by Beth Burnett
He leans back on the couch and grins at Sheila. “I think I’ll just let Davey decide whether or not either of us needs a class” he says.
“Don’t count on that,” Sheila says, waving her fork in his direction. “She doesn’t even know if she has a G-spot!”
I cough up some chewed eggplant and spit it into my napkin.
Danny takes my hand. “I’m sure Davey and I will eventually figure out everything we need to know about each other.”
Leah smiles at him. “It is quite a fascinating class.”
“It sounds like it,” Danny answers.
Lynne leans back in her chair and looks over at Sheila. “Next week, we’re all supposed to bring vibrators and we’re going to learn how to have multiple orgasms.”
Andy chokes and spits beer onto her plate. “Really?”
Leah nods. “That reminds me, Lynne and I are going sex toy shopping tomorrow. Want to come with us?” She looks at Andy, then at me.
“No. I don’t.” I look at Danny. “I think we have plans tomorrow.”
“Absolutely.” He puts his arm around me.
“Well, Danny could come, too.” Leah is laughing.
“Danny and I might want to spend some time alone tomorrow, Leah.” I say, pointedly.
“I want to come with you,” Andy says. “I have a softball game in the morning. When are you going?”
“We’ll wait for you,” Lynne says, batting her eyelashes. “It’ll be worth the wait to see you blush when Leah and I start shopping.”
“Try me,” Andy says, leaning back in her chair.
We make it to the end of dinner, and Danny sits for a while, chatting with all of the ladies. My mother and Lynne adore him. I’m not sure what Sheila thinks of him. She looks at him the same way she looks at all of us; like we’re all interesting specimens that she wants to study more thoroughly. Andy seems to have gotten over her bratty behavior. At least, she’s answering questions when Danny asks them and generally being her usual self with everyone else. I’ll have to take the two of them out sometime so they can have more of a chance to get to know each other without all of the weirdness that comes from my mother.
Danny finally stands up and says, “Leah, ladies. Thank you all so much for such an amazing dinner. I hope to return the favor at my own home sometime.”
“Oh, Danny, do you cook?” Leah looks impressed.
“Yes, I’ve been a bachelor for several years, it was cook or starve.”
“Or TV dinners,” Andy adds.
Danny grimaces. “It’s hard to find quality vegan frozen dinners.”
“Come on.” I take him by the arm. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
Andy stands up suddenly. “I should be heading out, too. Perhaps Danny could drop me off on his way.”
“Andy.” I turn to face her, pissed. “I will drive you home, just give me a few minutes.”
“No, no, are you kidding? Danny has to drive right past my house to get out of here.” She tilts her head in challenge.
Danny touches my hand. “It’s fine.” He smiles at Andy. I’d love to drop you off, just give me directions.”
Andy heads down out the door as Danny says goodbye to the ladies. We hold hands walking to his car. “Danny, I’m sorry,” I whisper. Andy is standing on the sidewalk, waiting.
“It’s all right.” He touches the side of my face. “Can I call you in the morning? I have a plan for our third date.”
I look up into his face as we reach the side of his car. Obviously we can’t make out with Andy standing there watching us. I glare at her and turn back to Danny. He kisses me lightly on the mouth, then once on the side of my face. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye.” I step back as he gets in the car.
Andy opens the passenger door herself and raises an eyebrow at me. “Some gentleman.”
I watch them drive off, making a mental note to punch Andy in the head next time I see her. What a hell of a second date. I hope he has something romantic planned for our third date, because with my luck, I’ll end up taking him to meet my grandparents.
Chapter Eight
I have only two things on my mind today. Kill Andy and get some alone time with Danny. Somewhere private. I don’t care if I have to rent us a cheap hotel room. Or I could send my mother and Lynne to live with Andy for a while — that would serve her right. I amuse myself for a few minutes with a fantasy of Andy and her parceled and categorized little world, interrupted by the combined chaos of my mother and Lynne.
After Andy’s ridiculous stunt last night, I said goodnight to Sheila and Lynne and my mother and hid in my bed, seething. When my mother came in to sleep, I feigned sleep until she fell asleep. I’m not sure how long I tossed and turned, plotting Andy’s death, but, eventually, I fell into a fretful sleep in which I had horrible dreams that Andy and Danny drove off into the night and never came back.
I haven’t heard from Andy yet this morning. I sure as hell am not calling her. Screw it. She can call me and beg for my forgiveness. In fact, it’s nine o’clock already. Why hasn’t she called yet? For that matter, why hasn’t Danny called? I hope he doesn’t hate me after that horrible dinner and Andy’s bullshit. Still, he did tell me he would call today. Maybe he thinks I sleep in on my days off.
The kitchen is now spotless. I’ve also scrubbed the shower, mopped all of the floors, dusted, cleaned the windows, taken the books off of my shelves, cleaned the shelves and put the books back in an aesthetically pleasing way. No, really, they look great. Why hasn’t anyone called me yet? And where the hell is my mother? I pick up my phone just to make sure I have service. Three bars. Where is everyone? Maybe I’ll just give myself a home pedicure. Maybe I should just go out. I’m giving myself a breakdown when my cell phone rings.
“Danny, hey.”
“Hey.” His voice sounds soft and sleepy.
I flop onto the couch and throw my feet up on the back. “Are you just waking up?”
“Yeah. Last night, Andy insisted that I come in and have a few beers. I thought it would help clear some of the tension between us. I ended up drinking way more than I should have.”
I have a knot in my stomach. For some reason, I’m afraid of Danny being unable to defend himself against Andy with her biting wit and sarcasm.
“Are you all right?”
He laughs. “Don’t sound so worried. Of course I’m all right. We just drank a few beers and talked.”
“And it was fine?” I’m not convinced.
“It was all right. I think she feels threatened by me. I tried to make her understand that I don’t have any desire to get between the two of you. Not that I could if I wanted to. You’ve been friends all of your lives. As I said before, I know I can’t compete with that. I wouldn’t even try.”
“It isn’t a competition. You mean different things to me.”
“Really?” Danny’s voice suddenly gets low and sexy. “What do I mean to you?”
“Stop it.” I can feel my face getting red. “It’s too early in our relationship to have that kind of conversation.”
“Well, at least you’re acknowledging that it’s a relationship now.” He sounds like he’s smiling.
“Since you didn’t run away screaming after last night, I have to give you some leeway.”
“Come on, it wasn’t that bad.” He’s laughing again. “Your mother is a hoot. Lynne is quite nice. Dr. Ward, sorry, Sheila, is … interesting. Andy and I will figure it out.”
I sigh. “I’ll call her today and figure out what’s going on.”
Danny clears his throat. “So, we talked about getting together today.”
“Yes.”
“I was wondering if you wanted to come over here tonight. I could cook you dinner. We could, I don’t know, make out in private.”
“Privacy!” I’m chuckling. “What a novel concept.”
“I’d hate for us to get spoiled,” Danny says. “Maybe you should take me to meet your grandparents instead.”
Just what I was thinking yesterday. And there is no way in hell that he is meeting my grandparents until we’ve been together for a good six months. “Actually, dinner at your place sounds wonderful. What time would you like me to be there?”
“How about five? We’ll have a drink and I’ll try to make sure dinner is ready by six or six-thirty.”
I wonder if he can see the smile on my face. I’m already half in a panic about what to wear. “Danny, what can I bring?”
“Nothing, please don’t bring anything. I’ll take care of everything.” He sounds so earnest, I decide not to argue. I take down his address.
“See you at five, then.”
“Davey.” He pauses.
“Yes.”
“I’ll see you at five.”
I hang up and I’m holding the phone, wondering who to call. Who is my best choice for fashion advice, the butch or the hippie? Lynne did look wonderful the night she wanted to flirt with Andy. I dial her at work.
“Lynne, I’m pretty sure I’m going to have sex tonight. What should I wear?”
I hear her shooing someone off in the background. “Okay, first, have you shaved or waxed or tweezed all pertinent areas?”
“No, I just got off the phone with him. I’ll jump in the shower as soon as we get off the phone.”
“Where are you going on your date?”
“His house. He’s cooking dinner.”
She sounds impressed. “Romantic. Maybe you should wear a thong and a push up bra.”
I raise an eyebrow, though I know the look is wasted. “Anything else?”
She laughs. “Wear that cute, short, empire waist black dress you have with the plunging neckline.”
Smart thinking. I have sexy legs and fantastic breasts. And the empire waist will cover my pot belly. “Great thinking, Lynne, you’re a genius.”
“And don’t spike your hair up. Smooth in down the way you do sometimes so you look like Audrey Hepburn.”
I grin. “I wish I looked like her.”
“You’re beautiful. You’ll be fine. What time are you leaving?”
“I’ll leave here about four-thirty.”
“Shit. I won’t be home yet. Have fun, good luck, don’t forget to make him wear a condom — boys can’t just take theirs off and sterilize them.”
“Very funny.”
I hang up and rush to the bathroom. In all of the excitement, I’ve almost forgotten Andy. Almost. I still want to kill her, but right now, I am more concerned with looking the absolute best I can for my sex date. I mean, why else are we having dinner at his place?
I’ve manicured, pedicured, tweezed, shaved and washed. My hair is smoothed down into as close an approximation of Audrey Hepburn as I can manage. I debated and decided against a thong. Thongs just don’t look good with pot bellies. Unless I can somehow manage to lose thirty pounds between now and five o’clock, I have to go with what works. I decide on black bikini underwear, a black lace push up bra and a simple white gold necklace. I decide to pull my dress on at the last minute, just in case. Stockings might be too much. I’ll just wear black heels. Keep the whole look simple. I’m sitting on my bed, in my underwear, rubbing peppermint lotion onto my feet when Andy walks in the door.
“Hey, Davey-baby.” She looks uncomfortable.
I glare at her. I’m speechless for a moment.
“Davey, hey. Look, I came to talk about last night. I want to talk to you about Danny.”
“Andy, I’m so pissed at you right now that I don’t even have time to tell you how pissed I am. So why don’t you leave and I’ll call you tomorrow and we can go over it. In detail.”
She sits down on the other side of the best and looks at me imploringly. “Davey, please. Just give me a minute.”
I glance at the clock. I have about fifteen minutes before I have to leave. I look at Andy pointedly. “Five minutes.”
She hesitates. “You look beautiful.”
“You’re wasting time.”
I stand up and pull my dress over my head, then turn to look in the mirror. I actually look good. The dress fits perfectly, my breasts look awesome in the push up bra. I spin around a little bit. Yep, even my legs look great. And if you don’t look too closely, my ginormous stomach is barely visible under the flowing material of my dress. I turn around to see Andy watching me. She smiles.
“You really do look great,” she says. “I’m sure Danny will be impressed.”
“Andy, I have to leave. Danny and I have a date. Now, you and I have been friends forever, and I know in my heart that you want what’s best for me. I don’t want to be in a fight with you, but I am extremely…”
“Davey, look,” she pleads. “It’s just … there is something about Danny that I don’t trust.”
“What?” I’m dumbfounded. “Andy, Danny is the nicest, most sincere guy I think I have ever met.”
“Davey, please listen. I know he seems that way, but I’m telling you, something about him just sets off my warning bells. I love you, I want you to be happy. I just worry that he’s going to hurt you.”
“Andy, he’s not going to hurt me. Come on, even Leah loves him and she hates all men. Even the ones she dates!”
Andy laughs a little. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, Davey-baby. I really don’t want to piss you off. I’m just really, really worried.”
“Well, don’t be. I trust him. Come on, he’s really sweet.” I sit next to her on the bed and give her a hug. “Hey. I know you’re looking out for me, I know that. But you have to trust me to make my own decisions, too.”
“You trusted Joe, too and look how that turned out.”
I sigh. “He isn’t Joe.”
She puts her arms around me and pulls me close. I lean against her and she tightens her arms, burying her face against my hair. “Davey, I love you,” she whispers.
“I love you, too.” I give her a last squeeze and stand up. “Now tell me you’re going to try to get along with Danny from now on.”
Andy is silent for a moment, then she looks straight at me. “I will try my best.”
I kiss her on the forehead. “Now tell me how wonderful I look.” I slide on my heels and twirl around in front of her.
She looks me up and down, without saying anything.
“Andy? Come on! How do I look?”
She meets my eye. “If I didn’t know you and you walked into a gay bar looking like that, I would be fucking you in the backroom within fifteen minutes.”
I look at her sideways. “Hefty praise,” I say lightly.
“Come on, I’ll walk you down to your car.”
I drive like a maniac, and manage to pull up in front of Danny’s apartment building at exactly five o’clock. He lives in a classic old stone building. He bought the house when he moved to Cleveland a few years ago, and turned it into a duplex. The rental income keeps him going when writing assignments are sparse.
Danny opens the door immediately. He must have heard my car. “Davey,” he says. “You look … stunning.” He sounds breathless.
I smile and step into the house. “Thank you. Actually, you look pretty fantastic yourself.” He does, too. He’s wearing khaki dress pants and a denim button front shirt unbuttoned just enough to show a white t-shirt. It’s the first time I’ve seen him out of jeans. I love the effect.
He takes my hand and leads me inside. “Come on, let me show you around.”
We walk through the first floor and wind up in the kitchen, where something is simmering on the stove and everything smells fantastic. He has some sort of speaker system set up that was playing in the living room and is playing in here, as well. “Classic rock of the seventies. My mother would love it.”
He grins. “The best music of all time comes from the seventies. Think about it. You hear the opening notes of “White Room” and you’re transported.”
I scoff. “You aren’t old enough to be transported by seventies music.
He laughs and shakes his head.
I look
around the room. “Danny, you kind of have an eye for decorating.”
He shrugs. “I love this place, but I have to admit, most of its charm came from the previous owner.”
The whole place is painted white with light, hardwood floors. There are built in bookshelves, lined with rows and rows of books. The kitchen is white as well, with multicolored tiles as a back splash and on the top of the counters. There’s a huge iron pot rack hanging above the island. A huge painting along one wall catches my eye. It’s a bright, colorful study of a desert sunset.
I move to peer at the signature. Cassandra Walker. “Danny,” I say. “Is this…”
“Yes, that’s by my mom. It’s one of only two paintings of hers I still have.”
“It’s breathtaking.”
He moves to stand directly behind me as I turn towards him. We’re equal heights again and I wonder if it bothers him. He leans in and presses his mouth against mine. I breathe against his lips, curling my hands around his neck. He cups my face with one hand, wrapping the other one around my waist, pulling me closer as he slides his tongue into my mouth. I press hard against him and he pulls away suddenly.
“Danny, what?” I’m confused. Disappointed.
He pulls me in and hugs me tight. He’s breathing as hard as I am.
“You’re going to make me ruin our dinner,” he whispers hoarsely in my ear.
“I don’t care.” I tilt my head down and kiss his neck, letting my mouth linger just long enough to make him groan.
He pushes me away gently, looking into my eyes. “You are so beautiful.” He kisses me again, but softly. “Now, I need to make dinner and you need to stop distracting me.”
I’ll give him a break for now. I perch on a stool and watch him as he throws chopped vegetables into a wok. “What are we having?”
“Veggie stir fry with my own homemade marinade.”
“Sounds good. What’s in the marinade?”
“A closely guarded family secret.” He winks at me over his shoulder.
“Aha. Well, I might have to try to pry it out of you somehow,” I say.
He looks at me seriously. “I won’t stand a chance.”