by T Gephart
His feelings were clear. And I probably wasn’t going to get his support, but I had already made the decision. Good or bad, it was my mistake to make. Again.
“I slept with him, and you know what, I am not in love with him anymore. It was like hitting the release valve. Maybe I had only thought I was in love with him back then, I was young. It’s not like people end up with the same person they were in love with when they were eighteen. Maybe it was just a crush, and him leaving had hurt me so bad because I was confused and he made me feel used. And that’s the hurt I was feeling. Not love. I don’t know. I just know that I don’t feel that way anymore. I don’t love him. I don’t need him to love me back. And I got that by being with him and seeing that it was just sex between us. Which is okay, if both parties are aware of it.”
As crazy as it or I sounded, everything I said to Rusty was the truth. I didn’t feel that way anymore. The love that I may have felt, that had been over a long time ago. This was different. I was different. This time around, I was okay with just having his body. And what a fine body it was.
“Sounds to me like you plan on doing it more than once.” Rusty’s question was one I had already asked myself. Did it still count as walking away if I requested a repeat performance? He hadn’t called me this morning. There was no banging on my door demanding to know why I had left. Not even a note delivered by one of his people demanding his clothes back. FYI he wasn’t getting the T-shirt back, I’d pretty much decided it was my new sleep shirt.
“Would it be so bad? We actually had fun and look, I’m fine.” I twirled in an effort to demonstrate how fine I was, in case my big cheesy grin wasn’t enough. “I bit him.” The memory made the grin even wider.
“Ew. I don’t want to hear your kinky vampire fantasies.” Rusty held up his hands, our show-and-tell over already.
“Are you worried I’ll turn?” Not that I was in any danger of me going all Jolie and wearing a vial of blood around my neck, unless the vampires looked like those dudes from True Blood.
“Nah, you’re Italian. You guys eat too much garlic to worry about that,” he said seriously, like vampires existed and if they did, there was a danger of me becoming one.
“You’re so weird. It’s a good thing I love you.” I threw my arms around him and pulled him in for a hug. He was the one person who I could get touchy- feely with and it not feel weird. Although if I was going to continue this Jase thing, that was probably going to have to change.
“And I love you too. Even if you are going to make the most epic mistake of all mankind.” He hugged me back.
“Thanks, Rusty.” For always being there, I finished off in my head. See, I had the perfect relationship, we just didn’t have sex and if I could fill that void with Jase, then it might just be the perfect solution.
“Alright, now let’s learn your fucking song.”
Promiscuous.
The song, I meant. Angie and Rusty had duo-ed tonight, the crowd once again loving their take on the Nelly Furtado tune. And damn if it didn’t send a shiver down to my balls hearing her tease me with every lyric. The roll of her hips enough to make me blow my load. Hell, there wasn’t a man in the audience that wouldn’t have gone home with her tonight, including yours truly.
That sweet girl I’d first met—the one who had been all shy about touching my cock—gone. In her place was a straight up sex bomb that blew my mind. If her body hadn’t been lethal enough, the fucking attitude on her tipped it into a hazard level that there was no coming back from. I wasn’t sure if I should be thankful she hadn’t left more claw marks on my back or praying I’d get another chance. Intense didn’t even come close. It was like waving a lit match in a barrel of gunpowder, unstable with the blast capacity guaranteed to level a city block. And fuck me if I didn’t want to be there for that fucking detonation.
The whole-bad-idea shit my brain had been preaching since the first minute I laid eyes on her was null and void. I didn’t care if I ended up in a freaking ditch—no doubt at her doing—it would be fucking worth it. There was zero chance of me heeding those alarm bells as I put myself once again on a crash course with fucking disaster.
Angie had ghosted at some point through the night. I’d woken up to a neat pile of her torn clothes on the side of my bed where she had previously been. She would have no doubt been pissed; cussing me out for ruining her clothes, and the smile automatically crept across my face. Missing it had been the only part of that situation which had sucked. Just her calling me an asshole was enough to get me hard, and fuck me if that wasn’t messed up. Maybe all those years of screwing around had made me depraved? As long as I didn’t start needing to start jamming electrodes to my balls just to get off I guess it wasn’t too bad. Besides, normal was relative and there wasn’t a lot of run-of-the-mill hanging around where I was currently kicking it.
“Hi Jason, I’m a massive fan.” Some random girl flung her arms around me, her hands getting cozy with my back. It was the usual backstage routine, meeting people after the show. Usually I had no problem with it—I loved meeting the fans—tonight, not so much. Her body pressed tight against mine spelling out exactly what kind of fan she was. “Wow, you are like really fit,” she mumbled as her head rested on my chest.
“Thanks. I like to run.” I smiled back, already sick of this dog and pony show we had to do. I gave her arms a subtle yank as I peeled her off me, her brown hair flicking down across her hazel eyes. She was pretty, I’ll give her that, but I had no interest in getting any more appreciation other than the hug she seemed hell bent on making linger. “What did you say your name was?”
“Shelley.” She pushed out her tits proudly, probably hoping that would get her more attention. Not likely, considering my head was with a dark haired, dark eyed singer who I hadn’t seen since she’d left the stage.
“Awesome, Shelley. Glad you enjoyed the show. Have you met the rest of the band?” My eyes darted to the others, each of them engaged in some other conversation or posing for a photo. Great.
Not sure why I was trying to palm her off, it’s not like any of the others were going to give poor Shelley what she was after. Of course I was speculating that the kind of autograph she wanted was one where my cock signed her pussy, but given that her hand was now squeezing my ass, I’d say it was a fairly safe assessment.
“I have.” She grinned. “You’re my favorite.” Her nose scrunched up in what I’m assuming was supposed to be adorable but mainly just looked like she was about to sneeze.
“Well thanks,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could without adding sarcasm, hoping I didn’t roll my eyes. “Did you want a photo?”
“Actually …” She bit her lip as her sentence was left trailing.
Here we go, the initiation of the conversation that would end with do you want to fuck? Surprising how many variations there were ranging from hey-let’s-go-get-a-drink or I’ve-never-done-this-before-but … and yet the end result was always the same.
“Hey, man, you cool to do a group photo?” Alex’s hand tapped me on the shoulder.
I could have kissed the man, which was saying something seeing I didn’t share lip action with dudes. His well-timed interruption saved me from having to listen to Shelley’s bumbling attempt at trying to get me in the sack.
“Yeah, sure. Sorry, Shelley. You want me to sign anything?”
“Um. No. That’s okay.” Her face pinked with embarrassment, perhaps having second thoughts about what she was about to ask. “Maybe some other time.”
“No problem. Thanks for coming out and seeing us. It was great meeting you.” The standard goodbye fell out of my mouth with very little effort. I threw in a smile at the end to soften the blow.
“Bye.” She reached up and gave me a kiss in what seemed like a last ditch surge of courage. Her lips off mine almost as quickly as they’d been on. She was definitely the I’ve-never-done-this-before girl, her smile almost splitting off her face as she scrambled back to a group of girls I assumed were her friends
.
“Nice girl.” Alex lifted his brow, the group giggling as they looked back at us, getting his attention. I’m sure the kiss was the topic of conversation, all one point five seconds of it.
“Yeah, thanks for that. I wasn’t feeling it.” My hand reached up to my neck and rubbed out a knot.
The gig tonight had been great. The energy was easy to feed off, and I had been a little more enthusiastic with my playing, hoping Angie had hung back and watched. Not sure if that made me pathetic or perverted—neither of them favorable.
“No problem. We’ve got a few more photos then we can bail.” Alex tipped his chin to James who rounded up the rest of the guys. Troy and Dan joined us as we lined up ready for the happy snaps.
“So do you think Rusty is doing Angie?” Dan muttered under his breath as flashes from both professional cameras and smartphones started rapidly firing at us.
“Dan, seriously man,” Troy managed to hiss out through his forced grin, the crowd in front of us having no idea what conversation was taking place.
The photographers took turns in calling to us to face their direction.
“Over here, guys.”
Smile.
“Look this way please.”
Smile.
“Did you see them on stage tonight?” Dan briefly broke formation, turning to Troy and smirking. “He is strumming more than just his fret board, I guarantee it.”
“Can you just shut up and smile already?” I gritted out through my clenched jaw, hoping I was still maintaining a stupid grin.
Rusty was not doing Angie, that much I knew. But whether or not she was doing someone else was always a possibility. We sure as hell weren’t dating, and I doubted a girl like that would be single for long. Not that I thought she would mess around on a dude if she was with someone. Still the prospect didn’t make me feel warm and tingly thinking about it, that was for sure.
“Fine, but you know I’m right.” He faced the group, big grin on his mug.
“Whatever, Dan.” Troy elbowed him in the ribs as we took the last few shots.
“Thanks everyone.” Lexi motioned everyone to the door, giving them a gentle that’s-all-folks and directed them out of the room. Shelley gave me one last lingering wave before disappearing with the rest of the crowd.
“Daddy!” Grace ran into the room and launched herself at Alex, the big guy scooping her up into his arms. Not sure which of them more pleased to see each other, both of them wearing matching grins.
The room that had been emptied of fans, filled up with significant others. The guys gave their girls all kinds of attention while the kids ran around—their late afternoon naps meaning they were still up and pumped. It didn’t bother me, I was happy they had all carved out their little slice of happiness, it just wasn’t what I wanted for myself.
“Hey, Jase. You have a sore neck?” Megs nodded to my hand that unconsciously found its way back to the base of my skull. The tension build up not all entirely physical.
“Yeah, just a little tight.” I flexed my head from left to right for good measure. Nope, none of it did any good.
“Was it the way you slept?” Megs gave me an overly enthusiastic smirk with a raised eyebrow for good measure. Maybe we’d been louder than I thought; noise control wasn’t really where my mind had been. Not after I’d seen Angie naked. All the inked skin, and her perfect tits and ass. Yeah, you could have set fire to the bed and I probably still wouldn’t have noticed.
“Yeah. Possible.”
Definitely felt liked she knew more. Megs was a great girl, super sweet, but as far as being able to keep a poker face, she sucked. I mean seriously bad.
“Something you want to ask me, Megs?” No point in stringing it along.
“No, not really.” The smile she was rocking told me otherwise.
“Hey.” Troy wrapped his arms around her, his usual routine whenever she was close by.
“Troy Harris, I was trying to have a conversation.” She pouted, nowhere near as annoyed as she was pretending to be. “Jason must have slept funny last night. He has a sore neck.” The smile was back, as was my belief that she knew something.
“Oh yeah? Troy asked, kissing his wife, showing no interest in my nocturnal habits. “Poor Jase,” he said with zero sympathy, shooting me a wink.
“Must have been that girl he brought home. What was with that? Not usually your thing.” Dan weighed in, Ash smiling by his side. Whatever Megs knew, she’d shared it with her best friend. That much was clear.
“What is with everyone today? When did you all get so interested in me?” I deflected, thinking everyone needed to find another pet project other than my love life.
“Does Uncle Jase have a girlfriend?” Noah asked, obviously the kid picking up parts of the conversation. Awesome. Even the kids were against me. Fucking perfect.
“On that note, we might get the kidos to bed.” James hauled his son up onto his shoulders ending the conversation. Hannah cradled a sleeping Jesse in her arms and was already heading toward the door.
“See you everyone.” Lexi waved as she made for the exit, her interest more on getting her family back to the hotel rather than finding out who had been my bed partner. Alex and Grace followed close behind.
“Okay, so they’re gone. Who was she?” Dan was back on the attack. I swear he was worse than an old woman. His interest nothing new, but somewhat irritating.
“None of your business.” Was as much as he was going to get. At least for now.
“Screw who you want, just don’t marry her yet. I’ve got ten G’s riding on you waiting six months. And while I’m all for your happiness, Troy doesn’t need any more of my money.” The bastard grinned, his true motivation shining though.
“Dan, you can shove your ten grand. There is no way in hell I’m getting married in the next six years, let alone the next six months.”
Or ever, which was more to the point. No fucking way. I’d rather pull my fingernails out one by one than get hitched.
“Famous last words,” Dan laughed. “Just make sure whatever tail you’re screwing doesn’t get her claws in for the time being. That’s all I’m asking. Be a team player.”
“For fuck’s sake. This is why I don’t bring girls home.” I ran my hands through my hair, wondering if the asshole was baiting me intentionally. Probably not. Dan wasn’t that smart.
“You cool, brother?” Troy laughed, noticing my game was off. Not so long ago it had been his inability to get his act together that had been the talking point. He too was enjoying this shit a little too much.
“Yep. Laugh all you want, but you aren’t getting dick out of me.”
Megs laughed, as did Ashlyn. And I don’t think it was over my use of the word dick. They’d both had seen plenty considering their husbands could barely keep their hands off them. The fact one of them was knocked up, evidence enough.
“Spill it, Megs Harris. And don’t pretend like you don’t have something to say.” I eyeballed her, knowing she was close to breaking.
Out of the two of them—Ash and Megs—she was the weakest link, and the sooner we got it over with, the better. I assumed this was where she said she heard something last night. Those moans on both sides had been well and truly earned. Whatever. If they were looking to embarrass me then they were going to be waiting a while.
“I saw her. This morning. Coming out of your room. I’m sorry.” She shot me a pained look of apology. Seems it wasn’t speculation she’d been hiding after all. More like insider knowledge.
Fuck.
Yep, did not want to have this conversation.
“Who did you see, Megs?” Troy asked, his eyes looking between us for an answer.
“She saw Angie,” I volunteered, knowing one way or another they were bound to find out. It’s not like shit stayed under wraps in this band for long anyway. Worst group of people ever to try and keep a secret from. Their track record, fucking horrible.
“Ha, very funny asswipe. She hates you, there’s a bett
er chance of me sleeping with her than you.” Dan folded his arms across his chest smugly.
“Dan!” Ashlyn shot back, not impressed by her husband’s analysis. No one dug a hole like Dan. He really had a talent for that shit.
“No I didn’t mean I would, I just mean probabilities.” He tried to justify himself and reassure Ash. “Which would be zero. So her sleeping with Jase would be less than zero.”
A few days ago, I might have agreed with him. Now. Well weren’t we just a fucking example of never say never.
“Well then there must be some crazy quantum mechanics at work because that negative probability happened, asshole.”
And there it was. The admission—for everyone to see. Whether or not Angie or I had wanted anyone to know was no longer relevant, because guess what? They fucking knew now. And I wasn’t ashamed of it either. She and I had wanted the same thing, which is exactly what we got.
“What. The. Fuck.” Dan paused between each word, with a look of complete disbelief. The are-you-serious vibe also coming from Troy.
“Don’t start.” My head shook as I went on the offensive. “And Troy before you go all losing your shit, no one took advantage of anyone. It was completely consensual.”
“As long as you both know what you’re doing, I’ll keep out of it.” The eyeball that came with it warning that his keeping-out was contingent on shit not going bad. Predictable.
“We’re good. Trust me.”
My words were solid but I wasn’t sold, in fact I had no freaking idea what the hell I was doing. And as for us being good, another assumption that was made without evidence. Who knew where Angie would land on the whole situation. One thing was for sure, I was going to find out.
“Okay, new bet.” Dan rubbed his hands together, shit eating grin back on his face. “Double or nothing says Angie kills him in his sleep.”
****
Well that was fun.
Still, not as bad as I’d assumed it would have gone down. Even Troy had kept the warnings to a minimal, well for now at least.