by Beth Burnett
“He didn’t get excited when the ladies were talking about their vibrator date.”
“He was probably horrified. He was trying to be nice. You were being hard enough on him. Add my mother and Lynn into the mix, then bring in a sex therapist and the poor guy was just trying to keep from running from the room!”
“All right. I’ve gotta go, I’m going indoor rock climbing with Alice.”
“Alice, who’s Alice?”
“She’s the chick I picked up last night.”
“I bet you had sex last night,” I said bitterly.
“You bet right,” she answers, laughing. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye.”
I hang up. Steve and Erik have abandoned all pretense of working and are staring at me.
Steve leans forward. “Was that Andy? Does she think Danny is gay?” Steve loves Andy. He keeps trying to get her to make out with him. Even gay men are in love with her. It’s disgusting.
“Yes. It was Andy. No, Danny is not gay. No, we are not going to discuss it. Go back to work.”
“Wow.” Steve pouts. “Some people are so touchy.” He turns back to his computer and makes a great show of typing hard and fast.
“I’m not touchy, I just don’t want to talk about such a ridiculous idea.”
“Bring him in to meet us,” Erik says. “We can tell you if he is gay or not.”
“Shut up.” I face my computer and ignore them.
“Man,” Erik says in an undertone. “She is a little bitchy today.”
Steve nods. “But we should cut her some slack. She’s not getting laid because she’s dating a gay guy.”
I slam my hand down on my desk. “He is not gay!” I yell.
Ron walks into the room with a box in his arms. “Who’s not gay?” he asks, setting the box down on Steve’s desk.
“Davey’s boyfriend,” Erik tells him. “Andy thinks he’s gay because he doesn’t want to have sex with Davey.”
Ron looks taken aback. “He doesn’t want to have sex with you?”
“Dammit, Erik. You two just heard one side of the conversation. He does want to have sex with me, he isn’t gay, and Andy has no idea what she is talking about!”
I slam my fingers down on the keys, furiously typing out an email.
“Fine, whatever,” Steve says. “Just seems her gaydar might be a little more advanced than yours.”
I spin around in my chair, seething, but Ron steps in. “I have the box of fliers from the printer. We’re going to mail them out today, but my assistant is out sick. I need you to fold them and put them in envelopes. I’ll print out the address labels and get them to you soon. They’re three fold.” He takes one out and demonstrates.
“Thank you, Ron.” Irritation has made me more sarcastic than usual. “I’m sure we never could have figured that out without your fine tutelage.”
“Fine then,” he answers. “Enjoy your folding.”
He walks out as Steve starts pulling stacks of paper out of the box. “These do look great, though,” he says.
We gather together and look over the flier. “Black Tie Gala to Benefit the Care Center of Cleveland.” It looks good, glossy and sleek. There is a picture of an orchestra on the front. The inside talks about the Care Center and our programs, then mentions the phenomenal food at the benefit, the music, the dancing, the speakers. It looks to be an amazing time, actually. I’ll have to ask Danny if he can rent a tux.
We’ve already sold a bunch of tickets, through the ad we placed in The Gay Daily and word of mouth through the LGBT community center and other centers. These fliers are going out to people who already have tickets, and to those who might want to purchase them. Thankfully, as an employee, I get to go for free, otherwise, there is no way I could afford the $250 per person ticket price.
Erik sighs. “It is going to be a magical night. I’ll be like Cinderella at the ball!”
Steve glances at him, “What? You’re wearing a dress?”
I laugh. “Well, why not? It is a big gay fundraiser.”
Erik sticks his tongue out. “I just meant the whole night will be wonderful. I was talking to the decorating committee and they have all of these little white fairy lights that someone donated.”
Steve snorts. “Fairy lights? How appropriate!”
We all laugh.
I grab a stack of fliers and envelopes and retreat to my desk. Steve turns on the radio. “If we have to do grunt work, we must have music.”
I’m just folding and stuffing and tapping my foot to some old Madonna. I know the punker in me should be ashamed, but I do love Madonna. I mean, she’s no Siouxsie Sioux, but then, who is? I’m nursing a paper cut on my thumb when my desk phone rings.
“Davey Carter,” I answer.
“Sweetie!”
“Gram?” My heart stops for a second. Why the hell is my grandmother calling me at work? “Is everything all right?”
“Everything is fine, sweetie. I just wanted to chat.”
“Gram, I’m sorry I haven’t called in a while. It has been a strange time.”
She chuckles. “I know. I called your house first, not realizing you wouldn’t be home from work yet and your mother answered.”
I sit back in my chair and lean my head back, closing my eyes. “Yeah. Gram. I know. She really just got here a few days ago. I know she meant to call you and let you know.
“Sweet girl, I have no illusions about Leah, she is my daughter, after all.”
“Good point. So Gram, what’s going on? Is Gramps all right?”
“He’s perfectly fine. We just wanted to see if you could come for dinner sometime this week.”
I hesitate. On the one hand, there are a million other things I could be doing other than having dinner with my grandparents. On the other hand, I do love them and it has been far too long since I’ve seen them. They live five miles away. I suddenly feel incredibly guilty. “Gram, I would love to come to dinner.”
“Excellent. Tomorrow night, then? Six o’clock?”
“Sounds great. See you then.”
“I love you, sweetie.”
“Love you, too, Gram. Tell Gramps I’ll bring him some beer.”
“Don’t go encouraging that man’s bad behavior!”
“Bye Gram.”
“Bye sweetie.”
I drive home from work in a thoughtful mood. Danny didn’t call today, which worries me a little. I thought we ended feeling good about each other last night, but who can tell. Tonight, I am just going to go home, wear sweatpants and chill with Leah and Lynne. It’ll be fun to see my grandparents tomorrow. They actually are pretty cool people, for being almost 80 years old. It’s kind of sad that their only living child barely even speaks to them. I love my grandparents, and I have tried occasionally to get Leah to be more involved with them, but she has very little interest. I guess I can’t be too hard on her. It’s a lot easier to be a great grandparent, than a great parent.
The apartment is empty when I get there. I call out as I walk through and the only response is Harry, meowing loudly at his food bowl. I walk into the kitchen, fill up his food and water, then head to my bedroom, pulling my cell phone out as I go. If I have the place to myself for a while, I’m going to take a bath, climb into bed in my jammies and pass out. Last night was intense and I was out way too late for a work night.
I dial Leah first.
“Hi Darling. I can’t talk right now. Sheila and I are going to a movie.”
“Sheila?”
“Dr. Ward.”
“Ah, all right. Well, have a good time.”
“Love you, darling.”
“You too.”
Lynne is next.
“Hey.”
“Davey, how’s it going?” She sounds happy to hear from me.
“Great, are you at work?”
“No, actually, I’m going to Sue’s place for dinner.”
“Sue?”
“UPS girl.”
“Ah.” No wonder she
sounds happy. It isn’t because of me calling her. “Well, have a good time.”
I just walk around the apartment in silence. It’s so beautiful. I can’t believe I didn’t appreciate this life before it was turned upside down. I spend an inordinate amount of time in the shower, then walk naked through to the kitchen for some leftovers. I eat in bed, still naked. Throw my MP3 player into the speaker and rock out for a while. I’m watching “Ocean’s Eleven” when Danny calls.
“Hey. How was your day at work?”
“It was good. We folded fliers for the big benefit we’re having in July.”
“What’s this?”
“It’s to raise money for the Care Center.” I affect a British accent. “Black tie, very posh.”
“Sound great. Are you going?”
“If I didn’t work there, I couldn’t afford it. The tickets are two-fifty a piece. But I get to go for free. Me and my date.”
“And who’s your date?” He sounds like he’s smiling.
“I’m hoping this cute guy I know will agree to go with me. Only, he has to wear a tux.”
“Hmm. Does he have bulging biceps?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say bulging … but they’re pretty solid.”
Danny starts laughing. “Davey, if you’re talking about me, I would love to go.”
“I would love for you to go with me! Save the date, July 16th. It’s a Saturday.”
“I will.” He pauses. I think he is writing it down.
“So did you get any writing done today?”
“Actually, I did. I wrote a love poem for a beautiful girl with dark eyes and an incredible smile.”
“And how was it?”
“It sucks. I’m a terrible poet.”
I laugh. “I hope I get to read it anyway.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m sitting naked in my bed watching a movie.”
“I can be there in thirty seconds.”
“Forget it. I have the place to myself tonight. I’m going to sleep.”
“Fine, fine. Then can I see you tomorrow?”
“You could. I have been invited to dinner tomorrow, you could come with me if you want.” I suppress the urge to laugh.
“I would love to. Where are we going?”
“My grandparent’s house!” I’m laughing so hard, I can barely get the words out.
Danny is dead silent for a second. “Sounds romantic.”
“You said you wanted to see me. If you want, we can go out Friday instead.”
“What about Thursday?”
“Thursday nights are always girls’ night. No exceptions.
“Grandparents it is.” He laughs. “What time should I pick you up? What should I bring?”
“Bring a six pack of Sam Adams lager. And pick me up at 5:30.”
“All right. Are you sure I can’t come over and give you a massage or something?”
“I’m probably going to massage myself.”
He exhales sharply. “I could just watch quietly, if you want.”
I smile. “Danny.”
“Just for a little while.”
I almost cave. But no, he should have a chance to miss me. “Good night, Danny.”
“’Night, love.”
I hang up the phone, thinking about his beautiful face. His eyes, his mouth, the way he bit on my lower lip when he was kissing me. One good thing about having the apartment to myself is that at least I can take care of this terrible ache. I take care of it twice, thinking of his hands on my hips, his mouth on my breasts. Ah. I am getting intense about this guy. I put on some jammies and climb back into bed.
Chapter Ten
Am I in love? I think I’m in love. It might be too soon to tell, but I’m pretty sure I am. There’s just something about him, I think I knew it from the first time he spoke. I have to say, in forty years of life and love, I have never felt like this before. I know everyone says that, but I really haven’t, not even in college, when I was in love with Randy Ord and we used curl up in his single bed and spend cold winter nights making love and reading Tennyson to each other. Well, maybe then. I definitely didn’t feel this way about Joe. Our relationship was more … adult, I guess. I didn’t have this fluttering in my stomach every time I thought about him. It feels amazing. Let’s just face it, I’m in love.
I pick up my cell phone. “Andy, I’m in love.”
“Call it what you will, Davey-baby.”
“Andy, you’re such a cynic.”
“No, baby, I’m not. I just happen to know that love and lust are caused by the same hormones. There is no such thing as a soul mate, there is compatibility and respect and a conscious choice to be in a relationship or not. Add sex, and it changes the relationship. But however you choose to maneuver it, it isn’t some kind of romantic, fairy tale notion of ever after.”
“Wow. Thanks for that downer first thing in the morning.” My good mood just evaporated.
“Oh, come on, Davey. I’m not saying that it isn’t possible to have a loving relationship. You just have to choose to have one, based on compatible needs, sexual attraction, shared interests, and mutual respect. Call it love if you want, just don’t expect love to be the main factor in a relationship.”
I’m shocked. I knew Andy was an eternal bachelor, but somewhere deep inside I’ve always felt that someday, she would meet the woman who would make her want to settle down.
“Andy, you love me. Don’t try to deny it.”
“I wouldn’t. Not ever in life. I do love you. I love you with the weight of over thirty years of shared experience. You’ve been there for me through every defining moment in my life and I can’t imagine having to experience anything without the knowledge that even if you aren’t there, I can tell you about it and see it through your lens.” She pauses. “Besides, best friend love is deeper and more abiding than romantic love.”
I laugh. “Well, at least I know you believe in some kind of love.”
“What’s on your docket for after work today?”
“Dinner at Gram and Gramps.”
“Ah. Send them my love. Tell Gramps I’ll be over for poker on Saturday.” Andy and my grandfather have a monthly Saturday poker date in which they smoke cigars, drink whiskey and take money from each other. Gram tolerates it because she loves Andy. It should be a tribute to Andy that my elderly, republican grandparents, who grew up and still live in one of Ohio’s most uppity suburbs, love her like their own granddaughter.
“I will. Talk to you later.”
I roll out of bed and wander through the house. Leah didn’t come home last night. I would have woken up when she got into bed. The couch hasn’t been slept on, either. Normally Lynne would be getting ready for work at this hour, and I’d be pacing the floor, waiting to get into the shower so I won’t be late for work. Strange.
After my shower, I head into the kitchen in my underwear and rummage for some fruit and yogurt for breakfast. Dammit, yogurt isn’t vegan. I wonder what Danny eats for breakfast. I make a mental note to ask him for ideas. Walking back out to the living room, I slide onto the couch and put my feet on the coffee table. Suddenly, Lynne comes tearing through the front door, scaring the crap out of me.
“Lynne, what the hell?”
“Sorry, Davey. Just running late for work, need to get ready, gotta get a shower and clothes,” she trails off as she’s running toward the bathroom. “By the way,” she adds, popping her head back around the doorway, “Nice tits.”
“Yes, thank you.” I figure I better go put some clothes on anyway. Lynne comes into my bedroom as I’m getting dressed. I turn around to check her out. “Well?”
She looks sheepish. “Um, Sue and I had our second date.”
“Second date.”
“Well, our first date was when we went out after work then went back to her place and had wild monkey sex.”
“Good point… In lesbian years, you two should be moving in together.”
She giggles. “I don’t think it’s goi
ng that way. She’s a child. An adorable child, but a child nonetheless. Think of it — when she’s our age, we’ll be Leah’s age.”
“Oh, yeah. So what about Sarah?”
Lynne crosses my room and opens my jewelry box. “Can I wear your sea turtle necklace today?”
“Of course. But Lynne, what about Sarah?”
She sighs and sits at the edge of my bed. “Davey, I don’t know. I love her. I mean, of course I love her. We’ve been together for fifteen years. But we never have sex. There are a lot of great things about our relationship. There are a lot of great things about Sarah. And I know sex isn’t the end all of a relationship, but if she knows I am this upset by something in our relationship, and she refuses to take any steps to try to fix it, isn’t she basically saying that she doesn’t give a shit about my needs?”
“I guess. I don’t know, Lynne. I mean, I’ve never been in a huge long-term relationship. I mean, it was different with Joe. He was basically a prick. Problems were always magnified because we didn’t have a long history of sweet moments. But, I would think that in order for you two to have been together for so long, you have to have respect for each others’ needs. I kind of think you both stopped trying.”
Lynne shakes her head. “I stopped trying because I was sick of being made to feel ugly and unattractive all of the time. After trying to initiate sex all the time and getting turned down, I stopped even trying.”
“Lynne, my little love. You are beautiful. Whatever Sarah’s issue is, it isn’t you. Trust me, you are plenty attractive.”
She smiles and kisses me on the cheek. “That, my friend, is what little miss UPS driver is showing me.” She heads for the door. “And don’t expect me home tonight,” she calls over her shoulder.
I cannot focus today. I got to work a few minutes late this morning, but no one cared. I’m usually pretty reliable. Steve and Erik spent several minutes making fun of me this morning, but I think they could tell I was not into it, because they stopped pretty quickly. I wonder if there is something really wrong with Danny. I don’t want to pressure him. If he does have disfiguring scars or an STD or something, I want him to feel he can tell me. If I force the issue, he might feel uncomfortable about it. I guess I’m just going to back off a little bit about the sex thing. I mean, if Danny and I are headed where it feels like we’re headed, I am going to have plenty of time to get naked with him. Maybe I should just relax and let it happen at his pace. I wish I could go to lunch and clear my head. Except that I can’t go to lunch and clear my head because Leah called and invited me to lunch today and she insisted on coming into the office first to see where, and I quote, “all the magic happens.”