Without a word he helped her in and laid the crutches behind the seat. She watched him stalk around the truck and climb into the driver’s seat, bringing with him another wave of tension.
“Did I do something to piss you off? You were so relaxed, and now your whole body is tied in one giant knot.”
He stared straight ahead. “No, Jewel. I’m trying to keep from doing something stupid.”
“Like?” she pushed.
“Like kissing you.”
“So kissing me was stupid?” That stung.
He started the truck. “No. Jesus, Jewel. You’re not making this easy.”
“Not making what easy? I don’t understand. Why is it so bad that we kissed? I know you liked it, and I definitely liked it.”
He turned dark, angry eyes to her. “Jewel, if I kiss you, I want to touch you. All of you. Why is this so hard to follow? That’s what happens. You kiss, you touch, and if you’re in sync, which we totally are, you have sex. You’re not a kid. You know how this goes.” He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. “Why are you having so much trouble understanding? Kissing you wasn’t stupid, but landing in bed with you might be.”
“Who said we would land in bed together? You’re so arrogant.”
“I’m not arrogant. I’m honest. I want you, Jewel. I want to be inside you. I want you in my arms. I want to fall asleep wrapped around you and wake up beside you.” His nostrils flared as the heated words left his lips. “I’ve done nothing but think about you for years. Every fucking fantasy I’ve ever had involved you.”
“It has?” she whispered. Every fantasy you’ve ever had? Nate was experienced. Of course he’d expect them to land in bed together. Isn’t that what she wanted, too? Isn’t that what people who were attracted to each other usually did? Make out and then land in bed together. The problem was, there was nothing usual about her experience, and this would be so much easier if there were.
“Yes. Okay? Now you know. If we had continued kissing last night, there’s no way in hell you would have stopped us from sleeping together, and I know damn well that I wouldn’t have.”
“How do you know I wouldn’t have? I don’t even know if I would have stopped us from going further. Maybe. Probably. I mean …” She swallowed her words when she realized the confession that was about to flow like a river.
“Christ.” He bowed his head and rubbed the back of his neck. “This is getting us nowhere.”
She couldn’t speak for fear of the wrong words slipping out.
He stepped from the truck and paced the parking lot, his shoulders rounded forward, hands fisting. Jewel couldn’t have moved if her life depended on it. Her stomach was tied in knots, and she was trapped in an inexperienced body that was aching for his touch. And she didn’t want to gain experience from anyone else. She wanted Nate, but telling Nate she was a virgin would be like putting up a roadblock, and he had erected enough of those on his own. She watched him circle the truck again and open her door. She half expected him to carry her right back up those stairs and plop her into her apartment for the last time.
His eyes were serious, and his jaw clenched repeatedly as he clutched her thighs and turned her body toward him.
“Jesus, Jewel. I’m sorry I said all those things to you.”
“I liked what you said. I liked hearing you say you wanted to make love to me.” Saying it aloud took some of the fear away. Nate cared so much about her. It was evident in everything he did, everything he said. In the way he was looking at her now, like she was a precious gem that he was afraid he’d break. If she let him know she was inexperienced, she knew he’d treat her like she was even more precious, even more vulnerable—even more off-limits.
“Don’t you get it? I owe it to your brother, to your family, to you, to protect you. I can’t do this.”
She reached for his cheek, and he backed away with a huff.
“Jewel, I know how to get you into bed. I know what to say and how to touch you. I could have taken things further last night.”
And a big part of me wishes you had. It was so much easier when I didn’t have to think. “But you didn’t. You stopped yourself.”
He crossed his arms, breathing heavily.
“Why can’t we just see where this goes?” She didn’t care that she was pleading. She could see that he was tortured by whatever he thought he owed Rick and what he felt for her, but he seemed to be teetering toward changing his mind.
“See where this goes? Jewel, I know where I want it to go, and it cannot go there.”
“We’re both adults, Nate. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll go out and date some other guy just so you can see that I can make my own decisions, but that’s not what I want to—”
He took her face between his hands and pressed his lips to hers in a fast, hard kiss. When he pulled back and set his dark blue eyes on her, he looked like a hungry savage struggling to keep from devouring her.
“You talk entirely too much.” His voice was rough as he searched her eyes and stroked his thumb slowly over her jaw. “Don’t you dare give yourself over to someone you don’t love.”
“You’re not my keeper, despite what you promised Rick.” Holy crap. That was not going to bring him any closer, but she couldn’t stop herself. It was true, and she needed to shake some sense into him.
“I don’t want to be your keeper.”
“Then what do you want to be?”
Chapter Seven
NATE KNEW HE was playing with fire, but he was powerless to douse the flames. He wanted to tell her that he wanted to be the air she breathed, the man who made her smile, the man who made her toes curl. He wanted to be her everything. She had no idea that she owned him—heart and soul. He felt it in every breath he took. Every time he looked into her eyes and every ball-aching kiss sealed her ownership in a way that he could never have imagined. It seemed like such a simple thing—two people who were attracted to each other fell into each other’s arms. But while every kiss swept him away for a few blessed seconds, the moment their lips parted, guilt swallowed him. He’d made a promise, and Nate had always been a man of his word—even if right this second he’d give anything not to be that man.
Without answering, he climbed back into the truck and drove to the club.
Whispers was located at the end of Dunes Landing, a dead-end street that overlooked the ocean. The parking lot was crowded, and after driving in silence that was so thick with sexual tension Nate could have cut it with a knife, they waited twenty minutes to get in. Jewel and Nate weaved their way through throngs of twentysomethings who were bumping and grinding to the beat of the live band. Not much had changed in the years since Nate had been gone. Girls still wore too much makeup and skimpy, sexy outfits when prowling for guys, and guys wore predatory stares. Nate put a protective arm around Jewel. He knew he was messing with both of their heads, and after she’d threatened to go out with someone else, his mind was even more tightly wrapped around protecting her—from himself as much as from anyone else.
He leaned down and pressed his cheek to hers in order for her to hear him over the music. “You okay?”
She nodded. She was trembling, almost imperceptibly.
He tilted her chin up so he could look in her eyes. Gone was the confident challenge that he’d seen on the drive over, replaced with uncertainty that accentuated her vulnerability. She was a strong woman, but every once in a while something took the wind from her sails, and it pained him to see her discomfort and to know that he’d been the cause of it last night and again tonight.
“I’m just not used to crowds,” she admitted.
He pulled her against him. He’d forgotten how sheltered her life was. Rick had often talked about feeling guilty for leaving when he knew Jewel would have to pick up the slack while he was away, but he’d held strong to the belief that he was doing the right thing by trying to build a better life for himself, and in turn, for his family.
He felt Jewel’s fingers cling to the wai
stband of his jeans. He knew she hadn’t meant what she’d said about hooking up with some random guy, but still, it worried him. He didn’t want his presence to push her into someone else’s arms.
He scanned the crowd for his siblings and locked eyes with a stocky guy checking out Jewel. His protective urges reared up as he pulled Jewel even closer and pinned the guy with a threatening stare. The guy turned away. Damn right. You better turn away.
Holding Jewel told her that he wanted her, but every time she tried to get close, he pulled back. It was a dick move, and he wasn’t proud of the way he was acting. But he couldn’t control any of it. He was powerless to walk away from her, and he was unable to move forward. With a deep breath, he tried to focus on finding his family.
Sam would want to be in the thick of the nightlife, around the most scantily clad women, while Cole and Tempe would rather be outside, where things were less like a meat market and a little quieter. With Jewel safely tucked against him, Nate headed outside.
“Nate! Holy shit. You’re back!” Thick arms engulfed him.
Nate held tight to Jewel when she tried to ease out of his grip. It took him a second to register that the guy embracing him was Cade Layton, an old high school buddy. He hadn’t seen him since Rick’s funeral. He’d made himself so scarce since Rick died that he hadn’t seen many people besides his family and the Fishers.
“Cade, how’s it going?” Cade was a few inches shorter than Nate. His black hair was cropped short, his eyes glassy.
“Great, man. I heard you were back in town.” Cade eyed Jewel, and the excitement in his dark eyes dimmed. “It’s a shame about Rick.”
Nate felt Jewel try to disengage from him again, and he tightened his hold. Why hadn’t he thought about this kind of shit? He shouldn’t have invited her to come with him, but at the same time, he was glad he had.
“Yeah, damn shame. It was good to see you, but we’ve got to go. We’re meeting my brothers and Tempe.”
“I saw them out on the deck. Take care. See you around.” Cade disappeared into the crowd, and Nate pushed a path through the crowd.
“Sorry about that,” he said to Jewel as they stepped through the archway to the deck overlooking the ocean. The temperature dropped as wind swept over the dunes.
“Even though most people know about Rick, sometimes someone comes back into town and they’ve just heard.” She shrugged. “Just when I think I’m over it, I’m surprised at the sting when someone brings it up.”
Torment coursed through him. Knowing he’d sent Rick on that fatal supply run made him want to comfort Jewel and back away from her at the same time. At moments like this he was desperate to confess the truth to her and talk it through so they could get past this treacherous place they were stuck in. But he knew she might never forgive him, and he wasn’t ready to chance at least having this time with her.
Cole waved from a table across the room, where he sat beside Tempest. Nate lifted his chin, indicating he’d seen them, but he wanted to make sure Jewel was okay before they joined the others. He leaned in close.
“Jewel, if you want to leave, we can go. I don’t mind.”
“No. I’m fine.”
Her brows were knitted together, but her lips were curved up in a tentative smile. He couldn’t tell if she was being honest or trying to placate him.
“Really, Nate. I’m okay, and surprisingly, so is my ankle.”
“Okay, but let me know if you want to leave. The last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable.” He placed a hand on her lower back, and they joined Cole and Tempe.
Tempe jumped up, looking cute in a yellow skirt and pale blue tank top, and hugged Jewel. “I’m so glad you guys made it. How’s your ankle?”
“Where are your crutches?” Cole’s dark eyes slid between Jewel and Nate.
Jewel smiled up at Nate. “Nate’s my crutch for tonight. I didn’t feel like wrestling with them in here.”
It was that smile that got him every time. It slithered into his chest and wrapped around his heart. And it was the warmth in her eyes, the trust and adoration that looked back at him now, that he wanted to see every minute of the day. But he knew he didn’t deserve it, and one day soon, she would know it, too.
Nate felt a heavy hand on his shoulder.
“Nathaniel Braden, you sly bastard.”
He opened his arms to his youngest brother, Ty. “Son of a bitch. I thought you were still out of town.”
“I’m a miracle worker—what can I say?” Ty was the youngest of the Braden brothers. At twenty-six, he was a year older than Shannon. He was an acclaimed nature photographer and one of the world’s most notable mountain climbers. Ty spent most of the year traveling around the world.
“You look like a hippie.” Nate ruffled Ty’s long, shiny dark hair. It fell right back in front of his eyes. “You remember Jewel.” Nate returned a possessive hand to Jewel’s back.
“How could I forget?” Ty embraced her. “How’re you doing, sweetheart?”
“Really well, thanks. Women would kill for your hair.” Jewel flashed a flirty grin at Ty.
Nate reclaimed her hand, even though he knew by the way her eyes darted to him afterward that the flirty grin was meant to bait him for turning her away in the truck. And the smile on her lips told him he was playing right into her hands, but hell if that wasn’t exactly where he wanted to be. He pulled out a chair for Jewel, then sat down beside her, eyeing Ty as he sat across from them with Cole and Tempe.
Ty nodded in a way that Nate knew meant he got the hint.
“Where’s Sam?” Nate asked.
“He’s coming. He got hung up out front with that lifeguard chick who’s always after him,” Ty said. “Speaking of...Nate, it looks like your fan club is on their way over.”
Nate turned just in time to catch sight of a group of girls heading his way. Jewel tried to unlatch their fingers. He knew her well enough to know she was probably embarrassed and a little angry because of the way he’d been pulling away from her, but he refused to let go. Jewel had never been comfortable around girls who put their sexuality on display, and on that level he wanted Jewel to know that he didn’t give a damn about those girls. Hell, if all the other shit weren’t standing between them, she might look proud to hold his hand—even still, he wasn’t willing to let her go. He turned back to Ty.
“Christ. Why didn’t we go to Mr. B’s?”
“Take it up with Sam,” Cole said. “It was his turn to choose.”
Ty eyed the curvy brunette leading the girls approaching the table. “There’s much better scenery here.”
Tami Hager was a tall, big-breasted, leggy brunette with a small waist, child-bearing hips, and a wide, pouty mouth. She had been the hottest girl in high school, and by the way she was arching her back and thrusting out her breasts, it appeared she still relied on those looks to get what she wanted.
“Hi, Nate. We heard you were back in town.” She touched Nate’s shoulder in a way that indicated a familiarity that had never existed.
Nate felt Jewel stiffen beside him. He draped an arm around her shoulder despite knowing he shouldn’t give Jewel—or himself—so many conflicting messages. But damn it, he didn’t want some other girl eyeing him up. He wanted Jewel, and he wasn’t about to let anyone think otherwise.
“Hey, Tami.” He moved out from under her touch.
“How long are you in town this time?” Tami had tried in earnest to get Nate into bed over the years, but he’d never given in. Nate had always had his pick of women, but he’d never been attracted to women who tried too hard. And as he’d matured, his feelings for Jewel had made him even pickier. He eyed the other girls and could place only two of them from high school.
“I haven’t decided. You know Jewel Fisher, don’t you?”
Tami lifted her pointy chin and looked down her perky nose at Jewel. “Jewel.”
“Hi,” Jewel said quietly.
“We were just about to dance, if you’ll excuse us.” Nate rose to his f
eet and brought Jewel up with him. He led her to the dance floor, pulled her in close, and lowered his cheek to hers. “I’m sorry. I know you can’t dance on your ankle, but I wanted to get away from her.”
“You don’t really think I mind, do you?”
He didn’t need to see her face to know she was smiling. He couldn’t resist pressing a sweet kiss to her cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered, eyeing the girls he’d left slack-jawed at the table.
Jewel wrapped her arms around him and pressed her cheek to his chest. Their bodies fit perfectly together, as he’d always known they would. He spotted Sam coming toward them, grinning, with a girl under each arm. Nate had dated plenty of women over the years, but he’d never been one for multiple partners, like his brother, and though he didn’t enjoy one-night stands, with his heart wrapped around Jewel, he could never settle into a real relationship. Being back home, and now dancing with Jewel, gave him a feeling of completeness that he’d longed for. Even chased by the sense of responsibility toward Rick, the way he felt right now was better than anything he’d ever experienced.
He felt his steely resolve slipping away.
“Bro,” Sam said as he filled the space beside them. The two girls flanking him dragged their eyes down Nate’s body even as they twined their arms around Sam’s neck.
“Sammy.” Nate was sure he sounded as annoyed as he felt by the women’s complete disregard for Jewel. “You remember Jewel.”
“Hey, beautiful,” Sam said.
Jewel lifted a smile in his direction. It faded as she realized he was dancing with two women who were trying to climb beneath his skin while also eyeing Nate. “Hi, Sam.”
Nate tried to ease her discomfort. “I’m going to bring Jewel and the kids by Rough Riders Wednesday for canoe rides, okay?”
“Sure, man. Whatever you want.”
“Thanks.” The song ended, and Nate stole a glance at the table. The girls were gone, but he was in no hurry to leave the dance floor. “How’s your ankle?”
“Okay.” She smiled up at him as the next slow song began. “Want to go back?”
Healed by Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens) Page 8