by Shan
1 TAMAR
9 months later
“Damn, I missed you so much. I'm so glad I found you…. they told me you were dead,” I said stroking the side of Rozalyn's face. She looked just like I remembered her; smooth caramel skin, her long black curly hair fell right down the sides of her face bringing out her Chinese cut eyes. The most beautiful female I'd ever seen, the only female I'd ever loved and she was all mines. I thought I lost her but here she was standing right in front of me.
“Why didn't you come for me?” Rozalyn asked.
“I did, they told me you were dead,” I said feeling guilty. “They told me you were both dead.”
I looked down at her round, pregnant belly smiling at the fact that she was still carrying my son. Everything was going to be a’ight and I was going to make sure of it; never letting the two of them out of my sight again.
“You didn't come for me, you let them hurt me. I thought you loved me Tae?” Rozalyn questioned.
“I tried; I didn't know where you were. I looked everywhere and….” I reached out to touch Rozalyn's stomach; my smile broke when she pulled away. Her skin turned dark and her face scrunched up in pain, a puddle of blood flowed from between her legs. I came closer to her trying to help her but her skin began to shed falling to the floor piece by piece.
“Rozalyn!” I yelled. “Rozalyn!”
The heavy and bold laughter echoed from a male that was nearby but I couldn't see anyone. I moved from where I was standing and went over towards Rozalyn's disintegrated body. Kneeling down to what was left of her I couldn't fathom that this shit was real; she was just right here. I felt her, I touched the side of her face and it was warm; not cold like someone who was dead would be.
I felt the cold steel of metal press against my temple and could hear the click of the safety being released from a pistol, the heavy laughter I heard earlier returned standing right over me.
“Tamar!” he yelled and laughed again. “Tamar!”
I slyly reached for my pistol hoping I could pull it out and get a shot off before he blew my fuckin’ brains out. The laughter continued; I went for it, removed my pistol, turned and jumped to my feet now placing the pistol to the bottom of his chin.
Although he wasn't laughing anymore and I couldn't make out his face I knew it was that cat P.J. He took Rozalyn and he killed her and I was about to make him pay for what he did to her and me.
“Tamar! Tamar please!” he yelled. “Oh my God, you are scaring the shit out of me!”
“I'm scaring the shit out of you? Muthafucka look what you did to my fuckin’ girl! Look at her! You took her from me!” I roared pointing to what was left of Rozalyn's body on the ground.
WHAM!
I popped him across the face sending him and his blood flying to the floor. I quickly went over to where he landed, stood over him, clicked the safety off, and aimed for his head.
“Tamar, oh my God! Please! Please!” he cried out like a little whimp.
POW!
Just as I came down on the trigger I was tackled from behind and knocked to the floor. The gun flew from my hand and I tried to crawl towards it but was given a swift kick to the stomach that flipped my ass over onto my back.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fuckin’ crazy?” Taron asked.
I looked up at him, then around the room to see Diamond curled up hyperventilating in the corner, blood dripped from her forehead and I knew just then that I'd been hallucinating again.
Ding Dong! Ding Dong!
“Now that's probably the muthafuckin’ police! What the fuck is going on with you my nigga?” Taron walked over picking up the gun and leaving out of the room.
“Fuck,” I said just above a whisper. My house was surrounded by police, FBI, and reporters on a daily basis. They feared that I would try to escape, leaving the country or something to get away from the charges I was facing for the murders of Shalea and Tweek.
For the past nine months hallucinations and bad dreams had been a part of my everyday life. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't have them; each time felt so damn real. Doctors told me it was part of posttraumatic stress and that eventually they would leave me but they hadn't. I thought I would quickly get over Rozalyn being dead considering it had been so long since she’d disappeared. When her mama first called me with the news a week ago, I remember breaking down to the point to where taking my life laid heavily on mind.
Her remains were found a good twenty minutes from here; buried beneath falling branches and leaves. She'd been there for about three months ’cause the only thing that was found was her bones and the clothes she wore when she was killed. I didn't want to accept the news of Rozalyn's death, I begged them to do some kind of test on her to make sure that it was indeed her but when they told me they found her cell phone and her purse that contained her ID. I had no choice but to accept the facts.
Shit I spent week after week going between the hospital when Brandon was shot and looking all over for Rozalyn. I accused her brother of hiding her from me and trying to get back at me for what happened to Zavier ’cause every time I called concerning Rozalyn he was real nonchalant and acted as if he didn't care that something happened to her. Nobody in her family seemed to care; it was like everybody knew she would be found dead except for me. I held onto hope that I would rescue her the same way I did when she was kidnapped the last time. I just couldn't believe that it came to this and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening.
Rozalyn got herself into a lot of trouble when she snitched on P.J. Had I known at the time what she'd done and whom she was fuckin’ with; I most likely would've taken her across the country just to keep her safe. P.J. is partially black and partially Chinese. His father, whom is Chinese, is part of dreadful Chinese Mob based out of New York. Me, proclaiming to be the baddest muthafucka’ on earth was even willing to run miles and miles away just to shy away from them. I've heard mad stories about the way they got down and knew they were not to be fucked with. Unfortunately for Rozalyn she had no idea who she was trying to send to jail.
“You okay?” I asked as I headed towards the corner she was kneeled down in.
“This is the second damn time you done did that shit Tae and it's starting to get worse. You need to get some fuckin’ help or something!” Diamond yelled.
“I don't need no damn help, I had a fucked up ass dream a’ight? We all have ‘em.”
“Not to the point where you can't separate what's real from what's a part of your damn imagination! I'm not about to stick around waiting on you to kill us!”
I met Diamond about six months ago at a bar and grill while chilling with my boys. She was pretty, dark, smooth skin, lips like Megan Goode and a body like Trina. My intentions were to smash and pass her along to one of the homies if they wanted her but we had a little bit of a connection and ended up going a little further than expected.
“I'm about take a shower, come on,” I said pulling Diamond out of the corner to her feet. Her body was uncontrollably trembling and she kind of hesitated coming with me, I nibbled along her neck, and rubbed on her small, round belly. “You know I ain't trying to hurt you or my shorty. I'm sorry.”
“It's starting to scare me Tae, every night you making all these sounds in your sleep. I never know when you gonna jump out and attack me,” Diamond whined.
“I can't help what I dream about. I told you I was sorry, I don't know what else you want me to say.”
“Maybe if you get her off your fuckin’ mind then you can have a peaceful sleep at night. Still got her damn pictures all around the house. How do you expect to get over her if you ain't trying to let her go?” Diamond sat on the bed folding her arms and pouted like a big ass kid. Just as I was about to head into the bathroom Taron tapped on the door and walked into the room.
“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you but you need to get yourself together for real. You already facing two capital murder charges and was about to be facing another one,
” Taron said.
I didn't respond and walked into the bathroom slamming the door behind me. I hated looking at that fool, hated that his ass was even here but a part of me felt like I owed that nigga. Finding out that he went to jail behind some bullshit I did made me feel like I had to help him get up on his feet. I know that even though he and Tavon were identical twins that they weren’t the same but it was hard to see him as his own person.
Tavon was a part of the reason I was facing these damn charges now; if it wasn't for him, my cousin Roderick, and that bitch Shalea beating and raping Rozalyn I wouldn't be in this situation. Looking at Taron made me think about how Tavon raped Rozalyn; violated her in the worst way. He was partially responsible for killing my first born son and every time I looked at Taron it just brought back unwanted memories.
In a week I would be sitting in the court room, going to trial for the murders of Shalea and Tweek that I committed almost a year ago. My attorneys had been doing everything in their power to postpone the trial and this last time they tried the judge wasn't having it. There was a star witness in the case that was claiming to have seen it all and so far I have yet to be able to find out who the witness is. Based on an order from the judge, the witness’ name wouldn't be released until a couple of days before the start of the trial, giving my attorneys only 48 hours to find a way to discredit the statement that was given to the police.
After I showered, Diamond came into the bathroom handing me my cell phone and a lit blunt; I took a puff from the blunt and put my ear to the phone.
“What up? Who this?” I asked.
"We need to meet, I'm over here with this cat Smitty and dude talking like he ain't paying you until he know whether or not you going to jail," Money said.
“So, why the fuck I need to meet you for that shit? You can't handle it?”
“I'm saying though, he ain't the only one talking like that. Bray and Toine said the same damn thing. I need to know what you want me to do.”
"Bruh, you know I gotta meet my lawyer in two fuckin’ hours and Roz's funeral is today. I thought I told everybody I ain't wanna be disturbed. I don't even know why you calling me with this shit. Do what the fuck I pay you to do!" I hit the end button, took a deep toke on the blunt, and leaned against the bathroom cabinet.
"Everything a’ight?" Diamond asked.
I glanced at Diamond over the top of my eyes, took a harsh puff off the blunt, and passed it to her. Shit did it sound like everything was a’ight, I see now these niggas want to play crazy ‘cause they thought I was about to be locked up. Now they wanna act like shit is not the same as usual; wanna pay me half of what they owe or not even pay at all. Regardless of what the fuck happened to me it was still my fuckin’ money and I wanted it. I thought to myself.
I was about to handle the situation that Money was dealing with just to send out a message to let everybody know that I was still running this shit and gone continue to run it from the inside and the outs.
Leaving Diamond standing in the bathroom I went into the bedroom, reached under the bed, and pulled out a box that held about twenty or so prepaid phones. My phones were tapped; they had video surveillance watching me here at the Condo, and back at my house. Soon as I looked out the window cameras flashed, muthafuckas popped up from behind trees, and out of bushes trying to get their best shot of me.
Everywhere I went someone followed, I practically had to take baby steps with everything I did making sure I didn't give them bitches shit on me. Shit, homicide police had my ass by the balls right now and were definitely trying to find any other evidence they could to use on me in court or to hand down to the DEA to bring me up on other charges. What they have is what they have and I be damned if I gave them more.
“Hey, yo! I need you to get up with Money and handle the little situation he got. He seems to be having some problems,” I said to Keylan the minute he answered the phone.
“A’ight, soon as I get through handling this shit here I'll get up with him. Everything good, we got what seven days? You still ain't heard nothing about shorty yet?” Keylan asked referring to the witness the prosecution had that was supposed to tell everything that was needed to send my black ass to jail.
“Nah, shorty still ain't told me nothing yet, but I hope I hear from her real soon,” I responded.
“Bet that, bet that. Well a’ight I'll hit Money up and be through there. What time the limo supposed to be there?”
“I don't know, I'm not going.”
“You not going to meet your lawyer?” Keylan asked to be sure he heard me clearly.
“No, I'm not going to the funeral. I ain't up for that shit. I'll stay at home with Diamond,” I answered grabbing the blunt from Diamond's mouth.
“Fuck you mean, bruh? All the planning you did, the money you put into it; now all of a sudden you ain't up to it. People coming from all over to be at the service; how’s that gonna look if you not there?”
Today was the day we mourned over and buried Rozalyn’s body. I wanted so bad to believe that she was still alive and that the body we found was not hers but I had to accept it; I just had to. I know that it was the only way I was going to be able to function and stop having these damn hallucinations. It just hurt me so bad knowing that she laid in the fuckin’ woods not far from where we lived, deteriorating while animals and bugs ate her away.
I took the phone away from my ear and hit the end button, concluding the call with Keylan. My mind was already made up that I was not about to go listen to a bunch of phony muthafuckas cry over somebody they never gave a fuck about. I can mourn on my own time; at least I knew my cries were real.
*****
“Tamar! Tamar! How do you feel with your trial coming up in just seven days?” a slim, black female reporter asked. She was rocking a pair of Vera Wang glasses that I'm sure wasn't prescription, only to make her ass look smarter than what she really was. “Do you think the jury will believe you when you say that you are 'not guilty'?”
I was just leaving my lawyer's office going over some finalities for my trial when these damn vultures started attacking me the moment I walked out, “No comment! No comment!” I yelled walking over to the Navigator. I could hear the clicking of heels following right behind me, and then felt the bitch tugging on my damn arm.
“Tamar, please?” she begged.
“Look bitch…” I started to say until she forced a balled up piece of paper in my hand. “I said no comment. Now leave me the fuck alone.”
Once I climbed into my ride, I cranked it, then unraveled the balled up piece of paper that she handed to me and it read:
CALL ME ASAP
I HAVE SOME INFO I THINK
YOU MAY WANT.
TRUST ME IT WILL BE WORTH YOUR
TIME AND YOUR
MONEY.
Kari
I glanced over at the reporter who stood outside my window; she winked at me then nodded for her camera crew to follow. What the fuck kind of info this bitch got that a make me wanna pay for it?
2 TAMAR
Too Hard To Say Good-Bye
“No one knows the reason why such tragedies hit these precious young souls! All we know is that God has called home two angels; for whatever reason it is we know not to question Him!” The pastor yelled from within the church.
I brought my hand up to the door wondering if I should go in or not; if this is Rozalyn that we were truly burying today it would hurt me to know that I had an opportunity to say my final goodbyes but passed it up. Against my better judgment I opened the doors to the church and walked in.
“Lord….Lord, I ask you to…..Lord if you can just bless these young souls and let them know that the time is now! Let them know that they have no more time to waste; it is now time for them to get their lives in order!” the pastor proclaimed while never taking his stare off of me as I strolled through the aisle.
I took a seat between Brandon and Keylan trying to ignore the many eyes that were plastered on me. Being that her body was comp
letely disintegrated; at the altar stood a life size photo of Rozalyn that was taken a couple of months after we moved to Miami. She was rocking a cream color maternity dress by Baby Phat; with her hands draped over her small, pregnant belly. Next to her picture was a collage of the sonogram photos that were given to us at her fifth month check-up; the check-up that confirmed that she was pregnant with yet again another boy.
“Kevin, no!” I heard a yell come from behind me.
Before I could even see what was going down; Keylan reached into his waist and had a gun planted against Kevin's jaw. Everyone made for the exit damn near knocking each other over; starting an unnecessary pandemonium in fear that bullets would start flying.
“Key, put the gun down!” Kayla, my little cousin yelled then reached for Kevin's hand.
I twisted my eyes at her and glared at her distrustfully, “Fuck is you doing Kayla?” I asked.
“I'll explain later, Keylan put the gun down! He just came over here to talk to Tamar!” Kayla tried explaining.
“Talk my ass! In the middle of the service; he could've saved the talk for later!” Keylan roared.
“I ain't got no beef with you Key! All I wanna know is who did this to my little sister?” Kevin spoke.
“You tell me! You the one wasn't offering a helping hand!” I pulled Keylan away from Kevin and stepped up; now standing face to face with him.
“You the enemy! Your people killed my little brother and I know you had something to do with it just like I know you had something to do with this! Why’d you do this to her man?” Kevin asked allowing a few tears to fall down his face.
“Kevin, I know me and Rozalyn’s relationship wasn't perfect but this ain't me. I ain't have nothing to do with what happened to her; but just as you feel I had something to do with it I feel the same way about you and everybody else around this muthafucka’! One thing for sure and two things for certain; I'm the one that put countless hours in looking for her; throwing out bread on useless ass private investigators. I did that shit! Where the fuck was you at?”