A Midsummer Night #nofilter
Page 3
His friends were so terrified that they ran away. But theeeen, Titania woke up, saw him on Fairy Fling, and immediately fell in love. LOL.
Oberon
This. Is. AWESOME!
My plan is going so much better than I expected.
OK, what about the guy from Athens?
Puck
Yep! Got him too. And the girl.
Oberon
Bingo.
Hermia
WHERE is Lys, Dem? I know you know. I hate you!
Demetrius
Why are you being so nasty to someone who you so much? Doesn’t make any sense. SMH.
Hermia
Well, where is he? He wouldn’t suddenly sneak away while I was . You did something, didn’t you?
Demetrius
No! HDU?
Hermia
If you’re innocent, then help me find him.
Demetrius
Absolutely not. I’d rather feed him to the .
Hermia
You’re the . Just tell the truth for once. Did you hurt him?
Demetrius
NO. You’re getting all for no reason.
Hermia
Tell me he’s , then.
Demetrius
If I do, will that get me off the hook?
Hermia
Urgh. It means you’ll never see me again, even if he’s alive. I can’t stand you. BYE.
Demetrius
Whatever. I’m taking a nap.
Oberon
Ugh. WHAT THE PUCK!
You gave the potion to the wrong people!
Puck
Are you suuure? Ruh-roh.
Welp, must be fate, then!
Oberon
Go find Helena right now and bring her here so I can fix your mistake.
I’ll put the back on Demetrius’s eyes, so when he wakes up again and sees her, it’ll all be fixed.
Puck
OK! I’ll be as fast as an arrow shot from a bow. Get it? See ya!
I’m baaack! Told you I’d be fast.
Helena is nearby and so is the guy I confused for the other one. He’s begging her to love him—it’s hilarious! Can we take a break and watch them? Srsly, it’s so good.
Oberon
No, you idiot. We don’t want Demetrius to wake up yet.
Puck
But then two guys will be after the same girl. That’s even funnier!
Oberon
You need help.
Lysander and Helena have checked into another part of the forest one mile away from the last part they were in.
Lysander
Whyyy won’t you talk to me? Do you think I’m joking when I say I love you? I’ve cried over you. Hello! That should prove I’m serious.
Helena
ur such a liar! u’ve said the same stuff to hermia.
u can’t feel that way about BOTH of us.
Lysander
I wasn’t in the right frame of mind before.
Demetrius has checked into the forest on Lysander and Helena’s trail.
Demetrius
Helena? Is that you? You’re stunning! Gorgeous! Absolutely the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen!
Helena
demetrius? o, not this again. i’m of everyone ganging up on me!
ugh, u know what? forget it. if ur both going to torture me, u might as well do it together.
Helena has added Demetrius to the group text.
Helena
i’m not some running joke for u guys to laugh at.
Lysander
That’s right, you’re not!
Demetrius, I know you’ve loved Hermia all along. Listen, you can have her! I want to be with Helena. Then we’ll all be happy.
Demetrius
No thx. Hermia’s all yours. I was only into her for a sec. It’s Helena I want to forever.
Lysander
He’s lying, Helena.
Helena
i’m going to block both of ur numbers! i h8 this.
Demetrius
I’m not lying! I’ll prove it. Hold on.
Chat Server: MIDSUMMER MISSED CONNECTIONS
Oberon has joined the chat room
Demetrius, Hermia, Lysander, and Helena have joined the chat room
Demetrius: Hermia, you there?
Hermia: Lys, you’re here?? Why did you leave me
Lysander: I needed to be with someone else.
Hermia: Who
Lysander: Helena, duh. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted. And you’re not, so bye.
Hermia:
Helena: o so SHE’S in on this too?
Helena: i can’t believe ur all ganging up on me!
Helena: i thought u were my friend, herm.
Hermia: IDK what you’re talking about.
Helena: didn’t u send lysander after me? and now u have demetrius pretending to be in with me even though he was straight up calling me a fugly just the other day.
Helena: i’m outta here. have a great laugh at my expense. i’m used to it by now.
Lysander: No, stay! Beautiful Helena, don’t go.
Lysander: Are you a ? Because every time I look at you, I .
Lysander:
Hermia: Stop the joke, Lys. She’s obvi upset.
Demetrius: Srsly, dude. Enough.
Demetrius: Besides, I love her way more than you do.
Lysander: I’ll fight you for her, Demetrius!
Demetrius: YOU’RE ON!
Hermia: Boys, stop!
Lysander: Go AWAY, Hermia. Quit chasing me like a and move on. #purrmanently
Hermia: What happened to my sweet Lys? IDGI.
Lysander: Go away. Shoo.
Hermia: You don’t mean that.
Helena: of course he doesn’t & neither do u!
Demetrius: Hi, hello. We’re supposed to be fighting!
Hermia: Look what you’ve done, Helena. You . IDK how you did it, but you stole Lys’s somehow.
Hermia: I should fight you too!
Helena: everyone leave me alone.
Helena: i’m out of here. tty NEVER, tbh.
Hermia: You can’t run away without explaining why you’re suddenly all over Lys.
Helena: i’m NOT. the only i’ve ever loved is demetrius.
Helena: plz leave me alone, hermia. ur scaring me.
Lysander: Don’t worry, Helena. I’ll protect you from her.
Demetrius: Can you STFU already? She doesn’t want you.
Lysander: That’s it. You and me, right now—we’re going to settle this. We’ll fight for her.
Demetrius: YEAH, WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG.
Demetrius and Lysander have exited the chat room.
Hermia: Way to go, HELL-ena.
Hermia: Have fun living with your guilty conscience about this whole sitch.
Helena: i can’t even rn.
Helena: i’m going to bed. nite.
Hermia: Yeah, well, I was going to bed first!
Hermia: See? Already asleep.
Helena and Hermia have exited the chat room.
Oberon
Do you have ANY idea what’s going on between all of them?
Do you KNOW what you’ve done
Puck
OK, I deserve that. I made a teeny, tiny mistake. But I did exactly what you said! I put the on the Athenian guy’s . I didn’t know there was another guy running around the forest.
And anyway, who cares? This is so entertaining and trippy.
Oberon
You have to fix everything before it gets worse. Here’s what you do:
Make it so dark that it’s like night.
Imitate Lysander and insult Demetrius. Then switch it up and pretend to be Demetrius and on Lysander. Keep changing directions so they end up getting separated. But make sure they end up near the right . Eventually, they’ll be too exhausted and need to . Just like Helena and Hermia.
When they’re asleep, crush this onto Lysander’s eyes and it’ll all be good again.
While you’re doing that, I need to find Titania and undo THAT spell so she’s not in love with a anymore.
Got it??
Puck
OK! Off I go. I’m gonna need new after all this.
555-5555
Hey, loser! I’m ready to fight. Where are you?
Lysander
Who is this?
555-5555
Oh, sars. It’s Demetrius. My phone battery died so I had to break out my mom’s old flip phone. #soancient
Lysander
Oh.
K, I’m coming.
from: heyitslys@midsummer.org
To: youvereacheddemetrius@midsummer.org
Come out, come out, wherever you are, you coward!
from: youvereacheddemetrius@midsummer.org
To: heyitslys@midsummer.org
Huh? I don’t recognize this email.
from: heyitslys@midsummer.org
To: youvereacheddemetrius@midsummer.org
Can you read? HEY ITS LYS. Had to email.
My, uh, daytime minutes are running low.
from: youvereacheddemetrius@midsummer.org
To: heyitslys@midsummer.org
Oh. K, I’m coming.
Lysander
Hello? Demetrius? WYD?
I’m tired of waiting. I’ll pass the time with a nap.
from: youvereacheddemetrius@midsummer.org
To: heyitslys@midsummer.org
[5 minutes ago]
I’m here.
from: youvereacheddemetrius@midsummer.org
To: heyitslys@midsummer.org
[3 minutes ago]
And you’re clearly not.
from: youvereacheddemetrius@midsummer.org
To: heyitslys@midsummer.org
[2 minutes ago]
I’m too tired for this. Gonna sleep, but wake me up when you get here!
Puck
Everything is all set on my end, O!
Putting the onto Lysander’s .
Done! He’ll wake up and everything will be right again. YW!
[Scene 1]
Oberon
Oh, heyyy, T. How ya been?
Titania
FANTASTIC!
Oberon
I was wondering if you gave any more thought to letting me hang out with the new from India?
Titania
Whatever you want! I don’t mind! I’m over the happy, O.
G2G! Meeting up with someone. TT4N.
Titania
Bottom, come over and let me pinch those cheeks! Oh, I just love you. I want to kiss you all day.
Bottom
Um, maybe hold up a sec.
Bottom
Hey, Cobweb. You there?
Cobweb
yeah
Bottom
Can you do me a favor?
Cobweb
Bottom
Great! Can you go kill a for me and bring back the ? Thx!
Cobweb
uh. k.
Titania
Want to some , my love?
Or do you want to get something to eat?
Bottom
Wow, that all sounds great. Really.
But MAN, am I tired. I need to rest these peepers.
Titania
Absolutely. Go to sleep, sweetie. I’ll rest too and ask everyone to give us some privacy.
Oberon
Good news, buddy!
I ran into Titania in the forest, and she’s so dumbstruck in with that guy that she agreed to what I wanted right away!
So now we just need to undo the spell for everyone. So it’ll all be like a weird dream when they wake up.
I’m going to use the on Titania now. Let me know how it goes with the others!
Puck
Here I come, you four! I’ve got my portion of the and I’m going to set everything straight again. #callmecupid
Oberon likes this
REPLY
Oberon
Honey, wake up.
Wakey, wakey, my .
Titania
O? I just had the weirdest dream. I was in love with a !
Oberon
Shh, shh, shh. Don’t worry. Everything is better now.
Remember, we still have our friends’ wedding to celebrate. We should head out.
Titania
OK. Fill me in on the details while we walk. Like how I ended up on the ground.
Theseus, Hippolyta, and Egeus have checked into the forest.
Group text: Theseus, Hippolyta, Egeus
Theseus
Whoa! OMG. Who are these people sleeping on the ground? Come quick!
Hippolyta
do we have to text so much?? i’ve used up 75% of my monthly data! i don’t wanna get charged extra.
Egeus
That’s my daughter, Hermia! And Lysander, Demetrius, and Helena. What are they all doing here?
Theseus
Maybe they came here to party a lil bit?
That reminds me, though. Isn’t today the deadline for Hermia’s decision?
We’ve gotta wake ’em up!
Theseus has added Lysander, Demetrius, Helena, and Hermia to the group chat.
Theseus
Good morning, lovebirds!
Lysander
Good morning, Theseus.
Sorry you’re seeing me like this. Don’t know how we fell asleep out here.
Theseus
Maybe this means you two enemies are finally friends?
Lysander
The truth is…I came here with Hermia. We planned on running away to get married and escape the law.
Egeus
RUNNING AWAY Did you that? We need to punish him!
Demetrius
Can I interrupt for a sec?
Hippolyta
no! bc now i’ve used up ALL my data. next person who talks has to pay my fee.
Demetrius
I’m here because the gorgeous Helena told me Hermia and Lysander were running away. I went after Hermia, and Helena followed me.
I’m not sure why I chased Hermia so much, because I realize now that the only person I love is Helena. I want to be with her!
Theseus
This is fan-TAS-tic!
You two couples will be married alongside Hippolyta and me. The more, the merrier!
I gotta run. Hippolyta and Egeus, you comin? See you guys tonight at the temple!
Hippolyta
and i’ll c u soon, demetrius, so u can pay my bill.
Group text: Demetrius, Hermia, Helena, Lysander
Demetrius
Last night was so weird.
Hermia
Right? My mind feels so fuzzy.
Helena
ditto. and did i hear u right, demetrius? that was almost too weird. like stumbling upon a outta the blue.