“Parties aren’t really my…thing. I’d rather read, as boring as it sounds.”
“Don’t worry, it doesn’t sound boring at all,” he says, then sighs. “I’m gonna go; I have the feeling I’m keeping you.” I stop myself from glancing at the clock again.
“Busted yet again,” I mutter.
He merely smiles. “I’ll see you around, Olivia.”
“And I’ll see you around, Mason.”
I shyly wave before turning around and entering the building. The orientation lasts one hour. I’m informed of basic rules and guidelines, what’s expected in and out of class, etcetera. I’m usually clear-minded and zoned in when told important information, but I can’t help but think about the cute boy who walked me here.
However, I wipe the smile off my face and try to listen to a professor briefly explain her syllabus, to no avail. I can’t rid myself of the image of Mason’s sweet smile. Before coming here, I worried I wouldn’t be able to make friends. But look at me. I’ve already sort of made a friend. Maybe college won’t be as difficult after all.
Chapter Four
After orientation, I follow the signs back to the dorm. On the way up in the elevator, I pray that the girls aren’t in the room. They don’t seem like the type to stay away from the parties.
In my head, I’m already picking which book I will read tonight in hopes of drowning out the persistent partying surrounding the campus. Maybe they’ll be understanding and keep the noise to a minimum? But then again, they’re young and probably have never heard of compassion when it comes to throwing parties.
When I arrive at the room, Julia is laying on her bed on her phone. “Hi.” I politely wave at her. She doesn’t even glance at me. I don’t mind, though. It would have been rude of me to just walk in and not say anything to her.
Using the folded bedspread the school placed on the foot of my bed, I spread it over the bed and fluff the pillows before setting them next to each other. After running my hands across the white comforter twice, ironing out wrinkles, I bend in front of one of my suitcases and unzip it. I walk back and forth between the dresser I’m given and the bag.
Putting away my clothes goes quickly since I folded them before I left home. I do the same with delicate clothes such as dresses and skirts, hanging them on the right side of the small closet. Julia has most of the left side brimming with leather pants and tight tops. I actually shudder imagining myself in those type of clothes. I’d no doubt look ridiculous.
As I bend down to place a handful of flats on the floor, I spot a chunky boot sprawled on the floor. I neatly place my shoes on my side, straightening them side by side. I try to ignore the asymmetrical object but give into my perfectionist mind-set and straighten the shoe.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Julia barks, and I whip my head back to find her red face.
“I—I was just fixing your shoe. I’m sorry,” I stammer over my words, but they don’t appease the fuming girl.
“Don’t touch my shit. It’s one thing to get stuck with a girl who looks like she irons out her panties, but it’s another thing if you touch my stuff.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” I put my hands up in defense, and she rolls her eyes and falls back onto her bed. I make a mental note to stay out of her way even though we are roommates. She’s got a real temper, and I don’t want to spark that ever again. I don’t do well with confrontation.
I walk over to the desk on my side of the room and sit down, my heart still racing from her yelling at me. But by the grace of my planner, the tension ceases in my head, and I distract myself with planning tomorrow.
I’m finishing the last plot point when the door opens and Jaimie, I believe is her name, announces, “Guess who’s back from pissing and getting burritos? Not necessarily in that order, but you know what I mean.”
“Guess who doesn’t give a shit?” Julia barks back.
Jaimie laughs, and I look in my peripheral vision to see her leaning down to peck Julia’s forehead. “Who the hell pissed in your Cheerios?”
“Oh, just the girl who’s acting so innocent and writing in her diary.” The hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
I hear a slap. “Stop being so mean.”
“I’m not being mean!” exclaims Julia. “She was fucking snooping on my side of the closet!”
I turn in my chair and shake my head. “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t snooping. I only fixed a shoe. It was just crooked, and I—I sound stupid, and I apologize.” It was crooked? Wow, do I sound insane or what? “It will never happen again.”
“You better hope not!” Julia spits.
Jaimie slaps Julia’s arm again and hisses, “The girl’s a perfectionist—calm down before I’m forced to chain your ass down.”
Julia merely rolls her eyes and flips Jaimie off. “Fuck off, the both of you.”
Jaimie laughs and shrugs as she faces me. “I’m sorry about her. She can be a bit…temperamental at times.”
“It’s okay.” I glance at Julia and feel my cheeks warm as I timidly ask, “So, are you guys, like, a couple?”
“No, I just love eating out her pussy,” she replies nonchalantly.
My eyes widen, and I fumble with my words. “Well, um, that’s o-okay, I guess, and, um…”
She breaks out into a howl of laughter, clutching her stomach. “I’m sorry, but you should have seen your face. No, no, she’s my girlfriend,” she clarifies. I can still feel the warmth filling my cheeks. “So, freshman, huh? Have you met any honey bunnies yet? You know, man candy?”
“Oh, no, nothing like that. I plan to just focus on school.”
She tilts her head. “For the whole four years?” When I nod, she snickers but stops when she realizes I’m being serious. “Oh, shit. You’re not kidding. Wow. That’s honestly alarming. I mean, you’re hot, so I at least expect you to have at least some guys chasing your ass.”
“Keep it up with that hot shit, I dare you, Jaimie Skylar Howard. I. Dare. You,” Julia pipes up, glaring at her girlfriend.
I laugh, fiddling with one of the charms on my bracelet. “Thank you, but I won’t be paying any boy attention. It’s not what I came here for.”
A smile stretches across Jaimie’s lips. “Well, that’s refreshing to hear. Most girls get so excited with all these guys walking around and jump their bones, forgetting this is actually a school. Not that I’m any better, though. Just earlier today I was eating her out, but I guess I am pretty focused on the books too.”
I don’t know what to say, so I just nod.
“Are you at least planning to party? College is great and everything with the learning and making friends and shit, but without the parties, what’s even the point of coming?”
“No, no, no.” I can’t say the word enough. I’m already horrible at making conversation, so imagine me at a party with hundreds of people milling around. It’d end horrendously. “I plan to just stay in and read.”
“I can see that.” Her full lips are tugged into a smirk as she glances behind me at my planner spread wide open. I close it and meet her brown eyes. “Why don’t you join us? We’re going to a party in a few hours. It’s a frat party, but the douches are known for having lots of booze.”
I frantically shake my head. “No, thank you. Parties aren’t my thing.”
“Are we supposed to be surprised?” Julia spits, then scrambles off the bed and pulls Jaimie to stand next to her. “We’re leaving. You got the whole room to yourself, ’cause I don’t know what time I’ll be back—if I’m coming back. Just don’t go rifling through my shit, got it?” She points a finger at me. I gulp and give her a curt nod. “Good. Come on, babe.”
“You don’t have to be so mean to the girl…” is the last thing I hear from Jaimie before the door slams behind them.
I slump in my chair and plop my head against a page of my planner. Of all the girls in the university, I’m stuck with one that has a worse temper than Stalin. I wonder if she’s only like this with m
e because I’m new, or if it’s how she is naturally. I hope for the former. If she doesn’t warm up to me soon, I might have to spend my duration at university in the library, which doesn’t sound all that bad.
I lift my head and take a deep breath. “Use this time to yourself wisely, Olivia,” I tell myself.
I put on a wide smile and flip my planner open to the page I was previously using. I finish the rest of the plans for tomorrow, and the next day. I turn on a playlist I usually listen to when planning, and soon enough when I glance up and look out the window, I notice it’s night time.
An involuntary yawn escapes me. I get up from the chair and rummage through my toiletry bag in search for my medicine that is supposed to help with my night terrors. However, I end up with empty hands. Oh no. I forgot my pills. How could I be so stupid? I sit cross-legged on my bed and rock back and forth on it, reassuring myself that I’ll be okay, but I know it’s a lie.
I’m tired, but I don’t want to go to sleep. Not yet. I can’t. Not without my pills. Without them, I’ll be restless and wake up and act as if I’m a zombie. I can’t be like that, not when I have a full day of plans, and I do not cancel my plans. I’d feel like I failed myself.
I pull out my laptop and find myself sporadically searching for the nearest pharmacy. After I ask for a refill, I lay back on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. I try everything I can to stay awake, like reading my favorite books and studying the layout of the campus. I’ve remade the map with the buildings I have to attend for each lesson, playing out different routes connected to all five that’s both easy and efficient, but it’s no match for the exhaustion pulling at my eyelids.
I blast one of my favorite Mozart symphonies and pace around the room. “Don’t fall asleep, don’t fall asleep,” I mutter to myself repeatedly.
I must have been walking around the room for an hour until the person next door to me pounds on the wall. “Turn down the music!” I comply and shout an apology. After receiving silence, I sit cross-legged on the floor and prop open The Great Gatsby.
I recite the first line of the novel. I read the rest of the first page, resisting the urge to let my eyes fall close. I fall asleep before I can turn the page.
***
The next morning, I awake from a nightmare that makes my skin crawl.
“No!” I scream at the top of my lungs as I scramble out of the nightmare. My lips are trembling, my skin is cold; sweat covers me from head to toe, and my heartbeat feels like lead pounding against my ribcage.
It was just a dream, I tell myself. A horrible, haunting dream, but a dream nonetheless.
“Some dream,” an unfamiliar voice sounds.
I frantically look around the room and find a boy sitting on my roommate’s bed. My heart skips a beat. I crawl back until I hit the wall. I wince as questions fly around my aching head. Who is he? What is he doing here? One glance at his leather jacket and dark ensemble and I’m thinking all kinds of terrifying things, like how did he get in here? Is he going to kill me? Or am I still in a nightmare?
I blink a few times, but when I open my eyes, he’s still there, and he’s eyeing me with an unreadable expression.
“Who are you?” I ask, my voice trembling. “How’d you get in here?”
I clutch the sheet covering my body and watch him with steel-like eyes. I’m not entirely comfortable with a boy I don’t know alone in my room with me. I’ve watched countless movies with Louise to know that this situation never ends pretty. I don’t want her or my parents discovering my body folded up in the closet. Especially not next to Julia’s pigsty half.
He doesn’t answer immediately.
He’s absentmindedly playing with a lighter, flicking it on and off, his eyes drawing patterns on me. I fidget, feeling hot under his gaze. “I’m waiting for a friend,” is his reply, his tone hard and cold. By the locked position of his jaw and the knitting of his eyebrows, I can tell he’s not too fond of me. I’m not too fond of him, either.
He doesn’t say anything, just plays with his lighter. I watch him, assessing him.
He has such a cool exterior, I wonder what the interior is like. He plays with the lighter, and I grow anxious, wondering if it’s going to drop and set the room on fire. I stare at the healthy red and orange flame, and I’m teleported to the accident.
Fire licks the sides of the car. I’m pulled away from the vehicle, screaming his name for dear life. I have to save him. Please, let me save him, I plead to the paramedics. But they didn’t listen, even when the car exploded.
I jolt out of the flashback and onto my feet. The boy whose name I don’t know shifts his dark eyes to stare at me. I shift on my feet uncomfortably.
“Please be gone by the time I get back,” I tell him, voice low, my arms covered with goosebumps. Although I’m in no harm, I can feel the flames sizzling my skin as the car went off. I turn from him before any tears can leave my eyes. I will not cry in front of a boy I don’t know.
I walk over to my dresser and pick out clothes to wear today: a simple green polo shirt and white khaki shorts. I lay the ensemble on the bed with the distinct feeling of eyes prowling my back.
“And why should I listen to you?” he questions.
“Because this is my dorm.”
“Half of it,” he points out.
I turn on my heels and let out an agitated breath. He’s looking at me with a slight arch of his thick eyebrows and tiny smile of his lips. He’s messing with me. Isn’t he?
“You can wait outside if you need to, but I’m going to shower,” I explain. He has to understand now.
He looks at me for two beats before shrugging and turning his attention back to his lighter. “It’s not like I’d look at you.” That stings. Why does it sting?
“That’s not the point. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with you in here when I’m getting dressed.”
He scoffs. “Like I said, I won’t be looking.”
“Why can’t you just do what I ask?” My voice rises high, my tone uncharacteristically harsh. I didn’t mean to raise my voice, but he’s proving to be the most infuriating person I’ve ever met.
He lets out a long, lengthy sigh and casts a side glance at me. His eyes burn through me like burning coals. “Because we all don’t get what we want, princess.”
“I’m not a princess!” I snap.
He chuckles devilishly. “Oh, no. I made the princess mad. Whatever will I do?”
He’s really getting on my nerves.
“Firstly, I am not a princess. And secondly, I’m not mad, just annoyed. You would be too if a person you don’t even know mocks you and completely disregards your rational requests.” He doesn’t seem the least bit fazed. I give this obnoxious boy the sweetest smile I can possibly muster. “Listen, I’m sorry if I’m a little snappy—I did just wake up from a…” I trail off. “Bad dream. I’d appreciate it if you could be gone by the time I get back.”
He doesn’t reply, just looks at me with a blank expression. “Why are you apologizing?”
I’m caught off guard, so I stumble for words. “Because I was very brazen and abrupt. So I’m sorry.”
“You mean you didn’t have time to calculate your words?”
“No, I—” I stop talking and look at the way he’s arching his thick eyebrows and decide to turn my words around. Why should I have to explain myself to him? “Just make sure that you’re gone when I come back…please.” I can’t stand to look at his smug expression any longer. I grab my towel off the back of the door, my shower slippers, my toiletries, and slip out of the room, with the sound of that obnoxious boy laughing.
The bathroom down the hall is fizzing with activity from both boys and girls. At least there’s fog? I cough and step back as a boy passes me, wearing only a thin towel draped around his hips. I can feel the heat rush under my cheeks and swell the flesh. I zig zag through the soaking bodies and step into an unoccupied stall.
The stall is small and has two shelves on the right wall. I quickly strip and
place my clothes on the rack outside the stall. I am hesitant to leave them out there unprotected, in a room full of people I don’t know. But I shake off the paranoia and twist on the handle to the showerhead. It takes a while for the water to transform into warm water, but I take the time to go over the plans today.
After I get dressed, I’m going to head to the pharmacy and pick up my medication. They’ll help tremendously, and I’ll be a little drowsy as a side effect during school days, but it’s a small price I’m willing to pay. And after that, I’ll go around and introduce myself to my future professors and get a good sense of the layout of the campus. This way I won’t be so out of whack on my first day. Oh, and if I have enough time tonight in between going through light study sessions of what to expect, I’ll assign outfits for the rest of the week.
Unfortunately, the water doesn’t get very warm, but it doesn’t matter as long as I’m clean and get to relax my tense muscles. I can still feel the after effects from that horrible dream, but the pounding water sliding down me is enough to take my mind off it.
I stick an arm out of the shower stall, grab the towel I brought with me, and wrap it around my body. Exiting the stall, I pick up my clothes and stop mid-way to the sink because of a small cluster of boys chatting and laughing. I keep my eyes down, having caught an eye from one of them, and walk past them as they whistle at me.
Whose idea was it to have co-ed bathrooms?
I quickly brush my teeth and freshen up as much as I can. After the ordeal is over, I pack up my toiletries, my dirty clothes, and bee-line out of the room. I speed walk down the hall and enter my dorm room.
I trip over a shoe and land on my knees, my toiletry bag spilling out all of its contents.
“Well, isn’t this my lucky day?” Slowly, I look up from the floor and freeze when my eyes meet a pair of black biker boots. My heart does a triple somersault when my gaze continues upward, and I find the rude boy sitting in my study desk chair, smirking down at me as he flicks on his lighter. “I think I can get used to seeing you like this. Quiet and on your knees.”
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