day wasn’t as soul-sucking for him as it felt for me.
I shouldn’t be jealous, and I knew it, but I couldn’t help it. Would I ever be able to match up to him? Would I ever reach the heights of the legacy he’d left behind?
Feeling somewhat bitter, I laughed to myself. If I couldn’t even contemplate having a relationship at the same time as this work, then the chances of that happening seemed pitifully slim.
I tried not to let it bog me down too much, but once those kind of thoughts settled into your head, they were pretty difficult to shake back out again. It weighed against me the entire way to work. As I moved the feed bags from shelf to shelf, my concerns only continued to grow.
“Hey, you okay there?”
My manager’s voice rang out, gruff and easily recognizable. I could hear the concern in it, which made me feel even worse. I was usually pretty good at keeping it off of my face when I was having a hard day, but it seemed like that ability had failed me this time.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I responded. The smile that I pasted on felt a little stiff, even to me, and he didn’t seem to be too keen on accepting it at face value. I turned my attention back to my work so he wouldn’t have to keep looking at it, trying to read what was wrong. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all.”
It wasn’t exactly a lie. In fact, that was entirely the problem. The more I considered it, the more I realized that Tarek was just the tip of the iceberg, just the final straw that had made me see how many things I kept hidden from even myself.
But it wasn’t like I could quit my job, and I definitely couldn’t leave the farm. I didn’t want to, anyway. If anything, that’s what I wished I could do full time.
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Lately, I’d realized how much the farm meant to me. Whenever I considered forking over the work to hired hands, it made me even more tired. I’d even considered pitching the idea of moving to Ma once, but the thought had torn me up something awful, and I never did manage to say anything about it.
Like this, stuck between unsolvable problems, the rest of my shift passed. Before I knew it, the skies were darkening outside, and my phone vibrated in my front apron pocket, signaling the end of my shift.
I must have still looked pretty despondent when I came out of the back room with my things, since the manager gave me a sympathetic look and said, very sincerely, “I hope your night goes better.” A few customers even wished me good night on my way out, which I met with nods and small smiles before I made my way to my car.
When I reached my driveway, I could see that Tarek was already there, just as we had planned earlier. Somehow, it didn’t make me feel any more at ease. The movies exaggerated that whole homecoming feeling that apparently solved every internal conflict.
After I took some time to hang up my apron and stick my keys inside, I grabbed the equipment we needed and walked out back. Tarek was there in the middle of the dirt path, his hands tucked away in his pockets. He was looking up at the sky overhead.
It was still brightly lit in beautiful colors like pink and orange because of the lowering sun, but the light wouldn’t last very long. We would both have to cram a lot of hard work into just a little time. For once, I couldn’t even think to complain.
I raised my hand once I stepped closer to him. “Hey,” I said, offering a smile. Despite the fact that my inner turmoil hadn’t really calmed down, that smile did feel more genuine than the ones that had come before it today. I guessed I could be grateful for that much.
“Hey,” he replied, looking a little bashful and a lot tired. “Seems like both of us have had a long day, huh?”