“Bullshit. She’s not going to tell me no. Are you mousey? You know I don’t like that.”
“We are heading out Lamb, I don’t have time for this shit. That whore, Big Blonde Tits is in the kitchen. Go fuck her.”
“Guess we should stop talking about it then. I don’t want that shank. I want the little mouse. I like the way she squeaks.”
He tugged hard and Viki fell into his disgusting lap. Struggling would do no good. She felt bile rise in her throat as he groped her breast, but she didn’t have to take it anymore. This was not her job.
The others started talking and she protested. Then she felt her face burn as someone slapped her so hard she fell to the floor.
Then all of the sudden she was on her feet and leaning against a hard back as the room spun around her.
2
Jack sat at the bar and nursed a beer. Mike rattled on about something his son, Blake, but all Jack could do was watch Viki. She was scurrying around like a good little mouse, but it seemed less and less alright to see her that way. It had stopped feeling alright the last time he’d touched her.
He had seen his actions for what they had been. He had seen himself as the animal he was acting like.
It had made him sick. He’d run from Ginger’s house and vomited the night’s alcohol into her rose bushes. He was exactly the sort of man he’d always tried to avoid, but this life made it easy. There was a code, but it was being forgotten a little more by each new round of recruits. They saw this life for the freedom to do whatever they wanted without consequence, but it had once been something more.
“Look at you.” Mike let out a laugh. “Making eyes at the mouse like it matters. Go get a piece if you think that’s what you want. Damned timid if you ask me.”
Jack didn’t laugh though. He saw Lambhead slap her ass and it made his blood run hotter.
“When did treating people like that become ok?” Jack shook his head.
“Damn Jack, you got a thing for her?” Mike turned to get a better look at the woman. “You want to claim that mouse?” Mike shrugged. “I guess you know when you know. I made a big enough fool over myself when I met Marty. My advice is get it done. Don’t risk losing her if you want her for keeps. As far as treating her that way… she knew what she signed on for when she took the job.”
“And that just makes it ok?” Jack felt sick.
Hell no he didn’t want to claim anybody. That was the last thing he needed in his life. He never wanted anybody depending on him. The club was different, they were brothers, the protected each other, but no, a woman would depend just on him… He shook his head.
“Fuck that. Just need to get my nut off I guess.” He shrugged as if it didn’t matter. The last thing he needed was anyone looking too closely at him. He had been careful to keep everyone at arm’s length for too many years to ruin it now over some chick who was just too weak to take care of herself.
Mike slapped him on the shoulder. “Go get it then. It’s all free and available.” He leaned back against the bar. “Amazing life we have here ain’t it?”
Jack had once thought so too, but lately he was unsettled. Something wasn’t right and he hated the way he felt. He looked over to Mike. The man had once been a grade-A dick, but life with a family had mellowed him out some. He was mostly ok now.
Was this life amazing? All free and available? No. There was a price to pay and Jack knew that any brother that chose to tie himself to a woman paid it. There was always a price.
Jack rubbed his jaw. Mike had beat the hell out of him over Marty once, but Jack had taken the beating and earned some respect too. Even respected himself a little more for being able to stand there and take it, even if it was bullshit. Mike had paid the price for loving a woman and it hadn’t been her fault, but it seemed that things were good now, as good as it could be anyway.
This life changed people, but not always for the worst. Some men were better than they’d started out. Some men needed this kind of life to keep them grounded.
Jack wondered what he was. Was he better? Would he ever be?
He breathed a sigh of relief when Mrs. came in the room. She sent him a wink that set his teeth on edge and marched over to rescue Viki. He didn’t know what Mrs. thought she knew, but he wasn’t about to correct her right now. He knew several of the old ladies had it in their heads that he and Viki should hook up, but he wouldn’t do that shit, not with Viki or anyone else.
He gritted his teeth. He had come close to it with Jazz, if he were honest with himself, but she hadn’t been in it. She’d loved Ink and that was it. It had been fine with Jack in a sick sort of way. If she didn’t love him then there would be no reason for her to really look or ever really be hurt, if he didn’t love her and he hadn’t loved her. He had used her and he felt like grit for it, but she had known and she had used him right back.
He shook his head. He had gone to Viki when he’d heard Jazz had betrayed the club. He had been half afraid someone would suspect him of betraying with her. He had been scared and stupid and instead of pulling Viki in as he had planned, he had fucked her and walked away, ensuring she would never look at him again, not like a man. He made sure no one thought of punishing her for Jazz’s sins and that’s just the kind of crazy shit some of the brothers would pull.
Now he knew he had been thinking irrationally, but he knew too that Viki was better off seeing him as a monster.
He was one.
“Snap out of it man. She’s just a woman. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Nah, I’m fine.” Jack shook his head and adopted the heart stopping grin that had gotten him through life. Everybody did what they had to do to survive. He knew that better than most.
But he wasn’t fine. He couldn’t take his eyes off Viki’s shapely ass as she walked back to the kitchen. He was far from fine. He was screwed.
What the hell was it about this woman that had him so torn up? She was not his regular sort of woman. He usually liked women with dark hair, big breasts and long legs. Viki was so small she was almost fragile. She had freckles across her nose for shit’s sake. Her hair was fine and a light brown that was almost between blonde and brown.
She was not what one would call beautiful, but she was almost intoxicating to Jack. She held an innocence that drew him in. Her face showed her feelings no matter how hard she tried to hide them and that made Jack hard as a rock no matter how hard he tried to stop it. She was a real woman not some pretend doll that did what she was expected, so why was she here?
He had just pulled his eyes away from the kitchen door and turned back to Mike and his beer when he heard what sounded like a squeak.
“Damn,” Mike laughed. “She even squeaks like a mouse.”
Jack stood up and made his way over to the prospects that were lounging around like lazy assholes. All they wanted to do was drink and fuck and as far as Jack figured, they hadn’t earned that right yet.
“Come here mousey mouse. I need my dick sucked.” Wick said as he laughed and unbuckled his belt.
“I have things to discuss with Mrs.” Jack heard her say quietly.
Before Jack could get close enough to her to say anything, he heard a crack of skin against skin. She fell to the floor with a whimper and Jack saw red.
When he found himself again in his right mind, he found four men lying at his feet bleeding and the little mouse pressed against his back.
“What the fuck Jack?” Fish looked up at him with his bulging blue eyes.
Jack didn’t like this new bunch of hang arounds and the few that had made the cut as prospect were not what brothers were made of either. What had happened to the standards they’d once had for members or even men they allowed to hang around the club?
“You haven’t earned that yet.” He reached around and pulled Viki in front of him so he could get a look at her face.
“What the fuck are you talking about? I got a cut.” Lambhead grumbled.
“That cut says prospect not brother. You h
ave a shit load to earn boys. That ain’t going to happen sitting on your asses. I suggest you get out there and get busy doing something to pay off the booze you drank for breakfast. You have to earn that too. This ain’t a fucking free ride. It’s a brotherhood. We each pull our share and we each stand up for the fucking defenseless. We are the fucking Defenders you stupid fucks. Figure out what the hell that means or don’t come back. This ain’t the way things go around here and it’s high time someone pointed that out.”
Jack was almost vibrating with anger when he looked up to see Preach leaning against the wall just out of sight. Preach nodded to Jack and he felt a little relief. Preach understood, of course he did, this was his dream and it had to eat at him to see these assholes mucking it up.
Mike stepped up beside Jack and laughed. “Might keep your hands off the mouse too boys, looks like she’s spoken for, at least for now.”
“Aww hell Jack, you claiming that mouse? She isn’t worth this shit.”
Jack’s eyes landed on Viki. She looked terrified. She shook her head. “I’m not a mouse anymore. I have a right to say no.”
Jack looked to Mrs. who nodded and looked furious. His whole world tilted and he let go of Viki as if she’d burned him.
His eyes landed on Lambhead. “I’m not claiming anybody, but that’s not the fucking point. She’s not a club girl and she obviously didn’t want what you were offering. That shit’s not ok.”
“Get the fuck out of here.” Mike spat and laughed as three grown men scurried faster than any house mouse ever had. Only Lamb stayed. He looked Viki over like he was seeing her for the first time. He actually looked like he was sorry.
“I’m sorry Jack, I guess I just thought she was just another club girl.”
Then to everyone’s surprise he turned to Viki. “Sorry Viki, it won’t happen again.” He offered her a nod before he strolled out the door.
Jack was stunned.
“Thanks.” Viki murmured as she pressed her hand to her cheek.
“Yeah, no problem…” Jack cleared his throat. “Your leg’s bleeding.”
“Oh. I guess I’ll need to put something on it.”
“Yeah, probably a good idea…” Jack said quietly. He felt like a fool with her standing so close. Why couldn’t she back up so he couldn’t smell the flowery scent of her hair?
“Alright well that was interesting. Come on Viki. I think I have a band aid in my purse and we will just go get a bite and have a chat.” Mrs. said as she pulled Viki toward the door.
“Shit man, you sound like you’re twelve.” Mike laughed as they watched Viki walk away with Mrs.
“Fuck you Mike.”
“Don’t look like you’re fuckin’ anybody anytime soon if that’s the best you can do.” Mike laughed again.
Jack wanted to punch him, but he didn’t, it would only make the asshole laugh harder.
Jack didn’t want to just fuck Viki either. He hated that she looked at him the same way she did all the rest of them. For some reason he wanted this girl to see him as more, but he wasn’t more. For just a moment there she had looked at him as if he were a real man, but would it last? He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide who he was forever, especially if someone got too close.
Shame crashed over him as it always did when he thought of his life so long ago. He had been lucky to escape it and even luckier to keep it hidden. He couldn’t risk his past coming back to bite him, the club was all he had and if they knew it all they would throw him out or worse, kill him.
3
Viki sat at the table in Mrs.’s house with a pack of frozen peas pressed to her cheek. She hated being hit and she had suffered the humiliation too many times to count. She didn’t have time for this. She needed to get groceries before she went home or there wouldn’t be dinner. She only had an hour to get home and that meant no time to stop for groceries and she didn’t have enough money for takeout.
“That little bastard!” Mrs. raged as she paced the kitchen. “Jack better make it clear that you are off limits or those boys will have it out for you in a big way. Jack made them look like boys and they won’t forget it. You watch your back with them.”
“He was just trying to be nice I guess.” Viki didn’t understand it either.
“You fuckin’ him?” Mrs. asked straight out.
“Is who fuckin’ who?” Angel walked into the kitchen. Angel was Mrs.’s daughter with the President of the club, Preacherman and Angel loved gossip almost as much as she loved her old man, Ink.
“Viki and Jack. Where are the kids, sweetie?” Mrs. said as she hugged her daughter and kissed her cheek.
“Cat and Noah wanted to play outside and Lily is sleeping in her seat, thank God. So why are we talking about who is fucking the clubhouse mouse, isn’t everyone?” She blew a strand of dark hair out of her face. “I mean that is their purpose right?”
“Are you?” Mrs. said with a straight face.
Angel rolled her eyes.
“I thought not. Neither is Lambhead or the new recruits, apparently and no, that was not the original purpose.” Mrs. said as she sat a cool glass of soda in front of Viki. “And Viki is no longer a mouse.”
Angel raised a brow. “So what is going on? I haven’t gotten much sleep lately you know.” Angel grumbled as she pulled something out of the refrigerator and started making a sandwich.
“Yes Angel. Motherhood is hard. How is Ink?”
“Ink is fine. All healed and back to normal. Noah has settled in and we are finally settling into life I think, but that’s usually when the bottom falls out from under me so I guess I’m a little jumpy still.”
“Nobody can fault you for that. You go ahead and eat and then go up and take a little nap while sweet pea is sleeping. I can watch them for a few hours while you catch up. Viki and I need to have a talk anyway and she can stay and help out.”
Viki shook her head even though no one had actually asked her opinion. She couldn’t stay a few hours.
Angel took her sandwich and left the room, but her presence had served to put Viki in her place. She was invisible.
“Now then hon, I’m sorry about that, she’s bitchy when she’s sleepy and it was just better that way.” Mrs. got up and started moving around making something on the stove. “It looks like this new crew of boys is less than we have expected in the past. It’s getting harder to find good men to fill the ranks.” Viki nodded. She wasn’t sure what to say.
“Honey, I know there’s something going on with you. Any woman willing to put up with this shit for this pay is in a hard spot. Now I don’t know if I could help with it or not and I’m not even sure I want to know right now, but I need to be able to depend on you. I also know that there is a little boy that depends on you and I know you don’t want that to be part of what you do here, but I want you to know that he would be safe here if you ever decide to bring him around. Nobody would dream of hurting him.”
“Bobby is special…” Viki tried to explain, but Mrs. cut her off.
“I know that too. You can trust me and you can count on me. If you need anything you give me a call and I mean that.”
Viki felt her eyes well up so she only nodded. Aside from her neighbor Viki didn’t have another soul in the world that would even think to help her in any way. Of course she would never ask, but it was nice to know she had an option.
“I want to talk to Jack and Rena, but I think I can find a way for you to use your head more than your pussy to make some money.
Viki’s pulse raced. She needed the money she made from this job.
Mrs. frowned over her expression.
“Oh honey. Is it really that bad? I’m offering a clean life and you look like I just put a gun to your head.”
Viki tried to wipe the fear from her eyes, but they teared up. She was mortified as she watched the drops puddle on the table.
Mrs. was quiet. She stood and walked back to the stove and continued cooking. Viki let her tears fall. She hadn’t cried in almost two years and
now she couldn’t stop.
In a few minutes Mrs. slid a plate in front of her and handed her a tissue.
“Feel better now?”
Viki nodded.
Two kids that looked to be about the same age ran into the room.
“We’re hungry Grandma.” The little girl said as she gave Mrs. a big hug.
Viki knew the girl, had helped watch after her when her father, Ink was in the hospital after an accident. She wondered if the child would remember her.
“Hi Miss Viki.”
Viki smiled. “Hi Cat.”
“This is my new big brother, Noah. He’s got a different mama and my mama says she is fine with that ‘cause havin’ babies is no fun and she would rather have him all big like he is. She said if my daddy ever even thought about putting another baby in her belly she would take him to the vet and have him fixed just like she did the dog.”
Viki tried and failed to keep a straight face. She looked up to find Mrs. fighting the same battle.
“Nice to meet you Noah. You look like your daddy.” Viki said to the boy.
“Nice to meet you Miss Viki. Everybody says that.” The boy grinned at her with the same smile his daddy had when he let himself smile. He was a beautiful child.
A baby cried in the next room and Mrs. let out a huff.
“Viki, would you mind getting Lily? I need to get this done and I can’t do it holding a baby.”
“Yes, ma’am. If you think it will be alright with Angel.”
“Oh hell honey, as long as she gets a little sleep she doesn’t care too much, besides, you’re a good girl. You helped out before and everything went well.” She narrowed her eyes at Viki. “Maybe too good, but we’ll see if we can’t fix that.” Mrs. winked causing Viki to laugh.
“I don’t think I will ever qualify as being good ever again.”
“Who the hell cares honey, just as long as you can live with yourself and you can find a reason to smile?” Mrs. said turning back to the stove as if that settled everything.
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