‘But it’s only for a week,’ she said. ‘And I’ve always wanted to stay on a private island—any island, actually. I haven’t had a proper holiday for ages and it would be so cool to stay in a luxury villa and—’
‘Take a girlfriend,’ he said. ‘Take Ella.’
‘Ella won’t go during school term, she’s way too dedicated a teacher to do something like that,’ Abby said. ‘And anyway, I can’t take a friend. Everyone will be expecting me to go with you, especially since you won the prize. How will I explain it if you don’t go with me?’
‘Put that creative imagination of yours to use and think of something.’ His sarcasm cut like a hunting knife.
‘Are you only saying no because of what I told you?’
‘I’m saying no because you and I getting it on is a crazy idea.’
‘Why is it crazy?’ Abby was trying to keep her ego from curling up in the foetal position and rocking in the corner. Was she so disgusting—so abnormal—that he couldn’t bear the thought of making love to her? Had she misread his kiss and his touch?
His arousal?
‘Abby...’ His breath came out in a long whoosh as if he was trying to keep control and was only just managing to do so. ‘I’m not denying I find you attractive. I do. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it.’
‘But why not?’ Abby was hoping she might win this argument as compensation for not winning the holiday. ‘Why is my being a virgin such a big issue for you? I have to have sex some time. It might as well be with you—someone I know personally instead of a complete stranger.’
‘You and me? That’s crazy talk.’ His voice had a gravelly intensity to it, as if he was digging deep to hold on to his resolve. ‘You want marriage and all it entails. I’m not interested in going down that path, with you or anyone.’
‘Is that because of your parents’ divorce?’ Abby said. ‘Ella told me how awful it was.’
Luke’s mouth thinned as if he had just eaten something bitter as bile. ‘Yeah, well, it doesn’t get much worse than when your dad suddenly announces he has a mistress and a baby on the way the night before your fifteenth birthday. But it’s not because of that. I don’t want the complication of a long-term relationship.’
‘Where did you get the idea I’m asking for anything long-term from you?’ Abby said. ‘I just don’t want to be a virgin any more. I feel embarrassed about it. Really embarrassed. That’s why I haven’t said anything to Ella. I feel like a freak for not having had sex yet.’
‘I’m sorry but I can’t help you with that.’ He picked up his coffee and drained the contents, placing the cup back down with a definitive clunk.
Abby crossed her legs and folded her arms, her lips pushed forward in a moue. ‘Excuse me while I do some urgent CPR on my bludgeoned ego.’
A flicker of concern went through his gaze. ‘It’s not meant as an insult. Think about it. How would we explain it to Ella?’
‘I think she would be thrilled you were finally taking a break from work.’
His features reminded her of a shuttered window. ‘I run a global company. There isn’t time for—’
‘No wonder you get migraines,’ Abby cut in. ‘You push yourself too hard. I have a theory about people who are workaholics. They fill their days with work because they don’t want to face what’s missing in their life.’
‘Yeah? Well, I have a little theory too.’ His eyes were like laser pointers at a forensics lecture. ‘People who pretend to be someone they’re not do it because they’re afraid people won’t like the real version of them.’ He rose from the chair and scooped up his jacket from where he’d left it. ‘Come on. It’s time to go.’
Abby remained silent on the drive back to her flat. Not that Luke addressed any comments to her. He was as taciturn as usual. What right did he have to analyse her? He didn’t know squat about her. He didn’t know how hard it had been for her growing up. How embarrassing it was to have grown up in foster homes, never knowing when you were going to be moved on to another family, another school, and trying to make friends with people who already had enough friends.
Her life had been one long struggle to fit in.
To be normal.
Luke might be a little screwed-up about his parents’ divorce but at least his dad hadn’t tried to kill someone. His mother hadn’t slept with men for money while her little daughter was nearby. His mother hadn’t then died of an overdose and left him in the deadlocked flat until someone found him the following day.
That was Abby’s life story. The script she couldn’t change, no matter how hard she tried. She was always being left to fend for herself.
What right did Luke have to criticise her? She liked who she was. She was a good person. She had friends, a job and a roof over her head.
But when Luke turned the corner into Abby’s street she had to rethink the roof over her head bit. There were gas technician vans and two police cars with lights flashing and an ambulance outside her block of flats as well as a circle of nosy onlookers being ushered back by the police. ‘Oh, my God, w-what’s going on?’ Her voice shook with shock.
Luke wound down his window when a police officer came over. ‘What’s happening?’
‘There’s been a major gas leak,’ the officer said. ‘The building’s been evacuated until further notice. That section of the road is closed.’ He pointed to a detour sign. ‘You’ll have to take a right over here.’
‘But I live in that building!’ Abby leaned across Luke to speak to the police officer.
‘You can’t go home until the problem’s been sorted,’ the officer said so firmly it sounded like it had been underlined.
‘How long will it take?’ Abby asked.
The officer gave a shrug. ‘There’s been no announcement made as yet. You’ll have to check the gas company’s website for an update.’
‘But I need to get some clothes and stuff.’
‘Sorry. The area is cordoned off until further notice.’
Abby sat back in her seat with a slump of her shoulders. ‘Great. Now I’m homeless. Go me.’
Luke wound up the window and drove to the detour. ‘I’ll book you into a hotel. You can stay there until things are back to normal.’
‘I can’t afford a hotel,’ Abby said. ‘And I absolutely refuse your offer to pay for it if that’s what you’re thinking.’
He pulled the car over to a parking bay further along the street they were on and turned to look at her. ‘What about calling Ella? She might be able to put you up for a few days.’
Abby gnawed at her lip. ‘I can’t stay with her. It’s too far to travel for work.’
‘What about your family? Don’t they live somewhere in London?’
Abby looked out of the window. It was at times like this that it hit her all over again how different her life was from everyone else’s. She had no bolthole. No safe harbour to bunk down until a crisis was over.
She was totally alone.
‘I can’t stay with them. Their house is too small.’
Abby sensed rather than saw his frown. ‘But I thought you told Ella they live in a big mansion in—?’
She sent him a sideways look. ‘I lied, okay? They live in a council flat in Birmingham.’
‘Why’d you lie about that?’
‘Because...because they’re not even my family...’ Abby blew out a sigh. ‘They’re my foster family.’
There was a silence, broken by the rumbling of the car’s idling engine.
‘Your foster family?’ Luke’s voice was a mixture of concern and surprise. ‘Where are your parents?’
She gave him a weary look. ‘Believe me, you don’t want to know.’
His frown was so deep his eyebrows made a black bridge over his eyes. ‘How long did you live with a foster family?’
‘The last one for six and a half years, and that was the longest I stayed anywhere,’ Abby said. ‘The ones before that, four and two years respectively, and the ones before that a few months at
a time... I’ve been in the foster care system since I was five.’ She didn’t mention the six months she’d spent living with her father before she was taken into permanent care.
She preferred not to think about that.
Luke sat on an angle in his seat, looking at her as if he had never seen her before. But then in a way he hadn’t. Abby had made sure no one in her present life knew anything of her past life. But now she had told him she felt a strange sense of lightness, as if something heavy she’d been carting around had slightly eased its load.
‘Have you told Ella about this?’ he asked.
Abby shook her head. ‘I’ve thought about it...many times. But in the end I didn’t see the point. It’s not as if she’s ever going to meet any of them.’
‘She would be hurt to think you kept this from her.’
‘I know... But you know how she worries over everyone. I didn’t want her fussing over me, trying to compensate me for my crappy childhood. I just want to be like everyone else. Normal.’
‘Whatever the hell that is.’ His tone was wry.
There was another silence.
Luke started drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as if he was deep in thought, his gaze focused on the drizzle of rain sliding down the windscreen. He turned back to look at her at the same time he put the car back into gear. ‘You can stay with me until your flat is ready.’
Abby looked at him in surprise. ‘You wouldn’t mind?’
Something at the back of his eyes indicated he minded a great deal but his voice was reassuring. ‘It’ll be fine. I’m hardly there in any case, other than to sleep.’
‘It’s very kind of you, Luke. Hopefully it’ll only be for a couple of days. I promise not to disturb you too much.’
He gave a soft grunt as if the notion of her disturbing him was a given. ‘But—just to be clear—you’ll be sleeping in the spare room.’
* * *
A short time later, Luke unlocked his front door and followed Abby inside. Having her come and stay with him was a way to get to know her a bit more. To uncover more of the secrets she had kept about her background. Or so he told himself. He knew it was dangerous inviting her to sleep at his house. Sharing any personal space with her was dangerous. His house was large but it would need to be twice the size of Buckingham Palace for him to feel safe from the temptation she presented.
The stuff she’d told him about her background had shocked him. Why had she kept it a secret even from his sister, Ella? Who were Abby’s biological parents and why had she been taken away from them so young? Had she been abused? Neglected? The thought of it was sickening. Was that why she was so determined to get to the ball tonight, to raise funds for underprivileged children? No wonder she couldn’t bear not to go. He felt a heel now for making such an issue out of going with her.
Abby’s past and the lengths she’d gone to keep it secret reminded him of the way he kept stuff to himself. He couldn’t blame her for being a little hesitant to tell people things they might judge her for. People made judgements all the time on who your parents were, where you went to school, your accent, your income, the car you drove and where you lived. Even who your friends were.
Luke could understand now why she had been so taken with that luxury holiday. It was sad to think she had probably never been on a proper holiday with her parents. At least he had enjoyed some happy times with his family before his father dropped his bombshell the day before Luke’s fifteenth birthday. Holidays after his parents’ divorce had been pretty miserable. His mother would spend most of it crying or staring at couples walking hand in hand with a wistful look on her face. Ella, being nine years younger than him, had latched on to him in the absence of the father she’d adored and who no longer had any time for her, which meant Luke hadn’t been free to do the things other teenagers his age did.
Luke closed the front door and looked at Abby’s downcast expression. Her shoulders were slumped and some tendrils of her hair had fallen down around her heart-shaped face. It had been a big night for her, capped off by coming home to find her flat uninhabitable. A sudden wave of empathy swept through him and he had to stop himself from pulling her into a hug in case he was tempted to not let her go.
‘Tired?’ he said.
‘Exhausted—but I can’t help thinking what am I going to do about my clothes?’
Luke would be quite happy if she didn’t wear any. Ever again. But that was a dangerous thought he shouldn’t be allowing inside his head. ‘We can sort that out tomorrow. Maybe they’ll let you back in to fetch a few things even if they don’t allow you to move back in.’
‘What about Kimberley’s clothes? Maybe I could—’
‘You’re a different size.’
A flicker of something passed through her gaze. ‘Ella showed me a photo of her once. Kimberley was really beautiful and slim, wasn’t she?’
‘I didn’t mean it that way.’ Luke mentally rolled his eyes. What was it with women and their weight? Abby had a beautiful body—a gorgeous, luscious body he was having trouble keeping his hands off. Sure, her body wasn’t stick-thin but he had always been annoyed by his ex’s obsession with being reed-slim. It had been one of the reasons he’d ended their relationship. One of the many reasons. He couldn’t face another meal out with Kimberley moving the food around her plate without eating a morsel. He’d found it cute how Abby had eaten his dessert tonight as well as her own.
‘I only have a couple of her things anyway,’ he said. ‘I’ve been meaning to give them to her family but never seem to get around to doing it.’
Abby gave him a thoughtful look. ‘Do you think it’s because you’re not ready to finally let go?’
Luke moved past her, undoing his bow tie as he went. ‘I’ll get you a toothbrush and show you which bathroom to use. Follow me.’
Abby followed him upstairs, where he opened the door to one of the spare rooms. It had a bathroom just down the corridor but she couldn’t help noticing it was the furthest bedroom from his. It was another slap down to her ego. Did he think she’d come crawling into his bed during the night and try and seduce him? Clearly she had some work to do in the seduction stakes. A lot of work.
‘Do you want something to sleep in? A shirt or something?’ he asked.
‘Don’t worry. I can sleep in my... Actually, I’m not wearing any underwear. I didn’t want any panty lines under my dress.’
Argh! Why did you tell him that?
His gaze flicked over her as if he were imagining her naked under her ball gown. But then he gave a rapid blink as if he was clearing his mental vision. ‘Right, well, then. I’ll leave you to get settled. Goodnight.’
Abby closed the door once he’d left and leant back against it with a sigh. Did he have to make it any clearer he didn’t want her? Most men would have jumped at the chance for a bit of no-strings sex.
What was wrong with her?
Was she so hideous Luke couldn’t stomach the thought of being intimate with her?
Or was it more about him than her? Was he still so hung up on the loss of his girlfriend he couldn’t bear the thought of making love with someone else?
But he’d said he hadn’t been in love with Kimberley. Why then would he remain celibate for so long?
Why was he still punishing himself?
CHAPTER FIVE
ABBY WAS SO tired she barely made it to the bed before her eyes closed. But during the night she woke with a start, wondering at first where she was. One of the legacies of her crazy childhood was a tendency to be a light sleeper. And all those years of sleeping at different foster homes made her jumpy whenever she woke in unfamiliar surroundings. She woke at the slightest sound, her heart racing, her legs feeling fizzy as the fight or flight reflex switched on.
She felt the mattress enveloping her like a hug and she breathed out a deep sigh of relaxation. At least it was the weekend tomorrow so she didn’t have to front up to work still dressed in her ball gown.
But then she heard the sound
again.
She sat upright, cocking her head to try and identify the noise. Was she imagining things? Had it been a dream?
Abby lay back down, remonstrating with herself for being so pathetic. Luke’s house had top-notch security. Her fears of a masked intruder sneaking into her room were as likely as Luke himself coming in and saying he’d changed his mind about sleeping with her.
Not going to happen.
She closed her eyes again and tried to go back to sleep but her body felt twitchy and restless. And she was so thirsty her mouth felt like she’d been sucking on a stale gym sock. She threw off the covers and wrapped her naked body in the fluffy bath sheet towel she’d used earlier.
Abby tiptoed down the corridor but then she noticed a thin strip of light shining underneath Luke’s bedroom door. She paused by the door, tilting her head against it to listen. She heard a groan and then the sound of something being knocked over and hitting the floor with a muted thud. ‘Luke?’ She rapped her knuckles gently against the door. ‘Are you okay?’
There was the sound of a muttered curse and then footsteps padding across the carpet towards the door. The door opened and Luke looked down at her through squinted eyes, his features pinched and a ghastly shade of grey. He was wearing a pair of long grey cotton pyjama bottoms that were riding low on his trim hips. And, in spite of how unwell he looked, Abby had never seen anything so sexy.
‘I’m fine.’ His voice was in his gruff bear mode. ‘Go back to bed.’
‘You are so not fine,’ Abby said, seeing the spasm of pain in his gaze. ‘You look terrible.’ How had she thought he was drunk six months ago? It was obvious he was unwell both then and now. She felt thoroughly ashamed. She had jumped to conclusions and misjudged him.
He leaned his forehead on the edge of the door as if he didn’t have the strength to keep it upright on his neck. ‘It’s just a headache. It’ll pass once the medication kicks in.’
Abby wasn’t a sufferer of migraines but she’d read enough about them to know they could be crippling. Sufferers couldn’t bear light or the slightest sound, and finding a quiet dark place until the migraine passed was usually the best solution. She took Luke’s hand and ignoring his weak protest, led him back to the bed. ‘Lie down,’ she said in a soft voice. ‘I’ll get you a damp face cloth.’
A Virgin for a Vow Page 6