by Hunter Rose
“I may be an asshole, but you’re full of shit. You nearly had me believe how wrong I was and how much I do care for you but getting fucking engaged is a little more of a mind fuck than having another woman cook my daughter and me fucking pancakes.” I nearly knock over Mr. Hutchinson on my way out.
31
Stella
“Stella darling, when are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“What?”
I can’t take my eyes off Zac’s painting. It’s astounding and so perfect. I can’t believe how talented he is. His ability to make the figure come to life beats what I first saw at the Petit Versailles.
My dad sighs. “You’ve been acting quite strangely as of late. I’m worried about you.”
“There’s nothing to worry about, dad,” I say, looking at my father in the eyes. I can’t hold his gaze for long, lest he see the confusion and sadness in my eyes. My gaze quickly shifts back to the canvas.
“Alright, but if I’m not mistaken this has something to do with Zac.” He points at the painting. “It’s obvious.”
“What makes you say that?” I tense. It’s so crystal clear for the world to see. Of course my dad would see it in an instant.
“Well, I asked Zac to paint your mother and somehow he’s managed to paint you. Do you know what that’s all about?”
My dad’s right. The woman on the canvas is a spitting image of me. I smile wanly. Maybe Zac does have feelings for me after all. It’s just like him to not be able to voice what he feels. Zac can be so direct and forceful most of the time, but when he’s faced with sentiments for a woman, he’s not able to put any words to his mouth. I groan, making my father look at me more intensely.
Troy . . . oh Jesus, Troy. Zac thinks that we’re engaged.
I bite on my lower lip at the image of him storming out of the room this morning. There was so much venom in his voice when he told me that I am full of shit. How can he think that I don’t love him after the time we spent together?
Then the image of the woman on the canvas captures me again. This is supposed to be my mother? I look closer. I love the wild nature in the painting. Everything is so alive. The colors are incredible. It is almost as if the woman in the painting is trying to reach out and grab you.
Her hair is all disarrayed and acting like a halo about her head. One foot is firmly planted in the sand and the other is pointed to the viewer, as if she were defying the elements and about to take off into flight. She holds her hands toward the person beholding the painting and smiles as if the sun has kissed her with the gift of life.
I immediately see that this is an obvious portrayal of the strong winds that sometimes lash across Long Island during the autumn. The time of year when the last embers of summer merge with the autumn blossom that heralds the beginning of winter. One can almost hear the angry crash of the waves in the background.
And despite the aggressive nature of her surroundings, the woman in the painting looks serenely happy, like she has something wonderful to say to the beholder or, in this case, the person holding the camera and taking the photograph.
I gasp.
“What is it, Stella?”
My dad’s voice rouses me away from the seductive pull of the canvas and I turn to face my father. “This is when mom told you that she was pregnant, right?”
My dad nods, understanding dawning on him.
“I think Zac wanted to combine the moment back then with what I would later become. How he sees me today and how he imagined my mother was.” I grab the photograph of my mother that Zac used as the template. “See how alike mom and I are.”
My dad nods. “Yeah—incredible.”
Zac sees me. By just studying the photograph of my mother in Long Island he was able to clearly see the similarities I share with my late mother. My father always told me that we shared the same wild streak hiding away a kind heart.
“This is like having a painting of the two women that matter most to me,” my father says.
I nod. “I need to go, Dad.”
I have to tell him. I can’t be here any longer. I have to get to Zac’s place before he thinks that I don’t care about him. I love you Zac, but I guess that I knew that the day I walked into the Eye of the Needle. Being apart from you confirmed it.
I slowly turn to face my father. “Dad?”
“Yes, Stella.”
“I have something to tell you.” My voice quivers.
“I gathered that. Just tell me, honey. It can’t be that bad.” My father’s expression softens. It reminds me of the time when I was a little girl.
“I’m in love with Zac,” I blurt out, and the relief that washes over me is apparent.
“I see.” My dad thinks a moment. “And Troy?”
I laugh, somewhat too hysterically. “What about Troy?” I had to endure him going on about how he missed me and that he wanted to make up for lost time the entire morning. It had taken all my persuasion skills to inveigle my way out of a tedious lunch with him and dad earlier today.
“What about Troy? The man wants to marry you, Stella.”
“But I don’t love him.”
“You love, Zac. Yes, you said as much.” Dad spends some time pacing up and down in front of the painting. “How long has this relationship with you and Zac been going on?” There, he said it. It’s out in the open. “Why didn’t you say anything?” My father seems pained that I hadn’t confided in him.
I take a few steps until I stand before him. I restrain my father gently before he can start pacing again. “I thought that you’d go nuts. I . . . I don’t know.” I can’t seem to find what to say. My head is full of confusion and thoughts of Zac. What if he decided to be with Holly? The thought makes me want to throw up.
My father looks at me seriously as understanding dawns on him. “You thought I’d try and stop you because Zac works as a tattoo artist.” My father shakes his head. “I would’ve thought that you thought more of me. Do you remember my origins, Stella …?”
I nod meekly, knowing that he started out writing scripts for low-budget productions. For years, he toiled as a non-descript writer with no prospects.
“I am what you’d call the typical L.A. story. I worked in clubs as a barman on weekends to make ends meet until I had my big break. And one day, my script was chosen out of thousands for a movie that hit the big time. From one day to the next, I became a big shot.”
My dad grabs my shoulders as if he’s trying to force some sense into me. “I come from nothing and look at me now.” He sweeps his arms around the house.
I swallow deeply. “Does that mean you’re not angry?”
My dad smiles. “Of course I’m not angry. Why? There are times when I don’t know whether to listen to Zac or read him.” He laughs. “I’m no fan of tattoos, but Zac seems like a stand-up guy. That’s what counts in my book. Also, a man who can love his daughter so much and do what’s necessary would make an excellent man for my girl.”
I nearly faint. “Really?” I’m behaving like a little girl all over again. I never expected my father to be so cool about it. Although, I should have known all along. How many times has he spoken of hard work and the fact that only people who know what it’s like to have nothing are the only ones worth knowing? I remember dad once saying that a person with a privileged background who has heart is a very rare breed indeed.
“Look at what Zac did here.” I stare at the painting once again. “Art is not what you see, but what you make others see. Edgar Degas said that. If you ask me, Zac makes us see truthfully. Stella, go to him and get that guy back before it’s too late. I see a kindred spirit in him and if that’s anything to go by, Zac is as stubborn as mule when he feels wronged.”
I can literally feel my heart melting in my chest. I love my dad so much. This is what people speak of when they mention unconditional love. My father would do anything to see me happy. In a flash of insight, my instincts take over.
I hug my dad with so much force that I have him
laughing and pushing me away. “Go, and when you’re done, bring him over and I will set down some ground rules with Zac.”
I giggle like a little girl with her first crush. “Yes, dad. Don’t be too hard on him.” I race out of the room as fast as my legs can carry me.
32
Zacchary
“Azure, can you turn the music down please?”
“Aw, dad.”
“Don’t ‘aw, dad’ me, Azure. Just turn it down, I can’t hear myself think.” I stare at my beer glass as if I might find the solution to what’s going on with me right now. What happened this morning was so weird. Stella’s going to get engaged, but I just can’t believe it. I guffaw. With a Ken doll like that . . . no fucking way.
“Dad, what’s the matter? Ever since you got back from Stella’s place this morning, you’ve been in a bad mood.” Azure looks at me from her position on the sofa in our living room. “And what you did to Holly . . . I don’t want to even think about that.”
I inhale deeply. “I don’t know. I’m sorry if I’ve been taking it out on you.” I manage to flash my daughter a smile. “I promise that I’ll make it up to you.”
“Dad, that’s not the answer to my question. If something’s bothering you, you got to talk about it. A problem shared is a problem halved.”
I chortle. “Where did you get that?”
Azure smiles. “I read it on my Facebook thread. Good, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“So, tell me already?”
I see the obduracy etched onto my girl’s features. I know that look. Already, the first time she opened her eyes when she came into this world fifteen years ago, she showed the same streak of determination. I clear my throat. “It’s Stella.”
Azure rolls her eyes. I don’t notice the gesture because all my scrutiny is reserved for my beer glass. “I know that it’s got to do with Stella. It’s obvious.”
I look up. “Stella’s engaged,” I blurt, jumping to conclusions and altering the truth to suit my mood.
At first, Azure frowns. Within moments, she giggles. “Oh, dad . . . you don’t believe that, do you?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Why not?”
My daughter’s eyes widen. “Because she’s like crazy in love with you. It’s obvious, and there’s no way she’d be with another guy. Trust you not to see it. Sometimes I think that you live life with your head in the sand.”
“Since when did you become the expert?” I snap.
Azure titters. “Men . . .” She gets up and walks over to where I’m sitting on my favorite leather armchair with the best view of the TV in the room. She sits down on the armrest and looks into my eyes.
It always surprises me how I created something so beautiful. I can still remember holding her in my arms when she was a baby. She would look at me with her warm brown eyes, just like she’s doing now and like back then, having my daughter so close to me warms my heart. I lift my eyebrows when Azure takes my hand and starts to stroke it. I smile softly. Physical contact only comes into question nowadays when one of us has the blues, and this is one of those moments. It pisses me off. Not since Azure’s mom have I felt down because of a woman. I swore to myself back then that it would never happen again.
“So, dad, are you going to tell me what’s going on or do I have to call Stella?”
“What?”
“You heard me, dad. Don’t look so surprised. Of course I have her number. Us girls have to stick together, right?”
I don’t know what to say. Everything had happened so fast. To be frank, I can remember everything clearly, but that’s not the problem. I don’t understand what I’m feeling. It seems that another being has claimed my body. I guess I’m not used to being close to a woman. I take a slug of beer and prime my voice. “Azure . . .” The sound stops dead on my mouth.
“Yeah, dad?”
I wince. Fuck, how am I supposed to say what I’m thinking when I don’t even understand it? “Stella thinks there’s something going on with me and Holly.” It’s not what I wanted to say, but those were the first words that came to mind.
“And she’d be right to think that. Come on, dad, it was not that long ago when I asked you why you didn’t ask Holly out on a date.”
I shrug. “Yeah, and remember what I said? I said that I had no interest in doing that.”
“I know that, and you made it abundantly clear earlier, but does Stella know?”
“She’d be stupid if she didn’t.”
“Come on, dad. Only you can have a skin as thick as an elephant’s.” Azure moves closer so that she’s looking at me right in the eyes. “Think about it. Stella woke up one morning at our house and went downstairs to find Holly and Kimran. Get the picture?”
“What’s the problem with that?” I know the answer, but I just don’t want to admit it. Azure had already berated me for being pigheaded over the issue a week ago.
“I will tell you what the problem is.” She shakes her head. “Holly is attractive, single, and enters our house whenever she likes. Then, you never mentioned her to Stella and to top it off, you ignored the whole situation and behaved as if Stella wasn’t even present. Dad, you even complemented Holly on the pancakes.” Azure thinks a moment. “It still wasn’t right to blame Holly for it though.”
“Mm.” Things start to get clearer in my head. I behaved like an asshole to both Holly and Stella, but I still don’t understand why Stella had to make such a big deal out of it. One conversation with me would have straightened things out. Instead, she had to storm out and go covert for over a week. I’m so lost in my own thoughts that I don’t listen to Azure going on about this and that.
“Dad, have you been listening to a single thing I’ve been saying?”
“Sorry, Azure. You said something about girls not liking it when another girl intrudes in their territory?”
“Not only that, but you should see Stella’s behavior as a clear sign of her feelings for you. Only a woman in love reacts so impulsively.”
A shiver slides down my spine. In an instant, all thoughts of Stella with Troy vanish. It was all bullshit anyway, and only my way of finding excuses to not face up to what’s truly bothering me. Fuck, and I said that Stella was full of shit. I’m the one who’s full of it.
Listening to my daughter talk about jealousy and love makes me wonder what’s going on in her life right now. I swear if some asshole ever hurts her, I’d flatten the guy. Stella would know what’s going on. I’m sure of it. I swallow deeply as I make up my mind. I’ve got to go to her and tell her everything. Being without her doesn’t feel right and I was nearly going to tell Stella all that when that prick Troy interrupted us. I guess I just lost it this morning. I suppose I have been losing it all day. I think of poor Holly for a few seconds.
“So, are you going to speak to Stella?” asks Azure. She saw the workings of my mind written on my face.
“Yeah.” I get up with a grunt. Before I go, I turn and stroke my girl’s cheek. “Thanks, hun. You’re the best daughter a father could wish for.”
Azure rolls her eyes. “I know that. I love you, dad.” She stands up and hugs me.
“I love you too, Azure.” It feels good to have my daughter so close to me. It seems that since Stella entered my life, she has softened a great deal.
“Now, I think that you have to tell that other best girl what you’re feeling.”
“Yeah,” I snort and plant a kiss on Azure’s forehead.
“Um, dad?”
“Yeah, hun?”
“You’re not going like that are you?”
I look down at my sweatpants and frowzy t-shirt. I give my daughter a small smile and shrug. “What difference does it make? Stella will be more interested in what I have to say.”
“Yeah, right. Put on something that shows her that you mean it.”
I laugh as the doorbell chimes.
“You go get ready. I’ll get that.”
33
Stella
“Oh, he
y, Azure. Is your dad in?” I ask, as I shuffle on my feet nervously.
The whole way over to Zac’s place I’ve been going over in my head what I’m going to tell him. First, I wanted to start with an apology, but then I decided that Zac would walk all over me in an instant. Second, I thought of reprimanding him for the whole Holly situation, but we’ve been over that. More importantly, I truly believe that he thought nothing of it. I just wish that I hadn’t gone all mental on him at the first whiff of another woman’s competition. Being with a hot guy like Zac is always going to bring on a certain number of female predators. Yes, I will go for option three: be firm, sexy, and offer him hints of my demureness.
“Stella!” Azure whirls into my arms and hugs me as if I’m the first person in the world she wants to see.
“I’m so happy to see you, Azure,” I whisper into her ear and truly mean it. I’ve missed her and her dad like crazy these past days.
“Me too, Stella.” When she pulls away, she looks at me seriously. “Please tell me that you’re here to fix things up.”
I laugh, somewhat too hysterically, and finally nod. “Yes, that’s what I’m aiming for if your dad will let me.” I swallow nervously when I think about what I would do if he would not. Maybe he does love Holly and he has come to realize that at last. What if he thinks that I betrayed him with Troy? Oh fuck, this is going to be crazy.
“Don’t worry. Dad will most certainly let you.” Azure bids me onto the house and closes the front door. Once I’m inside, Azure looks at me closely. “My father has been just about the biggest pain all day. He’s been moping around the house all day swearing. When he finally found some peace, the doorbell rang and that’s when all hell broke loose.”
I know it was Holly. I can feel it. What if she’s sitting in the next room? I don’t think I could handle it. My mind is working like crazy. Maybe I should leave now before I break down and cry. I press my lips together. I’ll be damned if I let that woman take my man. I scowl as the last vestiges of doubt leave me. They’re replaced by sheer will and determination.