by Alana Khan
After we incinerated or shattered every piece of household garbage, as well as all the detritus from a week aboard the Jewel of the Skies, Brin searched everywhere in a quarter mille radius to find every fallen limb and dead log she could get her hands on.
“Ballsy Brin, have you killed enough garbage for one day?”
“Yes.” She’s beaming.
A little dram chooses this ill-advised moment to scurry into our meadow-turned-gun-range. Brin has it in her sight in a split modicum.
The little dram is oblivious, eating a tiny brown crima nut without a care in the world. It doesn’t notice the red laser sight focused on its flank.
“Brin?” my voice is low and steady.
Her eyes widen as she lowers the pistol and points it to the ground. “I almost pulled the trigger on that little dram,” her voice is hushed, astonished. She drops the gun to the ground and hurtles into my arms. “What just happened?”
“You got carried away, I guess.”
“I don’t know if it came down to it if I could kill anything. I thought I was a pacifist before I was abducted. After that, a great deal of my free time was consumed with imagining creative ways to hurt people. Maybe it was a blessing that I got the Stockholm thing. It allowed most of the bitter hatred to seep away.”
I rub her back and kiss the top of her head. My attraction to her is growing exponentially. No, that’s not exactly correct, it’s more than attraction, it’s connection.
“Captain?” It’s Tawny over my wrist comm.
“Yes?”
“I hate to interrupt, but it’s urgent. I arranged for all, I repeat all, of our saleable items to be auctioned on Carden II in two weeks’ time, just as you requested. I don’t know what possessed me to check, but when I got onto the online catalog, I saw everything is slated to be sold at auction three days from now.
“I contacted them and they say they’ve received a great deal of interest in several of our rare collectibles. People are coming from every corner of the galaxy for this, you’ve amassed quite a trove. They inform me there’s no way to postpone it.
“Marcus has charted our course and if everyone gets on board from their leave within the next houra, we’ll be on Carden II sometime the night before the auction. I’m sorry, Sir. I re-read all my correspondence. My communications were perfectly clear, I don’t know how they fucked it up.”
“Did you just call me Sir, Tawny? That’s the biggest surprise of the day.” I’m trying to lighten the mood and alleviate her feeling responsible for this fiasco, but my jaw is clenching and I’m infuriated.
“Marcus says if that rustbucket you’re flying can make it up to ten-power you can arrive on Carden II about the same time as us. Otherwise, we have to do this without you. There’s no time to pick you up.”
“Have Marcus do me a favor and chart a course for me, send it to my comm. I have something I need to do before we lift off. See you on Carden II in two days.”
“You look furious, T. Is this terrible?” Brin asks, her green eyes constricted with concern.
“No, it just interrupts my plans.” I hold her tight, then take a step back. “I wanted Kallion to give you time to heal. To give us time to get to know each other better. We’ve got to bounce, but there’s one thing we have to do first. Fly us to the waterfall.”
Brin
Piloting is becoming second nature to me. I get us to the waterfall in record time without need of T’s directions.
Although I’m perfectly capable of getting out of the little hover by myself, I love when he comes to my side and lifts me out. It’s one of a thousand ways he lets me know I’m special.
“Brin, there were so many things I wanted us to do on Kallion. This planet is calm and healing, and the time away from everyone was going to provide a haven. Although we have to leave, I want us to do one thing before we go.”
He grabs my hand and pulls me to the falls. Now that I’ve seen the territory from above on the hover, I have a better appreciation of the geography and the nature of this place.
There’s a wide, meandering stream that traverses much of T’s property and beyond. The stream narrows as it approaches the hill that becomes part of the falls. It’s maybe two stories high, nothing terribly impressive. The narrower the stream gets, the faster the water flows, and by the time it reaches the top of the hill it’s rushing at a swift pace.
The chasm it falls into is deep, so deep it’s hard to calculate—maybe twenty stories, maybe more. In most places, it’s only ten feet wide. The combination of the downward rush of water and the humid spray when it crashes below seems the perfect breeding ground for rainbows. There’s something about it that seems magical.
“I want to give you a gift, Beautiful Brin. Trust me?”
Happy Thantose, the Thantose of jokes and levity, is nowhere to be found. Those caramel brown eyes are serious. With that expression, he could ask me to march into hell after him and I would.
I nod. “Without question, Thantose.”
There’s a huge log lying near the crevice. It’s maybe twenty feet long and two and a half feet wide. At some time in the past, it was split, whether by nature or people I have no way of knowing. Its back is curved, but its surface is flat.
Thantose hefts it up until it’s standing upright, maybe three feet from the chasm’s edge, then lets it drop. I watch as the huge timber falls in slow motion, then faster as gravity takes over. It slams upon the far bank with a heavy thud that can be heard over the roar of the falls, bounces once, then settles into the soil on the other side.
I knew Primians have special abilities—they live to two hundred years and beyond. I didn’t know they had prodigious strength. No human male could have lifted a tree that size.
He points. “We’re going to walk out there, Brave Brin.”
Oh no the fuck we’re not! I shriek in my mind. “Nope.”
“I’ll carry you.”
Five minutes ago I told him I trust him without question. I guess I need to let my actions speak for me.
“Okay,” I say steadily, but my heart rate has tripled, and beads of sweat bloom on my upper lip.
He grabs my hand and pulls me toward the plank. Plank. Walking the plank doesn’t have a good connotation. Then I realize I’ll be walking the plank with a pirate and a bubble of hysterical laughter escapes my mouth. I’m terrified, Ballsy Brave Brin or not.
“Watch.”
He steps onto the timber and strides to the middle without hesitation or a misstep. Outstretching his arms, he twirls in a circle, then jogs back to me. Jogs!
“I’ll carry you, we’ll do our business out there, and I’ll carry you back. You’ll be safe and it will be worth it. Harden’s honor.”
My heart is slamming so wildly in my chest I can’t contain it. I’m struggling to pull air into my lungs, and my hands are trembling. I care for this male, and I trust him more than I’ve trusted anyone in a decade. Do I trust him with my life?
“Okay.” I’m certain that came out so soft it couldn’t be discerned over the thunder of the falls, so I nod.
He pulls me to the plank, bends so his face is in front of mine, and says, “I know you’re scared to death. It is my solemn oath I will take care of you, Brin.”
I nod again and he sweeps me into his arms and carries me to the middle of the chasm. He carefully sets me down in front of him and keeps his hands on my waist.
“I have a firm hold on you. Can you look down? It’s so beautiful from here.”
I hold his gaze with mine. Okay, Brin, hang on to those caramel brown eyes. You’re not hallucinating, they’re filled with care and concern for you. He’s in a big hurry to rush to the other side of the galaxy, but he’s making this detour for you.
Although I don’t know what this is about, I know it’s for me, and I know it’s important.
I grab his biceps with a death grip and make sure my stance is wide and safe. With him lending me his strength, I tear my gaze from his and look down.
; It’s magical. I see rainbows beneath me that are three hundred and sixty degrees around. I couldn’t understand the physics of it in a million years, and I don’t want to. I allow myself to bathe in the wonder of this place.
The moisture and water droplets from the thundering falls and the pouring water are a breeding ground for dozens, no hundreds of rainbows. The full-circle ones beneath me, some fragments near the edges of the chasm, and dear Lord, they’re arcing over us.
“Thantose, amazing.”
He nods. “Amazing.” But he’s not looking at the rainbows, he’s looking straight at me.
He nestles his lips next to my ear so I can hear every word with clarity. “This is the most magical place I’ve ever known, Brin. It’s the most precious gift I can offer. More valuable than anything in the Ataraxia’s hold. I bestow it upon you.”
His breath is warm against my skin, the words touch me so deeply, it’s like my heart’s been ripped open and sunshine is streaming in.
“I’m going to turn you around to face away from me. My hands will still be on you. You’re safe as can be. Forget I’m even here for a few moments. If there’s any place in the galaxy that’s divine, it’s here, Brin. Let the magic work for you. Let go of every single thing you’re ready to cast away. Everything you want to fade from your mind or totally forget. Every ince of your skin that you want to wash free. Let the magic clean you and heal you and give you peace.”
He gently turns me back from where we came. His hands are firm and steady on my hips and the first thing I cast off is my fear of this place. I glance one more time at the rainbows beneath and around me, then allow my eyelids to flutter closed.
What am I ready to release? What can I jettison?
I start with the pig-faced aliens who stole me from my bed. I can let the fear and hatred go.
Temsin, my first master, the one who stole my maidenhead and taught me the basics of blowjobs and obeisance, I want to release that. The memories will never disappear, but the terror and hatred, I watch as they fade from color to black and white and then recede smaller and smaller until they disappear.
Rauche, my second master, who didn’t know the meaning of softness or kindness or tolerance, I unfasten my connection. I don’t want to expend one more iota of energy on that male.
I imagine reels and reels of old-fashioned movie film being unspooled and dangling into the water of the falls. Let whatever magic this place possesses eat it up and spit it out, or mete out punishment, or erase it. I don’t want to pick it up again.
Amrus. His face is as clear as if he was standing in front of me. Unruly black hair, perfect golden skin, and so much contempt in those handsome green eyes. I tried so hard to please him. I convinced myself I loved him.
I picture kicking him off the plank, but he doesn’t budge. Having learned to shoot a few hours ago, I aim and pull the trigger in my imagination. It doesn’t sway him. I envision lions eating him and elephants trampling him and vultures pecking out his eyes, but he still stands a foot in front of me with that smug, dismissive smile on his face. Hinzeer, the name he called me, pig, echoes in my mind.
Sadly, today won’t be the last day evil Amrus haunts me. He was the most sadistic, the most ‘generous’ to his friends with me, the cleverest at inventing new tortures and torments. He’s buried too deep in my cranium for a few rainbows to erase. I’ll have to work on this in some other way at some other time.
Thantose needs to leave this place. I can’t stay here forever. I say my private thanks to the magic. Hundreds of pounds of angst and anger and hatred have melted into the pool below. I’ll walk out of here cleaner and lighter than when I came in. Dispatching Amrus will have to wait for another day.
And I am walking out. I nod my head in determination, grasp Thantose’s hands on my hips with my own, and step forward. I’m not as sure-footed or swift or skillful as him, but I get us both to the bank without a misstep.
As soon as we’re safely on dry land, he turns me in his arms and hugs me tight. His large hands press my shoulders and waist to him, and he dips his head to whisper, “How was that?”
He keeps his gaze from mine, to keep from intruding. I have no secrets to keep, so I pull back to look into his compassionate gaze.
“That was a magical place, T, thanks for bringing me here. I left a thousand pounds of anger and sadness in the waters below.”
“Good. Let’s fly.”
I hover us to the cabin and we clean it in a whirlwind. In less than an hour, we’re boarding the Jewel.
“I know I promised you’d fly us out of here, but now’s not the time for a lesson. I’ll teach you later,” he says distractedly as he punches our coordinates into the nav screen.
I doubt he hears me when I mutter, “Promised? It was more of a threat.”
Buckled into my seat, I watch his fingers fly over the controls as I wait to launch into hyperdrive. I could be thinking about what happened at the falls, but I don’t want to linger on that. It feels like history. Except for Thantose’s part in it. He’s so kind; he wants me to heal.
“Gin rummy?” he asks when he’s done charting our course.
“What didn’t you understand about the words ‘never again’? No one can be trounced so badly so many times in a row and want even one more re-match.”
“We can give me a handicap. Deal me one less card.”
“Thantose! That wouldn’t be a handicap, that would be an advantage.”
He’s smiling. Sneaky devil.
“Klempto?”
“You murder me in that, too. No, thanks.”
“Beautiful Brin, we have two days together, smashed into this tiny rustbucket. Here’s the equation: two people who are attracted to each other plus forty-eight houras plus close proximity plus nothing but time on our hands equals danger.”
How did he transform an innocent conversation into a sexual one in a single sentence? And how could I transform from normal to aroused in that short amount of time?
His brown eyes capture mine in the silence of the small ship. I blow air slowly through pursed lips as I consider my next statement. I have dozens, maybe hundreds of misgivings, but I blurt, “Would it be so terrible for two people to explore their attraction, Thantose?”
My nipples harden and I feel a quickening down below when his face fills with heated desire. His jaw clenches and he visually sweeps down my body, lingering at my breasts and the apex of my thighs.
“You’ve gifted me with the scent of your arousal every waking houra of the day, and much of the night since I picked you up on Primus. You may have noticed that my cock is usually hard enough to break rock.
“If things were different, I would leap out of this seat right this minima, sling you over my shoulder and throw you on the bed. The bed that we should share, instead of me sleeping on an uncomfortable cot in the galley. But things aren’t different, Brin.
“If I didn’t care for you I would have plunged into your warm channel the moment the coordinates were programmed into the ship’s computer.”
He pegs me with a hard stare. I’ve never been on the receiving end of a look like this—not from him.
“Things aren’t different, Brin. The stakes here are higher than anything I’ve ever played for, and I’ve been in high stakes endeavors my whole life. I’ve played klempto for ten thousand credits a hand. I’ve snuck into the house of one of the most dangerous thugs in the galaxy to steal the famous Malrusian sword.
“I’m not averse to taking risks. But this risk, Brin? I’m not willing to risk this.”
He stops talking and sits unmoving, like a toy that ran out of battery.
A molten fist clenches my heart. The stab of pain I feel is palpable. No, it’s not pain. It’s . . . something I’ve never felt before. Exquisite, delicious attachment. I feel connected. And, the most splendid emotion of all? I feel cared for.
I know I shouldn’t, but I’m out of my seat and on his lap before I can think it through. My palms are on his cheeks, his beautiful
cheeks with fierce markings that hide the tender male underneath.
I nestle my lips at his ear and pour out perhaps the most important words I’ll ever say. “I want to be worthy of you, T. If I could be half as good as you, I’d die happy. I want this to work. Tell me how.”
He grasps my shoulders and sets me apart, so we can see each other.
“The short answer is, I don’t know. The long answer is to go slow. I don’t want you to ever look at me in your bed and see anyone else. When my hands are upon your flesh, I don’t want it to feel like anyone else is touching you. Just me. Only me.