“Glad you liked it.” I could hear the smile in his tone.
“It was the prawn, huh?”
“Yep.”
I really couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t hungry at all. “Your turn.”
“So soon?”
“So soon.”
I untied the blindfold and, shaking with anticipation, got up and went around to fasten it over Jake’s deep, warm brown eyes. I had the strongest urge to kiss him. He had made my wildest dreams come true last night, and I wanted every part of him. But, controlling myself for his game, I started with the tofu.
“Very good.” He chewed. “Not very meaty, I’m going to guess tofu.”
“Good guess.” I held the wine glass up to his soft lips and let him sip.
“Okay, try this.” I placed the new food on his tongue.
“Oyster beef, love it.”
“You’ve had the prawns too, haven’t you?”
“Yeah. I’ve had everything on the menu except for you.” He reached up and pulled the blindfold from one eye to gage my reaction. I was blushing … as usual. The idea of being on Jake’s menu set me to flame.
The rest of the meal, we calmly ate, and he insisted I tell him everything about high school and my decision to go to UND and major in autism studies. They were all easy questions. I explained that I had volunteered for a project at Williston’s elementary school, helping autistic kids after school.
“One of the kids, a seven-year-old named Danielle, stole my heart. Her mom saw the connection we had and asked if I wanted to babysit sometime. I did. She was a single mom who had taken an evening nursing shift job—it was the only one she could get and she hated leaving Ellie—but trusted me with all of Ellie’s … special needs,” I told him. “Plus I didn’t have a real family to go home to at night—Nate was involved with his own things—and I wasn’t really a party girl so … all through high school I’d get out and meet Ellie at school, bring her home and take care of her. I slept there most nights, except for weekends. Not very exciting I guess.”
“You gave of yourself to others. There’s nothing more exciting or important than that,” he said. “There are a lot worse activities you could have been involved in.”
“Thanks. Anyway, I saw that when she was having a really hard time and couldn’t connect with those around her like she wanted to, art was a therapy for her. After a while I thought up the idea to create an art program that autistic kids could come to or where artists could go to them. Art therapy. Art transcends boundaries and there’s nothing it can’t do,” I said.
“You never stop amazing me.” He had a look of admiration in his eyes.
I felt like it was my turn to ask him things, but I didn’t know how to do it. How were the past three years for you? Didn’t feel like the right question. I also knew he wasn’t ready to talk about it. I wondered if he ever would be, or how I could take tiny steps to put together the whole picture.
“I have a request,” I said cheerfully.
He eyed me suspiciously. “What is it?”
I pretended to be disappointed. “Aren’t you supposed to say, ‘Anything for you’?”
He laughed. “No! You’re way too smart for that!”
“Okay … then.” I thought a moment. “Let me see your story.” I leaned over and ran my hand over his forearm.
He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but closed it and nodded slowly. He pulled the shirt over his head and I had to catch my breath.
Oh. My. God. He was so beautiful it made me ache.
I stood and walked around him. His shoulders, arms and torso were made up of rugged, cut muscles etched with colorful inks. A tremendous collage moved up both arms, starting at his wrists. It continued over the left side of his chest, side and back. The right side of his chest was simply his skin. I was overwhelmed with the desire to kiss him everywhere. Instead I let my fingertips reach out and graze the ink and flesh he offered me.
“Can we go easy? Let me explain a few. Others are going to be more difficult and I’m not ready for that … yet.” His voice was soft.
“Of course. Which ones are you most proud of?” I tried.
At that he smiled widely. “This one on the inside of my forearm”—he pointed out the fiery colored phoenix—“represents when I broke free on my own to discover who I was apart from the North family. Don’t get me wrong,” he added quickly, “I’m proud of being a North and love my family, but I was a middle kid and needed to find my own identity.”
“I get it. It’s amazing.”
“This one”—he showed off a parachute with wings on his left shoulder—“is from when I made Airborne. It’s such a rush jumping out of planes.”
“I bet. Wish I could’ve seen it.” I met his eyes. “What’s the blue shield with three lightning strikes?”
“Special forces insignia.”
I traced over a skull wearing a green beret with a dagger through it. It read “Free the Oppressed” in Latin and had a date under it. “When you made Green Berets,” I stated.
He nodded.
On the middle of his back was a powerful looking black-winged dragon, rearing as it charged into battle and being ridden by a knight in shiny black armor holding a broadsword. Within the beast was the word “Sacrifice” and underneath it were initials, too many initials. I had a feeling this one needed to wait.
My eyes drifted to the left side of his back where there were barren mountains and a desert with sparse green shrubs that trailed around his waist to his abdomen. There a depiction of a crumbled concrete building with rubble splayed all about it and with bullet casings and an upside down helmet continued the story. Just below his ribs was a military convoy vehicle being consumed in monstrous orange-red flames with black billowing smoke rising up over his ribs.
At this point, Jake lay back against the floor with his arms folded behind his head and closed his eyes. It was easier to see now. Within the smoke was a red and gold vintage compass with red directional symbols that pointed toward the blue and gold flowing gown of a goddess adorning the skin above his heart. “She saves me” was written in cursive.
A funny feeling started in the bottom of my stomach and radiated like heat through my limbs. I traced her outline with my fingers and Jake let out a sigh. The blue and gold gown fell around her shoulders, exposing her and showcasing her voluptuous curves. Her long, dark hair fell in waves around her arms, and she wore a crown of gold leaves with jewels.
“Jake,” I said quietly. “The goddess …”
“Does she look familiar?” he replied softly.
There was no mistaking it, the goddess was me.
“You and I kept in pretty good contact while I was training and even after I got stationed in Afghanistan,” he started.
I remembered the date that had ended. June 12. I even have all of your letters. I saved every one of them. “I remember Skyping with you. Your automatic rifle was behind you and I felt so scared for you.”
“I got all the letters you sent, Livie. I know you wrote me almost every day. I’d receive them in bundles once a month. I devoured them.” He opened his eyes at his admission and looked to the ceiling. “But after a while, I had to let go of you. Too many people I knew had died and it was only a matter of time before I did too. I didn’t want to hurt you that way—to tell you how much I missed you and that I thought of nothing else but you and getting back to you. How fair would that have been? I wanted you to live, for the two of us, even though that would mean you’d go on without me—I felt like I was a part of you anyway. But to ask you to wait for me? For what? A corpse?” He shook his head. “I was a dead man, and I couldn’t burden you with that weight.”
“The picture was the one you sent me in your final letter. I hadn’t written you back for almost a year. It killed me, Livie, but I thought I’d be sparing you a much more terrible pain. Then came that picture. You were so beautiful and looked so happy. You and Nate and Jules were at the lake swimming. You sent a few—bu
t the one with you alone …” He took a moment. “I carried it everywhere and was convinced that somehow it was an amulet that protected me. I’d lived through impossible odds and firefights I had no business surviving. But there you were, always in my front pocket, right over my heart—somehow watching over me and … saving me.
“After a while the photograph become faded and torn and I was always scared I was going to lose it, so I tattooed you on me. You were my goddess. I talked to you all the time.” He laughed, but it turned sad. “I knew if you could love me back, even a portion of how much I loved you, I could get out of that hellhole and find my way home.”
He rolled into a sitting position and took my face in his hands. “I’m sorry I hurt you and pushed you away.” He caught a tear with his thumb, but many more pooled into my eyes and spilled down my face. “I’m sorry, Livie. I’m so sorry.” Now he kissed away each tear as it spilled, until a dam broke inside of me. I sobbed so heavily he scooped me into his arms and slid me onto his lap and held me through the storm.
“I couldn’t figure it out,” I cried.
“I was fucking stupid and hurt you more, thinking I was protecting you.” I felt the rhythm of his breath change beneath me and knew he was crying too. “I’ve loved you my whole life, Olivia. Please forgive me.”
“I forgive you. I forgive you!” I pulled back from him so I could see his face. His eyes were red and his cheeks were tear-streaked and I kissed each of them as he had done for me. “I never took it off you know? The Celtic knot. Even when I was sure you had gone on without me … I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
He held the necklace in his hand, studying it, and smiled. He caught my eyes with his and twisted his left arm to show me the identical pendant tattooed on him in gold ink.
“Jake!” I exclaimed.
“My heart was always yours, Olivia.”
I laughed through my tears. Now I knew I was always his and he was always mine.
We held each other until the tempest moved on. “I have to wash my face, my mascara is burning my eyes.” I laughed lightly, tore myself away from him and went into the bathroom. I was sure at this point my eyes were red and puffy and I needed to blow my nose. It wasn’t too bad, but I’d wanted a moment to compute it all anyway. I splashed cold water over my face.
He loved me.
He loved me.
I needed to take more than a few minutes, so I decided to take a shower. I stood under the warm water and let it wash me, along with washing away the residue of the past few years—the feelings of abandonment, fear and heartbreak.
I was tattooed on his chest. Over his heart. He had always loved me.
When I finished I dried off and called through the door.
“Would you hand me a pair of shorts and a t-shirt?”
“Nope,” was the answer he gave.
“Jake!’
“And miss out on you in a towel? No way.”
I rolled my eyes. Should’ve seen it coming.
I secured my towel around me and peeked out the door. Jake had cleaned up our mess on the floor and now sat in a chair in only his jeans, watching for me to come out. I could’ve died. But I thought about it. I could either act embarrassed and silly and dart in and out, or …
I sauntered out the door, swinging my hips and flirting with him from under my lashes. He whistled loud and low. Getting frisky, I bent my leg at the knee and let the towel expose my leg.
Jake sat forward. “Careful, you might not make it to the dresser.”
I bounced forward, a bit panicked. I opened my drawer for a pair of boy short undies and then snagged a t-shirt from his drawer and said seductively, “I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll be right here,” he promised.
I towel-dried my hair and slipped into his Linkin Park t-shirt … and Shit! I forgot my bra!
Really? Who was I trying to kid? I didn’t want my bra. I hadn’t even grabbed pants. His shirt came down around my thighs—I felt very sexy. I came back out.
“That t-shirt has never looked so good,” he said. “Now I’m going to get showered.” He handed me a full glass of wine. “You’ll need this for when I get back.”
Chapter 15
“Beautiful Scar”
Trapt
I stood waiting for him. When he came out he was wearing his black boxers. Only. His legs were just as defined as his upper body.
I handed him a glass of Riesling. “One good turn deserves another.”
He took a good pull from the glass and set it on his bureau. His fingers tangled in my hair and pulled gently outward. The tingles in my scalp radiated down through my shoulders.
“When I was out there and the fighting got bad, I put your face in the front of my thoughts, and it made me push harder. And when the nights were long and I was scared shitless, laying there listening to my buddy in the other bunk sobbing ‘cause he just lost his best friend who’d had his back since boot camp … there was only you.” He moved in closer until I felt his breath on my face. “When the pain was too much I shut it out by thinking of this, right here—you and me. I envisioned your gorgeous body under mine, while I had my hands and mouth all over you. I could lose myself so deeply in the fantasy of you, everything else would disappear, even if it was just for a few minutes, and I could breathe again.”
I worked at calming my heartbeat with conscious effort.
He continued, “Today was my best day yet, because it was all about you. But, Livie, you need to know, sometimes it gets really bad. I want you so much—so fucking much—but I need you to understand that I’m scarred, and I don’t know how I’m going to heal or if I ever will.”
“Jake, I know you, the guy you are, who you were, and the man you want to be. I’m not afraid of you or that scar.”
At that his nostrils flared and he lifted me off my feet again. I locked my ankles behind his back. And holy hell I was very aware, very fast that I was only wearing thin fabric panties. I couldn’t think, I was too full of feelings and sensations that were all at once consuming. I rested my forehead on his shoulder. My center was directly over his erection, which was rock solid. I wanted to feel it even more, so I squeezed my legs tighter and felt his heat over my sensitive nerves. He moaned into my ear as he grabbed my ass in his hands and grinded against me.
“Livie, there’s no going back once we cross this line,” he reminded.
“I don’t want to go back to a world without you.”
He exhaled hot breath into my hair and laid me down on the bed. His lips devoured mine—totally owning me. He slid his body over my breasts making the tips harden and reach up to his touch. His teeth clamped down onto my earlobe and tugged. “I’m going to possess you.”
I wanted to feel that more than I wanted air, more than life itself. Jake’s fingertips grazed over my belly as he lifted my shirt to just below my breasts. He looked at me like a man famished and on the brink of starvation. He bowed his head and started at my ribs, bringing my flesh into his mouth. He darted his tongue out and licked a sweet line to the top edge of my panties.
Oh My God! He scraped his teeth over the skin just above the elastic and then traveled north again over my midriff, between my ribs. My skin prickled, electrified. He lifted his face to mine and took my mouth in a smoldering kiss. As he did, his right hand slid onto my breast, igniting a fire in my belly.
An unwanted shyness came over me as he lifted the shirt over my head and I laid underneath him in nothing but my boy short panties. On autopilot, I let my arms drift to cover my breasts.
“No, no … you’re perfect, Livie. Don’t hide from me. When you feel scared just remember your body’s mine.”
“Yours,” I agreed. He gently pried my arms back out of his way. I let a slow breath escape through my teeth.
“Are you happy?” he asked me.
“Hell, yeah.” I felt lightheaded under his gaze.
He smiled and brought his fingertips to my shoulders and let them glide down. “Your bone and muscle,
the curve of your breast …”
Oh, his fingers skated deftly over both nipples, making me catch my breath.
“To the contour of your waist …” He gripped me hard around my waist and pressed his long fingers into my flesh deeply then bowed his head over the taut peak of my breast and swirled his tongue around it. “It’s all mine.”
He blew a stream of cool air through his lips, and my nipple stood on end while he watched its change. He did it again, this time smiling, then caught my eyes before bearing down on the nipple with his very hot mouth. I moaned eagerly, and he sucked, causing the most delicious pressure. His other hand came up and kneaded my other breast slowly, from the bottom, until his sweet, rough fingers rolled the tip between them.
I arched my back, reaching up, wishing for him to swallow me whole with the sensations that had set me on fire. He switched nipples, biting the opposite one now, tenderly but with enough sharpness to make me cry out weakly.
“You waited for me, Livie … I’m going to make your first time all about you so when you remember it, you remember the fire and the heat and everywhere I touched as I claimed every part of you as my own.”
I simmered with lust. I wanted to explode. I wanted to know what that felt like.
Slowly and tauntingly he nibbled down an invisible line over my stomach. He pressed his hands against my inner thighs and spread my legs before him.
I knew what was coming next—total exposure. I wanted to feel his touch there so badly but, involuntarily, I tensed.
“Shh … there has never been anyone for me but you,” he assured me. I knew our history. I believed him.
He carefully massaged my inner thighs until my fear released, then dipped his face, exacting little love bites while sweeping over my thighs with his teeth. His rough stubble rubbed and scratched my legs, and I loved it.
“I want you to show me all of you,” Jake whispered. “Will you?”
“Yes,” I breathed.
“Then I’m going to just slide these off of you, okay?”
True North Page 13