Quark took an incredible amount of glee from that bit of irony.
He put the padd back in his jacket pocket. Ezri Dax walked in, and joined Nog and his assistant at their table. His right hand brushing against his lobe, Quark recalled that Dax and Bashir had ended their relationship during that nonsense on Trill, which meant that Dax was single again.
“Oh, barkeep? A tarkalian tea, please?”
Turning, Quark saw that Ro was sitting at the bar, and he wondered how long she’d been there without his noticing. Odo used to do that all the time, too—just appear in the bar like a ship decloaking—but he’d chalked that up to his shapeshifting. Maybe it’s something they teach you at security school.
“Coming right up,” he said with a smile.
As he prepared the beverage, Ro said, “Quark, we need to talk.”
“Let me just get the drink—”
“Forget the drink,” she said. “Take a walk with me a minute.”
This sounds serious. Quark didn’t like it when females wanted to have serious talks. They almost always ended badly for the male on the other end of the conversation.
Ro said nothing until they reached the security office. They entered, Ro moving around to her side of the desk and sitting down in her chair while closing the door. “Have a seat,” she said.
“Is this an interrogation?” he asked, not actually sitting down yet.
“I think I figured out why you left Ferenginar, Quark.”
“I thought you liked it there.”
Snorting, Ro said, “No, I just got used to it. Barely. Well, okay, I got used to the humidity, but that’s about it. But I can see why you left. On Ferenginar, it’s just Ferengi trying to screw each other. You’re not like that.”
Putting his hands on the back of the guest chair, Quark said, “I don’t have to stand here and be insulted.”
“It’s not an insult. It’s not that you’re not eager for profit—in that, you’re the perfect Ferengi—but you don’t generally screw people over. Or, at least, not in ways that cause permanent harm. I mean, antiquities fraud and price gouging aren’t exactly victimless crimes, but the harm is comparatively minor.”
Now Quark was confused. “What’re you getting at, Laren?”
Ro took a breath. “In a lot of ways, you’re the perfect embodiment of Rom’s new Ferenginar—earning a profit without actually hurting anyone.” Holding up a hand before Quark could interrupt her, Ro said, “Before you interrupt me and say I’m insulting you again, I’m not, really. The main reason why I think you left Ferenginar is that there you’re just another Ferengi. You were never going to be someone like Chek or Nilva or Kain—but out here, in the Bajoran sector, you’re unique. You provide things no one else can.”
Finally, Quark did take a seat, just because he needed to sit in order to conserve energy so he could devote his entire brain to figuring out where the hell Ro was going with this. “Laren—”
“I don’t think that you and I are going to work, Quark.”
Quark felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. “What?”
“I saw your little meeting with that Boslic woman. I saw you putting your arm around Treir. And I saw the way you were looking at Ezri.” She smiled. “When Ezri and Julian broke up, the first thought in your head was how you could get Ezri into the holosuite with you.”
“That’s not true!”
Ro stared at Quark.
“Entirely,” Quark added reluctantly. “Look, I’m a male with active lobes, I can’t help—”
“I know you can’t, Quark. It’s the way you are. You’re incapable of committing to one person because you’re incapable of committing to one of anything. How many dozens of scams do you have going at any given time?”
Quark wasn’t about to answer that definitively, but the fact that he didn’t say anything was probably enough for Ro.
“Oh, by the way,” she said, holding up a padd, “Balancar didn’t raise their tariffs, and the next time you tell someone you raised the price for squill because of it, I’m busting you for fraud.”
This stomach-punch wasn’t quite as bad as the previous one, but it was close. “Laren, I had no idea—truly,” he said, trying desperately to sound sincere. “I was going on secondhand information.” And, he thought suddenly, I can use that. Tell the distributor that I know what he’s trying to pull, and my good friend the DS9 security chief will lock him up on my say-so, so he’d better lower the price. “I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”
Shaking her head and sighing, Ro said, “I knew it.”
“Knew what?” Quark now was even more confused.
“I just gave you a perfect opportunity to turn in your distributor for those fraud charges. But instead you decided to hold that information to yourself, and wait until it was the best time for you to take advantage of it, secure in the knowledge that the security chief is a friend of yours.”
“I—” Quark found he couldn’t say anything. I love a woman who’s so far ahead of me.
“Quark, I can’t do this. You’re always going to be going after the next big score, whether it’s financial or sexual. It’s the way you are.”
“I can change.” Quark was pleading now. This thing he had with Ro was good, and he liked it, and he didn’t want to lose it.
“No, Quark, you really can’t. And what’s more, I don’t want you to. If you change, if you become wholly monogamous, you won’t be Quark anymore, and I like Quark. I was willing to go off with you to find our fortune when Bajor joined the Federation, and I don’t regret that decision, even though my commission and your diplomatic post solved the problem instead.” She fixed him with her beautiful seola gem-colored eyes. “But here, now, with me as security chief and you as the bartender, I think I’m better off sticking with Quark as a friend and occasional pain in my ass—and that’s it. You okay with that?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Actually—yes.”
Quark blinked. This wasn’t at all what he was expecting. He’d been turned down by females before—he’d practically made a career out of it, mostly by going after females he knew he had absolutely no chance with. Ro actually responded, which was a situation he was almost totally unfamiliar with. Only Natima Lang and Grilka had responded the same way, but those relationships were doomed from the start.
As is this, apparently. Third time’s definitely not the charm. Besides, everything she said is exactly right.
“Then I choose—for us to be friends. If that’s okay with you.”
At last, Quark was favored with Ro’s wonderful, wide smile. “Definitely.”
Smiling back, Quark got up. “How about a celebratory dinner between friends tonight? I’ve got some fresh hasperat just in from Bajor.”
Ro also stood up. “It’s not ‘in’ yet, Quark—the shipmaster of the Fortra hasn’t kept all her licenses current, and until she straightens it out, her cargo doesn’t get unloaded.”
“I don’t suppose I could call upon my friend to—”
“No.”
Quark grinned. “Didn’t think so.” Ro opened the door and Quark turned to head back to the bar. He hesitated as he crossed the threshold. Wait for it….
“Oh, Quark?”
I knew it. He stopped and turned back around. “Yes?”
“If Gash sets foot on this station again, I’m posting a guard on him, understood?”
Making a mental note to put a call in to Gash telling him that they’d have to meet off-station from now on, Quark said, “Understood.”
With that, he went back to his bar. He had a business to run—
—and a dinner date to plan. After all, just because Ro wanted to keep their relationship platonic didn’t mean Quark had to stop trying for more….
“And stay out!”
Brunt stumbled forward onto the wet streets of the capital city, having been physically thrown out of his favorite tongo parlor by the owner—brandishing a rare Minosian rifle—owing to his being banned
by the FCA. Rain pelted onto his head, water seeping into his lobes and eyes and nose.
For years, I banned people—never knew how miserable it was for the person being banned. But then, why should he have cared? He was a liquidator, and liquidators only cared about the marketplace, not the people.
That sounds a lot better when you’re the liquidator and not the victim.
Chek and Dav had sold him out to the FCA, saying that all of this was Brunt’s idea. Never mind the fact that Dav was the one who brought in that forger, never mind the fact that Chek was the one who recommended Brunt come in—the truth didn’t matter to these people. They just wanted someone to blame, a scapegoat, so they could try to salvage their precious profits.
Well, there’s more to life than profits!
Getting up off the wet ground, Brunt thought, Did I really just think that? By the Divine Exchequer, I think this ban has addled my brain.
He had been spending the last two days trying to find a simple job, but no place would hire him. No bar would hire him as a waiter, no aircar service would hire him as a driver, no rich household would hire him as a servant. He thought he had it made when he read about the waste-disposal business that needed someone who could drive a Federation Sporak—apparently, they bought one with money they claimed to have received directly from the Klingon chancellor himself. Brunt’s first job after his Attainment Ceremony involved driving a Sporak, so he thought that those rare skills would supersede his FCA ban, even if the idea that the Sporak came from Chancellor Martok was patently absurd.
But even the waste-disposal people turned him down.
All wasn’t completely lost. He still had ten bars of latinum. The Grand Nagus, in his infinite stupidity, gave him special dispensation to keep it.
How I hate him. This is all his fault—him and that misbegotten family. Oh, how I long for the good old days of Zek’s rule, when Ferengi were feared and respected. Now we’re a joke, thanks to that wicked woman pouring lies into Zek’s drooping ears, leaving us with her idiot son as a Grand Nagus. Not to mention the rest of them—Quark and his ridiculous bar, Nog and his Starfleet commission. Starfleet! The very idea!
“Down on your luck, Brunt?”
Brunt peered through the frippering at an overhang, which was where the deep voice had come from.
After a moment, he made out the face through the forcefield that kept the area under the overhang completely dry.
Gaila. Another member of that tiresome family.
“What do you want, Gaila?”
“To talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Oh, I think you do.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a strip of latinum. He tossed it through the semipermeable forcefield, and it landed in the muck at Brunt’s feet. “Come on in.”
Brunt bent over to pick up the slip without thinking. Even as he did so, he considered just taking the slip and continuing on his merry way. What could I possibly have to say to him?
Then he remembered that Gaila had worked on behalf of Chek and Dav also—he was the one who brought Zek back from Risa. And unlike Chek or Dav, Gaila was actually speaking to him.
I’m willing to at least hear him out.
He put the slip in the receptacle next to the overhang. The forcefield went down for a moment, and Brunt stepped in.
As the forcefield reactivated, Brunt pulled his handkerchief out of his jacket—or, rather, he pulled out the handkerchief he’d snuck into his jacket pocket when the FCA came to take all his assets away—and wiped his head and eyes. “I’m listening. Now what could the cousin of the Grand Nagus possibly have to say to me?”
“Believe me, Brunt, I’ve got no love for my cousin—either of them. But I’m not a part of their insanity. When we first met, you referred to me as a failure—but that’s only because I was foolish enough to bring Quark into my weapons business. Up until then, I was doing so well I was considering retirement.” He smiled. “Now, it seems, you’re the failure—but you don’t have to be.”
Brunt rolled his eyes. “Is this what that slip you gave me buys? Your life story followed by insults?”
“You know the Rules, Brunt—‘A wise man can hear profit in the wind.’ ”
“Well, you’re certainly creating a lot of it,” Brunt muttered.
Gaila smiled. “I’ll get right to the point, then. I don’t have any connection to Chek or Dav. They just hired me to bring Zek back from Risa. I took the job because they paid me handsomely. Between that, the investments I made after we rescued Ishka, and the fee from some negotiating I did for a race called the Petraw, I’m starting to rebuild my portfolio. And I’ve still got plenty of contacts—but I could use a new partner. There are plenty of opportunities out there—ones that could use an ex-liquidator’s assistance.”
Obviously Gaila suffered from the same mental deficiency as the others in his wretched family. “I’ve been banned by the FCA. You can’t do business with me.”
Gaila shook his head and laughed. “The FCA’s reach doesn’t extend very far beyond the Alliance’s boundaries. And believe me, my business takes me very far beyond the Alliance’s boundaries.”
Brunt stared at Gaila’s tiny eyes and large nose, and thought back to his perusals of the financial records relating to Ishka and her family back when he first investigated her five years earlier. He remembered then that Gaila was a highly successful weapons dealer, working with a now-dead human named Hagath. He wasn’t a close enough relation to gain Brunt’s notice then, nor the other times he investigated Quark and his family of lunatics.
From the sound of it, Gaila has about as much use for Quark and his close relatives as I do. No reason to let his family stand in the way of my opportunity. “Tell me more,” Brunt said.
“Of course—but not here. Let’s go into that tongo parlor—have a few drinks, play a few rounds, and speak as businessmen.”
Brunt’s face fell. “I can’t—the owner just kicked me out.”
“For me, he’ll let you in.” Hitting Brunt a little too hard on the shoulder, Gaila grinned. “Who do you think sold him that Minosian rifle?”
At that, Brunt found himself forced to smile. Then he grinned. Then he laughed.
So did Gaila.
They exited the dryness of the overhang and headed straight for the tongo parlor, Gaila’s arm around Brunt’s shoulder even as they stepped out into the rain.
“Gaila,” Brunt said as the frippering once again got into his eyes, “this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
Selections From
the Ferengi Rules
of Acquisition
by Grand Nagus Gint
These are excerpts from The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, published centuries ago by the first Grand Nagus, Gint. A more complete list is available in the book The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition by Quark, as dictated to Ira Steven Behr, and a list with commentary can be found in Legends of the Ferengi, also by Quark, as dictated to Behr & Robert Hewitt Wolfe, both available at finer merchants everywhere.
Each Rule comes with a citation for the chronicles in which the Rule was quoted. “[DS9]” indicates an episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, “[VOY]” indicates an episode of Star Trek: Voyager.
1. Once you have their money, you never give it back. (“The Nagus” [DS9])
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. (“The Nagus” [DS9])
7. Keep your ears open. (“In the Hands of the Prophets” [DS9])
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. (“The Storyteller” [DS9])
16. A deal is a deal—until a better one comes along. (“Melora” [DS9], The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition)
17. A contract is a contract is a contract—but only between Ferengi. (“Body Parts” [DS9])
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. (“Heart of Stone” [DS9], “Ferengi Love Songs” [DS9])
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed. (The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition)
> 20. He who dives under the table today lives to profit tomorrow. (Worlds of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Volume Three—Ferenginar: Satisfaction Is Not Guaranteed)
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind. (“Rules of Acquisition” [DS9], “False Profits” [VOY])
25. You pay for it, it’s your idea. (Worlds of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Volume Three—Ferenginar: Satisfaction Is Not Guaranteed)
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi’s mother—insult something he cares about instead. (“The Siege” [DS9], The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition)
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss. (“Rules of Acquisition” [DS9])
53. Never trust anybody taller than you. (Mission: Gamma Book 1: Twilight)
58. There is no substitute for success. (The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition)
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit. (“Rules of Acquisition” [DS9], “Little Green Men” [DS9], “Business As Usual” [DS9])
75. Home is where the heart is—but the stars are made of latinum. (“Civil Defense” [DS9])
88. It ain’t over till it’s over. (Worlds of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Volume Three—Ferenginar: Satisfaction Is Not Guaranteed)
94. Females and finances don’t mix. (The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, “Ferengi Love Songs” [DS9], “Profit and Lace” [DS9])
95. Expand or die. (“False Profits” [VOY])
97. Enough is never enough. (The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition)
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all. (The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition)
139. Wives serve; brothers inherit. (“Necessary Evil” [DS9])
168. Whisper your way to success. (“Treachery, Faith, and the Great River” [DS9])
190. Hear all, trust nothing. (“Call to Arms” [DS9])
200. A Ferengi chooses no side but his own. (Worlds of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Volume Three—Ferenginar: Satisfaction Is Not Guaranteed)
208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer. (“Ferengi Love Songs” [DS9])
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