I smiled, but it wasn't my old Wynn smile, and she knew it. Our eyes locked and she regarded me with a sincere expression.
"I really think you should go tonight. I felt good about it when mom told me you were getting out of the house. I think you'll have fun if you just make yourself do it."
"Since when are you such a big fan of me going out?"
"Since never." She paused and shrugged. "Mom told me you were going, and I felt like it was a good thing, that's all. I was happy to hear you were getting out of the house."
I glanced into the living room and narrowed my eyes at my mother. "Did she tell you I was still in my pajamas?" I asked figuring out why Alex had "unexpectedly" dropped by.
Alex smiled and shrugged. "Maybe. She wants to see you have fun with your friends. We both do. We're not used to sad Wynn. She's new to us, and we'd like to send her back to Austin and have happy Wynn back."
I let out a little humorless laugh. "Happy Wynn's in here somewhere," I said. "I'll find her after enough Ben and Jerry's."
Alex laughed as she reached out to pinch my side. "You need some Ben and Jerry's," she said. "You're looking like Mrs. Lewis." (Mrs. Lewis was one of our high school English teachers who was virtually skin and bones.) I had never been compared to her before, and the comment made me let out a laugh, one that was slightly more genuine than the others that came before it.
"I don't knowwww," I said, stretching.
My sister knew that I was saying I didn't know if I could muster up the desire to go to New Orleans, and she reached out to rub my belly as I stretched.
"Go," she said. "Take that first step. Get out of the house. You'll be glad you did."
I gave her a tired smile as I stared at her, and she reached out and pinched my cheek. "Get dressed and go," she said. "You got to start living again sometime, it might as well be tonight."
I let out a sigh since I already had my brain all wrapped around staying home.
She smacked my bottom, and I let out a little yelp. "Do it," she said. "You already have plans. Just stick with them."
I let out another long sigh as I turned to head to my bedroom. My mom knew exactly why Alex had come over there, so she smiled knowingly at me as I crossed the living room headed for the stairs. I narrowed my eyes at her, which only made her smile broaden.
"Give me a minute to talk to Mom, and I'll come visit while you're getting dressed!" Alex called as I walked up the stairs.
I nodded, wondering why in the world I had just agreed to get dressed to go out when it was just about the last thing I wanted to do. Alex was normally the one worried about me—the one who warned me about going out, and always made sure I carried a bottle of mace. I wondered why she had her heart set on me going to meet Claire that evening, and I asked her as much while we were upstairs. She said she just had a feeling that I wouldn't regret going—that she thought I'd regret staying more than going, and she felt like she needed to tell me that. She even went as far as to say she had "a peace" with me going that night, and I had to laugh at her for bringing God into it.
I was glad she came upstairs while I was getting dressed. We had some good sister time. I had just cut about 8 inches off of my hair, and she helped me style it. It now rested just above my shoulders instead of halfway down my back, and I wasn't quite used to dealing with it. Alex helped me put loose waves all over with a curling iron, and I turned upside-down and shook it out, causing it to stand on end. I knew it would fall by itself, so I sprayed it and left it like that.
My sister and mom both seemed really relieved by my willingness to do something edgy with my hair—like it was a symbol that I was returning to my old self. I wore a pair of shorts with a loose black top that hung off of one shoulder, exposing my pink tank top. I added an assortment of necklaces and bracelets and finished the look with bubble gum pink Chuck Taylors that matched my tank top. Mom and Alex were pleased as punch with themselves for their hand in my choice of outfit even though I put the whole thing together myself. I think they were just happy that I was finally getting out of the house and looked a little bit like my old self.
It took me nearly an hour to drive to my destination in New Orleans, and I thought about turning around the entire time. I stayed the course and arrived at the restaurant not long after the band was scheduled to start.
I was meeting Claire, along with some people from her work at a restaurant where a jazz band was playing. We studied jazz history and played in an ensemble during college, so Claire had an affinity for it, and I liked it, too. Besides, Alex was right; I needed to get out of the house. I smiled as I walked into the restaurant, hearing familiar jazz chords playing.
Chapter 9
Jackie B's was a popular steakhouse that had live jazz two times a week. New Orleans was famous for brass bands that played up-tempo songs for dancing and marching in parades, but Jackie B's always had regular jazz bands who played standards and ballads, more like background music.
I could see the stage from the door when I walked in, and I took note that it was a four-piece band with drums, bass, piano, and sax. I recognized the pianist as a guy named Chris Jefferies, and knew he had been the one who put the band together.
They were playing without a singer, which was pretty typical since most of the tunes they played were instrumental pieces anyway. I had been checking out the band so intently that it took me by surprise when the hostess approached me with a quizzical look on her face.
"Are you meeting someone?" she asked, smiling at me.
I used to know a few people who worked at Jackie B's, but this girl didn't look familiar to me. "I'm meeting Claire King and a group, but I'm not sure what name the table is under."
Her smile broadened. "Of course, Claire told me she had another friend joining them," she said. "She's over in the corner booth." She waved for me to follow her, and I did, thinking the whole time about how weird it was that I'd been out of this loop for two whole years. Life went on without me. Claire and the group from her work were sitting in a huge, circular booth in the far corner of the room.
I made eye contact with Chris (who was sitting at the piano but not playing since the bassist was taking a solo). We smiled at each other instantly, but then he recognized me, and his smile broadened as he added a little wave. I waved back as I followed the new girl toward the booth.
Claire made a few people get out of the way so she could scoot to the edge of the booth and stand up to meet me. "Oh my goodness, you look so beautiful!" she said, hugging me. "I'm so glad you decided to come."
I hugged her back. "You look great, too," I said.
We scooted into the booth and she introduced me to the people at the table. I already knew two of them, but there were three others I had never met.
"I didn't know Chris was playing tonight," I said.
"Yeah, and you know Gino," she added.
I glanced at the stage and realized I did know the drummer as well. We talked about music in between listening to the band and eating appetizers. Part of me wanted to be back home in my pajamas, but part of me was glad I had gotten out. Of all the things I could have been doing, this was a good option. I was comfortable with Claire and her friends. I knew I could just sit there and watch the music if I wanted. I didn't need to entertain anyone.
I had been there for about an hour when Chris Jefferies stood up to introduce the band. All of us sitting around the table stopped talking so we could applaud as he stated the names and credentials of each band member. He said the band would be there every second Saturday of the month and that we should all come back to see them next time. "Our next song was written by the late great Miles Davis and is called So What," Chris said, finishing up his speech. A few people cheered at that, which made him pause and smile. "After that, we'll play one called Fever. I played it one time with a friend of mine named Wynn Martin, who happens to be here tonight. We had a lot of fun with it, and I'd like to do it again if she could come join us on stage."
"Whatchu goin' do if she
don't come?" the drummer yelled out, teasing Chris and making everyone laugh.
Chris put the mic up to his mouth and squinted around the restaurant as if searching for me. "I guess imma hafta sing it myself if she don’t come," he said in an extremely reluctant, silly way.
He knew me well enough to know I would never leave him hanging. I had performed with him at least a dozen times in the past, and as far as he was concerned, inviting me on stage was something I'd be thankful for—a sure bet.
Everyone sitting near me at the booth started nudging me and carrying on as if his invitation was the most exciting thing that could have happened. I wasn't ready for this yet, but I made myself do it for fear of embarrassing Chris.
I smiled and waved to him and he faked a little swoon from center stage as if he was thankful I had agreed. "This next one's called So What," he mumbled with a little smile before hanging the mic in its stand and making his way back to the piano.
I had approximately five minutes to get myself together and make my way to the stage. Marcus's words came back to me, threatening to shake my confidence. I started thinking maybe I could go up there and tell Chris I had laryngitis or something. The only saving grace was that I knew the song Fever forward and backward. It fit my voice well and was one I had performed tons of times.
It was still extremely difficult to stand up and walk over there. I said a little prayer while I was on my way, asking for the strength to get through this. I made it to the edge of the stage just as the Miles Davis song was ending.
Chris winked at me as I carried the mic and stand to the center of the stage. I considered carrying the mic by itself, but I loved using a stand so that I could fidget and gesture about while I was singing. Those types of things had always been part of my stage presence in the past. I thought about changing it up since I felt like I'd been changed in general, but my hands just wouldn't cooperate with leaving the mic stand at the edge of the stage. I was smiling at myself as I took my position in the center of the stage and placed the mic into its clip. I cleared my throat before looking at Chris as I spoke into the mic.
"I wasn't expecting to sing tonight," I said, my voice coming out more tentatively than I expected. I cleared my throat again as I smiled and squinted into the stage lights. It had only been a couple of weeks since my last gig, but it felt like a lifetime. Being up there in front of an audience seemed somehow foreign and new. "So, I didn't have my lemon-water."
The crowd responded to my dry sense of humor with a round of laughs that made me feel slightly better.
I smiled. "These guys sound amazing tonight, don't they?"
The audience clapped and cheered, and I took a second to turn around and greet each of the members of the band with a smile. "Hey Wynn," Gino said from behind the drum kit. I smiled and waved at him before facing the audience again.
"I guess we're gonna do Fever for you guys, so here goes nothin'—" I said, but even as I started talking, the guy playing upright bass started plucking away at his instrument, making that familiar series of notes at the beginning of the song.
"Sounds like Fever to me," I said, smiling as I situated myself in front of the mic stand.
The bass player continued to play several rounds before the drummer joined him. I let them play an intro for longer than the original recording, and then I joined them by snapping for a round or two before I came in with the vocals. There was a small round of applause from my snapping alone, which helped me out since I was feeling somewhat self-conscious at the moment. I smiled a little as I closed my eyes and began to sing.
"Never know how much I love you,
Never know how much I care,
When you put your arms around me,
I get a fever that's so hard to bear.
You give me fever when you kiss me,
Fever when you hold me tight,
Fever in the morning,
A fever all through the night."
It was a song I had performed so many times that I just sort of relaxed and fell into the lyrics headfirst. I sang the whole first verse with my eyes closed, but I smiled and opened them when everyone broke into applause. People always loved it when they'd been listening to an instrumental band and a singer came up on stage. It wasn't necessarily because I was an amazing vocalist or anything, but the audience was certainly reacting as if that was the case, and I smiled, remembering how much I enjoyed the thrill of performance. I opened my eyes and looked all around, enjoying myself even though I totally thought I wouldn't.
"Sun lights up the daytime," I sang, continuing the second verse.
"Moon lights up the night,
I light up when you call my name,
And you know I'm going to treat you right.
You give me fever when you kiss me,
Fever when you hold me tight,
Fever in the morning,
A fever all through the night."
Gino, the drummer, had been playing little low drumbeats on cue while I was singing, and I danced and gave the crowd some shoulder action during the places when he did that, which they loved. I glanced back at him, and we shared a conspiratorial smile.
It was right after I glanced at Gino that it happened.
As soon as I turned and looked back into the restaurant, I saw him.
Ryan.
Ryan Collins.
My Ryan.
I was so stunned that it didn't even register that I should be singing. We were at the bridge and I had already missed the opportunity to sing the entire first part.
"Everybody's got the fever,
that is something you all know," was completely skipped, and I had to catch up at,
"Fever isn't such a new thing,
Fever started long ago."
Thankfully, there was a little drum and bass solo before it was time for me to sing the third verse. I continued to snap and smile and act casual even though my heart was about to beat right out of my chest.
Ryan.
He was there.
I wanted to jump off of the stage and go running into his arms. I wanted to cry and beg him to forgive me for being so stupid two years ago. He glanced at the stage, and instantly made eye contact with me. My eyes were locked with his when I sang.
"Romeo loves Juliet,
Juliet she felt the same,
When he put his arms around her,
He said Julie baby you are my flame,
Thou giveth fever,
when we kisseth,
Fever with thy flaming youth,
Fever I'm on fire,
Fever, yeah, I burn forsooth."
I sang the whole verse to him before he broke eye contact with me. It wasn't until he leaned over to speak to the girl next to him that I realized she was standing there. I could see, even from a distance that she had dark hair and dark eyes and resembled, well, me. I was staring straight at my replacement, and the sight of them together made me feel all buzzy and nervous inside.
There was a whole verse about Captain Smith and Pocahontas, which I mostly skipped in favor of letting the band play. I chimed in with some intermittent skatting and dancing, but opted for basically skipping that verse while I tried not to stare at Ryan and his date.
They seemed to be in a serious conversation, and I wondered if Ryan was considered leaving now that he had seen me. I couldn't let him leave. There was no way I could be in the same room with him and just let him walk away.
I started in on the last verse as the hostess led them to a booth in the center of the restaurant.
"Now you've listened to my story,
Here's the point that I have made,
Chicks were born to give you fever,
Be at Fahrenheit or centigrade,
They give you fever when you kiss them,
Fever if you live and learn,
Fever till you sizzle,
What a lovely way to burn,
What a lovely way to burn,"
I continued saying, "What a lovely way to burn," A few more t
imes, getting softer and softer each time. I was dancing and smiling and really getting into it with the other band members, which made the crowd respond with whoops and yells and catcalls.
They erupted in applause as soon as we ended the song, and I laughed and bowed before turning to gesture to the musicians behind me.
Chris stood from his piano to hug me before I walked away. "Everybody give it up for Wynn Martin!" I heard him say as I stepped off the stage.
Chapter 10
The whole thing was like a dream. I waved to the audience as I stepped off the stage, but I was on autopilot, and it felt a bit like I was standing outside my own body.
I had no choice but to walk by Ryan's table on the way back to my own, so I did the only logical thing. I went to the restroom instead. I could not catch my breath, let alone carry on a decent conversation. I felt like a panting dog as I made my way through the restaurant toward the restrooms, which were situated by the bar.
"Soundin' good, Wynn Dixie," Kiesha, the bartender said as I approached the hallway that led to the ladies room. She had been working there for years, and we had always gotten along well.
I said, "Thank you," and smiled and waved to her as I walked by.
There was at least one person in the bathroom stalls, but I was the only person at the vanity, so I just stood there, looking at myself in the mirror as I leaned on the sink.
Ryan had changed so much since the last time I saw him. There I was, falling in love with the memory of him, and he shows up looking way better than I expected. I had seen a recent picture of him, but it was a whole different ballgame seeing him in person. He had some product in his hair, which made it seem darker than it used to be, in turn making his eyes appear even lighter. All this, I could see from across the room. He was also bigger, and somehow more confident looking, and he wore nicely tailored grown-up man clothes. He was a presence in the room where a younger Ryan might have been overlooked. The more I thought about what he looked like, the more I psyched myself up not to go back out there.
My One Regret (Martin Family Book 3) Page 6