Stephen spun around. His eyes lit up like I was an awesome Christmas present. "Gabe! I'm so glad to see you, I–"
"Look. I didn't come for a chat," I said, walking into the room.
Stephen's eyebrows shot up. "Okay."
I was being way disrespectful, but I was so done with all of this. "I just shot down here for a quick recharge. A bunch of your punks on horseback brought me here. In a net that wouldn't let me shift, I might add."
"The Trooping Faeries, sir," Ewan said.
"Ah," Stephen nodded. "Some of our residents need...educating...on the new ways of life. Ewan, leave us, please."
"No, I'll be the one who's leaving," I said.
Ewan slipped out the door, shutting it. I moved to follow him, but Stephen's voice made me stop. "I don't want you going anywhere, until you tell me what's going on, Gabe."
I ground my teeth. I could talk back all I wanted, but, when it came down to it, I was Stephen's subject. I couldn't disobey a direct order from him. He wouldn't care if I did, but I'd sworn fealty (which I'd thought was a pervy thing and K had sworn wasn't). I'm not a guy who goes back on his promises.
"Why do you care?"
Stephen moved toward me and grabbed my shoulders, turning me around. "Look at yourself."
I scanned the large mirror in front of me. For a second, I couldn't focus on anything, and then I zeroed in on my own face. The remnants of cuts and scrapes, already healed over, covered my skin. My hair was stuffed with leaves. And my shirt had a huge gash down the front. A small tree branch protruded from the back. I yanked it out and tossed it on the fire.
Stephen sat down on one of the room's deep leather chairs. He didn't tell me I had to stay. Didn't ask anything of me. Still, I sat down anyway and stared into the flames as they consumed the branch.
"What's going on with you?"
It was a simple question. One, I should have had the answer to. I didn't.
"I don't know."
"Okay. Well that's a place to start at least."
I met Stephen's gaze, and it hit me how much Kellen looked like this version of his father. His real father. For a moment, it was almost like K was here. Despite how pissed I was at him, I missed my best friend.
"Singer doesn't want to marry me, K doesn't want me to be his Protector, and my mom lied to me about so many things... So did Ghárda. I don't know who to believe or what to do. Who the hell am I, if I'm not Kellen's Protector?"
Steven stood and went to the sideboard. He came back with a glass of wine and offered it to me. I watched him inhale deeply before drinking from his glass. Me? I just dumped the whole thing down my throat. The flavor slid over my tongue, a woodsy, floral sort of taste.
"The thing about wine," Steven said, taking a sip, "is that it doesn't mature overnight. It takes time and age to get it to the point where it has the best possible flavor. Even in Faerie, this can't be adjusted. Not really."
I didn't give a crap about the wine. I sank deeper into the pillows and concentrated on not shattering the class with my hand.
"Kellen values you more than anyone, with the exception of Cali. Even I come after you, though I'm hoping for a tie one day." He smiled and sipped more wine.
"Great way of showing it, by kicking me off the team." I stared into my empty glass, then the floor–anywhere but at Stephen.
"But don't you see? It's because he cares about you that he wants you to have the most important gift he can give to you."
"What's that?"
"Your freedom. Kellen wants you to be able to decide what you want for yourself. He doesn't want you out of his life. He wants you to be a part of it, but not because you have to. Because, you want to."
Now that I was hearing things from Stephen, the words sounded different. Almost like they made sense. "Go on."
"We'd like to change the Protector's role in Faerie. These are peaceful times."
"True that," I said.
"I'd like all of you to take an active role in our government. Sort of act as my High Council or something to that effect. Naturally, you were the first I thought of to take part."
His words spun around my wine-fogged brain, but, after a moment, it cleared. "I don't know anything about government."
"Don't you? I thought you were a law student?" Stephen's eyebrows rose.
"Was. I was a law student. I dropped out."
"Did you remember to tell Harvard?" Stephen smiled.
"No, I just didn't know what... I wanted to think about it." It sounded dumb. "I don't know what I want to do."
"Do you know what I think you're really good at?" He smiled, running a long thin finger along the rim of his wine glass.
"What?" I waited–I'd never really thought of myself as good at anything except football, but that was...that was before I went to the UK to babysit K at boarding school. I ground my teeth.
"I think you're really good at protecting people, standing up for others in trouble, in need."
"That's not a skill, it's a weakness."
"I thought that was what lawyers did?"
I laugh, it didn't sound like my usual sort of guffaw. "Yeah. In billable hours."
"So, be different. There are lawyers out there who fight for good with a vengeance–for nothing but honor, just because it’s right. Why can't you be one of them? You're an honorable man, Gabe. The best. There's no reason you can't sit on my High Council and go to school." His smile was sort of smug.
I blinked, surprised at where we ended up. "I'll have to think about it." I reached for my wine glass, but remembered it was empty. Stephen stood and took the glass from me, refilling it at the sideboard. He probably could have snapped his fingers or something, but it was obvious Stephen didn't want to give up what it meant to be mortal.
"What about Singer?" It seemed like ages since I said her name out loud. Even longer since I touched her. Kissed her. I sipped more wine, and pushed the HD images from my mind.
"That's really up to you. But, one word of advice. Know yourself. Figure yourself out before you commit to anyone. You deserve that chance."
I nod. "Do you have some place I can stay for a bit?" I scanned the room. It looked fancy. Too fancy for me.
Stephen smiled. "I have exactly the place."
And for the first time in like, ages, I kinda knew what I might do next.
CHAPTER NINE
Cottage
One Month Later
The breeze blew through my open window, forcing in the scent of honeysuckle. Mom used to grow it back home.
I swallowed, trying to refocus on the case I'd been reading. When I decided to go back to law school, my professors thought I was nuts 'cause I had to start over from the very first class. Maybe I was. Still, I'd been studying ever since, trying to catch up. It felt good to do something because I wanted it and not because someone else needed it.
Stephen set up a little cottage for me in Faerie. At first, it was too little and I couldn't even stand up. But after a day of stooping over, I found I could raise the roof by pushing on the ceiling and the whole place just resized itself. Kinda cool. I'd been holed up here ever since, in-between trips to campus for classes.
I'd given up my apartment and texted Ella to let her know. I didn't explain where I'd be living. I wasn't ready to deal with her.
The cottage sat on Cali's Uncle Dillion's property. Dillion had been a cool dude. He'd saved all of our lives back in Maine. It seemed right to be here now. The cottage sat in the middle of what looked like a cornfield in the Midwest. Normally, I wasn’t someone who wanted to be on his own, but lately I’d changed. Being on my own equaled being safer.
Gabe. Come on.
K's voice echoed in my head. We were still linked. I hadn't renounced my role as his Protector, or anything. I just wanted time to deal with it all.
I have stuff to do, K.
I wasn't lying. I was still behind in my classes. He could just piss off. A knock on the door smashed up my thoughts.
Are you going to let me in? Or
do I have to keep nagging you telepathically?
I rolled my eyes. It would have been easy to leave, slip out the back door. Shift and fly away. But maybe it was time to face everything that had happened to me? All of a sudden I was tired of running.
When I opened the door, K stood there, holding a pizza. I freaking loved pizza and he knew it.
"This is bribery."
He seemed to consider my comment. "It could be considered bribery or maybe extortion, depending on how you look at it. You'll have to tell me. I'm not the law student."
I turned and walked back into the cottage. It wasn't an invitation, but I knew he'd follow me. The aroma of the pizza certainly did. Crap. I was suddenly starving. It was so heady being in Faerie, a total energy rush. I usually didn't need to eat until I went above-ground. "How'd you find me?"
"Let's just say I figured you’d do something stupid, like go off and pout. This is a nice place to pout." He peered over my shoulder. "Besides that, Dad told me where to find you."
I shook my head. "You asked me to give up my role. Why do you care?"
"Of course, I care. I didn't mean for you to go away. I wanted you to have a life. You said it yourself: your whole life has been about protecting me. Why wouldn't I want you to live how you want for a change?" K ran a hand through his hair, the way he always did when he got nervous.
I opened my mouth, ready to share what I'd been through since I launched myself off Everest. But after a month of worrying about K to the point of nausea, stopping myself from sending him messages just to check in, it was easier to keep quiet.
He sat across from me on a puffy leather chair and dropped the pizza on the coffee table in front of me. "I wanted to say I'm sorry."
I eyed the box, wanting to dig into it so bad. "You're apologizing? I didn't see this coming."
"I handled this Protector stuff all wrong." He toyed with the amulet on the chain around his neck. "You're my best friend, Gabe. You always will be."
"I know." I sighed. "Me too, man."
"I just want you to live your own life the way you were meant to. That's all I've ever wanted for you."
I looked back on all of those memories, those times when my life changed because of Kellen's. Had I ever made a choice that was my own?
Singer.
Yeah. Singer was my choice. What did it matter now, though? She hadn't spoken to me in almost two months, even though I'd called her more times than I could count. Her silence spoke volumes.
But the stuff with K? I'd never had any say. Maybe it was time I did? Not being Kellen's Protector wouldn't change who I was. It wouldn't even have to change our friendship. It would just give me my life back.
The weight that I'd been carrying around for weeks lifted a bit. "How do I do it? Quit protecting you, I mean?"
K's lips slid into this grim line of acknowledgement. Giving up my role as K's Protector would be hard, but it was the right thing to do.
"Just say you renounce your role as my Protector. Maybe use your full name. You know how it is with faeries and names."
"Okay." I took a breath. Was it possible to want something and not want it at the same time? "Well, here goes it... I, Gabriel Stewart, renounce my role as your Protector."
The moment I finished speaking the words, a sharp pain gutted my chest. Fire ripped through me. I tore open my shirt, popping the buttons, searching my chest for gashes, for something that might have been attacking me. There was nothing, still that nothing was flaying me alive, burning me, destroying me. "Agh!"
"Gabe." K rushed to my side, placed his hands over my chest and tried to heal me.
Fire continued through me, pulling, tearing. "I don't...you can't...I think this is what happens..." I cried out, collapsing against the couch.
Something essential had been torn from me. Light spilled out of the room and darkness crushed me, along with the knowledge that no matter what happened from then on, I would no longer be K's Protector. With Stephen’s new plans in the works, everything would change.
I was the last Protector of Faerie.
CHAPTER TEN
Mom
When I opened my eyes, Mom was there (I couldn't think of her as anyone else, no matter how hard I tried) sitting beside me with her hand on mine. She looked the same as she did the day I took my training wheels off. Is this how she'd looked when she learned about me shifting for the first time?
"What are you doing here?" I couldn't help but notice her bloodshot eyes, the shadows lurking under them like purple stains.
"Kellen called us." It sounded so strange to hear her speak K's name when she spent so many years trying to hide the bond I shared with K from me.
"Maybe you should just go? You got what you wanted. I'm not K's Protector anymore." I sat up, a lot steadier than I expected. Yet, there was this empty spot in my chest–like something vital was missing. For the first time, Kellen wasn't at the forefront of my mind. Only the woman I'd lost and the woman sitting in front of me mattered.
Tears spilled down my cheeks and I tried to wipe them away with the back of my shirtsleeve, but I couldn't. There were too many, like the Hoover Dam was lurking behind my eyes, or something.
Mom wrapped her arms around me and I cried, even though I didn't want to. Even though it would have been easier to leave. But, like with K, I was done running.
"I don't know what to do now. I don't know who to believe...if I can even trust you."
"I never meant for you to get hurt. Gabriel and you would have gotten hurt. Those were dark times. You were in a room with Arawn–" She stopped and closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't do this. Yes, I kept things from you, to protect you. That doesn't change the fact...I was your mother, I am your mother. At least, that's how it always felt to me."
"That's how it felt to me, too." My voice sounded like someone used a Brillo pad to scrub my throat raw. Every inch of me hurt, as though I'd actually hit the cliff face that day instead of pulling a Top Gun-like, last-minute maneuver. "I don't know anything anymore. You're different."
"I'm the same as I've always been." Mom, ran her hands through her blonde hair–like mine, because we had the same parents. "You know, if it's easier, you can call me Ella."
I stared at her for the longest time, searching for traces she'd meant to mess with me. There weren't any. "Or maybe I could just keep calling you Mom?"
Her eyes teared up. "Of course, you can."
"What about Michael...Dad?"
"It's not like it is for you and Singer. Michael knows nothing. Neither does Sarah or Nate. We should keep it that way, for their safety," she said.
"Okay, but you should know....there is no me and Singer...she doesn't want me." I blurted out the words. "She won't return any of my calls. You're probably right, Mom. Maybe she's not worthy of me." I pulled away from Mom and rubbed my face, sitting up.
"When did I say that?" she asked. "Ever?"
"When Beth Honeysett dumped me in high school." Wow, that sounded lame, even for me.
"I said that about Beth Honeysett, Gabe, not about Singer. Never about Singer," Mom said.
"Then, how do you explain it. We were like, seriously in love and then, she just cut me out."
"Gabriel, this has really gone far enough."
I froze at the sound of Cali's voice. I turned back and spotted Cali, right next to Kellen. It was where she'd always been, even before I knew about her, before Kellen knew who she really was. Her chestnut hair trailed out behind her, leaving the impression she was some sort of glorious angel.
"C." I would always listen to her. She'd fought for me when I'd been injured. Healed me when I could have died, when everyone thought I was dead. That was the reason I stood and then knelt before her now. "I mean, most righteous Princess."
She laughed. "Enough. Get up." Throwing her arms around me, Cali hugged me. For a moment, it was like holding Singer. And then, it wasn't.
"So you'll kneel for her, but not for me?" K asked.
"Well, at least you know your priorities," Cali said, but her lips quirked, ruining any chance at all at her seeming stuck-up. She just wasn't. Everything about Cali was cool. Especially, the way she loved K.
I thought I'd had that once.
Singer.
"Gabe, are you actually thinking about giving up on Singer?" Cali asked.
"Wait a minute–is this like some sort of intervention?" I asked.
What the hell, K? Why do you–
But then my thoughts trailed off. He couldn't hear my thoughts anymore. Acid rose up in the back of my throat. I swallowed it down.
"That's exactly what this is, Gabe. First you go A.W.O.L., then suddenly, one visit with my dad and you're living like a monk in this cottage." K shrugged. "What'd you expect us to do?"
"You know she was picked for you. What's the point?" Cali asked.
I stared down into C's face, remembering the first moment we met, when I worried if she was right for K. "She doesn't want me. I didn't even get the chance to propose. She won't see me. I'm not going to keep trying to tie myself to someone who doesn't want me around, like some loser. I came here to recharge and it's been good for me. I'm going to have a seat on Stephen's High Council, he's given me this house, and I'm back in school."
"I know, I got the bill at the start of the semester," Mom said, smiling.
"Ouch. Uh, sorry?" I said.
"If this is what you want, then this is what you want. We just want you to remember it's not the only thing you want." Mom squeezed my hand.
A few months ago, I'd been afraid she'd think I was a freak. Now, I knew she was a freak like me. It still hurt, knowing she’d kept things from me and we'd have to get past that, but it was a start.
Now if I could only get past Singer.
The instant I thought her name, a chill passed through me that I could feel down to my bones. I tensed, my skin prickling with this intense awareness that Singer was super-close.
A rap sounded on the door. I turned to K and C. "What did you do?"
"What you wouldn't do," Cali said. She tipped up her chin, dared me to disagree with her.
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