by M. K. Eidem
“I’m holding you to that, Lucas Matthew Zafar.”
“It’s a date.” The smile she gives him has his heart racing.
“A date? That means I’ll have to wear something special.”
“Special?” His mind starts to race. “Like…?”
“That’s for me to know and you to… imagine.” Her eyes sparkle at him.
God he loves her, especially when she’s playful. Rolling out of bed, he holds out a hand to his life mate because he knows she is. Just as he knows one day, she’ll be the mother of his children. Something’s are just known.
Slipping her hand into his, she lets him pull her out of their bed. Their bed. She’d never realized he was a romantic but he is. She is a very lucky woman.
“Are you on duty today?”
“Later on.”
“Time for first meal?”
“Yeah.” The smile she gives him is brighter than the rising suns of Carina.
“I’m going to go change in the bathroom.” At her raised eyebrow, he satisfies himself by caressing her cheek. “It’s the only way we’ll make first meal.” Nodding, she watches him grab his clothes and head to the other room.
First meal is crowded, it usually is. Grabbing trays, they get in line. “You need more than that.” Lucas put more on her tray.
“If I’d wanted it, I’d have taken it.” She puts it back.
“Look… like… its Tori cookie.”
“Hey Kip, how you doing?”
“Good with you in my line. What do you need my sweet thing?”
“I think I’m good for now, thanks.”
“You sure?”
“I am, see you later.”
“You count on that sweet thing.” Kip grins at her.
Lucas remains silent through the exchange, frowning. Who the fuck is this guy? Flirting with Victoria right in front of him. Following her to a table, he sits down hard.
“What’s wrong?” She can sense the change in him.
“Who was that?” He hisses at her.
“Who? You mean Kip?” She gives him a puzzled look. “Lucas, that’s Hutu’s nephew. He’s been on the Retribution for three cycles. How can you not know him?”
“I…”
Leaning over her plate, she smiles at him. “You’re jealous,” she whispers.
“I am not!” he denies loudly, when heads turn, he calm’s himself. “You’re mine Victoria,” he whispers back at her.
“Yes, yes I am, but I have to admit I enjoy the fact that you’d think someone else would be interested.” Realizing what she’s just said, she lowers her eyes. “Sorry that wasn’t exactly a compliment.”
“Victoria?” He never thought she could doubt herself like this.
Her eyes shoot around the room. “Please let it go… please.” Knowing there are ears listening, he nods.
“We’ll talk about it later.” His eyes are hard as they meet hers.
Knowing she only bought some time she nods then starts to eat.
“What are you doing in here today?” Magnes walks up to Victoria as she reads a chart.
“I need something to do. Classes are cancelled due to the decompression.”
“Can I talk to you in my office?” he asks.
“I… sure.” Following him, she wonders what’s up. When he closes the door, her heart leaps. “Is it Hot Dog?”
“What? No. Last, I heard he was doing really well. Starting to respond.” Magnes gives her a considering look. “But he’s what started this. Him and Zafar.” Sitting down he gestures to Victoria to do the same.
“Zafar has had a remarkable recovery.”
“He didn’t fight the treatments and timing was a factor.”
“I agree. That’s what I want to talk to you about, rumor is, you’re thinking about joining the Coalition’s civilian service.” Shocked eyes met his. “There are few secrets on a Battle Star.”
“Why are you inquiring?” Her tone is cool.
“Because the rest of the rumor is that you are thinking about stepping away from burn treatment.” When she doesn’t answer, he continues. “I believe that would be a huge mistake.”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t get me wrong, any ship would benefit having you on board. You save lives. You’re good and you care, maybe too much.”
“What?”
“When you treat a burn patient, you put up a wall; you know it’s going to be hard and long, and you’re going to take some hits. You don’t let it in but when you work emergencies… you let everyone in. Make it personal. You won’t survive long that way.”
“So I’ll have to learn,” she tells him.
“That’s an option but I’d like to suggest another. Stay in the field you obviously excel in.” He holds up a hand cutting her off. “On the Retribution, set up a program. A burn program that incorporates everything you know. Everything you’ve learned from your experience in treating Zafar. What you’ve done with him is a medical miracle. You did something that’s never been done. You treated him before the burns healed and because of that, in one moon cycle, he is back in a Blade, not a full cycle like it will take Hot Dog.”
“Hot Dog’s injuries were more extensive.”
“Not to his hands!” Magnes denies. “Do you know how many burn victims we have every cycle that never come back? You could make a difference. A significant difference in that number.”
“I could never do it alone. Lucas is a special case.”
“I realize that.” At her shocked look, he smiles. “Few secrets, remember.” When she looks away, he suddenly realizes this is an area she’s unsure of, the first he’s ever seen. “It will never be a problem, not here. Victoria, I’m sorry can I call you that?”
“Tori.”
“You are in a unique position. You have the skills needed to make a huge difference for the members of the Coalition. You have the contacts to make it happen and probably most important, you want to be here, because of Lucas.”
“And if I don’t have patients to treat?”
“You will always be needed during battle, you know that. It would balance you.”
“You’ve given this a lot of thought.” She looks at him speculatively.
“Since I learned your specialty, yes. You don’t know my history.” She sees sadness creep into his eyes. “Twenty cycles ago, I was a new medical on the Sentinel. My wife, Krinsten, was on the ship with me. We’d taken heavy fire during our first tour. Felt we were seasoned. On the second, they sent nukes. One hit the Sentinel. I’m in medical treating the wounded when they wheel her in. She had second and thirds over fifty percent of her body.”
“Fifty percent?” Victoria sucks in her breath before she whispers.
“We were naïve. They told us she needed to be on Carina, that she’d be okay.” His eyes still show the guilt. “We believed them, I let her go alone. She never made it. She died alone, on a ship where no one knew what to do for her.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“See that’s the difference… you truly are. For a woman who suffered and died over twenty cycles ago.”
“No one should suffer needlessly.”
“You can change that.” Victoria looks at him. He’s just presented to her everything she ever wanted, to help burn victims while being with Lucas.
“You honestly think there would be a place for that in the fleet.”
“There would be, your early treatment protocol will ease pain and suffering. Allow families to stay together. You know that makes a difference.”
“It does.” She can’t argue with him. Family support makes all the difference, she’s living proof of it. “I need to think about it. I came here to get away from burn victims.”
“You choose the wrong place,” Magnes tells her.
“So it seems but I don’t regret it.”
“You never regret making a difference.”
“Dr. Magnes! We need you!” The panic in Gabor’s voice has them both up and running. On a cot in medic
al is Cade Reymont.
“What’s going on?” he demands of Gabor.
“Overdose, Xyphrine, self-administrated.”
“God no!” Victoria rushes to Cade’s side, grasping his hand. “Cade! Can you hear me? Come on Cade, come back.” While Magnes gets the antidote, Victoria looks around. “Where’s his father!”
“Over there.” Gabor points to the far corner of the room.
“Reymont! Get over here!” Assuming he hadn’t thought he’d be allowed Victoria turns back to Cade. “Come on Cade! Open your eyes. Your dad’s here.” Looking over her shoulder, she sees he hasn’t moved. “Reymont!” Seeing the refusal in his eyes, she gives all her concentration to Cade.
“Listen to me Cade! Hear me! I’m here! I’m not leaving!” Rubbing her knuckles on his breastbone, she gets the slightest of responses. “There you are Cade. Hear me, come back, listen to me Cade, only to me!” Alarms sound on the monitors.
“No! Cade! Don’t listen to him Cade! Listen to me!” Rubbing his chest again, she gets no response.
“Chamberlain, step away,” Magnes orders.
“NO! He’s not gone yet. He can still come back!” she argues.
“No.” Magnes puts a gentle hand on her back. “He’s gone. He’s made his choice.”
“He’s too young to make that choice!” Victoria denies.
“But he has. Gabor!”
“Come on Tori…” Gabor takes her arm, leading her away. Raising her head, she sees Reymont.
“You could have saved him!” she accuses. “You didn’t even try!” Shaking off Gabor’s hand, she leaves medical.
Chapter Nine
“Zafar!” Dodge looks around the flight deck. “LUCAS!”
“What!” Lucas slides out from under a Blade.
“Comm!”
“I’m busy!”
“It’s Magnes! He says it’s important!”
“Fuck!” Getting up, he strides over taking the headset from Dodge.
“Zafar!”
“Major, has Victoria contacted you?”
“What?” He moves to a quieter portion of the flight deck covering one ear.
“Has Vitoria contacted you!” Magnes demands again.
“Victoria? No, she’s in medical.” Suddenly his gut tightens. “What happened?”
“We had a self-termination.”
“Who…”
“Cade Reymont, Major, it was Xyphrine.”
“Fuck!” He remembers when Victoria had been poisoned with the same drug.
“She left medical very upset.”
“I’ll take care of it.” Disconnecting, he finds Dodge waiting.
“You’re in charge.” Lucas tells him. "Get that Blade up and running. I don’t want contacted unless the Regulians are attacking. Understood?”
“Yes sir.”
He knows where she’ll be. At least he hopes he does, in their quarters. She’ll want to be alone. Opening the hatch, he finds the lights on but the room empty. Is he wrong? Hearing the shower, he sees the partially closed door. Relieved, he secures the hatch. Then he hears it. The sobbing, she never cries. Rushing into the bathroom, he freezes at what he finds. She’s fully clothed on the shower floor, hugging her knees to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Oh God.
“Victoria.” When she doesn’t respond, he turns off the water. She doesn’t notice. Kneeling down as if she’s a skittish animal, he tries again.
“Victoria.”
“Why? Why did he listen to it? Why couldn’t I find him?” she whispers.
“What? Victoria…”
“He’s alone in that dark… why couldn’t I find him…” As she continues to sob, Lucas realizes she’s not talking to him. She’s gone somewhere in her mind. “Why wouldn’t he come back? It’s so dark there. Why did he listen to him?”
“Victoria…” She’s scaring him. Reaching out, he takes her hand, finding it chilled despite the warmth of the water. “Victoria, come back to me. Victoria… come back…” he orders harshly. Lifting her head from her knees, she looks at him with lost, unfocused eyes.
“Victoria, I’m here, I’ve got you, come back to me.” Slowly he watches her hear him, see him.
“Lucas?” She gives him a confused look.
“I’m here, baby.”
“What?” She looks at him, suddenly realizing she’s fully clothed, soaking wet and sitting on the shower floor. “Oh crap!” She leans her head back against the wall.
“Come on, let’s get you out of here.” Quickly stripping off her wet clothes, he dries her then pulls her nightgown over her head. Sweeping her into his arms, he carries her to the couch and cradles her in his lap. Her silence during the entire process concerns him.
“Victoria… talk to me.”
“Cade’s dead,” she whispers.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“He took Xyphrine, Lucas, he was nine and self-terminated. Oh god!” She burrows into him.
“You did everything you could, Victoria.” When she doesn’t answer, he tips her chin up to him. “What were you talking about before, about the ‘dark’?”
“I couldn’t reach him. I should have been able too. I know what it’s like to be there, in that dark place, to hear him tell his lies. I was there… when I was nine.”
“You’re talking about when you were poisoned.”
“Yeah, I was so scared. I knew there was something out there, in that inky dark, that if I stayed really still, it wouldn’t find me. It would whisper things, things that were lies but true at the same time, I was so confused. I just wanted to go home. It told me I could. All I had to do was find it, but it scared me, so I wouldn’t move.” She closes her eyes, shivering.
“Shh… it’s okay, I’m here.” He rubs her arm.
“You were there too.” Opening her eyes, she stares into his. “In the dark, I could hear you. You and Aunt Cassie, I could hear you but I couldn’t understand what you were saying. I tried to concentrate, to hear, but the more I did, the louder it got. It was getting so close and I knew I had to move or it would find me, so I moved towards your voice. It didn’t matter what you were saying, I just knew you wouldn’t lie to me.”
Lucas listens, not knowing what to say. He remembers how scared he’d been during that time. Holding her hand, talking to her, thinking he might lose her before he ever really had her. Cassie never left her side, talking until she was hoarse. She told him they needed to keep talking to her, to let her know they were there, to keep her with them. She’d been right.
“That’s when I saw the light. Yours, Aunt Cassie’s, Uncle William’s, it was driving away the dark and it was so angry about it. So angry… I reached out, knew if I could reach the light, you’d keep me safe. That’s when it said…”
“Said what, Victoria?” Lucas isn’t sure he wants to know.
“That if I reached the light, I’d never see my family again. My real family, the ones that really loved me, I froze.” She sees the shock in Lucas’ eyes. “I told you it lied with the truth. It knew I wanted my mom and dad, and it said the only thing that could stop me. I didn’t know what to do, who to believe.”
“Then I heard the singing.” Reaching up, she gently touches his lips, giving him a slight smile. “I could hear Aunt Cassie singing to me, the song mom always sang when I was scared. Aunt Cassie always screwed it up. I think she did it on purpose, so I’d correct her. That’s when I knew it was lying. My mom and dad weren’t there, my family, the people who loved me were calling for me, trying to find me, so I ran as fast as I could to the light. It screamed. When I opened my eyes, you were there.”
Lucas can’t speak. Doesn’t know what to say. He’d always known they’d come close to losing her that day so long ago, but he hadn’t known she remembered anything about it. Hadn’t known the battle she’d fought alone, as a child, alone in the dark, a battle Cade lost.
“Lucas, Cade’s dad, he wouldn’t help.”
“What?” Confused eyes meet hers.
“In m
edical, he wouldn’t help. He just stood there, he wouldn’t talk to him, wouldn’t touch him, he just let him go.” The anger she feels returns. “How could he do that? He was his son!”
“I don’t know baby, it’s unthinkable, but I know you did everything you could. It’s not your fault Cade chose not to come back.”
“I know but still…”
“No, there’s no ‘but’ here, if you could have, you would have gone back to that dark and found him. I know that, so do you. You couldn’t have done more than you did, sometimes it wins.” Nodding she lays her head on his chest, letting the beat of his heart comfort her.
“Lucas…”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry about before.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does. I hurt you. My not believing you, trusting you, hurt you.”
“I gave you reason.”
“No you didn’t. I don’t trust many people.” She looks into his eyes. “I’m good at shutting people out, but I never meant to do it to you.”
“Why did you?” Lucas realizes they need to talk about this, if they were going to make this work, and they damn well were, they needed to be honest with each other.
“I don’t know if I can explain it.”
“Try, please. We need to understand each other, Victoria.” He gently cups her cheek.
“I know and maybe that’s part of it, that if you understand me, who I am, you’ll change your mind and leave...like you did before.”
“Like I did before…” Lucas realizes she’s talking about after the Challenge and pales. He never considered she’d feel abandoned by him, never knew. “You told me in the transmissions, the ones I never listened too.” He sees the truth in her eyes. Closing his, he rests his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry.”
“It was the right thing to do for both of us, I know that now, but Lucas, it’s more than that… there’s always been talk, comments, ever since the Challenge.” She watches his eyes. I’m considering…. different, something of an oddity. There is a group that felt I shouldn’t be allowed to interact with their children, they tried to keep me out of school, out of Montreux.”
“That’s ridiculous!” The honest fury in his eyes eases her tension.