by Melissa Hill
‘I should have more information soon,’ he was saying. ‘No, I think that should be enough for now. But let me know of any further developments.’
Another business deal, Colette mused, as she stepped inside the room. Ed noticed her immediately and moved to end the call. ‘Great, thanks, just make sure to keep me up to date.’
‘What are you still doing home?’ she asked.
‘I took the day off.’ He smiled.
Her shock was obvious. Ed never took days off for no reason; he rarely even called in sick.
‘What do you mean you took the day off?’
‘I thought my wife needed me more today than my clients. So I told them I’d be available for calls but wasn’t going to be in the office.’ He set his phone down on the kitchen island and walked towards her slowly. ‘Unless it’s an emergency, I’m all yours.’
Colette couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘Seriously?’
‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘I already called into work for you, too, and told them you won’t be in, so you don’t have to worry.’
Ed’s approach as he moved towards her was hesitant but Colette wasn’t upset anymore. She wasn’t going to keep going with the discussion. What was the point? It wasn’t as if their arguing about it was going to make any difference. The tests were still negative.
He wrapped his arms around her. ‘I’m so sorry, my love. About everything.’
Colette hugged him back. ‘I’m sorry, too,’ she said, a little taken aback by the hollowness in her voice and the numbness she felt as she spoke. The longer she was disappointed and the more absent Ed was, the more alone and empty she felt. She’d hoped a baby would end the feeling, but even that was being denied to her.
‘So we’re going out for the day,’ he announced chirpily. ‘All you have to do is put on some comfortable shoes and we’re off.’
‘Where are we going?’ she asked. She didn’t understand this. This wasn’t the Ed she knew. Her husband didn’t just take her out on spur-of-the-moment day trips.
‘Don’t worry about where. Trust me,’ he said with a smile. ‘Today, it’s all about us, Colette. Just you and me.’
Curiosity got the better of hunger, so she did as Ed asked, got a pair of ballet flats and her handbag, and followed him outside.
His driver was waiting with the car already running when she stepped out onto the street and then her husband followed with a picnic basket in hand.
‘Did you pack that?’ she asked. If he had then she’d fallen asleep in the bathroom for far longer than she’d thought.
‘No,’ he laughed. ‘I had something delivered. I’m sure you’ll like it, though.’
The drive to wherever he wanted to go was a long one. Traffic was especially bad from Belgravia and it took them over half an hour to really get moving.
As they drove along the Mall, Colette glanced up at the Queen Victoria Memorial standing prominently in marble, the golden angels with wings and hands raised to the heavens.
The Queen had nine children. The thought ran unbidden through her mind. She shook it away, needing to move away from that mindset.
That was what today was all about, apparently.
Chapter 29
The car dropped them off at St James’s Park and Ed took her hand as they walked inside. They’d never done anything like this before; he was usually way too busy during the week and what free weekends he did have were usually spent socialising or wining and dining various business contacts.
Time alone as a couple just never really seemed to happen, although Colette got more than enough time alone with herself.
Scarlet oaks and black mulberries were scattered throughout the park, and fig trees bordered the lake, which Ed had chosen as their picnic spot. He draped a light blue blanket on the grass and began to unpack the basket as Colette sat watching him, amazed. He was still unpacking the meal when she noticed the logo on the side of the basket.
‘Fortnum and Mason? You really went all out,’ she commented with a smile.
‘Nothing but the best,’ he answered as he lifted out the smoked salmon. Colette’s stomach gurgled afresh. She adored smoked salmon.
Her hunger was soon sated with the selection of mouth-watering delicacies Ed had chosen, each more delicious than the one before. They even shared a bottle champagne, which they made quick work of before they were ready for dessert.
Colette lay back on Ed’s chest and stared at the blue sky. It had been far too long since they’d enjoyed this kind of thing together. It was moments like these that she held onto. Moments she hoped would last. She knew that soon he’d be back to work and life would return to normal again, but hopefully this would keep her for a while. Food for a starving soul.
‘Thank you,’ she said simply.
‘You’re welcome,’ he replied. ‘I know it doesn’t make up for this morning, but I wanted you to know that I am sorry. I don’t – can’t – truly understand how you feel. I suppose having a child means a different thing to you than it does to me, and I’m sorry I told you to forget it. I had no right. I just don’t know how to handle seeing you in pain. I just want to fix it.’
‘You can’t fix this, Ed,’ Colette replied sadly. ‘It’s just one of those things. I want a baby, and we just can’t seem to have one. There’s nothing that can be done about it.’
‘Perhaps we could think about adoption …’
‘I don’t want to,’ Colette replied quickly. ‘We’ve been through this. I want to carry my own baby and I know that seems selfish given there are so many children in this world who want and need good families. I know that. But it doesn’t change the fact that I want to experience life growing inside me. I want to feel the fluttering, the kicks, and everything else that comes with being pregnant.’
‘Including swollen ankles and morning sickness?’
‘Yes, even that.’
‘I wish I could give you what you want, darling. I really wish I could.’
She smiled weakly. They ate dessert in relative silence as Colette watched the ducks on the lake. She was surprised at the number of people in the park at this time, midday (didn’t they have jobs to go to?), and then figured they were probably wondering the same thing themselves.
After the picnic was over, Colette and Ed ambled through Birdcage Walk. They were silent as they moved beneath the trees, only the sound of the passing traffic there to entertain them. They were about halfway down when Ed’s phone rang.
He looked at the display. ‘Sorry, darling, I need to take this.’
He handed her the basket and walked away, Colette watching him as he went. It seemed her husband spent more time leaving her than he did greeting her.
She lingered around the area as she waited for him to return, occupying herself by studying moss growing on the trees and the numerous knots in the barks, almost like knuckles on a hand. There was so much green around her. It was nice to see. Very different to her usual view of dull grey buildings from her office window. She wondered what was happening at work now.
‘Colette, I’m so very sorry, but—’
‘You have to go,’ she finished dully. Of course it wouldn’t last.
His face fell. ‘I’m so sorry, truly. I’ll call the car. I had told him to pick us up later but … Anyway, it shouldn’t take him long. I’ll have him drop you straight back home.’
‘Don’t bother,’ Colette replied as she handed Ed the basket. ‘I don’t feel like going home just yet. I think I’ll stay here for a while; I was so enjoying it.’
‘It’s an emergency,’ he told her, somewhat defensively now. ‘I have no choice.’
‘I understand,’ she said softly. ‘Honestly, go. I’ll head back in to watch the pelicans. I love them.’
‘I know,’ Ed replied. ‘I’m sorry I can’t come and look at them with you.’
‘Go – do what you do best,’ Colette replied sadly. ‘But I think I need to try something different today.’
Saying goodbye, she turned and bega
n the walk back to the lake. She sighed deeply as she strolled, willing the stress and pressure she felt to leave her.
It had been a day of such mixed emotions, most of them negative, but there were still enough hours left in the day she might be able to salvage.
By the time she returned home, it was evening and she found a note from Ed telling her he’d gone to Surrey to see a client and he’d be back late.
For once, she was fine with that. She wanted to be alone.
Colette settled on the couch in the living room with only the side lamp for light, tucked up with her box of memories – things that were always a balm to her soul.
It was not so much a box but an old-style suitcase that had belonged to her mother and one she’d had since she was a girl.
Sadly, and despite her apparent remission, Miriam Turner had died shortly after Colette’s return from Italy – something Colette had never quite got over. To think that she’d been lazing around in the sun and living it up in restaurants and on boats, and worst of all focusing on stupid, trivial things like a summer romance, when she could have had three more weeks with her mother.
Three precious weeks she’d never get back.
She cast her mind back to that summer when she’d returned to Brighton, and Miriam had been so full of excitement to know how the trip had gone that Colette hadn’t noticed how frail her mother had become in the meantime.
Or perhaps she’d just been too preoccupied with her own stupid worries at the time.
‘What was the food like?’ Miriam was especially interested to learn all about Italian cuisine, and whether they should take Colette’s new-found knowledge and incorporate it into their own business. ‘We could try a version of cannoli in the bakery, maybe, put our own spin on it … ?’
‘I think that would go down really well, Mum,’ Colette agreed, telling her all about zeppole, struffoli and some of the other pastries Luca had introduced her to, but her heart wasn’t in it.
When just weeks later, Miriam took to her bed with what Colette thought was just a bout of exhaustion, but passed away within days, life was once again completely up-ended.
And all Colette could think about was that they never had the chance to introduce the cannoli to the bakery.
She had been inconsolable as she sat by her beloved mother’s side while Miriam’s life slowly slipped away. Colette felt like the world had spun on its axis twice over.
Then her mother, her rock, was gone. Just like that.
She wasn’t prepared for the surreality of it and the absolute numbness she felt once Miriam had taken her last breath. It was like stepping off a rollercoaster and being completely unable to find your footing.
Four long years of worrying and keeping things going, followed by the sheer relief of the so-called remission – she should have known it was too good to be true.
Colette often wondered if maybe her mother had lied about her miraculous remission just to get her to spread her wings and live a little, but she would never know for sure.
She was so devastated and completely useless that Noelle had to step up to make all the necessary arrangements and deal with the doctors and funeral arrangements.
Ed had been her crutch throughout it all, though, and following Miriam’s death, a budding friendship that had begun in Italy turned into something more.
The trip had transformed Colette in more ways than one.
Inside the suitcase, were various bits and bobs from over the years, important mementos from special times in her life: two tickets to The Lion King musical, the first West End show Ed had taken her to, pictures of their summer trip to the Cotswolds a couple of years before.
Then she saw what she was looking for.
Nestled among the various photographs was a picture from that summer in Italy.
She was standing in front of Delfino with Mama Elene and Luca. He had his arm around her shoulder. She looked so happy.
Right then Colette made a decision. She wasn’t going to wait until the day of the launch to fly out to the Amalfi Coast, like Ed wanted.
She’d go on ahead on her own, and spend a bit of time with Kim and hopefully Annie before the night of the party, but more importantly in the place where once upon a time, she had truly felt happy.
‘Where are you now, I wonder?’ Colette whispered as she trailed her fingers over Luca’s image on the photograph.
Six years ago, but it felt like it was yesterday. Even now she could almost feel the weight of his strong arm across the back of her neck and the delicious scent of his skin. She wondered if he still religiously visited Delfino every day for his usual espresso.
And whether she should look for him there when she returned …
Chapter 30
Then
‘Where are we going?’ Colette enquired, as she and Luca drove along the coast in the dusk, the lights of the buildings twinkling below them like a group of fireflies swirling around the mouth of a cave.
He smiled mysteriously. ‘You’ll see. It’s a surprise.’
She smiled as she leaned back in her seat and looked out the window. The smile broadened when she felt Luca’s hand move over hers.
She was grateful that he hadn’t pushed her the other night, but had been certain that her reticence would be the end of his attentions. In fact, it had seemed to make him even keener.
‘Nicely played.’ Annie had high-fived her, when, mortified, Colette had told the others all about what she’d thought was a disastrous night out. ‘This Italian stallion has obviously met his match in you.’
She seemed to think that Colette was playing some kind of game but truly she wouldn’t even know where to start.
She just hoped Luca didn’t think the same. She was nothing if not honest and she didn’t believe in, or tolerate, deception of any kind.
But she was pleased her resistance hadn’t put him off and this time she decided if Luca tried to kiss her tonight she wasn’t going to stop him.
‘The restaurant at the pier again?’ she guessed, when he parked the car in the same location as before.
‘Something like that,’ he mumbled, as he got out and came around to open the door for her. He linked her arm in his. ‘Your chariot awaits.’
‘Chariot?’ she repeated, laughing, as he led her down to the water to where, this time, a small sailboat waited at the end of the pier. ‘What’s this?’
‘Your chariot,’ Luca said. He stepped on-board and then held out his hand to her.
Colette giggled, amazed, as she joined him on deck. ‘Can you really drive this?’ she asked dubiously.
He winked. ‘I would think so. She’s mine.’
‘You have a boat? Why didn’t you tell me that before?’
‘I just did.’
She watched as Luca cast off and stood in front of the wheel on the upper deck, guiding them out of port. Then she moved to stand beside him as the twilight spread out before them.
‘It’s getting dark out there,’ she commented as they pulled away from the reflections below the bay and further into the open waters.
‘That’s what’s so wonderful about it,’ Luca replied. ‘Out here the sky and the water become one. You can’t tell where one begins and one ends. It’s as if there is nothing at all but you and the universe.’
‘You’re something of a philosopher, aren’t you?’
‘Nothing of the sort at all,’ Luca replied. ‘I just know what I like and I spend my time doing it. That’s why I brought you out here. Someone I like, to share in something I like.’ His gaze turned on her as he spoke, and Colette felt a familiar flush rise from the tips of her toes all the way up her body.
‘Can I take a look around?’ she mumbled, keen to change the subject even though she was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to spot her embarrassment in the darkness.
He smiled. ‘Please – go ahead.’
The boat, though relatively small, was rather spacious on the inside. A small galley kitchen was to the immediate left as Colet
te descended the stairs, and a food storage area on the right.
Further inside the cabin was a compact lounge area with a table and some banquette seating, a toilet to the side of that, and further in a double bed occupied the bow area. A nervous lump formed in Colette’s throat the moment she saw that, but then the boat jerked in the water so she headed back up.
It was about half an hour before Luca dropped anchor, and once the boat was moored and all was calm, he invited her downstairs once again.
‘Have a seat,’ he requested as he began to roll up his sleeves. ‘Dinner will be served soon.’
He was cooking for her again, but this time Colette would get to watch him work. Luca truly had magnificent hands. The way they flew across the food as he prepared it. He had obviously learned a lot from his aunt. He had everything perfect, from preparation to plating, and Colette was enthralled by it. He could have been a professional. He should have been.
‘You’re really good at that,’ she commented as she watched him chop vegetables with deft skill and precision.
‘Thank you. I will teach you, if you like. Come here.’
She moved into the tiny kitchen space. He handed her the knife and positioned himself directly behind her.
‘It’s all in the placement of your fingers,’ he said, his voice low in her ear and sending automatic tingles up her spine. ‘You must move them like this,’ he stated as he curled his fingers over hers. ‘Then the knife is used in a rocking motion, the tip acting as your pivot point.’
There was something unashamedly sensual in what he was doing and Colette listened distractedly as she allowed his hands to guide her.
She wasn’t trying nearly as much as she was listening to how melodious that accent could make anything sound, and the way he spoke about food with such passion.
She could only begin to imagine what it would be like to feel those hands moving across her bare skin, and realised with a start that she badly wanted to.
Colette swallowed hard.