by M. S. Parker
He shook his head, his eyes a dark, stormy gray. “I want to take it slow.”
Oh.
He stood, reaching down to take my hand. He pulled me to my feet and the two of us walked upstairs and into our room. Once inside, he peeled off his shirt, revealing the sculpted torso and narrow hips that made my mouth water. I'd loved the way Allen had been built, but Jasper's body was equally as delicious.
I was so distracted by him that he was lowering his boxer-briefs when I finally remembered that I was still fully clothed. As he straightened, he smirked at me, the sort of self-satisfied smile that said he knew exactly what I'd been doing and that he enjoyed knowing it.
I started to reach for the bottom of my shirt, but his hands covered mine, stopping me. I raised my hands above my head and let him pull the shirt over and off. He let it drop to the floor and then stood there, looking at me with a hungry expression on his face.
“I'll never get tired of this,” he said as he lightly ran his fingers along my collarbone, then down along my bra. “Seeing you. Touching you.” He cupped my breast over my bra. “Knowing you're mine.”
If he'd told me that before I'd read his journal, read how he'd felt about me for all these years, I would've appreciated the remark, but I couldn't have understood the enormity of what he meant. Now, I got it. Knowing how long, how patiently he'd waited for me, never knowing if he'd even have a chance to tell me how he felt, or if he did, if I'd return the feelings...it was almost overwhelming. I'd never doubted the depth of Allen's love for me, and I knew I could believe as strongly in what Jasper felt for me.
“How did I get so lucky?” I asked as I reached out and put my hand over his heart. “Most people think they're fortunate if they find one person who can love them the way I've been loved. And I've had two.”
He covered my hand with his and held it there for a moment before pulling my hand up to kiss the palm. He released my hand and reached around behind me to open my bra clasp. He pulled it off and covered my breasts with his hands. His fingers moved over the soft flesh, and his thumbs ran back and forth across my nipples until the darker flesh was hard and tight.
“I imagined doing this so many times,” he said, his gaze still on my breasts. “Touching you like this, seeing your body respond to me.”
Heat unfurled in my belly, spreading out and around, saturating my skin, my muscles, every part of me. When he lowered his head and flicked his tongue across my nipple, I moaned.
“On the bed,” he said, lifting his head.
I sat down on the edge and then pushed myself back until I was in the middle. He crawled up next to me, his movements graceful, sensual. Allen hadn't been awkward, but there was just something about the way Jasper moved that would've made me think of sex, even if he hadn't been naked.
He stretched himself out over my body, his bare skin pressed against my jeans, then against my bare skin. He placed open-mouthed kisses up my stomach, and then across my breasts, teeth and lips pulling at my skin until it turned pink. He sucked skin into his mouth and I ran my fingers through his hair, holding him at my breast as he marked me. His fingers were at my waist, fingers teasing at the flesh just below the edge of my jeans.
I gasped as he closed his mouth over my nipple. He sucked on it hard enough to make me cry out, back arching. Each pull was like a bolt of electricity straight to my core. Then he switched to the other, the air suddenly cold against my wet skin. His fingers were at work between us, deftly undoing my button and zipper. He raised himself up on one arm without breaking suction. His teeth scraped back and forth over my nipple as he shoved his hand into my pants, fingers working their way over my panties until they were pressed against the damp cotton.
“So wet,” he murmured as he rubbed my clit though the material.
My eyes closed and his mouth returned to where it had been, teeth sharp as they nipped, tongue soothing. His fingers continued to apply that wonderful friction and my body began to tighten, building towards climax.
And suddenly I was there, crying out his name as I ground down on his hand, desperate for more. He pressed his fingers harder against me, his mouth suddenly at my ear.
“That's it, baby. Come on my hand. I love knowing that I brought you here with just my fingers.” He bit my earlobe and my body jerked. “Now I'm going to bring you with my mouth, lick every inch of you until you're writhing with pleasure.”
Fuck.
Before I could even consider how to respond to what he'd said, he was sliding down my body, pulling my jeans and panties off in the same smooth motion. He tossed them over his shoulder as he grabbed my ankles and pulled my legs apart. I didn't have time to be embarrassed by the sudden exposure because he was right there, desire clearly written on his face.
“I used to wonder about what you tasted like,” he said. He pressed his lips against the inside of my thigh. “Wonder what it would be like to feel you come against my mouth.”
I shivered. Jasper had never talked like this before, not about how he'd felt before. Maybe it had been Allen's letter saying that he wanted me to take care of Jasper, or maybe it had been him letting me read his journal, but something had changed to make him feel comfortable saying these things. Whatever the reason, I liked it. Not just because the things he was saying made me feel wanted, but because I wanted to know him, know how he felt and thought.
He ran the flat of his tongue across the sensitive skin and another shiver went through me. He wrapped his hands around my thighs, holding me in place as he pressed his mouth against me. I cried out, my body attempting to move, but his grip was tight, preventing me from going anywhere.
He was relentless, tongue sliding between my folds, dipping into me before moving up to tease my swollen clit. Each touch sent a new ripple of pleasure through me and then I was coming, my muscles tensing as the orgasm caught me by surprise. I grabbed the comforter in my fists, pulling at it as Jasper continued to lick even as I came. One climax rolled into another the moment his lips covered my clit and started to suck.
“Please, Jas,” I began to beg as my body shook. “Please, please, please...” I wasn't even sure what I was begging for, only that I didn't think I could take much more.
I let out a half-sob of relief as he raised his head. He kissed my hip, then moved up until he was laying next to me. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him, holding me until I stopped trembling.
“Do you have any idea what that does to me?” He pressed his lips against the top of my head. His voice was soft, his touch gentle as he ran his fingers over my shoulders. “Seeing you come apart like that. Hearing you say my name.”
I ran my fingers across his chest, smiling as I scraped my nails over his nipple and he hissed. I moved my hand lower, across his flat stomach, and then wrapped my fingers around his cock. He made a sound halfway between a growl and a moan as I gripped him, rubbing my thumb across his soft skin.
“I love knowing that I make you hard,” I said then kissed his chest. “I love hearing you say my name.”
“Shae,” he murmured, his hands tightening on my shoulders.
I looked up at him as I started to stroke his cock, my hand moving up and down his thick shaft in a slow and steady rhythm. Our eyes met, and he held my gaze for what felt like an eternity, like nothing existed outside of us, the feel of his body against mine, my hand moving over him.
Then, suddenly, he surged upright and pulled me across his lap. My legs automatically went on either side of him as he gripped my waist and held me up so that the tip of him was brushing against my entrance. He stretched his arm up along my spine, balancing me even as he slowly lowered me onto him.
My eyes closed as he entered me and he stopped.
“Open your eyes.” His voice held an edge of something dark, almost dangerous.
I did and swallowed hard at the look on his face. It was full of raw emotions. Lust and desire that made every part of me heat up. Love so strong that it felt like I couldn't contain it all. And a possessi
veness that twisted that primal part of me that wanted him to claim me.
We watched each other as my body slid down onto him, each inch bringing us that much closer to being joined as intimately as two people could be. My breath was coming in short pants by the time he was fully inside me, my body feeling like it had been stretched to the limit.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands settled at the small of my back, waiting for me to adjust to the overly full feeling that always came with having him inside me. I began to rock against him and he responded, his body moving with mine. There were no deep, penetrating thrusts, but he was pressed against everything, every nerve singing with the pressure and friction of our dance. Neither of us spoke, letting our bodies say what we knew we had no words to express.
As my body began to tighten, he reached up and put his hand on my cheek, his thumb sliding into my mouth. I sucked on it, ran my teeth along the pad, circled it with my tongue. He made a small sound and then replaced his thumb with his finger. I repeated what I'd done, the salty taste of his skin bursting across my tongue.
When he dropped his hand behind me, his wet finger sliding between my cheeks, I sucked in a breath, knowing what was coming. I was already hovering on the edge, and I knew only a bit more sensation and I'd be tipping over. Then his finger was there, pressing against my asshole and I leaned forward, giving him the bit of space he needed to push his finger inside.
I swore as I came, deep shudders of pleasure running through me as he twisted his finger, the base of his cock rubbing against my clit almost painfully. I pressed my face to his shoulder, biting down on the hard muscle there.
His body jerked against mine and I heard him say my name. Then he was coming too, pulsing and spilling into me, the sensations sending another ripple of pleasure through me. I clung to him as we rode each others' bodies, wringing out every last drop of pleasure until we collapsed back onto the bed, spent.
Chapter 20
The day after I found Allen's real letter and gift, I brought down my Christmas decorations and spent the whole day putting them up. When Jasper came home, everything was up and I actually felt like it was the holidays.
I'd put the garland up the staircase railing, but everything else had gone somewhere new. It was the perfect combination of familiar and new, letting me use what Allen and I had bought, but not making the rooms look identical to how they'd been before.
The only thing I didn't do was put up the tree. It just felt like it'd be a bit strange to have all of those Christmas ornaments that Allen and I had collected during our time together. I had some of my own, but there weren't enough to cover the whole tree. And then there was the issue with the tree itself. It was shabby and probably should've been replaced a couple years ago, but it had sentimental value. But I didn't want that sentiment becoming a part of the new life I was sharing with Jasper. I wanted us to have our own traditions and our own things to be sentimental about. I just wasn't sure what I wanted to do about the tree. But it was only the first week in December, so we had plenty of time to decide.
As much as I enjoyed spending all of Thursday decorating, I did find one downside to it on Friday morning.
I was bored out of my mind.
I didn't have any cleaning to do since I'd done that when I'd cleaned up after the cops had torn things up. My decorating was done. I made a batch of gingerbread men, but I was done before lunch and knew that if I started doing any serious baking, we'd be buried in food by the time Christmas came around. I had no schoolwork to do and there wasn't anything I needed to attend to at the vineyard.
I had no idea what I could do to keep myself busy, but I did know that if I didn't find something else to do, I was going to lose my mind. I'd done most of my shopping online already, but there were always a few things I could pick up. With that decided, I headed out.
I was halfway into the city when I remembered I hadn't taken the time to eat lunch. On a whim, I decided to run through and pick something up to take to Jasper so we could have lunch together.
Georgia was at the desk when I came in, and I forced myself to give her a smile. Her hand was still wrapped and I felt a pang of annoyance. It was probably petty of me, I knew, to think she'd done it on purpose, but I couldn't help it. Something in my gut just made me not want to like her.
“I brought lunch for Jasper.” I held up the bag.
“Dr. Whitehall has patients for the next half hour.” She gave me that smile I hated.
“Then I'll go wait in his office with it.” I opened the door to the lobby and headed down the hall before she could make some sort of protest or excuse as to why I shouldn't be there.
I stuck the bags in the refrigerator and sat down behind Jasper's desk. I pulled out my phone and started flipping through a Christmas cookbook I'd downloaded. Allen and I used to have ham for Christmas, but I'd never been overly fond of it. He'd been the one who liked it. Sort of like the whole wine versus beer thing. Now I was looking for something that would go well with beer. Maybe turkey or I could get ambitious and do a duck or goose. I wasn't even sure if I liked duck or goose, but I figured I could try before Christmas, and find out what Jasper and I liked.
“Hey, babe,” Jasper said as he walked in. He smiled at me. “I didn't know you were here.”
It didn't surprise me that Georgia hadn't told him. I stood and went to him, kissing his cheek. “I was going to go out and maybe pick up a couple things, and I realized I hadn't eaten lunch yet. I figured I'd bring you something and we could eat together.”
“Perfect.” He smiled and put his arms around my waist. “I was just going to order something anyway.”
He bent his head and kissed me soundly, heat spreading through me. It wasn't a long kiss, but it was a thorough one and my pulse was racing by the time he let me go.
Damn. I loved that he could do that.
“I got sandwiches,” I said as I walked back to the fridge. “Figured they could be either hot or cold since I didn't know when you were going to be free.”
When I turned back around, Jasper was sitting in his chair. I walked over to hand him a bag, and he took it with one hand, wrapping the other arm around my waist and pulling me down on his lap. I laughed, letting myself relax into him as we put our bags on the desk.
“Did you want the grilled chicken or the roast beef?” I asked.
“Surprise me.”
He wrapped his other arm around me and rested his chin against my shoulder. I opened one of the bags and pulled out a sandwich. He took it and I took the other one. We ate in comfortable silence.
“Did you have somewhere specific you wanted to go today?” Jasper asked as he finished his sandwich.
“Not really,” I said. “Why?”
“I was thinking you could stay and take a look through some old paperwork I haven't been able to go through yet.” He reached up and tucked some hair behind my ear. “I'm trying to find Allen's real test results.”
“I thought you had everything sorted already,” I said.
“Yes and no.” He brushed the back of his hand down my arm. “Everything's put away.” He gestured towards some filing cabinets standing against the far wall. “But I had Georgia doing a lot of that filing, and I didn't want to ask her to look through them for this.”
“What about doctor-patient confidentiality?” I asked.
“Oh, those aren't medical records. They're billing for medical equipment, stuff like that,” he explained. “I've looked through the medical records to see if Allen's tests had been misfiled there, but they weren't. Now I'm wondering if they accidentally got put in with all of that extra stuff.”
“And it'd be okay for me to go through them?”
He nodded. “Unless you had something you needed to do today.”
I shook my head. “Not particularly. I'd just figured I'd go out because it was going to drive me nuts sitting at home for the rest of the afternoon.” I smiled sadly. “I'm not used to not being busy.”
“You'll be back
in school before you know it.” He wrapped his fingers around mine and squeezed. “You'll be grading papers and praying for summer.”
“I hope so.” I ran my fingers through his hair. “I miss the kids.”
“I know you do.” He brushed his lips across mine.
I sighed and rested my forehead against his for a moment. I knew he had to get back to work soon, but I was glad for the few moments here when I could feel like even the crazy problems we had were going to be okay.
After a minute or so, I climbed off his lap and headed over to the filing cabinets. He came over and kissed my cheek. “I'll stop in when I can.”
It wasn't the most thrilling work in the world. It wasn't even as exciting as grading spelling tests. In fact, it was mind-numbing, but at least it was keeping me busy. I didn't want to rush and possibly miss something, so I took my time, looking at each one until I was certain that I wasn't reading anything to do with Allen.
Every so often, Jasper would stop in, give me a quick kiss and ask if I was staying a bit longer. It was nice, knowing he was there.
I was halfway through the next to last drawer when I found it. Found them. The first one was an x-ray with Allen's name on it. The others were behind it, various tests and notes that I knew I wouldn't completely understand. I took the papers out and went over to Jasper's desk. I sat down and stacked them neatly in front of me. I looked up at the clock. It was nearly five-thirty. Jasper would be finishing up soon.
I looked down at the papers and began to flip through them. Most of the medical jargon I didn't understand, but there was enough I could. It didn't take long for me to know for certain that these were Allen's real records. And he really had been sick.
When I reached the last page, there was a sticky note on the top that told me everything I needed to know.
Creutzfeldt-Jakob. No cure. Fast.
That first letter I'd received had named the disease. That was it. Allen had been dying and there was no cure.
Whoever had written that first letter had known two things. Somehow they knew that Allen killed himself, but, just as confusing, they knew the name of the disease that had already been taking him from me.