by Melissa Hill
‘I know work is difficult; that’s another reason why I think we need this trip. This isn’t just for Kim’s sake, Ed, it’s for ours, too. We’ve hardly spent any time together lately.’ She stepped towards him and he pulled her close. ‘I miss you.’
Colette didn’t often let her insecurities show. She didn’t like being a burden on others, especially her husband, who she knew needed her to be strong. How could she put her concerns on him when he had so many of his own?
‘I’m sorry,’ he apologised again. ‘I promise, after things settle with this IPO thing, I will make a conscientious effort to devote more time for us.’ He turned back to the invite. ‘Why don’t we just fly over there on the day of the launch, instead of before? I’m sure Kim wouldn’t mind; the important thing is we’re there at all, isn’t it?’
Colette nodded. ‘OK, sounds fair. But I meant what I said, Ed. This is important – an opportunity to spend time together in a more relaxing way.’
And with luck, she added silently, maybe the necessary break we need in order to conceive.
‘That’s settled then, but first things first, OK? Once the IPO is over, everything will change, my love, I promise.’
She didn’t doubt his words and knew he had nothing but the best intentions. The problem was that things never got easier or settled when it came to his work. He just couldn’t help himself. Being the best was both a blessing and a curse. He didn’t know how to lose or to slow down.
She supposed it was why he was so successful, though. Ed always got what he wanted.
He always had to win.
Chapter 7
Then
‘Mum, what are you doing?’ Colette asked, coming in the back door of her family’s small terraced home in Brighton.
‘What does it look like?’ Miriam Turner replied in a voice raspy from chemotherapy.
It had been four years since her mum’s diagnosis, though for Colette, it had felt like a lifetime.
She could only watch helplessly as cancer ravaged her mother’s body, reducing her from a somewhat plump, pink-cheeked woman into the pale wraith she was now. Still, by some grace, Miriam maintained her smile despite it all.
‘You’re cooking? Why? Let me do it.’ Colette rushed to take over.
Before her illness, Miriam had worked tirelessly at the bakery she set up in the town with her husband, Emmett, and occupied what little free time she had volunteering at the church or hospital near their home.
She’d done her utmost to maintain her way of life for as long as she could, but eventually the chemotherapy and radiation treatment took its toll, her red hair turned light and thin, and eventually began to disappear.
It was then that Miriam had been forced to admit to herself that life wasn’t going to be the same. The whole family had to. Eventually, she let Colette, her eldest, shave her head and handed over the responsibility for the house and business to a girl in her mid-twenties. It was a brave move for them both – until then Colette had spent most her life in books, and was suddenly forced out into the real world.
The adjustment had been uncomfortable and had taken quite a bit of time, but at least her father was there to help her through it.
Until that changed, too.
A few months after Miriam was diagnosed, Emmett began to falter. He spent more and more time away from home, unable to watch his wife deteriorate. Everyone could see it, but no one ever thought he’d just up and leave. Less than a year after his wife’s diagnosis and well into her treatment, he moved out.
And by the time another year had gone by, he’d initiated official separation proceedings.
Now, Miriam shooed her daughter away gently and smiled.
‘Didn’t you hear what the doctor said today?’ she insisted as she continued stirring the contents of the pot she was standing over.
‘Mum,’ Colette challenged, but her mother ignored her entirely.
‘Set your stuff down. How was your walk?’ she asked as she carried on about her business while Colette stood there, dumbfounded as always at her mother’s determination.
When Emmett left, Miriam had wished her former husband well and then refocused her energy on the rest of her family. Colette’s younger sister, Noelle, was about to leave for university and had almost deferred her entry, but Miriam wouldn’t hear of it.
By then, Colette had completed her own time at University of Essex. She missed her sister and she missed college life and her old friends.
Instead, she’d stepped into the kind of responsibility she’d never imagined, especially after her father relinquished his share in the bakery, leaving the running of the business entirely up to her.
Miriam had arranged someone to take over the bookkeeping and day-to-day administration, while Colette baked and worked on recipes with her mother’s guidance, keeping things going when her mother no longer had the strength to stay involved.
Yesterday Miriam wouldn’t have dared challenge her about housework, but today was different. Earlier, incredible news had been delivered by the oncologist. Her cancer was in remission.
Colette could hardly believe it. After four long years of relentless treatment, her mother had finally overcome the disease.
Even though they both could see Miriam looked much better than she had in years, Colette felt running the household was still her responsibility and one she took pride in.
But since today’s news, her mother was apparently ready to dive right back into her life, starting with making dinner.
She slipped out of her jacket and hung it on a hook by the door. ‘It was good,’ she answered with a smile as she inspected the ends of her hair. ‘I went to the beach.’
She twirled the large waves that had wound into curls at the end around her finger distractedly as she took a seat at the heavy wooden kitchen table. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d just sat there and did nothing. It was weird.
‘Why don’t you go get changed into your PJs?’ Miriam suggested as she glanced over her shoulder at her.
‘PJs? Mum, it’s only dinnertime,’ she answered incredulously.
‘Tonight you will do what I say,’ her mother insisted with a smile. ‘Go get changed, have a shower or a long bath, even, eat the lovely dinner I’ve prepared, then settle yourself on the couch to watch a movie and eat popcorn with me.’
Miriam was often tired and went to bed early, while Colette stayed up and read or sometimes wrote in her diary. This would be the first time in years that the pair of them would do something so mundane or simple together, and the idea appealed enormously.
The water heater was working again, allowing Colette to enjoy a warm bath for a change. It had taken her several weeks to get the money together to pay for its repair, but now it was fine.
She lay in the warm water, thinking about the latest turn in events.
Remission. It was a word with a lot of power.
For years her whole life had become a routine centred entirely around Miriam’s illness. Now it seemed that centre was no more, and while of course she was thrilled by her mother’s news, Colette couldn’t deny she felt a bit lost, too.
Tears started in her eyes as she released the emotions she’d withheld for so long. Worry about her mother’s illness, the pain of her father’s abandonment and her sister’s departure. Having no social life or companionship amid the pressure of running a business that was the sole means of her family’s survival.
She’d buried those feelings deep inside and now as she lay in the warm water, they were spilling out uncontrollably.
At that moment, she needed to cry, needed to release herself, so that for the first time in what felt like forever, she could just be Colette Turner, a young woman with no clue about anything and afraid of everything.
Still, a burning question loomed in her mind.
Now what?
When Colette emerged, she towelled the damp from her hair and dressed in her favourite pair of Snoopy pyjamas. She’d had them since she was a teenager
and though old and tatty, they were still a comfort – a reminder of a much simpler life.
When she returned to the kitchen a plate of beef stew with boiled potatoes and broccoli was waiting for her. There was even garlic bread.
‘Mum, you outdid yourself,’ she exclaimed.
Oh, she couldn’t wait. While she was a competent enough cook, her efforts weren’t a patch on Miriam’s, and she’d so missed her mother’s cooking. Especially stew – her favourite. Her heart softened, knowing that her mother was going all out on purpose.
‘It’s long overdue, love,’ Miriam replied gently, taking a seat at the table across from her. ‘Besides, you deserve it. You’ve done so much for me over the last few years. This is just a small thing to start making it up to you.’
‘Oh, Mum, of course there’s nothing to make up,’ she answered. ‘I just did what any daughter would do.’
‘And I’m so grateful, Colette,’ her mother responded. ‘I truly am. I don’t know how I would have made it through this if it weren’t for you.’
She could feel her cheeks growing hot. She wasn’t used to being the centre of attention, and even a compliment from her mother made her feel bashful. Miriam must’ve sensed this as she then changed the subject.
As expected, the food was delicious and Colette enjoyed every last morsel as she and her mother chatted about everything and nothing. It was incredible to see her so strong and bright, and she was hopeful that it would continue. She’d really missed being the daughter and her mother being her mum. It was nice to see the order put right again.
‘Movie time, then?’ she asked as she went to clear the table, but again Miriam shushed her away, insisting she’d do it.
‘Movie time.’
Chapter 8
That weekend, Noelle came home from uni to join in the celebrations, and there was a jovial feel in the house for the first time in years.
Again, Miriam fussed around the kitchen, this time insisting on baking fresh scones for her girls. And once more Colette floundered a little with this sudden reversal of roles, but since it made her mother happy, she was too. She sat at the kitchen table with Noelle as the three caught up.
‘Here you go.’ Her mum dropped a plate of warm currant scones on the table with a flourish. ‘Who’s for a fresh cuppa?’
‘Mum, there’s really no need to run around after us like this.’ Noelle caught Colette’s eye and smiled.
‘Only the best for my girls.’ She grinned, looking at them both. ‘And it’s about time.’
‘Mum, stop,’ Colette answered. ‘You’re the one who deserves the best.’
‘And I got it,’ her mother replied fondly.
‘The very best,’ Noelle agreed, nodding at Colette. ‘We’d all be lost without you, big sis.’
She really didn’t expect or want all this gratitude. And she wasn’t sure how to react to it.
Then her sister and mother exchanged a conspiratorial glance. ‘But now we think the same effort should be spent on you.’
Colette was confused. She eyed her family members suspiciously. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Should we tell her now?’ Noelle asked with a grin and Colette’s brow furrowed, feeling left out all of a sudden. What was going on?
‘What have you two been keeping from me?’
‘What I faced was no more than others have faced before me. It was nothing special,’ her mother continued. ‘You, though, love, you were special. You stepped up when there was no one else.’
‘Don’t …’ Colette stopped her, unwilling to bring the mood down with a discussion about her father. ‘Anyway, I’ve told you loads of times, I don’t want any thanks. I don’t need any.’
Miriam got to her feet and went to her eldest daughter. She crouched down and took Colette’s hand in her own, rubbing the back of her knuckles with the pad of her thumb. ‘Love, the past four years have been difficult for us all, of course, but for you most of all.’
‘That’s not true,’ Colette corrected. ‘You had to deal with chemo and radiation and all the worry that came with that …’ She could never bring herself to say the horrible ‘C’ word out loud.
Miriam looked at her tenderly. ‘I wish you’d stop interrupting me. I’m trying to tell you something but you refuse to let me.’
‘Sorry,’ she apologised as she resettled herself in her seat and gave her mother her full attention.
‘Thank you,’ she said with a smile. ‘Now, where was I?’
‘Difficult for everyone,’ Noelle insisted, her eyes watering.
‘That’s it. Colette, love, don’t think for a second I don’t appreciate the sacrifices you had to make. Like it or not, you had to move out of your comfort zone and take up the mantle in my place. You did what you had to in order for this family to be all right, and you never complained, never faltered in your determination to be there for me and do the best you could. Not once. In all the time I was going through treatment, or when I had to give the reins of the business over to you, you never failed me. You always did all you could. I’m more grateful for that than you’ll ever know.’
Her mother touched her cheek and Colette felt a rush of emotion. She didn’t need the praise, or at least she didn’t think so, but receiving it was nice all the same.
‘Thanks.’ Her smile faltered a little when she realised Noelle in the meantime had left the room. She hoped all this hadn’t made her sister uncomfortable, or worse, feel guilty for not being around for the worst of it.
But then she returned with an easy grin.
‘Do you have it?’ her mother asked, turning back to Noelle.
‘Sorry, it was in my bag,’ her sister said, producing an A4 envelope. She was smiling when she handed it to their mother.
‘Here you go.’ Miriam took the envelope and in turn handed it to Colette.
‘What’s this?’ she asked, confused.
‘Open it and see, silly,’ Noelle insisted.
Colette turned the envelope over in her hand, then proceeded to glide her finger under the seal to pry it open. Then she pulled the contents out and stared.
The brochures were a magnificent blaze of colour and light, and the scenery they presented was simply stunning. Azure oceans and groups of pastel houses tumbling down mountainside forests filled the pages, interspersed with images of sailboats on the water and delicious-looking cuisine.
‘Italy?’ Colette questioned, turning to the front of the brochure.
‘Yes, Italy,’ Noelle cheered. ‘You’ve always wanted to go there, haven’t you? You studied the language, after all.’
‘Well, yes,’ she replied hesitantly. ‘But I don’t understand …’
‘Open the white packet now,’ her mother chuckled.
Colette did as instructed, and pulled out a colourful green-and-red folder. Inside was an airline ticket with her name on it and the destination read ‘Naples’. Her eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped in shock. It couldn’t be.
Her gaze flew upwards to her sister and mother, and her words came out as a whisper, so fragile that if spoken too loudly the dream she was obviously in would shatter and she’d be sent right back to reality.
‘Really?’
‘Yes,’ her mother replied tearfully, as she took both of Colette’s hands in hers.
‘We’ve made all the arrangements,’ Noelle added, excitement raising the tone of her voice to almost a squeal. ‘You leave at the end of the month. Three weeks on the Amalfi Coast in sunny Italy.’
Colette couldn’t speak. She shook her head. ‘I can’t. I can’t go.’
‘Why not?’ Noelle asked, confused.
‘Who will take care of Mum and the bakery? The summer season is our busiest, you know that. Who will take care of things around here?’ It seemed as if her entire life had been her mother, the house and the business for so long that she couldn’t imagine a day without having to attend to them. Not even a day without responsibilities.
‘Love, I can take care of myself now.’
> ‘And I’ll be home for the summer.’
‘But—’
‘No buts,’ her sister interrupted. ‘You’re going on this trip and that’s that. I knew you’d try to find some reason not to. Didn’t I tell you, Mum?’
‘Yes, you did,’ their mother answered, a small smile on her face as she looked at each of them in turn. ‘Though we have to remember that for the past few years Colette’s been the lady of the house here,’ she explained. ‘She’s done it so much she’s forgotten that she has a life of her own. And now the world is out there for her to discover.’
‘Mum,’ Colette said, realising she was being well and truly cornered. Yes, the doctor said all was well with her illness, but it would take more than a couple of weeks until her mother was ready to take on the responsibilities of the life she’d been forced to relinquish. Was she really up to it? ‘Why do I have to go so soon?’
‘Because Noelle will be home from university by then. And to be honest, it was quite difficult to find a place for you to stay – that part of Italy is very busy over the summer months, apparently. The travel agent said that this was basically all we could get.’
Colette looked at her. So it seemed it was now or never. ‘Are you absolutely sure you’d be OK with this? With my leaving you on your own?’
‘I’ll be perfectly fine,’ her mother insisted. ‘Really.’
‘Hey, like I said, I’ll be here, too,’ Noelle added with some annoyance. ‘Stop being such a worrier, Colette. I can take care of Mum just as well as you. Things are different now. We’ll be fine, honestly. It’s time you got out there and lived some of those dreams you’re always banging on about.’
‘An escape,’ their mother said. ‘High time you had some fun back in your life and came out of your shell.’
‘And live it up a little, too,’ Noelle added with a grin. ‘Go and meet a nice Italian who’ll show you a good time.’
‘Well, maybe not too much of that,’ her mother cautioned automatically, though unlike Noelle she knew well that her eldest wasn’t much of party person. ‘But, love, it is definitely time to see what’s out there for you, don’t you think?’