However much I like to tell myself I don’t want or need it, it’s a lie, because as soon as I saw Lily, watched the way she smiled, the way she threw her head back as she laughed, and the look in her eyes after I kissed her, I knew it wasn’t true. I want it… and with her. Fuck.
LILY
I stand at the curb long after Aiden has driven away, staring at the empty road, the church looming behind me. He may have only been back here for a few days, but in that time, I understood how different my life could be if only—
“Liliana, you have chores to do after school!”
I take a look behind me at the open door of my house, my breath catching in my throat before I run up the path, grabbing my bag and running away from the house and the church.
The thought of being in there on my own with him scares me more than I’d like to admit. For years I’ve accepted his punishments, my mind focused on the day I turn eighteen and can leave without being hauled back if I’m found. I mentally unpack the bag hiding in the closet in my room, behind a part of the wall that I carved out. I know my dad, and I know I don’t have anywhere I can hide in that house.
Apart from there.
The more I think about what I have packed—the plan, the maps, the money I’ve been collecting—the lighter my chest gets. Everything is in place, all my ID and my route planned out. Now all I need is the next four weeks to go by as fast as they can with the least amount of pain possible, and then I’ll be free.
Free from him, free from the confines of the house.
I work on automatic, heading into the school and to my locker, walking to my classes and doing the work set out for me in silence. No one talks to me, they never do. But when my cell buzzes in my pocket, I finally lift my head, the thick cloud I’ve been in all day evaporating.
Luke: I need to see you. I’ll pick you up from school.
My heart beats faster in my chest, the bell ringing loudly in the classroom and halls not diverting my attention.
He wants to see me? Why?
Lily: Okay.
I bite the side of my thumb, watching as the “read” sign comes up, but he doesn't send another message. Does he know Aiden is gone and that I need something… what I don’t know, but just being beside him will help me through what’s to come now that it’s only me and my dad in that house again.
The afternoon passes, and as soon as I’m closing my locker, I feel eyes on me. I know who it is, I can feel the vibrating anger rolling off him from the other side of the hallway. And when I turn to look, I see him coming for me.
Any other time, I wouldn’t try to get away, knowing he’d catch up to me. But today is different. Today I know Luke is waiting outside, and as soon as his face comes into my mind, I spin around before darting out of the school and down the steps.
“Lily!”
My breath stutters out of me at the sound of Jonah’s voice, but I don’t stop, my head whipping around, trying to spot Luke’s SUV, and when I see him parked a couple spots down from the entrance, I run for it.
My pulse quickens, my feet slapping against the ground with footsteps behind me. But as soon as I pull the passenger door open and turn, I see Jonah standing in the middle of the lot.
His hands clenched by his sides, his stance wide and ready to pounce.
I jump into the car, looking over at Luke and seeing his eyes narrowed on Jonah.
“Isn’t that the guy from bowling?”
“Yeah,” I reply, my voice a mere whisper. “Can we go?” I swallow. “Please.”
He stays still, not a muscle in his body moving, a warning on his face. I wait, wanting to beg him some more, but before I get the chance, he nods and peels out of the lot.
The energy vibrating through the car throws me off, and all I can think is why. Why has he picked me up? Why did he have to show up in my life right now? Why couldn’t it have been a year from now when I have everything in place?
His face is a mask as he drives out of town, but I don’t ask where we’re going or what we’re doing. To be honest, I really don’t care as long as it keeps me away for even a small amount of time.
I lean back, relishing in the feeling of safety that surrounds me with him here.
Thirty minutes pass, and then another twenty before he pulls up, parking in a lot in front of rolling fields and turning the engine off, basking us in complete silence.
I don’t know whether I’m meant to talk first or wait for him to. So I stay silent. Afterall, he said he wanted to talk.
Taking a deep breath, I turn my body to face him before my gaze trails over him. I take in his side profile, the muscle ticking in his jaw, the scruff lining his cheeks, down his tensed arm to his hand gripping the steering wheel.
“I need you to be honest with me,” he murmurs, still not looking at me. “Because I can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing this?” I ask, frowning. When he doesn’t answer me, I move closer and place my hand on his bicep. “Doing what, Luke?”
He looks down at my hand and then into my eyes. “This.” He huffs out a breath. “I need my head in the game and what we’re doing… it’s… I need you to be honest with me.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Do you need help?”
My stomach bottoms out and I move my hand off his arm. “What?”
He turns to face me in the same way I am. “I know something is going on.” His eyes spark. “At home. The bruises, the way you act around your dad, the—”
“No.” I shake my head and undo my belt before reaching for the door handle to get out of the confides of the car.
How many times have I wished for someone to ask me that question? I’ve lain in my bed night after night wishing someone could save me. Ride in and pull me from the depths of evil. Six months ago I would have been sitting here telling him everything. Every sordid detail.
But it’s different now. I have a plan. A plan I can’t let anyone know about.
Finally out of the car, I trudge my way over the field, my mind a whirlwind of thoughts as I hear Luke behind me. My head is screaming at me to tell him, to confess everything and beg for his help, but my heart is telling me he won’t look at me the same ever again.
I’ll be a victim.
“Lily!” his deep voice shouts, and the baritone of it has me halting my steps, but I don’t turn around, instead I stare at the gray sky. “I can help,” he says when he’s closer.
I feel his body behind mine as I wrap my arms around my waist, trying to physically hold it all in.
“I don’t need help,” I choke out.
“Bullshit.” He steps closer, his front meeting my back. “I see you, Lily. I fuckin’ see you.”
“You don’t,” I whisper, shaking my head.
“I can help,” he repeats. “But only if you ask for it.”
I twirl around, anger flowing through my veins. “Really?” I laugh, but as I do, several tears slip free and slide down my cheeks. “You wanna be the superhero and rescue me, huh? Big, bad, Luke has saved the day again.” I throw my hands up in the air. “I don’t need your help!”
“Be careful, Lily. You’re not talking to your teenage friends now.” His eyes light with fire and I swallow, my anger turning to something much worse as I stare at him, wondering if I went too far. “I know what it’s like to live in an abusive house, fuckin’ trust me, I get it.” He pushes his hand through his hair, gripping it. “I get the way it consumes you; how everyone turns a blind eye to it even though they know exactly what’s happening.”
My heart beats harder in my chest, my shoulders sagging the longer he talks. I look away, not able to watch the pain in his eyes as he reveals a part of himself I’m not sure he’s ever done before.
My gaze lands on an apple blossom tree, the buds open and alive, but I can’t help wonder if it looks as alive from behind. Nobody thinks to check the back of the tree. It could be beautiful from the front, but dying in the back. It’s the same with people. We only see the exterior they
put into place, nobody bothers to pull it away to reveal the true person behind it.
Right now, Luke is asking me to expose myself, to tell him what’s going on. But I can’t. I can’t find the words to tell him, to explain to him how bad it is.
But then it’s been better this last week. Don’t fool yourself, it’s only because Aiden was there. I have to tell myself that maybe things are changing, maybe he’ll stop. Maybe—
“Like I said: I can’t keep doing this, Lily.” I whip my attention back to him. “I need my head in the game at work, and worrying about you is stopping me from doing that. So I’m giving you a choice.”
“A choice?”
He nods, his eyes misting over as the same muscle in his jaw ticks again. “You need help, I can give you that. I can get you as far away from here as possible; help you start over. But you’ve gotta tell me you need it.”
I stare at him, knowing this conversation could turn my world upside down and save me, but do I really want someone to swoop in and promise me things that could end up being a lie? Or do I wait the next four weeks out and stick to my plan?
I take a big breath, preparing myself before I say, “I don’t need your help.”
LUKE
I stare at her for several seconds, waiting for her to say something else, knowing from the look on her face she wants to. But when she walks away, the air whipping around me as she passes me, I know she’s not gonna.
I shouldn’t have asked like that. I should have been gentle, coaxed it out of her. But, fuck. If she doesn’t want my help then there’s nothing I can do, no matter how much I want to step in and pull her from the pain she’s in.
My hands clench at my sides, my breaths sawing in and out of my body as my cell vibrates in my pocket. I ignore it once, knowing I’m not in the mood to answer right now, but when it vibrates again, I pull it out, seeing Ty’s name on the screen.
“Yeah?”
“Lexi’s been taken to the hospital.”
“What?” I frown, turning around and starting to walk back to the SUV. I see Lily’s face through the windshield, and when she notices, she turns to look away.
“She was jumped by some other inmates. Evan’s on his way to her now.”
He reels off the address to the hospital, and I mentally work out how far I am from there. “I’m thirty minutes away,” I tell him, pulling open the door and jumping inside before starting the SUV and pulling away.
“We can be there in two hours, but we need to get someone to watch Eli—”
“I’ll go, you guys stay and I’ll keep you informed.”
“You sure? I—”
“Yeah, he won’t want everyone at the hospital.” I flick my gaze to Lily when she turns her head toward me. “I’ll let you know what’s happening when I get there.”
“Good, keep us updated.”
“Will do.”
I end the call, throwing my cell into the section between the two seats before speeding toward Mom’s house. I run several lights, knowing if she’s been taken to the hospital and not the medical wing at the prison it must be bad.
“Everything okay?” Lily whispers.
I grunt, not able to form a real answer for her. This is the exact reason why I had to ask her outright. She’s taking up way too much space in my brain right now, and with everything going on at the compound and with Evan, I haven’t got time to be trying to help someone who doesn’t want it.
She’s told me loud and clear. There’s nothing else I can do.
Halting outside Mom’s house, I don’t turn the engine off, I don’t say a word, I just wait for her to get out.
“So this is it? You’re just going—”
“I told you,” I grind out, looking over at her. “I can’t do this. I offered to help—”
“Whatever.” She pushes open the door before stepping down and pulling the cell out I gave her. “Here. I don’t need this.”
“Keep it in case—” She slams the door shut and I watch in the side mirror as her shoulders droop, her hands wrapping around her waist before she straightens up and walks away.
Fuck! I want nothing more than to get out of the car, to follow her and beg her to let me help her.
Slamming my hand on the steering wheel, I close my eyes, taking a breath before opening them and pushing it into the back of my mind with all the other things I like to pretend never happened as I drive to the hospital.
When I get there thirty minutes later, I search for the right waiting room, finally finding it and spotting Evan sitting the furthest away from the door, staring at a spot on the wall. The room is full with all the people who care about Lexi, and for a second I’m taken aback. I haven’t been as involved in the family as I should have been, and right now I need to start doing more. I didn’t even realize Lexi was living with Livvy—a good friend of Evan’s parents and Seb and West’s gran—until after she was arrested.
I move toward him, sitting down and saying, “The rest of the guys wanted to come, but I was in the area anyway.”
He slowly turns his head toward me. “What?”
“I said.” I shuffle on the chair. “I was visiting my mom, so I was in the area. I told the guys to stay put.” I lean closer. “I know you don’t want to be surrounded by people, that you need your space.”
He nods and then I move back, turning toward Mal and asking what happened.
“I knew something was going to happen to her in that place,” Livvy sniffles. “I can’t bear the thought of—”
“Fuck’s sake,” Evan grinds out and my eyes widen at his tone and the look on his face as he looks over at her. “This is your fault.”
Her hand flies to her chest, her face paling. “What—how—I.”
“You.” He points at her. “Didn’t have to let the police inside your house.” He stands up and I move to the edge of the chair, knowing I’ll need to step in at any moment. “You could have said no and she wouldn’t be in here right now.”
“I didn’t know that I could say no,” she whispers, her eyes filling with tears.
“You better back down, Evan, I’m warning you,” West grits out, his eyes full of fire. Fuck, this isn’t good.
“How can you not know that they needed a warrant?” He throws his hands up in the air.
West stands up and then Seb follows, moving forward and effectively cutting his eye contact with Livvy. My muscles grow taut, ready to step in at any second if I need to.
“You want to blame someone? Then blame me.” Seb slams his hand down on his chest. “Gran tried to call me beforehand and I ignored it because we were on a job.”
Evan steps toward him and that’s my cue to lift up off the seat. I can practically feel the anger vibrating off him.
“Come on.” I pull him back. “Let’s take a walk.”
“No!” He shakes my grip off, spinning around and shooting fire at me through his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere until I know she’s—”
Cal walks into the room and Evan’s attention focuses on him, his face pale and his eyes bloodshot.
“Cal?” Mal asks after several beats of silence.
“She’s in a bad way,” he says, his voice a mere croak. “Her face is a mess.” He shakes his head. “Her arm is broken, she has head injuries, and bruises cover most of her body.”
We all stay quiet as we take in all of the information and then Mal explodes. “Where the hell were the guards? How can they let something like this happen?” He spins around, facing us all. “We’re not letting this go. Luke, go back and get your team on it, West and Seb.” He raises a brow. “Do whatever it is that you do.” He then turns to Livvy. “And, Liv, we need to start some kind of…” He turns to Cal. “Motion? Is that what it’s called?”
“Yeah,” Cal answers, a small smile on his face.
“Good.” He nods and turns back to face Livvy. “We need to make some kind of motion about them entering your house. We’ll get her out of there, we all will.”
Cal turns to Eva
n, stepping toward him. “Go home, Son. There’s nothing else you can do here.”
“To hell with that!” he shouts, backing away. “I need to see her.”
“They won’t let you,” Cal tells him. “Only her lawyer and emergency contact can. Which means me... and her uncle.”
“She has an uncle?” Livvy asks, her voice almost a gasp.
My brows rise, my mind searching through all the intel we gathered over the last week. There was no mention of an uncle.
“Yeah,” Evan grinds out. “An evil one at that.”
“The one that was here earlier?” Mal asks.
Evan’s chest heaves. “Yeah… he’s the one that put her away in the first place.”
“I don’t understand,” Livvy says.
He looks over at Livvy, regret in his eyes before he steps toward her and takes her hand. “He was the DA that put her away. Instead of helping her, he tried her as an adult.” Well. Shit.
Everyone is silent for a couple minutes before Evan pushes his shoulders back and says, “You make sure you call me every hour to let me know how she’s doing.”
“I will, Son,” Cal answers, placing his hand on his shoulder. “I won’t be going anywhere.”
Evan watches him a beat, driving his point home, before tilting his head and walking out of the waiting room, me hot on his heels.
LILY
I collect all of the bibles sitting on the pews, placing them on the shelves next to the main doors, ready for the next service. Rain bats on the windows providing nature’s very own soundtrack. It’s been a whole twenty-four hours since Luke dropped me off outside his mom’s house, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what he said since.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should have told him. But it’s too late now.
Shaking my head, I berate myself for leaving the cell with him because I can’t contact him at all now, no matter how bad it gets or how much I may want his help.
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