by Shan
"We gotta go a’ight? Money, call the pilot and let him know we on our way. I'm a keep calling B and the rest of them fools and if they ain’t at the airport ‘bout time we get there we leaving without them," Keylan walked over to a beat up Honda and kicked the door a few times until it popped open.
***
It seemed like it took a good two days before we made it to Miami. It was only me, Tamarion, Keylan, and the other guy Money on the big ass plane all by ourselves. Keylan called Brandon over and over again but was unable to get him so we ended up leaving without him. I begged Keylan to wait it out a little while longer but he wouldn't listen. He just kept saying that too much was at risk to spend any more time than needed in Hong Kong; Brandon and the other dudes were on their own.
I picked Keylan over and over again for info on Tamar's whereabouts, I wanted to know why he wasn't the one to put those bullets in P.J. or why he didn't pull me and Tamarion out that jeep and carry us to the road. Keylan kept saying that he would explain later but later never came; before long we were driving up to Dmitri's property waiting for security to open the gates and allow us in. This shit felt like a dream, I never thought that this day would come. I had dreamt about it but it always seemed too good to ever come true.
After driving down the long road to reach Dmitri's house I became elated with joy seeing Tamar walk down the steps of the front porch; I guess Keylan or Tamar didn't have to explain. Both of Tamar's arms were casted, one being held up by a spring.
"Damn, girl I'm surprised you got anymore tears left." Money teased.
I laughed, he was cool. I didn't know who he was or what he did for Tamar but I was thankful that he was around.
"Looks like both of ya'll gonna be walking around all disabled and shit," Keylan said. He began to cough violently, followed by harsh wheezing.
"I'm a help her in the house then you going back to the muthafuckin’ hospital, your ass look pale!" Money said.
Keylan pulled the car to the front of the house and put it in park; I pushed the backdoor open jumping out and running to Tamar like a little girl that found her daddy after getting lost at a big ass function.
"What happened? You a’ight?" Tamar inspected me, looking me up, down and all over.
"I twisted..."I paused when I saw a stream of tears rolling down his eyes. “I twisted my arm."
"Damn, I wanna touch you right now. Shit just don't seem real."
"It's real," I got on my tippy-toes and used my good arm bringing Tamar's face closer to mine. I sucked his bottom lip, then slowly slid my tongue in his mouth.
"Enough of all that, ya'll got plenty of time for that," Keylan said. "Get this greedy ass lil’ boy, yo. I don’t know why I thought he was gonna be a lil’ ass baby. This nigga big."
"Yea, let me see him," Tamar walked closer to Keylan. Keylan held him up so that Tamar can see him and Tamarion began to fidget and reach for me. I hated that he didn’t know his father.
"Yo, how old is he ma?" Tamar asked.
"He'll be nine months next week," I smiled seeing Tamar smile at a son he never knew existed.
Honk! Honk!
We all jumped when a candy red Camaro pulled up and Dmitri jumped out the car, he walked around opening the passenger side door, and helped a guy get out the car. I felt a stream of liquid pour down my leg, my heartbeat sped up, and my legs became weak. What the fuck is he doing here? I thought. He walked on a set of crutches and looked at me the whole time as he came closer and closer. He got the nerve to smile at me after what he did.
"Ms. Rozalyn..." he placed one of the crutches under his arm then reached his hand out to me but I slapped it away. His smile turned upside down then his eyes went from me then to Tamar.
"Don't you ever fuckin’ touch me..." I grimaced. Everybody looked at me like I was crazy, like I had lost my mind, like I was being disrespectful. They were the ones bringing this nigga up in my face after he violated and took my brother away from me.
"Oh shit...no, no, no chill ma. This ain't Von; remember I told you they was twins. This is Taron; the one that was locked up."
"She good....I understand," Taron said still looking insulted.
"Rozalyn," Dmitri said then gave me hug. "Are you okay? You rather warm and you're bleeding."
I followed Dmitri's eyes to the ground now able to identify the liquid I felt dripping down my leg moments ago. "Hey, let's get her to the hospital."
"I'm okay...I think I just got my cycle," I said knowing it was a lie. I'd just received the news almost twenty-four hours ago that everyone thought I was dead; this was a happy moment. I didn't want to ruin it by announcing that I was pregnant and probably experiencing a miscarriage.
That would only start a train of questions, bringing up things that I didn't want to talk about, things that I would rather leave in Beijing.
"I'm ‘bout to take Keylan to the hospital now, might as well all go together and that way your lil’ one can get checked out too," Money said.
"I don't need to go to the hospital," I protested.
"You just said you twisted your arm; you can't walk around like that. You got bruises and shit all over your face and cuts on your neck. Why wouldn't you want to go to the hospital?" Tamar eyed me suspiciously. "Dmitri call up Clemmons and have him meet us at the hospital."
I exhaled knowing that it was nothing I could do now. I really didn't have a choice in the matter; whether I wanted to go or not Tamar was gonna make me go. I just got to figure out a way to make sure he don't find out. I would like to enjoy a few weeks of calm and happiness first.
***
"Roz, Roz? You sleep?" Tamar nudged me with his hard ass cast.
"Mmgh, what's wrong?" I sleepily asked.
"Yo, dude was hitting on you?"
"A couple of times."
"A couple of times? Looks like more than a couple of times to me. Damn....man....fuck!" Tamar sat up in the bed and turned on the light that was sitting next to him on the nightstand.
"What?" I questioned.
"I don't understand this shit; I should've picked up on it back then. Your moms and shit calling me telling me you was dead like two days before the police showed up at my doorstep. I just figured maybe they was just getting around to notifying me. Then her and your bitch ass sister gave all kinds of excuses why they couldn't come to the funeral. They knew you wasn't dead, babe you know if I had known I would've never stopped looking for you, right?"
"Tamar....."
"Why the fuck would your mama do some shit like this? A whole muthafuckin’ year, I missed the birth of my damn son, nigga put his hands on you. I wish I could've killed your bitch ass mama myself!" Tamar was pacing back and forth across the room ranting and raving to himself.
“What do you mean? What are you talking about? She's dead?" Tamar didn't answer me evidently showing that he slipped up with his words. "Answer me!"
"If the bitch is dead then she in hell where she needs to be!"
I gasped, covered my mouth and let out a horrendous wail. I didn't care what my mama had done to me; I didn't want her dead. I love my mama; she just made bad choices like we all do.
"Look the bitch knew what the fuck was going down and she kept her fuckin’ mouth shut like it was nothing for her daughter to be holed up somewhere with her fuckin’ husband! Got me down here stressing, going the fuck crazy over some shit that ain't really happen! Fuck your moms! Hoe better be glad I ain't get to her first!"
I shook my head not able to find calmness in what Tamar was saying; my mama. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, knowing the pregnancy symptoms was about to kick in yet again. I got up and ran towards the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind me.
I was able to get out of doing a pregnancy test and rape kit at the hospital promising the doctor I was gonna follow up with a clinic first thing tomorrow. I told them I was too tired and ready to leave after answering thousands of questions by the police and Tae's lawyer.
It seems that now I've popped up and wasn't dead li
ke everyone thought, a murder investigation was about to be opened back up on an unknown woman. They first wanted to verify I was who I said I was by doing blood work and comparing it with my dad; who was flying down first thing tomorrow morning. Once they got my blood work back and proved that I really was Rozalyn; they were going to exhume the body if the woman that's buried under a headstone with my name on it and find P.J. to question him about it. Too bad he was dead, but they didn't need to know that.
Soon as my dad gets here, we were gonna head to the medical clinic for DNA testing, a rape kit, blood work to check for diseases, a pap smear, and most importantly an abortion. I figured if I got rid of the baby right away I would never have to tell Tamar about it and he will never know that P.J. had sex with me daily.
"I think it's just the medicine I took earlier," I said spitting in the toilet as Tamar stood over me.
"Medicine for what. I ain't see them give you no medicine."
"The pain medicine for my arm, it was when you stepped out the room," I lied knowing I refused the medication.
"Oh," Tamar walked back into the room and I followed behind him after rinsing my mouth and dabbing it dry with a towel.
"How long ago did she die?" I asked still concerned with what happened to my mom.
Tamar shrugged his shoulders, turned the lamp light off and laid back down. He turned his back towards me and I did the same; it was then that I knew things would be hard between us from here on out.
***
2 weeks later
Unfortunately I was unable to get the abortion at the time I scheduled my appointment due to having a severe infection and fever. I had to take antibiotics for 14 days and then come back; I had to fight like hell to keep my morning sickness, frequent bathroom trips, and irritability under control. I still haven't told Tamar nor was I ever gonna tell him, I didn't want to hide things from him but I just felt like he would never look at me the same if he knew the truth. Soon as I got done with the antibiotics I made an appointment to immediately terminate the pregnancy.
I found out a few days after I'd gotten here that my brother Kevin was living in Miami and not only that was dating Tamar's cousin Kayla. It wasn't until Dmitri dropped Tae and I at the hospital that I found out he had been shot by Keylan for sleeping with my supposed to be best friend Latoya. I didn't know how to feel about all this; hell Keylan just risked his life to save mine after being shot a few times.
I wanted to hate him for trying to kill my brother; the only brother I had left but how could I after what he did for me. I did know one thing though was that when the bitch Latoya ever made her way back down here again I was gonna get all in that ass. As many times as I have talked to her over the phone since being home she didn’t once mention the fact that she was part of the reason my brother almost lost his life; the hoe didn't even have the decency to apologize or anything. Skank bitch. I thought.
Earlier this morning I was able to convince Tamar that I was going shopping with his cousin Ki-Ki while actually Kevin took me to get the abortion that I’ve been dying to get since I’ve been pregnant with P.J.’s baby. Kevin was the only person that I knew I could come to that wouldn’t go back and tell Tamar.
"How you feel?" Kevin asked taking a seat on the sofa next to me. He was so skinny now but I guess he was saying the same thing about me. Being in the hospital made him lose 25 pounds; he wasn't all big and husky like how I'd last seen him. Looking at him reminded me of Zavier so much. They both had that nice, wavy hair, had the thick bushy eyebrows, caramel skin and the same chinky eyes as me.
"I'm feeling a little better. When you gonna get Kayla to braid your hair?" I asked scrunching my nose up at him.
"Kayla can't braid no damn hair. I'm waiting for you to get better so you can do it. I know you gonna have my shit looking right," Kevin smiled but I noticed his eyes watering as he spoke.
"Why you crying?" I asked.
He shook his head clearly trying to shake away the tears.
"I feel....I'm fucked up, ma. Nigga, gave up on looking for you. My mind was just gone Rozalyn, loosing Zavier then you. I was just in a bad state of mind and I ain't even try hard enough to find you. Tae was calling me and I kept blowing him off....I'm sorry."
I sat up on the couch and hugged Kevin.
"It's cool Kevin, I'm not mad at you, not mad at Tae, nobody. I'm just so happy to be alive and to be home. All that don't even matter. I wanna put it all behind me," I sincerely said.
"I just don't want you to think that...."
"I don't think nothing bad about you Kevin. I thank God for you and that you still here. That's the past, let's leave it at that."
Kevin kissed me on the forehead then wrapped his arms around me hugging me for a long time.
Ding Dong! Ding Dong!
"I'll be right back," Kevin let me go then went to answer the door when he returned he was followed by Tamar and Taron.
Tamar looked around Kevin and Kayla's living room then down at me, "Where your bags at? Did you leave them in Ki-Ki's car?"
I folded my arms across my chest mad that I had been busted.
"One thing about my cousin is she keeps me well informed on shit that got to do with me!" Tamar yelled.
"It don't have nothing to do with you."
"How the fuck is that? Everything you do concerns me! That's how your ass got caught up in the shit you did by keeping secrets!"
I inhaled then exhaled deeply; Tamar was every bit of right but this was not something I could talk to him about.
"Let's go, we need to talk," Tamar walked towards the door but I stayed in my seat. He stopped when he noticed that I wasn't following him. "You heard me I said let's go!"
"Just let her chill. It was enough on her as it is having to get the damn abortion," Kevin stepped in to my defense.
"Yo, I understand that this is your lil’ sister or whatnot but this ain't got shit to do with you. For you to even take her to get an abortion behind my back was out of line. I don't even get in you and Ki-Ki business like that even though I don't approve of her being with you," Tamar said.
Kevin’s nostrils flared before he responded, "What you and me do is two totally different things. My sister came to me for help and as her big brother I'm gonna help her. I don't need your permission to do that. What you need to worry about is why she felt she couldn't come to you and tell you how the fuck she ended up pregnant in the first place. Fuck all that other shit ‘cause what's done is done!"
"Yea but you heard what I said," Tamar glared at me.
"And you heard what I said. I don't take orders from you!" Kevin shot back.
"Hey, hey, hey. Ya'll stop all that!" Taron limped forward and stood in between the two. Tamar sucked his teeth then nodded his head for me to leave with him. I got up and hugged Kevin, kissed him on the cheek, told him I loved him, then left with Tamar. On the ride back to Dmitri's nobody said a word.
I just hoped Tamar understood why I did what I did.
18 ROZALYN
Green Eyed Monster
Tension around the house was thick and most of it was my fault. Mainly ‘cause I wouldn't share with Tamar what happened to me and ’cause I refused to have sex with him. It wasn't ’cause I didn't want to; I just felt disgusted with myself and was flat out scared. I didn't know if I would feel the same as I did before or if I would think about the horrific events I went through with P.J..
I begged everybody to keep Beijing in the past but I was having a hard time doing it myself. It wasn't a night that went by that I didn't lay in bed thinking about what he did to me. The things he made me do to him like it was normal; the way he treated me like I was a stray dog did something to me that I just couldn't let go.
I walked out of Dmitri's guest room and made my way half way down the stairs to see what the commotion was about. The air was lit up like a smokehouse from all the weed, cigar, and cigarette smoke. Keylan and Brandon sat across the room from one another arguing and throwing deadly daggers at each other.
&
nbsp; "Like I said you should've never gone forward with the whole thing without the rest of us," Brandon said then turned up a shot glass filled with brown liquor.
"Like I said before we got off that plane, we ain't have time to play around. Rozalyn said herself that P.J. planned on taking them to Thailand that next morning. If we had waited we would've lost her and she wouldn't be here today! That was your ass chasing after pussy like you ain't never had none!"
"Fuck you Key! That shit was foul and you know it! Left us in the middle of that bullshit ass country to fend for ourselves. Them muthafuckas was trying to lock us up!"
"Not my problem," Keylan got up and passed the blunt to Taron.
"Yea, I bet it ain't your problem. You pay him my money Tae?" Brandon took his stare away from Keylan and gave it to Tamar.
"Your money?" Tamar asked.
"Yes, my money," Brandon stabbed his finger into his chest for emphasis.
"Nigga it don't sound like you did anything to get no money and besides Keylan didn't even accept the money that was offered to him."
"That's called loyalty, something I thought you had," Keylan suggested.
"What the fuck you mean? You saying I ain't loyal to y'all?" Brandon questioned.
"I ain't gotta say it, your actions speak louder than words," Keylan said.
"Hell you mean my actions speak louder than words? I've been running myself crazy keeping shit on point for Tamar's ass while he was fighting that murder charge and going crazy behind Rozalyn!” yelled Brandon.
"So the fuck what, that's what you supposed to do! You act like you really did something!" Keylan bellowed.
"Man, I'm not about sit here and argue with you ‘cause it's obvious you feeling some kind of way about everything and the rest of everybody else is with you," Brandon stated.
"Don't nobody speak for me. I already done spoke with you on a personal level about what you did or may not have done," Tamar calmly said.