by Unknown
I sighed and remembered the pain in my chest again. “Not anymore,” I whispered.
Travis looked at me wearily, his usual, cold, careless façade completely gone. Instead, he gave me a look of genuine concern and sympathy. I leaned my head on his shoulder again.
“You’ll be fine,” he whispered to me.
And I knew he was right…
Chapter Seven
Trip and his girlfriend were almost expelled from school. It turned out they couldn’t dress fast enough to hide the evidence. Rumor had it that Trip still had a condom on his thing when they were escorted to the principal’s office. He was kicked off the basketball team.
I’ll bet he was furious with me. I could see him throwing daggers at me whenever he saw me walk the corridors. I was devastated, but I refused to let people see how Trip broke me.
Prom was two weeks away. I was dateless and, needless to say, I’d still be a virgin by then. But then I thought Trip’s plan to defile me at Prom was not something I should have been looking forward to anyway. I thought I should say goodbye to my daydreams and fantasies of losing myself in bed with a man in a romantic kind of way.
Maybe this time I should be cynical, I thought. Maybe I should take control so guys will not run me over. The problem with me is that I trust too much, too soon. Every boy I go out with will save me from the shame of being unmarriageable, as per my family’s tradition. Every guy is a Prince Charming. Every single one of them a knight in shining armor.
“It’s not a big deal,” Cindy said to me. “Just have fun out there. I lost my virginity to my brother’s best friend, in my parents’ bed, and everything was just the way it was.”
“I’m going to take control,” I said. “I won’t let these high school boys ruin me! I will go out, and if I like the guy and things get a little bit cozy, then I guess…that’s it, huh? I think I over-fantasize things.”
Cindy shrugged. “No biggie. Don’t make such a big fuss over it. It’s just sex. You gotta know what it’s like, what to expect. Just do it and get it over with. Doesn’t mean you’ll end up marrying the first guy you’ve been with.”
“Now I guess I only need to worry about who’s taking me to prom,” I said.
There were guys who tried to make conversation with me all of a sudden, knowing what happened with Trip and finding out that Trip and I were over. I was still heartbroken. I still felt that none of them was ever good enough to replace Trip. Well, the Trip that I fell in love with, anyway. Not the real Trip, who was hiding beneath the angelic disguise.
I was hurt by what Trip did, and I hated him so much I wanted to get back at him. I wanted to show him that he was wrong to do that to me. That he was wrong to think so lowly of me.
I dropped French class because I had it with him.
“You need to replace this subject with something that has the same credits, or you won’t graduate,” my adviser told me.
I nodded. She handed me the list of options that I had.
There was Spanish class, but I’d been enrolled in French for months and all I’d learned was Oui. Then there was poetry, but I was afraid I’d had too many false flowery words from Trip to last me a lifetime. There was music, but I was pretty sure I was tone deaf. The other option left was art. I guessed art would have to do.
“Are you sure?” my adviser asked me.
I nodded.
“Brianne, I have to warn you. Mr. Atkins is very strict, and his standards are very high. You’re a straight-A student, and I don’t want you to break that record,” she said.
I smiled at her. “I think I can keep up with Mr. Atkins.”
She looked at me reluctantly, and then she signed the form. “All right. Last period, Mondays and Fridays. Mr. Atkins loves to extend his hours, so expect to be home a little bit later than usual.”
I nodded. Anything to get away from Trip would be fine.
Friday, I showed up for art class just in time.
“Miss Montgomery, I hope you understand that you have a lot of catching up to do,” Mr. Atkins said. “And just so we understood each other, I see only art and talent in this class. Everything else is just doodling. I hope you have what it takes to stay in this class,” he said. He motioned for me to take a seat.
His class was only half-full.
“This was a full house at the beginning of the year,” he said. “See how many have fallen in just a few months?”
I scanned the room to pick a place. Suddenly, someone came into the room saying, “Sorry I’m late, Professor.”
Mr. Atkins immediately smiled. “Not a problem at all, Mr. Cross. I was just introducing your new classmate, Miss Montgomery.”
At the mention of my name, Travis’s head snapped my way. I smiled at him. He raised a brow, clearly surprised that I was finally taking art class. He went to his seat and pointed at the empty seat beside him.
“You may take whatever seat you’d like, Miss Montgomery,” Mr. Atkins said.
I immediately headed for the seat beside Travis. He was at the end of the row, and no one sat beside him.
“Aren’t you the outcast?” I whispered to him.
“I can be very intimidating. They think I bite.” He grinned.
“If they only knew how sweet you really are,” I said sarcastically.
“Glad to see that you’re finally taking art class.”
“I had to drop French. I was taking that with Trip.”
He raised a brow. “You won’t be missing a thing. If you really want to learn French, I can tutor you.”
“Merci, Monsieur,” I said, smiling at him.
“Why are you only taking this class now?” he asked.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why aren’t you taking French class?”
He grinned. “I see. You think you’re already too good.”
“Some of your talents are innate. You don’t have to learn them,” I whispered.
“Miss Montgomery, you will officially start on Monday. Today, you can just observe and take notes,” Mr. Atkins said, and I nodded at him.
He reminded the class about their assignments, and then he asked them to work on their charcoal masterpieces.
To me, he said, “Look around you and draw anything that inspires you to take this class. You can draw a paintbrush, a canvas, you can look at the paintings around you and draw in your own way…I just want to see the level of skill you already have before you start my class.”
I nodded.
Almost all the people in the class were introverts, as most artists usually are. I didn’t think I liked Mr. Atkins that much yet. The paintings around me were amateur compared to the ones I’d seen in Mom’s galleries. I knew the only thing that pushed me to take art class was that I didn’t have a choice when I dropped my French class.
I couldn’t think of anything else I liked about the class. But I needed it so I could graduate. I heaved a sigh and then I looked to my right. I found Travis engrossed with his painting. It was a tree with a swing moving with the winds.
“What’s your topic?” I asked him.
“He asked us for a happy childhood memory,” he replied without looking at me.
“That memory seems eons away,” I told him as I recognized that swing from one of their estates, from when we were about twelve.
“Remember, he said, ‘happy,’” he murmured.
I bit my lip. I couldn’t help feeling sad for Travis. I remembered that he and I were just alike. We were two broken souls trying to look out for each other at best we could.
And then suddenly, I knew what I had to draw.
When I was done, my painting was just as good as any other student’s charcoal painting, maybe even better than most. It was a very good painting of Travis’s face, showing the same expression he wore when he first saw me in the class.
I didn’t know that Mr. Atkins had been watching me. When I looked behind me, he was engrossed in his thoughts. Then he stared at me and smiled slowly.
“Mr. Cross is the one
thing you liked in this class?” he asked.
The others looked at me. That should have embarrassed me, but I smiled instead.
“Travis is my childhood friend,” I said. “It’s nice to see a familiar face when you enter a room full of strangers.”
Mr. Atkins nodded, clearly impressed. “Well, it looks like you have talent after all, Miss Montgomery. Welcome to my class.” And he moved on to the next student.
Travis was looking at his portrait. Then he said, “I look nothing like that!”
I giggled. “Sure you do.”
He stared at me for a while. “Well, since I was your inspiration to take this class, I guess I’ll paint a portrait of you if he asks us to paint our inspiration to stay in this class.”
I smiled at him. “Why? I thought you liked art.”
“Maybe you’re not the only one who has the talent.” He winked at me, and I couldn’t help giggling.
Mr. Atkins sent us home about an hour after the bell rang. No wonder Travis caught up with me that day I was walking home after finding Trip with his cheerleader. He had just gotten out from art class.
“How did you intend to get home?” Travis asked.
“I thought I could catch a ride with Cindy. I didn’t know Mr. Atkins would send us off so late.”
“You better get used to it,” Travis said. “I’ll drive you home. It’s Friday today. Maybe we can have dinner first.”
I smiled. “That would be great. I haven’t eaten out in more than a month.”
Travis raised his brow. “You broke up with Jacobs less than two weeks ago.”
I sighed as I gathered my stuff and walked out with him.
“Well, we hadn’t gone out for dinner in a while. He was busy with basketball practice. Turned out, he had tons of extra-curricular activities on the side.”
“You’re telling me he hadn’t taken you on a date in a while?”
“He picked me up, we grabbed a bite or two. We had ice cream sometimes. He picked me up at the mall. We were in a relationship. Did we have to go on dates all the time?”
“I’m not a fan of relationships. But I believe he should have taken you out on real dates at least twice a month. You know? Go to the movies, and have a nice quiet dinner together, go to the fairs, go stargazing.”
I laughed. “Wow! Travis Cross! No wonder you’re the ultimate heartbreaker on this campus.”
He grunted.
“Now, since your ex-boyfriend was not such a great fan of romance, let me take you out on a date you deserve.”
I laughed. “Date? I didn’t think—after our educational date—I would go out with you again.”
He raised his brow. “I am, after all, your safety guy. Part of my job is to pick up your shattered pieces and put them all back together.”
I laughed. “Well, good luck with that.”
***
I tried to look okay, but I wasn’t. I was scared about a lot of things. I was scared that I wouldn’t find the right guy by the time I was thirty-one, and I was scared that Trip wouldn’t be the last guy who would cheat on me.
Damn, I was even afraid that I would die a virgin. Or if not, I was afraid that the person I would lose my innocence to would treat me like I was unimportant the next day, would think low of me, or worse, would cheat on me with a filthy slut like Trip did.
“Did you hear the news?” Cindy called me that night.
“What news?”
“A girl was dumped in the fields a mile from school.”
The hairs in my neck rose. “Really?”
“Yes. They don’t know who it is yet. They’re trying to identify her. They’re still finding out whether or not she was from town.”
“Geez! I thought this was one of the safest towns there is.”
“I know. It’s nerve-wracking, right?”
Just then, I heard a stumbling noise outside my door.
“What the heck…” My heart pounded in my ribcage.
The door opened and Travis barged into my room. He was breathless, like he had been running, but his face brightened as soon as he saw me sitting on my bed.
“There you are!” he said, his voice full of relief. “You weren’t answering your phone!”
I looked at my mobile and realized that I had twenty missed calls, all from him. I left it on silent mode, which was why I didn’t hear him calling.
“I’m sorry. It’s on silent. Why? What’s wrong?”
“They found a girl somewhere. She hasn’t been identified yet. I just thought I’d check up on you. And when you didn’t answer, I rushed here.”
I smiled at him. “I’m here. I’m not that girl.”
Travis took off his jacket and sat on my couch. “You really had me worried.”
“I’m okay, Trav.”
“You shouldn’t be alone here.”
“As if I have a choice,” I murmured.
“I’m still here, you know!” Cindy said on the other line.
“Sorry, Cindy. Travis dropped by. I’ll catch up with you later.”
“Sure. He sounded really worried! That’s very sweet!” Cindy said before she hung up.
I stared at Travis. “What were you saying?”
“You shouldn’t be alone here,” he said.
“I’m not alone,” I said. “I’ve got two maids living downstairs.”
“That’s not enough to keep you safe.”
“I’m safe. And besides, I always believe in fate. You have to go, you have to go.”
He raised his brow. “Well, I promised your brother I would take care of you. That means I will fight fate to keep you alive.”
I smiled. “That is really sweet.”
“No. It’s just me keeping my promise. I told you, I don’t make promises I don’t keep.”
“Relax, Travis,” I said. “I’ll be fine. I’m not so fragile, you know.”
“Nevertheless, I’ll stay here until they find out who that girl is. And if they find that she’s a local, that means we have a psychopath within a few miles’ proximity, and I’ll make arrangements for you to stay somewhere safer than here.”
“Thomas wouldn’t be that paranoid, you know.”
“Thomas always believed in the goodness of people. I’m the cynical one, remember? And unfortunately for you, I was the one who lived.” There was pain in his voice.
I sat on my bed quietly for a while, just looking at Travis. He was handsome beyond belief, but his eyes were sad, his soul broken.
“You still miss him, don’t you?” I asked, standing up from my bed and sitting next to him.
“Don’t you?” he asked back.
I sighed. “Every day.”
I realized that I was…sad, too. Very sad. And I felt alone. Thomas was not the only one who left me. My mother and my father did, too. And all I had left was…Travis. This wonderful, beautiful boy who pledged to take care of me forever.
I couldn’t help it. Something came over me. I stared at Travis. He was staring at me intensely, too. And somehow, I saw him in a different light. Something about him was so deeply enticing and exciting that I was not able to stop myself. I lunged forward and gave him a kiss on the lips.
I closed my eyes. My lips still on his, I wound my arms around his neck. It seemed like time and space froze in that one magical moment…that one magical kiss.
And then when it moved again, it moved in fast forward. Everything went so fast. I felt his arms around my waist as he pulled me to him. I felt his lips gently bruising mine in heart-stopping kisses.
I didn’t think, I only felt. And the intense emotion I felt was nothing like I had ever felt before…with Trip, or with any other guy. And now, I realized that I wanted something. And I wanted it with Travis.
“Take me, Travis,” I whispered. “Please…”
And just like that, I felt him stop. He pulled away from me. His face was flushed and his breathing rugged. His eyes closed and he raised his face, as if he was steadying himself, trying to get ahold of his emotions.
“I mean it,” I said quietly. “Better you than some random guy…than some boyfriend who will cheat on me.”
He opened his eyes and stared at me disbelievingly. “What…what are you…asking from me?”
I took a deep breath and boldly said, “I want you…to…be my first. I want to know what it is like. I want you to be the one to show me.”
He closed his eyes again. When he opened them, I couldn’t read them anymore. They were deep, all emotions hidden. He almost looked mad.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you,” he said. “I guess I forgot who you were.”
“Who am I, Travis? Some silly little girl who doesn’t know better? Thomas’s little sister? I’m not young anymore, Travis! I’m the same age as you! And I’m a woman already! I’m not a girl anymore! Stop treating me like one!”
“What do you want me to do?”
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Suddenly, I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t ask him again.
Travis’s eyes narrowed. “See? You can’t even say it out loud! You don’t know what you want, Brittany Anne!” he said in a frustrated tone, calling me by my full name. He stood up from the couch and headed for the door. Then he stopped and looked at me again. “Why me?”
I took a deep breath and struggled to say something… anything… coherent. “Because…you’re safe. Somehow, I see you as my angel. You’ve always been there for me, to take care of me. And I didn’t want to throw away my…virginity to someone I didn’t know and would never know in my future.”
He stared at me icily. “You read too many romance novels,” he whispered hoarsely. “I’m no angel, Brianne…especially not in bed.” He turned toward the door again. “I promised to keep you safe until they found out whether the girl was a local or not. I’ll sleep on the couch downstairs. I don’t think it’s wise for me to be in the same room as you right now.”
And he closed the door behind him.
I threw myself on my bed. I felt embarrassed beyond belief. Moreover, I was afraid that I might have destroyed my friendship with Travis.
How could I have done that? I’d already asked him to be my safety guy, and now I’d asked him to be my…deflowerer! And even Travis didn’t want me. His kisses sent me spinning like no other kiss had ever done before. And mindlessly, I’d decided I wanted it to be him. The safe guy to give myself to for the first time. Because I knew he would treat me with respect, would not kiss and tell.