“Do you like them?” he asked, then smiled. “I thought of you the moment I saw them. I thought of you wearing them, and nothing else at all.”
He moved up behind her and took the strand from the box. “Hold your hair out of the way,” he instructed.
He waited until she dutifully collected her loose hair in her hand and drew it up on top of her head. Then he fastened the pearls around her neck.
“Come look,” he said as he led her to a mirror over the buffet in the dining room. “They’re lovely. In fact, you’re both beautiful.”
She stared at the gleaming top of the polished buffet and tried to avoid looking in the mirror. She didn’t want to see his gift around her neck. The jewelry he’d bought for his mistress but not his wife. How could he do this, especially after what had happened that morning? Had he been lying when he said he wanted children with her? Or did he plan to get her pregnant and then keep mistresses on the side?
“Honey? What’s wrong? Don’t you like the pearls.”
She was sure they were perfect. Jamal would have only bought the best. She also knew that the sharp pain in her chest was going to slice her heart into a thousand pieces and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Slowly she raised her gaze until she met her reflection in the mirror. The pearls glowed against her skin. They brushed against the collarbone left bare by the low cleavage of her green sleeveless dress. They were beautiful, just as she’d feared.
“See. They’re lovely, as are you,” he said, and moved behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing his chest against her back, then kissed the sensitive skin under her ear.
Just like he’d done to her that morning. He was treating them exactly the same.
Something cracked inside Heidi. Later she wouldn’t be able to reconstruct this moment in time because she wasn’t thinking. She reacted with a primal rage that overwhelmed her with the unexpected force of an earthquake.
She spun in his embrace, then shoved him away with all her might. She must have caught him off guard because Jamal was forced to back up a couple of steps before he regained his footing.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded.
Anger filled her. Anger and hurt and a sense of having been betrayed by a man she only wanted to love. “How dare you?” she gasped. She found it difficult to breathe. Her body was hot and cold at the same time.
“You are a horrible man,” she ground out as she glared at him. “I despise you. How dare you take vows with me and then lie? Did you think I wouldn’t know what you’re doing? Did you think I was that stupid?”
Jamal looked genuinely bewildered, which only fueled her temper.
“I am not your tarty mistress,” she announced. “I’m your wife.”
She paused expectantly, waiting for the truth to sink in. She watched, knowing he would be stunned, then mortified to have been caught cheating on his wife, with his wife. A voice at the back of her head whispered that he might not take kindly to the information, but she no longer cared if Jamal was angry with her. As far as she was concerned, her husband had a lot to answer for.
But he didn’t look upset. Instead of appearing horrified or shocked or anything even close to surprised, Jamal smiled at her.
“Heidi, you completely misunderstand the situation.”
“So you’re willing to admit you know it’s me.”
“Of course I know,” he said gently. “I’ve known from the beginning.” He shrugged and smiled again. “You are many things, but you’re not much of an actress. I think you had me fooled for all of ten minutes.”
He reached out and touched her face. “At first I didn’t know why you were pretending to be someone else. I thought you were trying to trick me, or prove something to yourself. Then I realized you were simply hoping to get my attention. I was charmed. And very intrigued by this other side to my wife. I have appreciated getting to know you this way. Not many husbands have such a unique opportunity.”
She let him talk because she couldn’t stop him. She couldn’t say anything but stand there and let the words wash over her. Every cell in her body had frozen in place. Her muscles were stone, her heart lead. His words echoed in her brain over and over again.
I’ve known from the beginning.
No. That wasn’t possible. He couldn’t have known.
Jamal continued talking, but she wasn’t listening. Instead, she retreated inside herself, wading through the waves of humiliation in an attempt to make sense of his revelation.
He’d known? He’d known when he’d first made a date with her and when he’d kissed her? He’d known when he’d come to her bedroom and found her listening for the phone and had asked why she wasn’t working? He’d known when he’d mentioned the Dance of the Seven Veils and then when he’d gone shopping with her?
All her plans, her hopes, her agony. It had been for nothing. She’d been a fool. She’d been worse than that. She’d been a child, watched by an indulgent parent.
“Heidi?”
She blinked and brought him into focus. He still had that warm, caring expression on his face. While she wanted to scratch out his eyes.
“It’s all right,” he said. “I’m glad you told me.”
“Really? I would have thought you would prefer to have me at your beck and call as both wife and mistress.”
“Don’t be upset. I thought you were charming.” His smile broadened. “At least you’ve gotten better at walking around in high heels.”
Heat flared on her face. She needed to get out of there. She needed to hurt him, too, to make him feel her pain. But she wasn’t sure she could move yet. The shock still held her frozen in place.
He took a step toward her and held out his arms, as if he wanted to hug her. The thought of them touching galvanized her into moving. She jumped back.
“Don’t,” she ordered. She reached up and unfastened the pearls, then flung them at him. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want anything to do with you. You’ve played me for a fool from the beginning. How could you?”
She could feel tears forming, but she refused to give in and cry. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
“It was never like that,” he said. He bent down and picked up the pearls, then slid them into his suit-jacket pocket. “Heidi, you have to listen to me. I’m sorry if I’ve said this all wrong. I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you do what you had to do.”
She gave a harsh laugh. “You let me? How very nice, but I don’t need you to let me do anything. Don’t you dare patronize me. Don’t make this anything more than it was. I was a pathetic fool, and you were laughing at me.”
His expression hardened. “I was never laughing at you, and if that’s what you think, then you don’t know me at all.”
“You’re right, I don’t know you. Nor do I want to.”
She had a lot more she wanted to say, but her stomach suddenly turned over and started a steady rise to her throat. When she got upset and nervous it usually showed up in her stomach, but her threats of nausea often disappeared quickly. This one felt very real.
“Just get out,” she gasped and made a dash for the bathroom. In a matter of minutes, she’d lost her lunch and whatever remained of her breakfast.
After pressing a washcloth to her face and taking plenty of deep breaths, she forced herself to return to the living room. But Jamal was gone.
Heidi walked over to the white sofa and collapsed onto the soft cushions. She was confused and bruised and hurt, and she didn’t know how it had all gone so wrong for so long. He’d known. Dear God, he’d known, and he’d watched her day after day while she’d made a fool of herself.
Heidi leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. The sense of having humiliated herself was so strong, she thought she was going to be sick again. Fortunately there was nothing left to throw up.
To think that she’d agonized about telling him the truth. That she’d been in despair about his being unfaithf
ul to her and all the time he’d known. She’d worried about him being angry when he learned the truth. She’d been busy falling in love with him, while he’d been simply laughing at her.
What hurt the most, she admitted to herself, was that for the first time in her life she’d taken a chance. Until she’d decided to try to win some part of Jamal’s heart, all her choices had been safe ones.
She’d listened to the king and Fatima about her education. She’d gone to Swiss finishing school at their request when she hadn’t had much interest in it. All because she didn’t want to risk making them angry. She’d come to El Bahar, in part because the palace always made her happy, but also because it was known and safe. She’d even taken the safe route by marrying Jamal rather than standing up for herself.
So for once she’d gone out on a limb and then had that limb broken right from under her. Until this moment, she hadn’t realized how much was on the line. But everything had revolved around her winning her husband, and she’d failed.
She leaned back into the sofa and closed her eyes. Images from the past few weeks passed through her mind. She’d danced for Jamal. She’d worn the ridiculous clothes and worried about messing up. She’d colored her hair endlessly, had suffered through contact lenses. She’d allowed herself to appear pitiful and desperate.
She could imagine how Jamal must be comparing her to the ever-perfect Yasmin. She cringed with the realization that she’d just sentenced herself to fifty years of marriage to a man who would always find her second-best. It would be a long and cold future—with her feeling stupid and Jamal laughing at her foolish dreams. And Yasmin, always Yasmin, standing between them.
Chapter Fourteen
Heidi entered her suite at the palace and gratefully closed the door behind her. All she wanted was to crawl into her room, shut the door and never speak to anyone again. It hurt too much to breathe, let alone think. She felt as if someone had ripped out her heart and then torn it into tiny pieces.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t cried out yet, so tears spilled down her cheeks when she thought of all her hopes and dreams. She’d been such an innocent fool. She’d actually thought she had a prayer of winning her husband, when all the time he’d been laughing at her.
“Jamal told me what happened.”
Heidi gasped and turned toward the voice. She saw Fatima sitting in one of the sofas in the suite’s living room.
“He was very upset when he returned from the hotel,” the queen continued.
Heidi brushed away her tears and started for her bedroom. Not the one she’d been sharing with Jamal these past weeks, but the one she’d had when they first married.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said quietly. “I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone.”
“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Fatima said, rising to her feet. She walked toward Heidi. “You see, I’m partly to blame. I knew that Jamal had recognized you right away. He rightfully assumed I’d had some hand in what was going on, and he came to me to talk about it. I’m the one who advised him to play along.”
Heidi hadn’t thought she could feel worse, but she’d been wrong. A coldness swept through her, chilling her until she felt as if she’d been lost in a blizzard for days. She clutched her arms to her chest and shook her head.
“I can’t believe that. How could you have done this?”
Fatima reached her and placed her hand on Heidi’s arm. “It was for the best. At least I thought so at the time. Jamal was very confused, as you can imagine. I reassured him that your intentions were quite positive. You hadn’t set out to mock him or humiliate him. Instead, you wanted to get his attention. When he would have told you he knew, I counseled him to keep silent. I told him that you needed to do this to build up your self-confidence.”
Her lips felt numb, and it was hard to speak. She had to force the words out. “So instead, the mocking and humiliation was mine to endure,” she whispered. “I suppose it makes sense. After all, Jamal is family. I should have realized you would side with him.”
Fatima’s eyes darkened with compassion and a bit of impatience. “There are no sides in this. I did what was right for both of you. Be angry if you must, but know that I was correct in my assumptions. You needed to learn that you could win your husband’s favor. You could have done it by yourself, but you never believed that. By becoming someone else, you began to believe in yourself and your abilities. Jamal needed to know what lengths his new wife would go to in order to win him. He needed to feel special and cherished. Having you act as Honey accomplished all that.”
Heidi stepped back so she was out of reach of Fatima’s touch, then turned her back on the older woman. Fatima had known. The entire time she’d gone to her for assistance and advice, Jamal’s grandmother had known she, Heidi, was making a fool of herself. She’d never once warned her.
“You let me worry about the dance,” she said quietly, barely able to get out the words. “You let me perform it for him, all the while aware that he wasn’t the least bit fooled.” She spun back to face her. “You could have told me.”
Fatima gave her a gentle smile. “I know you’re feeling a little foolish right now, but that will pass.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who has been laughed at by the entire royal family.”
“You’re exaggerating. Only Jamal and I know the truth. I haven’t shared it with anyone else, and I’m hurt that you would think differently. I have loved you since you were a small girl, and I have always done what was best for you. This was no different. You may be angry at me if you disagree with what I did but don’t ever accuse me of not caring about you.”
Heidi dropped her chin to her chest. As if being emotionally beat up wasn’t enough, Fatima had just made her feel like a petulant child. “I know you care about me,” she admitted, “but I am angry about what you did. From my end, it looks like you betrayed me. You set me up to be a complete idiot in front of my husband, and I think that’s wrong.”
Fatima sighed. “I’m sorry, Heidi. That was never my intent.”
Heidi looked at her. She saw the love in the older woman’s dark eyes. Love and compassion and concern. When Fatima held out her arms, Heidi rushed into her embrace. She clung to her friend and began to cry.
The tears flowed quickly and easily. Sobs wracked her body.
“Hush,” Fatima soothed. “It’s not as horrible as all that.”
“Y-yes, it is. He thinks I’m a fool. Worse, I completely failed to make him care about me.” She’d practically guaranteed that he would only ever love Yasmin.
“I think you’re wrong,” his grandmother said. “I think he cares about you very much. You must speak with him and get this settled.”
“No,” Heidi said, drawing away and straightening up. She brushed away her tears. “I’ll never forgive him. He cheated on me all the while he was laughing at me.”
Fatima pressed her lips together in a gesture of frustration. “He spent time with you, and he enjoyed what you offered. If he knew it was you being Honey, then he wasn’t unfaithful. Where exactly did Jamal sin so badly?”
Heidi couldn’t answer. Maybe it didn’t make sense to anyone else, but to her it was perfectly clear. Her entire world had been destroyed, and her heart was broken. She’d taken the biggest and probably only risk of her life, and she’d failed. It all came down to one simple truth.
“He doesn’t love me,” she said simply.
Fatima stared at her. “And you love him.”
“Yes. That’s what makes all of this so horrible.”
The older woman sighed. “You have to give it time,” she said at last. “Jamal will come around.”
If only it were that simple, Heidi thought sadly. But she’d learned her lesson about wishing for the moon.
Heidi curled up on her bed and waited for her stomach to settle down. She’d just thrown up again. That was twice in twenty-four hours. She wished with all her heart that it was something simple like stress o
r the stomach flu, but she had a bad feeling it was much worse. She was pregnant.
She counted back to her last period, then thought about all the times she and Jamal had made love. They’d been intimate daily for the past month. In fact there were several days they’d done it more than once. They’d never discussed birth control. The concept had never crossed her mind. Besides, she was married. Getting pregnant was part of her job.
Just yesterday morning Jamal had talked about wanting children. He’d urged her to think about the idea. Looked like it was too late for that. Regardless of whether or not she was ready, she was going to have a baby. Which meant she wasn’t going to be leaving El Bahar anytime soon. El Baharian law did not permit a wife to leave her husband while she was pregnant. The only exception was if that husband physically abused her. Then she was free to go. Heidi figured it was highly unlikely to imagine Jamal taking a hand to her. So here she stayed…probably for the rest of her life.
She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. What was she going to do? In less than a day her entire world had changed and not for the better. After her talk with Fatima, she’d retreated to this room and had refused to leave. Jamal had knocked several times, asking her to speak with him, but she wouldn’t. He was too proud to carry on a conversation through a closed door, so he’d eventually left. But she knew she couldn’t stay in here forever.
She was going to have to come to terms with the new circumstances in her life. She was going to have to get used to the fact that she’d put herself in a humiliating position and that the man she loved was laughing at her. Then she was going to have to figure out a way to find peace in her marriage. For her own sake as well as the sake of her child.
She didn’t have a choice. A regular woman could divorce her husband after the birth of her child and work out custody arrangements. But she was a princess, married to a son of the king. There would be no joint custody for her. If she left after the baby was born, she would leave alone. Heidi couldn’t imagine abandoning her child, which meant she had to stay married to Jamal. Even if neither of them wanted the marriage.
The Desert Rogues Part 1 Page 40