by Jane Charles
“That would be?” Lily asked before taking the bite.
“A week without your father. Of course any time away from your father must be a holiday. I had hoped my presence would make it doubly enjoyable.”
Lily bit her lower lip, but Max could tell she was trying not to smile.
“And,” Max concluded, “I suggest we take this opportunity to get to know each other better.”
Lily lifted the wine glass to her lips and studied him over the rim. “I suppose I could agree to this arrangement. If you promise not to discuss marriage.”
“I promise, at least until our time here is at an end.”
He had every intention of convincing her at the end of their week. Until then, he would use every opportunity presented to convince her that she needed, wanted, and loved him enough to alter her path.
“My answer will still be no,” Lily informed him.
“The subject is closed.” Max stood, kissed the top of her forehead and, after checking to see that the hallway was clear, exited her room.
Lily was smiling when she entered the breakfast room the following morning. She couldn’t keep the grin off her face. An entire week with Max without her father anywhere near was a perfect holiday indeed. How could she not be in good humor?
Following breakfast, the guests walked to the lake where the gentlemen tried their hand at fishing. A few of the ladies joined while others sat upon blankets enjoying the fine day.
It was Max who attempted to show Lily how to bait and fish. As much as she tried, she could not bring herself to handle the bait and daintily handed the wiggling wretch back to Max who laughed at her overly ladylike delicacy.
“As I do happen to be a lady, it is your duty as a gentleman to see to this disgusting task,” she informed him with a sniff and held out her hand and waited for the fishing pole to be returned to her.
As the afternoon progressed, Lily’s laughter rang out as she caught fish after fish. “That is five for me, Lord Maxwell. How many have you caught?”
“As you well know, Lady Lilian, I have not had an opportunity to fish as of yet,” he bit out as he once again baited her hook. “If I did not need to spend so much time assisting you, perhaps I would catch a few myself.”
“But I have seen you fish, Lord Maxwell,” she grinned at him. “You have had your hook in the water, but you didn’t even get a nibble.”
“Had I been allowed to leave the line in the water for over a moment, perhaps I would have gotten a bite,” he said after handing Lily back her pole and turned to pick up his own once again.
“Or, perhaps it is because I am far superior at this task,” Lily retorted with a grin.
Lily was so intent on teasing Max that she didn’t watch where she was walking. One moment she was instructing Max on the proper way of throwing out the line and the next instant she tumbled into the lake. It was shallow and Lily quickly found her feet, stood with water up to her chest, and in no time was wiping the hair from her eyes. The guests stared at her in stunned silence. Even Max had a look of disbelief on his face. Their expressions were her undoing and before Lily thought, the laughter came bubbling out of her. She couldn’t recall a time she’d ever laughed this hard, and soon all of the guests were roaring with laughter. Daniella ran to grab the blanket they had laid on the ground to sit upon and Max reached a hand out to Lily to help her from the water. She waded toward him and just as she was far enough out of the water and had her feet firm, she lifted her hand to him for assistance. Max had to take a few steps forward to balance himself on the slippery rocks. Lily’s smile grew wider as his hand clasped hers. Max barely had time to note the mischievous twinkle in her eye before he found himself pulled off balance and falling into the lake as well. Before he could make a grab for her, Lily hiked her skirts and ran from the water and into the blanket Daniella held before turning to see how Max fared. He stood glowering at her, which only caused Lily to laugh all the harder as she turned and ran toward the house.
“It appears your influence has done wonders for my sister,” Kincaid remarked with a smile.
“I’m not sure I agree with that assessment.” Max pulled a blanket around himself.
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m willing to bet everything you own that this is the first time Lily has pulled a prank on anyone.”
“Oh, I have no doubt of that. I am just not sure how I feel about being the victim,” Max chuckled.
The week continued in much the same manner. Lily couldn’t remember laughing and smiling so much in her life. Never had she felt so free just to be herself without worrying that the slightest error in appearance or expression would see her punished. This is what her life could be like if she were free of her father.
This is what her life could be like if she married Max and it nearly broke her heart.
She loved him when she never thought she’d ever love a gentleman. And because she loved him, she wouldn’t ruin his life by marrying him.
During the week Lily also managed to steal precious private moments with Wesley. Her father wasn’t even aware they spoke and, in fact, she’d been forbidden to even mention his name and ordered to forget he existed. A bastard. The shame of a relationship between her father and a maid. If anyone should be ashamed, it should be her father.
Each night, after everyone had retired, Lily would sneak down to the library where Max always waited. There they would talk into the early morning hours on many subjects. Not only did her love for him grow deeper, but a friendship grew as well. A closer friendship than she’d ever experienced with anyone else, including Daniella, Simon and Wesley. Never in her dreams had Lily imagined that she’d actually be friends with one of the gentlemen her father had originally chosen to be her husband. Not that she’d give consideration to the others she’d originally met. She already knew enough about them to know the marriage would never be a happy one. Not like being married to Max.
Lily sat at the corner of the settee, curled up, her feet hidden beneath her skirts. Max lounged in a wingback chair. Their late nights often started this way because Max believed keeping a distance between them was for the best in the event a servant or guest came across them. He further added that she was the one temptation he found more and more difficult to resist with each passing day. Despite his intentions, before they finally retired, Max always ended up moving to the settee, then she into his arms and then he’d kiss her.
His lips heated her blood, as well as his hands as they caressed her back.
The clock in the hall struck two in the morning and Max broke their kiss. “I suppose we should retire.” She’d rather remain here, with him, all night but knew that it was impossible.
Max pulled her to her feet and kissed her forehead. She tipped back her head and presented her lips. Max groaned. “I’m not sure I ever understood temptation before meeting you, Lily.”
She grinned right before he kissed her. It was chaste, sweet, warm, and then she opened for him. Max groaned deep in his throat again before he pulled her tight against his body and deepened the kiss. Lily nearly melted into him and wished with all of her heart it could always be like this and not that her hours were numbered.
With a sigh, Max pulled away from her and escorted her up the stairs to her chamber.
After locking her door, she crossed to the cabinet that held the family journals and, as she had done since she discovered them, wrote out what had occurred today and her thoughts and feelings for Max.
I am beginning to believe that true deep love is possible. For whatever reason, Max does love me when for so long I believed myself to be unlovable. Max has insisted that neither wealth nor a dowry is a consideration and I’m believing that as well. I’m frightened, however. To my very bones I’m scared, but I need to tell him of my real fears. For my entire life my father has made me believe that I’m not worthy of him or any gentleman and constantly pointed out my faults and picked away until all I had was my desire to be alone for the rest of my life. All I’ve ever wanted was to be
free of him and free to do what I wished. Max has changed all of that and I am beginning to believe the risk to my heart is better than a life of loneliness. Max has asked me to trust in his love and I want to. With all my being I want to and tomorrow I will explain. I know he is going to ask me to marry him again, and maybe once he understands my fears he will be able to put them aside. But, if he cannot convince me that what he feels could last a lifetime, then I know I will need to forget him. But, I want to hope that he can. I’ve experienced too much joy in just this week. More joy than I’ve experienced in my life before and I don’t want to lose it, or Max. All I need is a bit more time and hope he grants that to me.
Chapter 26
An hour before dawn on the day everyone was to leave, Max stood outside Lily’s room and tapped on the door. They only had hours before everyone was returning to London and he wanted to steel a few precious moments alone with her.
“Let’s ride this morning,” he said when she finally opened the door.
She eyed him suspiciously.
“If we go now, we are guaranteed to be alone. If we wait, others will want to join us.”
Max left her to dress in peace while he made his way to the stables. After riding in silence for some time, they finally stopped, allowing their horses to rest and drink from the lake. He’d been afraid to speak. Afraid of breaking the spell. The moment of departure rushed toward them. They’d grown closer this week and his love for her had only deepened.
“If we were married, there would be no need to leave our bed so early nor any reason I would have to part from you at all.”
Her silence disturbed him so he continued. “Surely you can see how much we belong together and how well suited we are. Besides, I love you and want no other for my wife.”
“I can’t. At least not—.”
“—Not can’t, but won’t.” He wasn’t one who was quick to anger, but Lily’s denial sparked an irritation that we wasn’t familiar with. He’d thought, hoped, that after the week they’d spent together she’d be more than willing to thumb her nose at her father and head off to Scotland with him.
“You don’t understand,” Lily pleaded, stepping forward to touch him one more time.
Max backed away from her touch. “No, I don’t understand, Lily. I offer you my heart and everything I have, yet you still reject me.”
“If you let me explain,” Lily begged.
“Save your explanations. I’ve told you they are of no importance, that I don’t need the dowry that comes with your hand, but you won’t believe me.” Max bit out as he walked to retrieve his horse. “You don’t trust me.”
Lily chased after him. “I trust you more than anyone I know.”
“No Lily, you don’t, for you don’t trust my love for you.” Max mounted his horse and looked down at her. “I’ve given you my heart and you’ve filleted it. I will not lay myself out there for you to destroy any longer.” With those parting words, Max turned the horse and rode away, leaving Lily standing alone.
She had lost him and it hurt so much more than she thought possible. A knife through her heart would not be as painful.
She’d knew the conversation was to come and resigned herself to it. But he didn’t give her a chance to explain. Yes, it was about wealth, but that wasn’t all. She was finally ready to tell him her fears. In the past week, she had come to believe in the possibility that Max’s love was the kind the poets wrote of. True and deep.
Lily let her knees buckle and slid to the ground. Tears coursed down her cheeks. Didn’t he know how much she loved him and how much this was killing her inside?
He didn’t even give her a chance to explain. He’d never cut her off or not listened before. At least not that she recalled. Nor had she seen him angry.
Lily fished in her pocket to find a handkerchief and wiped her eyes. She swore long ago she would never let another man hurt her and this was why.
He was done with her. She’d put him off for too long and now wanted nothing to do with her, and she really couldn’t blame him. Max had given her more patience than any gentleman should be expected to give. It was no wonder he just rode away from her. He was out of her life and she had nobody to blame but herself.
But, perhaps it was for the best. There really was no guarantee that he would always love her and perhaps this pain was better than the loss years from now.
She blew her nose, sniffed and stood. Spine erect, chin high she returned to her horse. At least she’d had his love for a short time and she learned much about herself in the process. She was stronger than she realized and no matter what her father planned for her, she would escape any fate he delivered. What she needed to concentrate on now was how and when she would finally leave and free herself for good. Then, once away, she’d have her memories of Max and in time, perhaps the pain in her heart won’t be so sharp.
As she was not far from the house, Lily walked her horse back to the stables. When she entered her room, Mary was packing her belongings. “A message has arrived for you, Lady Lilian.”
The message was simple. Lily was to return to Serona Castle instead of London. Her father would send for her when it was time. Actually, Lily was glad to be going home. Now she would have time away from London, and away from seeing Max at every function. She needed to reflect, heal and plan. Further, she certainly wasn’t going to complain about having more time away from her father.
Chapter 27
Max knew he had reacted poorly, but he had been so angry over Lily’s refusal of him. He had been convinced Lily would agree to run off to Scotland with him after the week they had shared. Her refusal not only angered him, but hurt him deeply.
Only after he returned to his room and changed clothing and packed up all of his belongings did Max began to cool and think over the words they had spoken. He had given her his heart and she had once again refused him. Why was she so afraid?
He’d even cut her off because he couldn’t stand to hear the same excuse again.
Then he stopped and remembered. I can’t, at least not. Not what?
He tossed a boot across the room. Not what? That is the question that was going to continue to plague him until he learned the answer. Why hadn’t he listened? Why hadn’t he let her finish?
Because hearing her rejection after this week pained him more than he could imagine.
Bloody hell!
Max stormed from the room because he could not leave until he knew what came after at least not.
“She has already left,” Daniella explained. “Lily received a letter and left almost immediately. I am sure it was from her father so you will probably catch up to her in London.”
He didn’t want to have to wait days to see her again. It would be at least a fortnight before he returned to London because he had to return to his own estate to see to his tenants and other estate business that piled up on his desk during his absence. Except, Max didn’t trust Artemisia not to engage Lily to someone else as soon as he found a gentleman who was agreeable. Perhaps he already had and that was the purpose of the letter. Max could only imagine the type of man Artemisia would find for such a union, since the first twenty reasonable choices were no longer an option. Still, Max did have some time before the marriage. It wasn’t as if Artemisia would let his daughter elope to Gretna Green. No, Artemisia would want the pomp and circumstance of a wedding at St. George’s.
The three weeks Lily was exiled were the longest and shortest of her life. The longest because she dwelled on her feelings for Max. Lily missed him more and more each day. Foolish as it was, she hoped they could meet to talk so she could explain. Or, at the very least, they could remain friends. She needed his friendship as much as she needed Wesley, Simon and Daniella.
The three weeks were also the shortest because with each thought of seeing Max again, she equally dreaded her father’s summons, which had finally arrived and was the reason for her return to London. She feared he had found her a husband in her absence, which produced an anxiety deepe
r than she had ever experienced before.
Perhaps had she not known Max, she could still look at her potential betrothal and marriage with the same cool head and heart she had possessed when the Season first opened. But Max had opened her eyes and heart to possibilities she never considered before.
For three weeks she also prepared. Lily didn’t know what would await her once she returned to London, but she would be ready to do what was necessary to escape when the time came. Whether it was with Max or alone was yet to be determined.
As the carriage pulled up in front of the townhouse, Lily took a deep breath and readied herself to meet her father. He hadn’t stated why she was to return now, only that it was time. He greeted her in the entry hall, looked her over and found fault as always. The disappointment was in his eyes and he frowned deeply as he studied her. With a shake of his head, he turned and ordered her into the library. He didn’t voice what he found so distasteful this time, and she wouldn’t venture to guess. She was used to seeing that look by now and didn’t expect to ever earn his approval.
Lily followed him while retaining a rigid spine and lowered, submissive eyes. She didn’t know what he planned to tell her but she would not give him an excuse to punish her for exhibiting emotion.
“I had you away from London so that I could arrange a betrothal to my satisfaction without your interference.”
Lily kept her eyes downcast. She had feared this announcement and had tried to prepare herself before arriving. She awaited the name with trepidation.
“It took much convincing but the gentleman finally agreed. He isn’t what I originally hoped for, but he will do,” her father continued while taking a seat.
Lily remained standing because her father hadn’t invited her to sit.
“He has twice been widowed and has three sons of his own. He sees this as a chance to finally have a title which has been denied by accident of birth.”