by A. M. Arthur
He told his brother everything, and maybe over the phone wasn’t fair, but he couldn’t seem to stop his verbal diarrhea. The whole story from start to finish, with certain sexy bits left out, and he ended with a groan of frustration. Conrad’s end of the line was silent.
“Bro?” Derrick said.
“I’ll be right over with beer. Stay put.”
“Not going anywhere.”
Derrick ate a few pieces of Slater’s leftover roast beef while he waited, because he hadn’t eaten dinner and beer was about to get involved. The front doorbell buzzed, so Derrick hit the button to unlock it. Conrad didn’t bother knocking on the apartment door, he barged right inside with a twelve-pack of longnecks and a bag of barbecue pork rinds. He deposited both on the green stool Derrick was using as a small coffee table, then wrapped Derrick up in a big hug.
The kind of hug Derrick desperately needed right now because nothing in his life made any sense. He squeezed Conrad’s waist, and his baby brother let go.
Conrad’s face was a study in surprise, worry and irritation. “Okay, first of all.” Conrad smacked him upside the back of his head. “That’s for lying to me about dating Slater when all this started.”
Derrick flinched but he’d deserved it. “I’m sorry. I honestly figured on telling you the truth, because I didn’t think you’d buy us dating.”
“Yeah, well, you two obviously never saw how you each looked at the other. Sit and have a beer.”
He followed orders, glad this brand was the twist-off kind because he wasn’t in the mood to search for the bottle opener. Conrad allowed him a few long pulls of a beer and a handful of pork rinds—a rare treat because fried pork skin wasn’t exactly good for his abs—before he said, “So your fake relationship became real, you fell for the guy, and he left you.”
“In a nutshell, yup.”
“Did you want him to leave?”
“No.”
“Did you ask him to stay?”
“No.”
Conrad head-smacked him again. “You are such an idiot.”
“Thank you, that’s helpful.” He gulped down more beer. “Staying had to be Slater’s choice, and he obviously wanted to go, but...” Derrick pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and removed the slightly bent bookmark from his billfold. “He made this for me and left it here.”
Conrad snorted as he studied the bookmark. “Okay, so you’re both in love with each other. Congrats, by the way. So why aren’t you together?”
“I don’t know. In his note, he said he needed to figure out what he really wanted, so I’m giving him the space to do that.”
“Why do you think he’s doing that?”
“Because he’s conflicted, duh. He loves Clean Slate but I also think he loves it here, too, and he isn’t sure about the right next step.”
“Can he go back to work and you guys do things long-distance? It works for Colt and Avery at Clean Slate.”
“I don’t know if I could. I was already in one long-distance relationship and got cheated on.”
“Slater doesn’t strike me as that kind of guy.”
Derrick finished his first beer and reached for another. “Same. It’s just fear, I guess. My own personal issue.”
“You, big brother, have never been afraid of anything in my life. You run headfirst toward what you want, and if what you want is Slater, don’t let him get away. If he wants the ranch and you want him? You’ll make long distance work. If he decides he wants to break up for real and done? You’ll grieve and then you’ll move on. You’ll fall in love again.”
I don’t want to fall in love with anyone else. I want Slater. I choose him.
And that wouldn’t matter if Slater didn’t choose him back.
They ate and drank in silence for a while, until Conrad said, “Let me put another perspective on this for you.”
“Go for it.” Derrick’s own wasn’t doing him any good.
“You said Slater left so he could figure out what he truly wants. Well, think about how you guys got together. You lived together right from the start, when most people date first. What if Slater needs to get away for a while so that coming back is his choice, and not simply that he was already here and just stayed put. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” It made perfect sense, actually. Slater liked having choices. He’d made the choice to enter into their fake boyfriend arrangement, and he’d made the choice to walk away. If his next choice was to come home to Derrick, he’d welcome the big cowboy with open arms. If not... Derrick didn’t want to think about “if not.”
“Okay, good. He’s got a good reason for wanting space. But as your brother, can I give him a hard time about how much he’s stressing you out right now?”
“Be my guest. After we’ve made up and everything is good again.”
It has to be good again, please.
After having Kendall “Slater” Stamos in his life for the last four months, Derrick couldn’t imagine his future without the man in it.
* * *
Dropping Rachel off at the CSUS campus for late registration and orientation was an incredibly bittersweet moment for Slater and his parents. Sure, it wasn’t as huge as dropping her off at a dorm five states away but whatever. She was living at home to save money, so registration was his moment. Rachel drove with Slater in the front seat, and Dad and Kim in the back, because she wanted it that way.
The campus was busy and sprawling but she found the right building and double-parked. “Call me when you’re ready to be picked up,” Slater said.
“I will, I promise.” She leaned over the console to hug him. “See you in a while.”
“Be safe.”
Dad replaced Rachel in the driver’s seat, and Slater watched his girl disappear into the crowd. College. She was starting college in just a few more weeks.
“Makes you feel old, doesn’t it?” Dad asked as he eased back into traffic. “Watching her go off like that.”
“It really does. You guys did a hell of a job raising her.”
“It was our pleasure,” Kim said. “I was never able to have kids of my own, so Rachel was always a blessing to us. So were you, Ken, even during the hard times.”
“Thank you.”
He watched the city go by as Dad drove them back to the house, at war with himself and his own next steps. Derrick hadn’t tried calling or texting since Monday, and while it hurt a little, he appreciated that Derrick was giving him space. But if Derrick truly wanted Slater there, wouldn’t he have tried to reach out? Convince him to come home?
No, that life had been a beautiful dream he’d treasure forever. But it was time to move on. Hang up his needle and thread, and go back to the life he knew at the ranch. The job that had been so thoughtfully saved for him, the familiar open spaces, new tourists every week, and the men he’d gotten to know so well during these last few months of Saturday outings.
As soon as Slater got back to the house, he went into the guest room and called Judson.
Chapter Nineteen
Slater tried easing back into life at Clean Slate Ranch. He truly did try. Judson had insisted on light duty for a few more weeks, which meant tacking horses but no riding, and no strenuous labor that could damage the progress he’d made with his ankle. That didn’t bother him. He liked rooming with Hugo again. He enjoyed Patrice’s amazing cooking.
But he missed Derrick. And Dez and Morgan and the Thompson twins, and Derrick’s family. Few people questioned him being back, and when someone did he just said that he and Derrick were working on things. Which was a flat lie because they weren’t working on anything. But Derrick obviously hadn’t told anyone they’d broken up, or Wes would have spread it all over Garrett and Bentley by now.
It had to mean something.
The ranch, though? It didn’t mean as much to Slater as it once had. He st
ill loved the views and the quiet and the people here, doing good work. But the land had also lost the magic it once held. Magic he now found in designing something with Dez, or in sharing a simple, home-cooked meal with Derrick. Playing cards with George. Holding little Mia.
How had his entire view of life changed in only a few months?
When he wondered that, Rachel’s words came back to him. Did he still need this safe place, or could he be brave and try living a new life? Could he reach for what he truly wanted?
He’d only been back for five full days and was in the barn, polishing saddles in the tack room, when Mack walked in. Slater startled, surprised to see the guy on a Saturday afternoon. “Shouldn’t you be at the ghost town?” Slater asked.
“They can handle things without me for an hour or two.” Mack perched his butt on the edge of the work table. “So Derrick said something to Sophie, who said something to Wes, who told it all to me, and everyone wanted me to play the middleman here.”
Slater groaned. “Great.” He put down the rag he was using and folded his arms. “What?”
“First off, no one’s mad you two lied about dating when you first moved into Derrick’s place. Your reasons are your business. But man, you two have something. The more time me, Reyes, Colt and the other guys spent with you two? Something real is there. And Reyes doesn’t think you’re happy here.”
“He doesn’t?”
“No. He’s head cowboy, and it’s his job to pay attention to you guys. And as much as I know Judson would hate to lose a good employee, it’s okay to move on. Find what does make you happy. Find it and hold on tight.”
“Derrick makes me happy.” Slater closed his eyes briefly. “He makes me so happy, but damn it, Mack, he didn’t ask me to stay. I left him a fucking bookmark I made that said I love you, and he didn’t even call to say it back. I just... I don’t know.”
“You know, you guys remind me a bit of me and Wes. We were supposed to be a fling, nothing serious, and then feelings got involved. I avoided him so I didn’t get hurt, and we both got hurt anyway. A big misunderstanding kept us apart for three weeks before our friends intervened, and I have never been happier in my life than I am right now. And grateful to Colt and Sophie for interfering.”
“So what’s this? You interfering?”
“Nope. Just a concerned friend making a few observations. Feel free to take ’em to heart or ignore ’em. But I guess you gotta ask yourself why are you really here? Because it’s where you truly want to be? Or because you’re afraid of trying something new?” With a tip of his hat, Mack left the tack room.
Slater stared at the empty doorway, tangled up and confused. Mack had given him a similar version of Rachel’s comments and observations. Had Slater truly come back here to hide? He hadn’t been asked to stay but that didn’t mean Derrick didn’t want him there, right? Was it really as simple as a misunderstanding because they couldn’t just fucking say the right thing to each other?
Maybe.
It was two o’clock on Saturday, and when the guests departed at three, he was technically off the clock until tomorrow. His bike could get him to Derrick’s place in under an hour if he gunned it. He should probably call first, but Slater liked the idea of showing up on Derrick’s doorstep. Hell, he could even buzz Dez to let him in and sweeten the surprise.
Slater still loved the ranch, but it wasn’t his home anymore. Home was with Derrick Massey. Time to go say as much and take his chances.
* * *
His ankle ached a bit by the time Slater parked his motorcycle on the street outside the house, but he didn’t care. Well worth it to be home again. He trod up the familiar path and hit the buzzer for Dez and Morgan’s unit. Silence. He tried again to no answer. On a wing and a prayer, he buzzed the Thompson place upstairs.
“Hello?” one of the twins said.
“Hey, it’s Slater from downstairs. Can’t find my key. Can you buzz me in?”
“Yeah.”
The front door unlocked, and Slater went inside, surprised by the thundering of feet down the right staircase. George appeared, his expression wary and upset. “Where have you been, dude? You just up and disappeared.”
“I’m sorry, I had to deal with some things.”
George shocked the hell out of him by hugging Slater briefly. “Well, I’m glad you’re back. The house isn’t the same without you.”
Regret squeezed Slater’s chest tight. He hadn’t gone upstairs and said goodbye to the Thompsons, and he’d hurt George’s feelings without meaning to. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you guys before I left. But I’m here now, and I really want to surprise Derrick.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Huh?”
“He isn’t here. I was taking the trash out earlier when I saw him getting into a car with Morgan and Dez. Not sure where they went.”
Well shit, there goes my grand plan.
“Don’t you have your key?” George asked.
“Misplaced it. Damn it.”
“Maybe the owner can let you into the apartment?”
“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll just hang here in the foyer for a while. They probably went out for an early dinner or something.”
“Probably. Cool. Well, I’m glad you’re home.”
“Thanks, George.”
George smiled and went back upstairs. Slater watched him go, his mind wandering a bit toward Rachel. Wondering if the pair would get along or not. George was a nice guy, but Slater also wasn’t about to be the dad who tried to set his daughter up with nice guys. Or nice girls, if she swung that way. Slater didn’t care, as long as she achieved the happy life she deserved. Without a project to work on, he played a word game on his phone for a while to pass time. Five o’clock came and went, and his own stomach began aching for dinner. He’d had a roast beef sandwich and big dill pickle for lunch, but that had been hours ago.
Text him and tell him you’re here. Find out where he is.
Good old Stamos stubbornness set in, and he ordered a pizza for delivery instead. When it arrived, George came downstairs sniffing for food, so Slater shared with the kid. He only ate one slice and picked off everything but the veggies, but the skinny kid still ate. Slater was truly glad George had a brother to look out for him. He also gave the rest of the pizza to George, in case Orry wanted some whenever he got back from his current job.
The time was closing in on seven when Slater began regretting this plan. Derrick was obviously out for the evening. Coming here without announcing his arrival had been a stupid idea, and all he’d really done was waste his own time. Annoyed and defeated, he left the house and headed for his bike. Unlocked the helmet and put it on. The street was busy enough that he didn’t pay attention to the occasional rumble of a car engine as it passed or parked.
Time to go back to the life he should have stayed in.
“Slater?”
Surprise and delight shot up his spine, and Slater twisted his upper body around. Derrick stood on the sidewalk a few dozen feet away, near Morgan’s parked car. His own look of shock melted into delight. “Fuck, you’re here,” Derrick said.
Slater tugged off the helmet and climbed off his bike, but he didn’t approach. “Hey.”
“I went to find you.”
Well, knock him over with a goddamn feather. “You did what?”
Derrick took three long strides forward. “We drove to Clean Slate so I could find you, but you weren’t in your cabin, and Reyes said he saw you take off on your bike. I didn’t think you’d come here.”
“This is my home.” The instant the words passed Slater’s lips, he felt the truth of them deep in his bones. “I missed this place. I missed you, too. A lot.”
Three more long strides left only the motorcycle and a bit of sidewalk between them. “I love you.” Derrick’s brown eyes were watery but his expression was firm. “I love
you and I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I want you in my home, Kendall Stamos. My home, my life, my bed, my everything. I fucking love you.”
Slater’s heart trilled with joy. “I fucking love you, too, Derrick Massey. I have for a while, I just...”
“I know. Same.”
The last of his restraint broke, and Slater circled the bike so he could throw himself into Derrick’s strong, capable arms. To kiss the man who’d stolen his heart. The man who was his future. Period. They kissed and laughed, and after a few minutes, Dez and Morgan joined them. Their quartet eventually made it into the house foyer. Derrick and Slater cuddled together on the love seat, while their two friends sat in opposite chairs.
“Did you find what you were looking for?” Derrick asked.
“I wasn’t really looking for a specific thing,” Slater replied. “I had a great talk with Rachel about a lot of stuff. The past. Looking forward. But I was too scared of another big change, so I went back to the ranch. But it was different. I’m different. It wasn’t the comfortable fit it used to be. And I missed you like crazy, Tiger. I’m ready to take a chance on us.”
“Me, too.” Derrick nuzzled Slater’s nose with his. “I wanted to give you the space you asked for, but I can’t live without you. I totally get that you had to make living here your choice, not just a random circumstance you landed in, but I missed you so fucking bad. Dez and Morgan basically kidnapped me into driving to the ranch to find you.”
“And I was here, looking for you.” Slater laughed against Derrick’s neck. “What a pair we are, huh?”
“You’re both adorable,” Dez said. “And I am so damned happy you’re back together. You are back together, right?”
“Not back together, not exactly,” Derrick said. “This is us starting over. From scratch. No arrangements, no rules, just two guys who love each other and want to be in each other’s life.”
“Sounds good to me,” Slater replied. “And if it helps, Rachel knows the whole truth, and she’s totally rooting for us.”