“Hands,” Colt reminded. The North family wasn’t specifically religious, but they believed in giving thanks.
We all joined hands and Suzanne said, “We are so grateful for our family and how that family is growing. May your merciful hand continue to be stayed upon us.”
We all agreed silently and dug in.
The food was sumptuous. As we ate, Jake explained to the family our adventure plan. They listened on eagerly, so thrilled for us. All I could think about was how awesome it was to be surrounded by family; by family who loved you and accepted you no matter what.
That familiar ache tried creeping up on me to spoil the moment of joy. My parents had never been a part of anything I’d done, and I fantasized about how beautiful it would be if they could have been here and been a part of this. Nate always did his best to make up for them and cover the gap. Where was he anyway? It wasn’t like him to turn down free food. I smiled to myself. He knew we were planning on heading out tomorrow, too, because we were trying to stay ahead of a blizzard that had been forecast.
Colt and Caleb discussed business, Jake talked about one of the area’s big fires and how frustrated he was with some of the outsiders working the oil fields. It was all good, he said, except sometimes it seemed Williston had turned into a town from the lawless Wild West. Jules told us about her online courses and her work-from-home job processing legal papers. She even hinted at the idea of joining Sam and Will in Seattle next year for school.
I felt bad for her. She was getting sick of waiting for Nate. We both thought once Jake had broken through the “little sister” veneer, Nate would have upped his game and showed some interest … only he hadn’t, and Jules was heartbroken.
When we finished the spectacular meal, we adjourned into the living room, gathered comfortably and set up Monopoly Empire.
We were laughing and having a blast—I had just obtained Coca-Cola and was ready to sink my paws into Samsung—when the doorbell rang. Jules jumped up so fast her knee hit the table, shaking our pieces and disturbing our wine glasses.
“I’ll get it,” she sang loudly. “It’s probably Nate.”
When she came back into the room her face had gone ashen. My dad was behind her with Nate trailing him, and I knew immediately something was seriously wrong.
“Hello, Suzanne. Colt,” my dad slurred.
Shit. He’d been drinking. His eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he and Nate were a mess, and I wondered if they’d physically fought.
It suddenly felt like the floor had fallen out from below me.
Colt stood up with a caution in his eyes. “Hey there, Dillon.”
I was always scared of my dad when he looked like this. There was a fury in his expression that was dangerous and combustible—like he was a ticking time bomb and one wrong word or action would set him off. He’d never hit me before, but I lived in terror of it. He’d hit Nate a few times.
“Colt, I don’t want any trouble with you,” my dad started.
Jake took my hand as if to remind me I was okay.
“Neither do I, Dillon,” Colt assured. “What can I help you with?”
Nate spoke up from behind my dad. “I’m terribly sorry, Mr. North—”
My dad held up his hand, and Nate stopped in mid-sentence.
“I’m here to bring Olivia home.” Every word my dad said sounded measured.
“We are her home, sir,” Jake explained in a respectful tone.
Suzanne suggested, “We just finished our meal, but there are plenty of leftovers. We’d be glad to make you a plate if you’d like to stay for a while.”
“No disrespect meant, Suzanne, but I have some personal family matters to take care of with my daughter.”
I stood up slowly. The feelings of fear and embarrassment created a strange mind-bending experience I wasn’t sure how to handle. “Dad, I’m going to stay here with Jake. If you want to talk though, I’m sure we could use one of the other rooms for privacy.”
“So this is what I get after raising you alone your whole life? A snub and disrespect?”
“I don’t mean any disrespect, Daddy.” Damn it, now I sounded like a frightened little girl.
Jake came up beside me. “Mr. Morrissey, it looks like you’ve had a bit to drink, and I think Olivia would feel more comfortable once you’ve sobered up.”
“Don’t you tell me about my daughter,” Dad seethed. “And get your hand off of her!” he snapped.
“Dad, what are you doing?” I hissed.
Nate shook his head with an expression that looked like he wanted to melt into the carpet.
“The question is, what are you doing?” my dad continued. “I didn’t raise you to be a little slut.”
A jolt of shock went through me at his words. I couldn’t speak.
Jake stepped in front of me like a shield. “Mr. Morrisey, that’s unacceptable.”
My dad shoved his finger in Jake’s face. “I served in the Gulf War, you worthless rat. I did my time and dealt with it like any other soldier … I know about your dishonorable discharge,” he snarled with disdain.
“I was let out under an Other than Honorable—” Jake began.
“It’s the same thing. You’re a disgrace, and I’m not having my daughter be any part of your life.”
“DAD!” I cried.
“I tried to stop him,” Nate finally spoke up.
My dad turned and backhanded him.
I jolted at the sight. I wanted to rush over to him, but Colt, Caleb and Josh all moved forward first.
“It’s time for you to leave, Dillon,” Colt said evenly.
“I’m not going anywhere without my daughter!” he shouted.
“She’s not leaving!” Jake’s voice shook.
I was shell-shocked. What the hell was I supposed to do? He’d called me a slut and my boyfriend a rat and a disgrace. He’d just hit Nate and was obviously shit-faced. My insides quaked with nervous indecision. Even after everything, he was still my dad.
“Jake and I are leaving tomorrow morning,” I heard myself say, groping for a way to extinguish the charge.
“I know all about you quitting school to go live like a gypsy whore with this guy. That’s going to happen over my dead body,” Dad challenged.
“This conversation is finished. Get out or I’ll throw you out,” Colt warned.
“You’re coming with me, Olivia,” Dad growled. Unless you’re telling me you don’t care anything about my opinion and you don’t actually love me.”
I could feel the manipulation rising from him like heat off a sidewalk in the middle of July. I could almost see the wavy transparency rippling.
“Show me you’re not like your mother.”
My resolve crumpled. It was as if he’d hit a nail on its head. Like a nail into a coffin …
“Okay, Dad, I’ll come talk with you,” I conceded.
“Livie,”—Jake whirled around to catch my eyes—“you don’t have to go anywhere.”
“He’s my dad. What else am I supposed to do?” All the air had gone out of my lungs, and I felt a crushing pressure there, like a diver descending into the furthest depths.
“I’m coming with you,” Jake demanded.
“You’re not coming within ten feet of my daughter, you worthless piece of shit!”
“Dad, stop!” Nate grabbed Dad’s arm.
“You turned my girl into a slut!” my dad raged.
Jake stepped forward. His fist came across my dad’s nose with a horrible crack that threw him to the floor.
“NO! STOP!” I leaped in front of my dad. “Please!” I pleaded with Jake. I hoped he could read my eyes. That I didn’t know what to do.
All I need is a quiet moment to think!
“Livie, come up to my room and let them handle this,” Jules offered.
Show me you’re not like your mother.
“I’ll go with you. We’ll talk,” I said.
Jake started to protest, but I interrupted him. “I need to do this.”
Did I owe my dad anything?
Jake dragged me by the arm towards the hall for some privacy. “He’s drunk and violent. You have no business being around that kind of volatile behavior.”
“He’s never hurt me before.”
“He just backhanded your brother in front of all of us!” Jake’s voice cracked.
I closed my eyes to try and get a grip on the situation. “I’m sorry what he said about you. It’s not true,” I reminded him.
“I know that!” he verified. “But he has no business calling you names, not you, not ever—he’s using you for whatever psychological game he’s playing, Liv, and I don’t think it’s the right move for you to engage.”
How could my dad twist me up like this—make me feel like I had to prove to him that I loved him. I knew the difference between healthy and dysfunctional love. Jake and I, we were healthy. We gave one hundred percent of ourselves to each other, we communicated openly and, yeah, sometimes we shouted, but we never called each other names, and we always worked to resolve the differences we faced. We respected ourselves and each other. Jake’s parents had been a really good example of the kind of relationship we wanted to emulate.
But he was, nevertheless, my dad. My only dad and the only actual family I had besides Nate. If I didn’t go with him, I had a feeling that this would be the end for us. Could I give up on him completely? Maybe I could still fix this. I needed to fix this.
“I’ll be back,” I said decisively. And before Jake could protest, I added, “I’ll be fine. Nate will be with me.” And with that, I marched in front of everyone to the front door. I turned off my emotions … or maybe I just went numb, strode across the driveway and waited in Nate’s truck. My dad’s Impala was parked next to it, but I wasn’t about to get in the car with him while he was drunk as a skunk. Maybe after he slept off the booze he’d be better.
My phone was already buzzing, with texts from Jake no doubt. Nate and my dad emerged from the house and had another argument in front of the Impala. It was obvious Nate was trying to stop him from driving, but Dad shoved him and got behind the wheel anyway. I wondered if I should call the cops. Maybe he could and should sober up in the county lock-up. That would serve him right for coming and raining on my pretty parade.
Nate climbed into the driver’s seat, and the engine roared with the turn of his key. Billy Squire’s “Lonely is the Night” boomed through the speakers.
“I tried to stop him, Liv! I swear to God I did,” Nate explained, peeling the tires across the black top at the corner.
“So that’s why you never showed up for dinner,” I realized.
“If you change your mind and don’t want to talk to him, just say the word and I’ll turn this truck around and bring you right back!” he promised.
“I know you would.”
“He’s been unbearable since you went to school. And instead of his normal not-here routine he’s been coming home and getting sloshed in front of the TV. I ended up getting my own place on Fifth. He’s worse than he’s ever been. I always expected a few hits as part of his nasty-ass norm, but he’s started coming home trying to really dish it out at me,” Nate explained.
“What did you do?” This was making my heart hurt.
“Took it. What the hell was I supposed to do? He’s my fucking father.”
“You could have lit into him,” I whispered. I thought about Nate getting knocked around. He was a big guy and could have set my dad in his place in a heartbeat.
“I’m not making excuses for him. The only difference I can see is that he’s losing the two of us. And when he had us doing what he wanted, he felt in control and now … he’s lost that.”
“What does it matter?” I shrieked. “He was never around for us anyway!”
“How do I know? I’m not a fucking shrink!”
I slid over the cab seat and rested my head on Nate’s big shoulder. I felt safe there.
“I won’t leave you alone with him. Not like this, no way. So we’ll have to go through it together,” Nate qualified. “You leaving on this trip with Jake makes Dad feel completely out of control. He’s going to try to get you not to go.”
“Yeah, I kinda saw that coming.” I lifted my head and watched the lights go past. “What do you think?”
“You should go, of course! Get you out of my hair, for fuck’s sake!”
I laughed a little.
“You deserve to be happy, and I think Jake’s one of the best guys on the planet. I totally approve.”
I closed my eyes. I wanted my family’s acceptance, and getting it from Nate meant the world to me. The idea of not getting it from my dad was still very unsettling.
“Did Dad mean all those things he said about Jake? Not liking him and …” I couldn’t repeat it. “You know.”
“Yeah, he does. He’s pissed about the discharge and is calling Jake’s overdose a suicide attempt. I think the only reason he didn’t throw that out at their house was ‘cause he didn’t want Colt breaking his face like he damned deserves. And I’m glad Jake did clock him when he called you those names.” He thought a moment as the song changed. In the quiet he said, “I’m just taking you back. There’s no way this can end well.”
“I’ve come this far, Nathaniel! I’m going to deal with Dad,” I persuaded. “I can’t just leave tomorrow, knowing that he’d feel like I walked out on him, just like Mom. Nobody deserves that. Shit, that’s what started all this—imagine how much worse he’d be if I did that to him again. I need to at least try to fix this before I go, Nate.”
Nate didn’t look happy about it, but he didn’t turn around.
Chapter 21
“Lonely is the Night”
Billy Squire
My dad stormed into the house like a tornado, knocking down anything he came in contact with. He slammed the bathroom door and locked it behind him.
“Guess he’s going to attend to that bloody nose.” Nate smiled and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. “You want one?” he offered.
Yes. “Not now.”
We listened to dad cursing from the bathroom. He stalked out with blood all over his face and hands.
“Your mother fucking boyfriend broke my fucking nose! Snap it back in place, Nate,” he ordered then looked at me. “Not all of us can afford to go get medical help every time we need it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I charged back.
“Exactly what it sounds like! If the Norths think they can just come in here and take everything from me, they’ve got another thing coming.”
At that moment I heard the bone snap. My dad bellowed while Nate smirked.
“Dad, I love Jake.”
“Then I guess it’s going to come down to who you love the most, Olivia,” he challenged.
“I don’t know what you’re saying.” He couldn’t possibly want me to actually choose? “You were calling me some pretty horrific names back there. He was—”
“Defending you? It was all a show of power for the little asshole,” he chided.
“Excuse me, Jake is not an asshole, and if you could stop insulting us I could talk to you more rationally. But you’re infuriating me and you just embarrassed me beyond belief!” I reasoned.
“I say it the way I see it,” he said, roughly wiping the blood from his face and hands onto a white towel. “And I forbid you to ever see Jake North again.”
My breath hitched into my lungs. I choked out, “I can’t believe you’re doing this and saying these things to me!”
“Yeah, and I can’t believe you look and act just like your mom.”
I had to get away from him. I ran into my old room. He hadn’t changed it. I wondered if he kept it like this, hoping I’d come back to it, or if he really didn’t care either way and was just too wrapped up in his warped mind to bother with it.
I collapsed on my bed and realized I didn’t have Jake’s pillowcase to comfort me. Fuck!
My phone was buzzing from inside my bag. He was worried.
I took it out. I already had like fifty texts and I’d been gone less than half an hour. I couldn’t read through them now.
I texted back.
I’m ok … just give me some time. Love you.
I set my cell on my nightstand.
Had my dad really just forbidden me to see Jake? I couldn’t wrap my head around that one. And why did I care? He’d just called me a whore and a slut! What the hell was happening?
“OLIVIA!” my dad shouted.
“LIVIE, JUST STAY UPSTAIRS!” Nate yelled right after.
A terrible crash followed, and my heart started pounding in my chest. Surging with a sudden burst of adrenaline, I scrambled out of my bedroom, a sense of panic overwhelming me. “NATE!”
I bolted downstairs and saw my dad holding a Louisville Slugger over Nate, who was down on the floor. The lamp was smashed beside him and the table had been overturned.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I screamed at my dad.
“Impudent pup wants a fight, I’ll give him one,” my dad threatened.
“Dad, nobody wants to fight with you! That’s Nate! What the hell has gotten into you?” I stooped beside Nate, putting myself between him and the baseball bat.
“You’re not leaving me, Olivia.” He steadied the bat as if he were thinking of hitting me too.
“I liked it better when you were ignoring us,” I muttered.
“WHAT?” He scowled. “If you have something to say, spit it out! Unless you’re a pussy like your fuck partner.”
The understanding of what Nate had been saying in the truck on the way back hit me like a cinder block. I had been the most well behaved little girl and teenager in history. I thought I was being myself. And I was, but I didn’t realize the puppet master that was my absent-couldn’t-have-cared-less father was really pulling the strings. At least the ones in his mind. I was home at curfew, never drank or smoked and never had boyfriends. Nate played sports, got good grades and had worked with Caleb since he was a teenager. Dad had us all under control, and he liked that. Now he’d lost all of it at once.
“Nothing you think you feel gives you the right or the authority to treat Nate or Jake or me like you are right now!” I got into my dad’s face. I was too angry to even be afraid of the bat anymore. Nate was back on his feet, looking like he was ready to jump in between us at any moment. “You were a lousy dad. You were never home, and when you did come around you were usually nothing but nasty. I always dreamed of having your acceptance, of having you love me. I used to think maybe if I cooked good enough, you’d come home for dinner … or if I did all the laundry and folded your clothes you’d see how much I missed you!”
True North Page 18