by T Gephart
“Now what’s your grand plan, beautiful?” I lifted my head off the pillow and studied the bunched up jeans pooled at my feet, their journey off me and onto the floor being stopped by a pair of heavy, black boots.
“You think that’s going to stop me from getting what I want?” She smirked, her eyes going straight to the bulge being housed in my boxers. “Mmm, I like to see you hard and know it’s because of me.”
“Christ, Angie, I just have to look at you and I get hard. You touching me just accelerates the process.” My pulse worked overtime as I watched her lean down and lick the front of my boxers. “Fuck me.” The words poured out of my mouth as she pulled down the fabric and swirled her tongue around the head of my cock. I had no hope of stringing together anything more coherent than cuss words and heavy breathing.
My hands fisted her hair as she sucked my shaft deeper into her mouth, her tongue tracing around my length before allowing it to pass between her lips. The action of licking and sucking driving me so crazy my lungs were having problems remembering how to function.
“Jesus, Angie. Slow down.” I yanked on her hair, needing her to ease off the award winning blowjob or I was going to spill my load right into her mouth.
“You having a problem with control, asshole?” She flicked her tongue against the head of my dick one last time. “My mouth tempting you to come already?”
“Yes. I’ve told you how much I love that dirty fucking mouth.”
It was my turn, my back jacking up off the mattress as I grabbed her waist. My mouth claimed hers while I toed off my boots and kicked off my jeans. My hands got busy with her jeans, Angie getting on the same page as she kicked off her heels and wriggled out of her pants. It felt like shit was moving in slow motion as we stripped down to just our underwear.
“You’re still wearing too much.” My eyes went from her beautiful naked tits to the lace that was still covering her pussy. “So unless you want me to tear them from your body, I suggest you get them off.” My plan was for her panties to be off any way possible. Her way or mine, didn’t faze me either way.
“You aren’t naked either, smartass.” Her short fingernails grazed just enough of my skin to sting, her attention not being on the material covering her body, but on the one covering mine.
Any thoughts I had went out the window, with just one remaining.
Her.
And I needed her in every sense of the word.
“That’s better.” She pushed the boxers far enough down my thighs that my cock was able to spring free, my hard-on hitting my stomach.
“Following instructions isn’t a strong point for you, is it?” I finished the job of getting naked, getting rid of the boxers and tossed them to the floor.
“We were getting you naked.” I grabbed at the side of those delicate panties and pulled, the fabric easily tearing away from her body. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” The shredded panties swung playfully off one of my fingers before she even had a chance to realize she was bare.
“You’re paying for those.” She grinned and snatched them out of my hands.
“I’m just giving you what you wanted, and I’m not paying for shit.” I grinned back, pushing her body down on the mattress so she was stretched out in front of me.
Every single curve of her body was a work of fucking art. The color that covered it just enhanced an already perfect canvas and I wanted to kiss every square inch of it. So rather than stare at her like a creepy asshole, my mouth got busy doing just that. Starting with her neck, then to the swell of her tits and then further down to her flat stomach. She mewled with approval as my mouth got creative, kissing or licking parts of her skin, my hands parting her thighs so I could see just how much she was ready for me.
“Jesus, Angie.” My tongue moved along her pussy, her body more than ready to take me. “You get this wet from sucking my dick?”
“Yes,” she moaned arching her back and lifting her body closer to my mouth.
“I want to taste you so bad but my cock is getting jealous.” My fingers plunged into her as my lips moved to sucking her clit. “Very jealous.” My mouth hummed against her skin as I continued to lick in between her legs.
“Yes.” Her fingers dug into my shoulders as I watched her come apart, getting her there not taking very long with the finger and tongue combo I was working.
“That feel good, Angie?” I kissed the inside of her thigh while her pussy tightened against my fingers. “That what you needed?” I couldn’t bring myself to stop, seeing her writhe underneath me as the orgasm I provided echoed through her body.
“You want more validation, you egomaniac, or you finally going to take me?”
There was no more thinking involved. The game I had been playing, teasing the pleasure out of her, was no longer fun as I moved up her body and sunk my cock into her. It was automatic, our bodies coming together like they belonged. I’d been fighting it for so long that the minute she’d given me permission I couldn’t stop. Her lips kissing my throat while I slid into her, dragging my length out before pushing back inside of her. It was heaven.
It felt so good.
Too good.
Which is exactly what made me stop, my body freezing mid stroke as I realized I wasn’t wearing a condom.
“Fuck.” My elbows dug into the mattress as I scrambled to pull out. “Angie, I’m not wearing anything.”
“It’s ok. I have that thing in my arm. I can’t get pregnant.” She locked her legs around me, stopping me from pulling out all the way.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” The thought of accidently getting her pregnant enough to make me break out into a cold sweat.
“Look.” She stretched out her arm and wriggled her fingers around on it. “You can see it just below my skin. Jason, I’m not going to trap you. I’m not her.” Her hand reached up and gently stroked the edge of my jaw.
The fact she felt she had to prove it just about broke my heart. That I had moved her to a place where she thought I questioned her motives. I trusted her completely—big call coming from me— and deep down, I knew that Angie would never do what Em had done. But going bare wasn’t just about me; it was about protecting her as well. And that right there was more important to me than anything.
More important than protecting myself—both physically and mentally.
“I know you aren’t, I just don’t want to do anything you don’t want to.” My brain not convinced we shouldn’t be pulling out and getting suited up before continuing down this road.
“Look at me. I’m clean and you get tested, right?” Her hand moved down my neck and across my shoulder. Her fingertips tingling my skin in their wake.
“Yes of course, I’ve never had sex without a condom except … well except for her and you.” I couldn’t bring myself to say her name. She had gotten enough of a mention.
“Let go, Jase.” Angie strained her neck to kiss me, her lips only making it as far as my pecs. “I promise nothing bad will happen. Trust me.” She kissed my skin trying to coax me back.
“It’s me I don’t trust.” My body took over from my brain as I slowly slid back inside of her. “It’s me.”
There was no more talking; the fast paced fucking had also stopped. Our bodies found a slower rhythm as I moved against her, feeling every inch of my length fill her before pulling out again. The skin-on-skin contact making it harder to hold out while my body welcomed the delicious torture.
She tilted her hips, joining me in every thrust as I watched myself sliding inside of her bare. It wasn’t going to last much longer, her tight pussy fisting me each time I slid inside her wet, hot center. Every second seemed to drag out, and yet not nearly long enough.
Her hand reached down between us, alternating between touching herself and cupping my balls, the sensation sending me so close to the edge I couldn’t see straight.
“I’m coming,” she breathed as her body convulsed underneath me, my ability to hold back voided as the pulsing sensation traveled
against the length of my cock. Her orgasm chasing down mine as she came apart while I watched.
“Angie.” My body shook as I erupted, my load spilling into her as my arms gave way and I all but collapsed onto her. My out of control breathing matched hers as I kissed her neck and tried to push myself back onto my elbows.
“No, stay like that.” Her arms wrapped around me, holding me against her body. Her arms strained in the effort to stop me from lifting off.
“I’ll crush you.” I pulled away, worried I was going to hurt or break her, her tiny frame dwarfed by my massive body.
“You already did, and I survived.” She blinked, her arms trying to coax me back. “I need to feel you on me. To make sure this is real.”
Hearing her say that just made me hate myself even more. Knowing what I put her through, knowing what I continued to put her through, made me want to drive a knife through my own heart.
“I’m sorry.” I buried my head against the curve of her neck.
“Don’t be sorry, just please don’t leave me right now. I promise I won’t pressure you, but don’t run from me, Jase.” Her hands gently strummed my back.
“I can’t make promises, Angie. I want to, but I can’t.” My voice vibrated against her skin and I wished to God I had something better to offer her than that. I wouldn’t lie to her though, never again would I do that. Even if the truth wasn’t pretty.
I lifted my head, and while my lips were pissed off they were no longer on her skin, my eyes were treated to the most spectacular view of her smile. There was no hesitation in her voice as she looked up at me.
“Then don’t. I don’t need promises, I just need you.”
“What did he say?” My body automatically nuzzled against Jason’s the minute he’d climbed back into my bed. It’s where we both wanted to be—my body and I—my brain still wasn’t convinced any of what we were doing was a good idea.
“I think the towel around my waist was a tip-off we weren’t trying to kill each other. He also mentioned that if he didn’t hear my name screamed by you ever again, it would be too soon. But he didn’t say much else other than giving me a don’t-fuck-this-up look or two. He’s probably just glad he doesn’t have to jump in between us.” His arms wrapped around me as he kissed my forehead. Those kisses I hoped would never stop.
Things had been said. Things that would forever change the way I saw Jason. But not in the way he thought they would. He was worried about how I would have reacted to the news. But all his past did was prove to me what a remarkable man he was, and validated what I had always known. It’s why I loved him, and why I knew I would love him forever. He was a fighter. He was exactly the man for me.
The sex hadn’t been the plan, but my body took over and it was a connection we both seemed to need. Who was I to argue?
Troy waiting for us had been unfortunate. Some prior planning before we got naked would have been better, to let the poor guy off the hook. Maybe give him a heads up that we were all good now, and were going to have sex so he didn’t have to stand outside and wait. That would have been the polite thing to do. Sadly, manners were the furthest thing from our minds.
“I could have gone out and told him, you know.” My lips showered his arms with kisses. They were such strong, capable arms. They definitely deserved their own Tumblr.
“If you think there was any chance of me letting you get out of this bed and talk to Troy naked, you’re even more delusional than I first thought.” He pulled me closer to his body, and I felt his smile against my skin.
“Firstly, you don’t get to let me do anything.” I poked him in the chest for good measure. “If you think you, or anyone else, has any control over me then you are the one who is delusional.” My fingers did the little air quotes for delusional just for extra effect. “Secondly, Troy is like a brother to me. He would never look at me that way even if he wasn’t happily married with a baby on the way, which he is. So. Yeah. You’re wrong.” My arms folded across my chest as I smiled.
“So quick to be defensive,” Jason laughed. “Firstly, I would never tell you what you can or can’t do. I’m not feeling suicidal. Well, at least not today. And secondly, I wasn’t worried about Troy seeing you that way. I was worried about myself. Seeing you stride to that door naked, no way in hell I wouldn’t have my hands all over you. I didn’t think Troy would appreciate the show. So my statement was less about you, and more about my self-preservation.” He pulled me closer, nipping at my shoulder.
I promised I wouldn’t push, not when I knew why Jason had been so resistant in the first place. And as far as reasons go, his were pretty good ones. Even though I would never do what she had done, I wasn’t going to start demanding stuff either.
I was going to let him go.
If he came back to me, then I would know. If he didn’t then it’s not because he didn’t want me but because he couldn’t be with anyone.
It would still be the most epic of heartaches but that was old news for me. I’d been through it once or twice before. For me, it was worth the risk.
So I kicked him out of my room, telling him I needed to get ready for Megs and Ash’s arrival. Which was the truth. But also gave us that time away too.
Here I was, letting him go.
****
“Hey you!” Megs grabbed me and pulled me into a hug, her belly noticeably bigger. “In the interest of full disclosure, I know everything. But I’m going to need to hear it again because Troy Harris sucks when it comes to gossip. I love the man, but he isn’t great with details. Oh well, it’s my reassurance that he is still human.” She barely took a breath as she pulled away from me and gave me a look over. “You look thinner. Ash, has she lost weight, or is it just because I’m like gigantacon now?”
“Megs, gigantacon isn’t a word and even if it was, you aren’t.” Ash smiled before taking her turn to hug me. “Hey Angie, ignore her. Megs is getting crazier with each passing month.”
“I’ve missed you both, and all your crazy.” My arms wrapped around both of them. Happily accepting the affection. It wasn’t even weird that I welcomed it.
“So,” Megs smiled, her eyebrow arching in question, “you still having accidents with his penis?” She slowly eased into a chair.
“Yeah, but were taking things slow. I’m not expecting anything. There is a lot that he went through, shit I will never understand and he needs time. Maybe we won’t make it anyway, but I’m not walking away and not pressuring him.”
“What do you mean you’re not expecting anything? Like he’s not making a commitment, and you are just going to hang around and wait? Get Jason down here right now so I can kick his ass.” Megs tried unsuccessful to leap out of the chair, with her attempt ending up a weird wiggling display. “The minute I get up, I’m going to kick his ass.” She pushed against the armrest of the chair and slowly righted herself on her feet.
“You don’t need to do that. I’m fine with the way things are.” A calm floated over me in a way it hadn’t before. Either way, this time I knew I was going to be fine.
“Well that’s the most important thing, right, Megs?” Ash tried her best to play peacekeeper, even if she didn’t seem to buy it herself.
“I know you don’t understand; I don’t expect you to. And maybe when this is all said and done, I will totally regret this.” I took a deep breath. I’d said it all in my head a million times, and if ever I was going to talk about this with someone other than Jase, these two were who I’d confide in. “But I know that I can’t walk away. I’ve tried unsuccessfully for years to forget him and I keep coming back. It’s where I need to be, and hopefully, he’ll come to the same conclusion. If not, well at least we tried, right? That has to be better than nothing at all.”
“Sounds to me like he doesn’t know how lucky he is.” Megs slunk back into the chair she had so passionately tried to get out of, hopefully shelving all ideas of confronting Jase and attempting to kick his ass. Pregnant or not, I didn’t doubt she would do it.
&n
bsp; “We’re both lucky.”
This wasn’t just about Jason. It was about me and my own unhealthy outlook. My idea that loving meant desertion, and that I’d deny myself the chance. It didn’t matter if he left. If there were a hundred men that left after him. I wanted to love and I wanted to be loved, and I wasn’t going to be scared of it anymore. I would stand out on the edge of the cliff and whatever was going to happen would happen. And it would be enough.
“You know, all relationships have their ups and downs.” Ash gently touched my hand. “And if it’s the right one, it’s worth fighting for.”
“Thanks. I know this is the right one.” In fact I’d never been surer of anything in my life. “I love him and he loves me too. And I’m going to play this out, and if it all ends in tears, I’ll still have you two, Rusty and the band.”
And most importantly myself.
I am woman, hear me roar, right?
“Hey, we should find Rusty a nice girl.” Megs immediately got distracted at the mention of Rusty. “He doesn’t have a girlfriend, does he? He’s gorgeous too. I can’t believe you’ve never gone there with him.”
“Megs, don’t.” Ash laughed, neither of us holding much hope of convincing Megs no one needed a relationship doctor.
“Fine. You people spoil all my fun.”
I was going to wait. And while I waited, I was going to love him beyond measure and let him love me, too. Because I’d rather love him now and have an uncertain forever, than give up now for definite heart break.
****
The road.
No matter what happened with us, some things didn’t stop. The revolving door of cities and stadiums were constant. Planes, buses, cars and hotel rooms, they were also on high rotation. And we continued to exist in the snow globe of the insanity, every day a new shake up yet still things stayed the same.
I watched him from the bathroom. His keyboard splayed on the bed as he played that tune he sometimes did. It was simple and beautiful even though he said it was nothing special. To my ears, there was nothing more perfect.