by Zoey Ellis
Cailyn climbed on the bed, and let one leg dangle over the edge. “I love it too when Drocco does it,” she admitted. “But I wasn’t aware that Betas behave that way.”
Victoya grinned at her. “They don’t normally.”
Cailyn tilted her head as she ran her eyes over Victoya. “You got some answers from the Mothers?”
Victoya nodded. “They explained a lot of things.”
Cailyn’s grumble came from her throat. “I’m still not happy with what they did to you, Victoya.”
“I’m not as annoyed about it as I once was,” Victoya said. “They actually tried to help—I will explain everything, but first I need to speak to Torin.”
“Of course,” Cailyn said. “At this time of the evening he is usually pacing in the corridor where you had your first kiss.”
Victoya blinked in surprise. “Really?”
“He is completely distraught you have gone,” Cailyn admitted. “I almost told him yesterday that you are coming back, but I wanted to give you a chance to decide what you want to do.”
Victoya smiled. “Thank you.” She hugged Cailyn again and headed toward the door. It was time to tell Torin everything.
***
When she entered the corridor, Torin was slowly pacing away from her, his back straight and proud as always even though his head was dropped. He walked like a disciplined warrior; controlled, calm, and ready for anything. It was so sexy and the threads of desire stirred in her as they always did when she looked at him.
As soon as her sandals hit the stone, he spun round as she knew he would.
“You’re back.”
She smiled as she stopped before him. “I am.”
A silence grew between them that was almost deafening.
“Victoya,” Torin said hesitantly, “the day I questioned you, I…”
Victoya held up a hand. “I loved the way you questioned me, Torin. I’m sure you know that by now.”
“But I don’t know why I did it,” Torin said. “It is not the way I usually behave. I know I accused you being a whore and of using magic on me and didn’t give you the chance to explain. But it was out of anger. I’m sorry for those comments—I am usually much more reasonable… I didn’t want you to think that I was happy with the way things ended between us.”
Victoya’s heart dropped. “So things have ended between us?”
“They have to,” Torin said stepping closer her. “I cannot be with a woman I cannot trust, regardless of how she makes me feel, regardless of how deeply she affects me. You came to this palace to seduce me, you used magic on me in some way, and then you didn’t tell me about it even when I asked you. I cannot trust you.”
Victoya swallowed the sob in her throat that threatened at his words. She had thought from what Cailyn said, that he would be willing to forgive her, but he wasn’t. He felt guilty about the way he acted, even though he was simply following instincts. “You said you didn’t give me the chance to explain,” she said, her voice shaking. “Would you give me the chance to explain now?”
Torin hesitated, and then nodded, straightening into his normal stern stance.
“I wasn’t a very good spy during training,” Victoya began. “I always mess things up, and Cailyn and Amara were constantly helping me to correct my mistakes. They always looked out for me, but there became a point where I felt like they were always looking after me, even though we’re all the same age and we grew up together. When they both left for their missions, I realized I had simply been left behind because I hadn’t proved I was good enough. I’d done some good missions, but I clearly wasn’t a competent spy like they were if I couldn’t be sent to similar dangerous situations.
“When I took my concern to one of the Mothers, she told me that there was a mission I could potentially take, but that it would be dangerous and I would need to be willing to do what it took to be successful at it.”
She took a breath, nervousness coiling in her at the feel of Torin’s eyes boring into her. “The mission was to get close to someone in the Lox. Someone near the top of the structure. Cailyn’s mission was focused specifically around getting information about Omegas, not making contact with Drocco, but the Mothers wanted to know generally about the Lox’s actions and movements across the Eastern Lands and to see if it were possible to disrupt some of your plans if necessary. You were the main target because you were a Beta and therefore likely to be more reasonable than the emperor or any of the generals. So it was a challenging mission for a well-trained spy—someone who had to be really good at their duties. I liked the fact that I would be near Cailyn and that I would be helping the Omega cause in such a direct and relevant way. However, because I was an Omega, and completely unskilled in seduction of any kind, I needed to undergo a change to my dynamic.”
Commander Torin frowned. “What you mean?”
“The Mothers used magic to permanently minimize my Omega signals so that I didn’t have to use blocks, but so that I also wouldn’t attract Alphas.”
Torin’s expression morphed into disbelief and then anger. “That is outrageous!” he bellowed. “Why did you allow them to damage you like that?”
Victoya shrugged. “I wanted to impress them. I wanted to impress my sisters. I didn’t want to be left behind. I didn’t know it was permanent when it happened, and I thought it would help to make things easier.”
Torin’s fists clench that his sides and he shook his head, his jaw hard. “So that is why you wanted to settle with having me as a mate? Because you’ll never be able to get an Alpha?”
“No, Torin,” she said softly. She took a step toward him. “I went back to the compound to speak to the Mothers and find out exactly what they did in relation to you. I thought they had tuned you to me so that you would notice me during my mission. I didn’t think it had worked, but then you said that you noticed me from the moment I arrived. The thing is, I didn’t have the procedure before I arrived—I’d already been here for a couple of months before they began to change me.”
Torin frowned.
“You also said… during our first time together, that you liked my scent,” Victoya said, hesitantly as nerves fluttered within her. “I didn’t realize you could scent me.”
“Of course I can. I always have. And you just said you’re not using blocks. All Betas should be able to scent you, even if Alphas cannot.”
Victoya smiled. “No. The Mothers made it so that only my true mate can scent me.”
Torin’s gaze sharpened on her but he said nothing.
“When I went to see them, they were horrified that I thought they had left me with no possibility for a mate,” Victoya explained. “They had been trying to protect me by ensuring that no one brutalized me on my first big mission—in case something went wrong, or I made yet another of my many mistakes. So even though the damage to me is permanent, it doesn’t affect the connection I would have with my true mate.”
Torin remained silent as Victoya’s words hung in the air around them. “I cannot be your true mate, Victoya,” he said finally. “I am a Beta.”
“I asked them about that too.”
Torin’s head tilted. “What did they say?”
Victoya took another step toward him. “I come from a line of mostly Betas, Torin. My parents were Betas. The last Omega or Alpha in my family was a few generations ago. Because of that dilution, it is unlikely I will have an Alpha true mate in the normal sense. So when the Mothers minimized my Omega signals, they changed something about the way my scent would affect the man I am most compatible with.” She watched him closely. “The attraction between us would be close to that of an Alpha/Omega pairing. So, to me, the man I’m most compatible with is my true mate. ”
“But it is a lie,” Torin blurted out. “It is fabricated by the procedure you went through. If you had remained an Omega, I wouldn’t be attracted to you in this way.”
“Yes you would,” Victoya insisted. “Because you already were. You noticed me when I first arrived and you
were compelled to find out more about me. You have had the urge to protect me from even then. Nothing has changed about the way you have felt about me from the very beginning. The only difference is that other Alphas would have been able to scent me too.” She lowered her voice a little. “And the change has allowed you to sense what I need as an Omega so you can give it to me.”
She could see the thoughts working in his mind, though his gaze was steady on her.
“But it is the same thing,” Torin said. “Magic is being used to change my reactions toward you.”
“No, it is only heightening them. It’s not changing anything that you wouldn’t normally do or feel.”
“Betas don’t do the things I did to you, Victoya.”
“You are the most compatible man to me, Torin. You would have done all of those things eventually, only I would have had to tell you…” She hesitated. “And I don’t know if I ever would have. I didn’t know I liked that.”
Torin exhaled. “I’m not an Alpha, Victoya. To have me behave as though I am, is a lie and a manipulation.”
Victoya shook her head. “You may not be an Alpha, but you already behave as one,” she pointed out. “The other Lox warriors do not see you as a Beta. Emperor Drocco does not see you as a Beta, you do not behave as though you are a typical Beta when you fight or when you command. Of course everyone knows that you are one, but not because of how you behave, only because you are the only one in the army. If you behave as an Alpha in every other way, why not with me?”
“I don’t want to feel like I have been forced into behaving in a manner that would not be natural for me,” Torin growled.
“You haven’t! You did what was natural. And even if not, wouldn’t you do it, if it’s what your mate needs?” A desperation entered Victoya’s tone. “If my scent did not encourage you to act this way, would you not try? If I truly needed it as your mate?”
Torin’s eyes rose above her head as he stared unseeingly down the corridor behind her, clearly in deep thought.
“You said that you could never give me what I needed,” Victoya said, quietly. “But you can and you did. You will be all that I will ever need, Torin. Isn’t that enough?”
Torin’s eyes lowered to hers. “I don’t know.”
Victoya’s heart dropped. She had hoped he would see what a gift it was that as the most compatible man for her, he would also be in tune with her instinctively—able to give her exactly what she needed when she needed it without fear of being inadequate or that she may leave him for her true mate. But maybe he could not get past the damage that had been done to her, and how it affected him.
She took a few steps back as tears threatened. She returned from the compound with such hope, but the truth hadn’t been enough. “Thank you for apologizing, Commander. Of course, I accept your apology but there’s nothing to apologize for. Thank you for listening to me.” She turned and hurried back the way she came as the tears fell. Once again she’d failed—and this time it she had lost the most amazing man she could have ever have hoped to be her mate. She would most certainly be alone now.
CHAPTER SIX
TORIN
Torin remained distracted about Victoya for two weeks before Drocco relieved him of duty. Although he was mortified, he couldn’t even blame Drocco, because he was making mistakes that he should not be making in his position. He had become incompetent and that could not stand.
Victoya was on his mind constantly—he just could not come to terms with so many aspects of what she had told him. Not only had the Mothers permanently damaged her, but they had interfered with a connection that should have been kept pure between them. How was he to know if he truly was the most compatible man for Victoya? What if the draw to him was because he had been her target? It seemed a bit too convenient that she had been sent to seduce him and then suddenly he was the most compatible man for her, according to the Mothers. It didn’t feel right.
Drocco had been pleased by the information. He felt that magic could not, in any way, fake a true mate connection. He actually congratulated Torin on having an Omega that truly would be his and one that he wouldn’t have to worry about leaving him. However, after seeing that Torin was distracted, he told him to take some time to think about what he wanted to do, make a decision, and then return to his duties ready to move on. He also strongly recommended that Torin visit the Records Keep.
So that’s what Torin did.
The head keeper set him up in a room with records he had compiled of Beta behavior that had been analyzed throughout the generations. It seemed as though there were some Betas who behaved like Alphas, but it was dependent on a range of different factors, including personality traits and whether Alphas had been dominant in the family line of previous generations.
Torin had never been concerned before about the fact that he wasn’t an Alpha. Not all Alphas were the same, and he learned long ago that it really came down to the type of man any Alpha or Beta chose to be. He admired Drocco for his strength and courage, even when odds were against him, and he admired that he had put himself at risk to help Torin as a young boy, when everyone else turned a blind eye. Since then, Torin had always been extremely careful about the choices he made. He wanted his choices to reflect the kind of man he chose to be. He’d known that Drocco would need a levelheaded friend at his side as he grew his army. He knew he could assist him with how best to ensure that the Lox was prepared for anything that it would face. He also knew that Drocco’s mission to find the Omegas would never result in Torin finding happiness of his own with an Omega. So he had never held out hope for that. Instead he’d kept his eyes open for any Beta woman that he felt could truly be in his life as everything he needed. But no one had ever caught his attention like Victoya. Every experience he had had with her had been unique for him, and it was only then, for the first time, that he wished he could have been an Alpha—if only to ensure he could keep her forever.
But he just could not reconcile the idea his responses to her had not been manipulated, no matter whether they were heightened or completely fake. The fact remained they were dependent on what had been done to her.
As he continued to read the files, he read of Betas who had been known to have personality traits of Alphas, including Betas who were completely mild-mannered, but had dominant traits in the bedroom. He explored further and found evidence that one of the main challenges for a Beta/Omega couples wasn’t only the threat of the Omega leaving for a Alpha but also the Omega remaining satisfied with her Beta as the years went on.
He reflected back on his own family line. Alphas had been strong in his family. His grandfather had been an Alpha, and had told him and Drocco many times of the pleasure of being bonded to an Omega, which meant that his father had been a true Alpha. Could that be why Torin had these tendencies?
After he left the Records Keep, he marveled at how beautiful Ashens looked. It had been remodeled to showcase the power and strength of the Lox reflecting Drocco’s vision for the future. And that made him think of Victoya. Could he really let her go? Taking a breath he calmed his mind and decided to look at the situation logically, like he would if Drocco had asked him for advice.
He told his carriage driver to simply travel around Ashens so that he could have time to think.
***
“You arranged more meetings without me?” Torin asked incredulously as he approached Victoya.
She stood in the corridor against her usual spot on the wall, but this time two Alphas stood a few feet on either side of her, making her seem trapped between them. And he didn’t fucking like it.
“It’s been over three weeks, Commander,” she said, avoiding his eyes. “I cannot hold off the meetings anymore just because we…” She trailed off and then shrugged. “You weren’t available whenever I tried to talk to you about them. What did you expect me to do?”
“I wasn’t avoiding you, Victoya. I haven’t been on duty all week.”
She didn’t reply, but she didn’t look at him eith
er. In fact, she looked miserable. Just how he had been over the last three weeks.
Torin gestured to the two Alphas to move to either end of the corridor, and as they left, he stepped closer to her. “Look at me.”
She didn’t. “Please don’t make this difficult,” she whispered.
“Standing this close to you and not touching you is already difficult, Victoya,” he growled. “Look at me.”
She inched her head up so her face was tilted up to him, but her eyes still remained low.
“Victoya!”
“I can’t,” she said, her voice actually breaking.
Torin’s heart plummeted. He swept her up in his arms and lifted her until her gorgeous tear-filled eyes met his. “I’m sorry, Victoya.”
The smile she gave him trembled as she sniffed. “It’s not your fault, Commander. I understand.”
“No, you don’t.” He held her tighter as the tears dripped onto her cheeks. “I’m sorry for letting you walk away from me. Twice.”
She frowned and tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
“You’re my mate,” he said simply. “You’ve always been my mate, and you always will be. I felt it when you arrived, and I wasn’t brave enough to explore what it meant. I felt it when you were in that hall full of Alphas, and I wasn’t brave enough to make you and everyone else know that you’re mine. The Mothers have made it possible for me to give you what you need on an instinctual level, but it is only down to my cowardice that we were not together already.”
“You’re not a coward, Commander.” She sniffed again. “You could never be.”
“I am,” he growled. “Of all the ways you listed that I behave like an Alpha, claiming my mate has not been one of them. I’m sorry. You are an Omega. You deserve your mate to be what you need.”
Confusion entered those hazel eyes. “I thought you didn’t like the idea of what the Mothers did.”
“I don’t.” He drew her close to him until their noses touched. “But you have crossed my mind every night since you first arrived. They didn’t make that happen.”