“I didn’t,” Amanda said defensively. She looked like she was thirteen or fourteen. “I was talking about criminals.”
The girl next to me glanced up from her phone again. She looked a couple of years older and a whole lot bitchier. “You said poo. Apparently Miss Mary Ellen finds that offensive.”
Then she returned to tapping on her screen.
Miss Mary Ellen straightened her back, which seemed like an impossible task given her back was already ramrod stiff. “Darcy, what have I said about electronic devices? It’s even more important at the dinner table. Being on your phone suggests you’re bored with the dinner conversation, which is extremely rude to your host.”
Darcy shot our instructor a sharp look before pointedly returning her gaze to her phone.
Miss Mary Ellen scowled, then seemed to realize she was creating wrinkles. She quickly stopped and lightly patted her forehead as though to undo the damage. When she dropped her hand, she said in a firm tone, “Any mention of bodily functions is impolite, regardless of the terms used. In fact, this is a good time to point out that when you are at a meal, you do not need to announce you are going to pee, to whiz, or to take a dump. You should not identify any of the things a person might void in the restroom. You simply say excuse me, get up, take care of your business, then return to your seat. No report of what happened in the washroom is necessary.”
“Excuse me,” Darcy said with a mischievous grin, then stood.
“Get back in your seat, Darcy Wiggins!” Miss Mary Ellen barked and everyone jumped.
I quickly grabbed my sparkly gold notebook and matching pen out of my bag and jotted down my first note.
Don’t talk about poop at the table.
Everyone was quiet, and when I glanced up to see why, every pair of eyes was on me. Even Darcy had her eyes on me, and the way her phone was raised, her finger hovering over the screen, implied she’d stopped midtext.
“I don’t want to forget anything,” I said with a sheepish look.
Approval filled Miss Mary Ellen’s eyes. “At least someone is takin’ this seriously.”
“I’m takin’ it seriously,” Darcy said, putting her phone in her lap. “My daddy’s buyin’ me a Volkswagen convertible if I finish this class.”
“Your daddy wanted you to take the class?” one of the other girls asked in disbelief.
“No,” Darcy said. “My momma did, but we argued about it so much that Daddy said if I took the class and finished to Momma’s satisfaction, he’d buy me my car to get us both to shut up.”
A few of the girls nodded or studied Darcy with new appreciation, but Amanda frowned her disapproval. “I’m takin’ Miss Mary Ellen’s class to become a better person.”
The girls weren’t sure how to respond to that.
“Brownnoser,” the woman across from me said under her breath.
“Well,” Rose said, forcing cheeriness into her voice. “No matter what our reasons for bein’ here, we can all learn good table manners, isn’t that right, Neely Kate?”
I nodded. “That’s right, Rose.”
Everyone was silent for a moment. Then Miss Mary Ellen stood. “Let’s begin our lesson. Rule one of table manners is no phones at the table.” She walked around the table and stopped next to Darcy’s chair.
Darcy was so absorbed in her phone she didn’t notice the instructor’s stealthy approach until Miss Mary Ellen cleared her throat and held out her hand.
“You don’t expect me to give you my phone, do you?” Darcy asked with plenty of attitude.
Miss Mary Ellen snatched the phone from her hand, then tucked it into the side pocket of her dress. “I think that answers your question.”
“You can’t take that!” Darcy protested.
“You can send your amusing tweedles after class.”
“Tweets!” Darcy said in a snit. “And it was Snapchat.”
Miss Mary Ellen returned to her place at the head of the table. “Social media has no place in etiquette.” Then a sly grin lit up her eyes. “And you did say you had to complete this class to your mother’s satisfaction to get your car.” She batted her eyelashes.
Score one for Miss Mary Ellen.
The woman across from me narrowed her eyes. “Say, I’ve seen you two before.”
“Us?” I asked in surprise. She didn’t look familiar, but then I’d met a lot of people through my job at Rose’s landscaping business. We’d encountered even more in our side work as amateur private investigators, although we hadn’t had a case since our last investigation two weeks ago, which had ended in disaster.
“Yeah, I’m just tryin’ to figure out where.”
Rose gave her a blank look. Obviously she didn’t recognize her either.
“Where do you work, Tina?” Darcy asked. “Maybe you met them there.”
Tina gave a tiny shrug. “I doubt it.”
“Tina, how old are you?” asked one of the other girls.
Miss Mary Ellen shook as though she’d been electrocuted. “Girls! We never ask a lady her age.”
“Oh, I don’t mind answering,” Tina said with a grin that turned wicked. “I’m old enough to be legal, and that’s all you need to know.” She winked as she placed her elbows on the table and leaned forward. “I’m here to grow professionally.”
“Elbows off the table,” our mentor said. “Ladies keep their elbows at their sides, not all akimbo, and definitely not on the table.”
I wrote elbows at sides, not akimbo.
Darcy rephrased her question. “What profession are you in?”
“I’m a stripper. I work at the Bunny Ranch south of town, but I do a little entertaining on the side. That’s why I’m here… to see if there’s any truth to the saying men want a lady at the table and freak in the stable.”
Miss Mary Ellen looked like she was about to pass out.
Darcy burst out laughing. “That’s not the saying.”
Tina’s head jutted back, and she shot Darcy a glare. “And how would you know? You’re not a woman of experience like I am.” Then she shrugged. “Considerin’ what all y’all do nowadays, maybe you are.”
Darcy sat up straighter and a grin tipped up the corners of her mouth.
“It’s a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets,” said one girl who had up until now been quiet, barely glancing up. “That’s the sayin’.”
“Well, I like mine better,” Tina said, bobbing her head back and forth.
Miss Mary Ellen’s face had gone a deathly pale, and she placed a hand on her stomach as she took a deep breath. “That’s quite enough of that. Mrs. Colson, please enlighten us as to why you’re here under such emergent conditions.”
“I prefer Rivers… Neely Kate Rivers. And I’m here because I need to be ready for a high society dinner on Saturday night.”
“High society?” Miss Mary Ellen asked.
“High society,” Tina said, pointing to me and Rose. “Have you two ever been to the Bunny Ranch with high rollers?”
Rose’s eyes grew wide. “Uh… no.”
Skeeter Malcolm owned the Bunny Ranch, and Jed used to run it. My cousin Dolly Parton had worked there, but I’d never been there, and as far as I knew, Rose had never been there either.
“No,” I said, “we haven’t.” Then I hastily added, “not that I’m knockin’ your profession. You might know my cousin—her real name’s Dolly Parton Parker. She danced at the Bunny Ranch before she turned traitor and danced at Gems.”
“Such crass talk,” Miss Mary Ellen said in an uppity tone.
“Oh, I know how you know her,” Darcy said. “That one is Rose Gardner and she killed that important business man. J.P. Simpson.”
Rose’s expression dropped. Of course, Rose hadn’t killed him at all—my brother had—but pointing that out would do little to divert their attention from us.
One of the girls slightly raised her hand. “Uh… I think his name was J.R. Simmons.”
“So she’s a murderer?” another asked, but ins
tead of acting horrified, she seemed excited. “And I was sure this was gonna be boring as hell.”
“Language,” Miss Mary Ellen said, giving the girl the evil eye.
“Nope,” Tina said, tapping her chin. “That’s not it.”
“Why don’t we move along, shall we?” Miss Mary Ellen said.
“Good idea,” I said, forcing myself to relax.
“My daddy says all of the criminals in this county are going to the state pen,” said Amanda, the girl who’d mentioned corruption, “and that likely includes you, Rose Gardner.”
Rose sat as still as a pin, but my anger flared. “What on earth possessed you to say such a thing?”
“Ladies,” Miss Mary Ellen scolded.
I turned my wrath on her. “Surely that’s not table talk.”
“Agreed,” Miss Mary Ellen said with a sigh. “Politics is never polite conversation. Now, if you’ll notice the table arrangement—”
Tina snapped her fingers. “I know where I saw you both! Dancing at Gems, the strip club that burned to the ground last fall.”
“You’re both strippers too?” Miss Mary Ellen asked, looking like this was one shock too many.
Rose started to protest, then demurely put her hands on the edge of the table and said in a sweet voice, “We prefer the term exotic dancers, no offense to Tina’s previous description.”
“No offense taken,” Tina said. “I ain’t much of a dancer, if you know what I mean.”
Which was why it came as no surprise when Miss Mary Ellen ushered us out onto her front porch and then slammed the door in our faces.
Rose put her hands on her hips. “Well, that wasn’t very ladylike.”
We’d broken Miss Mary Ellen.
Chapter 6
“Violet’s gonna kill us,” Rose said as the three of us stood on the front porch, unsure what to do.
“I’ll take the blame,” I said with a heavy sigh.
“You’ll do no such thing,” Rose said in a haughty tone. “It’s my fault we got kicked out.” Then she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and snugged me to her side. “I’m sorry. I know how much you wanted to come to this thing.”
“It’s okay. I guess I was never meant to be high society.”
“Bullshit,” Tina said with a dismissive wave. “Why can’t you be high society? You’re a lot more high-class than me.”
I gasped. “Tina, that’s not true!”
“I don’t aim to be all highfalutin, not really. I was only learnin’ to have a shot at those high rollers. I like who I am.” Then she gave us a sly grin. “And maybe I liked shakin’ up Miss Mary Ellen’s perfect world.”
I grinned.
“Tina’s right,” Rose said, squeezing my arm. “I like who you are, and so does Joe. He wants Neely Kate Rivers, not some prim and proper Neely Kate Simmons.”
Tina’s jaw dropped. “Simmons? Like that J.R. dude? And Joe Simmons, the sheriff.”
“Joe’s only the chief deputy sheriff,” I said.
“Still…” Her eyes flew wide with a revelation. “Neely Kate Simmons? Are you two gettin’ married?”
“What?” I asked. “No! I’m Joe’s sister.”
She looked so surprised we could have toppled her over with a feather. “I thought his sister was up in the loony bin in Little Rock.”
“That’s his other sister, Kate. I’m his half sister and we only just found out we were siblings a few months ago. He’s takin’ me to a big fundraiser dinner in Little Rock on Saturday night, and I don’t want to embarrass him.”
Tina gave me a soft smile. “Let me tell ya something, honey. People either love you for who you are or they don’t. Don’t go changin’ to please anyone but you.”
“Wise words, Tina,” Rose said as she leaned her head into mine.
“Look,” I said. “It’s not like I’m trying to live in high cotton and become high society. My goal is to not make a fool of myself. That’s all.” I gave one last look toward the front door. “I’m gonna head home.”
“I’m sorry,” Rose said again.
I gave her a grin. “Hey, I know how to use a fork and spoon. How hard can it be?”
She gave me a hug. “I’ll see you later.”
As she headed for her truck, I realized I had an opportunity to see if Jed was still working for Skeeter. I turned to Tina. “Do you like workin’ at the Bunny Ranch?”
Tina gave me a look of surprise. “Are you lookin’ for a job?”
I lifted my shoulder into a half shrug. “I made good money in Oklahoma dancing on the pole.”
“Well, the Bunny Ranch ain’t no place you want to work at now. It’s run downhill after the manager left.”
“What happened?” I asked, trying to look clueless. “Why’d he leave?”
“Dunno,” she said with a frown. “I guess he had a fallin’-out with the owner, but the new guy doesn’t treat us as good as Jed did. That’s part of the reason why I’m here. Sure, I’d like to hook up with high rollers, but I’m thinkin’ about doin’ something else. A lot of us girls are.”
“Huh,” I said, trying to process what she said. “I guess now’s not a good time to try to get on there.”
“No, ma’am. But one of the girls said she heard Jed’s workin’ on opening a new business. If he opens his own strip club, we’d all flock to it like white on rice.”
“That’s good to know.” Was that what Jed was working on? Opening his own club? Owning a club wasn’t illegal, but it wasn’t very respected either, not that I minded—Jed treated those women better than any other man in their lives. Not only had he been determined to provide a safer work environment, he’d made sure they provided health insurance and sick leave. Jed had confided that the club lost money, but Skeeter’s businesses could absorb the loss and it provided for several single mothers. But Skeeter owned the Bunny Ranch, and I couldn’t imagine Jed double-crossing Skeeter to open his own place.
But that left the question—what was Jed up to?
After I went home, I spent a few hours watching YouTube videos about table manners, until I fell asleep in my bed. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been out when Muffy started growling, then took off downstairs barking as I heard the squeaky front door open. Rose was home. She stopped barking as I rolled to my side and picked up my phone to see it was nearly one in the morning.
When I woke again, soft morning sunlight was streaming in my windows and there was a loud, persistent knocking on the front door.
“Neely Kate!” Joe was shouting my name. “Neely Kate!”
Muffy jumped off my bed and took off downstairs.
Why was Muffy sleeping with me and not with Rose?
I reached for my phone to check the time, surprised to see it was dead. I’d fallen asleep before I’d plugged it in.
“Neely Kate!” Joe shouted again. Then I heard a house-shaking thud at the front door.
What in the world was he doing, and why was he here shouting my name?
“I’m comin’!” I shouted as I ran down the stairs in my pajama shorts and cami top. Muffy was prancing around the front door, desperate to get out as I unfastened the deadbolt and opened the door, staring up into Joe’s terror-stricken face.
He wrapped me in a suffocating hug. “Thank God you’re okay.”
I pulled back to look up at him, but he refused to let me go, even though Muffy was jumping up on him, practically trying to climb his legs. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
He dropped his hold and glanced down at the eager dog at his feet. “Not now, Muff.” Muffy sat at his feet as he grabbed my shoulders. “Kate broke out of the hospital last night.”
I gasped and stumbled backward, but his grip held me in place. “What?”
“The hospital called me about ten minutes ago. I tried to call you, but it went straight to voice mail. That’s why I’m pounding on your door at six in the morning.”
I lifted my hand to my temple, still trying to process this. “My phone died. Why didn’t you call Rose?”
“I did and she said she wasn’t here.”
I glanced around him, and sure enough, her truck wasn’t parked in front of the house. That was weird. I’d heard her come home.
“She said she was coming home now,” Joe said. I could see he was dying to ask where she was but was controlling himself.
Had she decided to spend the night with Skeeter? I wasn’t surprised, but I looked up at Joe in confusion. “Then who did I hear come in at one in the morning?”
His eyes widened with fear. “You heard someone in your house? Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I heard the front door open and Muffy took off barking.”
My terrified brother was gone, and Chief Deputy Joe Simmons had replaced him. He pulled me onto the front porch. “You stay out here while I do a quick search of the house.”
“Do you think she broke into our house last night?” I asked in shock. “Why are you here in such a panic?”
“She left a note.” Then he went inside.
If he thought I was staying out here while he walked away with my answers, he had another think coming. I scooped up Muffy and followed him in.
“I told you to stay outside,” he grunted as he walked around the perimeter of the living room.
“What was in her note, Joe?”
“She said she was lookin’ forward to a family reunion. Now go back outside.” Then he moved into the kitchen.
I followed him, of course. He was checking the kitchen windows and back door. “I told you to go outside.”
“And did you really think I was gonna do that?” I scoffed.
He hesitated for a moment, then grumbled. “No.”
“Well, there you go. How about we move past the part where you try to tell me what to do and skip to the part of you tellin’ me what’s goin’ on?”
He turned to me, scrubbing his face. “Kate broke out of the psych unit sometime between ten p.m. last night and six a.m. this morning. She left a note on her bed that said, ‘Thank you for the vacay. I’m looking forward to my family reunion.’”
In High Cotton: Neely Kate Mystery #2 Page 6