by Raymond Bean
“I know you like her,” I said, “but trust me, her class is a nightmare.”
“You mean the woman who saved your life earlier today?”
“Trust me, the only reason she saved my life in the first place is so she can keep on ruining it at school.”
16
No Worries
Things got pretty calm toward the middle of the week. I was finally starting to feel relaxed and enjoy myself. I rented WaveRunners with Dad one day, went snorkeling with the whole family another, and got much better at catching the lizards. Mrs. Cliff seemed to keep to herself after the bird attack incident. She must have needed a break from me as much as I needed one from her.
On Thursday, we were all hanging out on the beach. Mrs. Cliff joined us because she’d been shopping earlier in the day with Grandma. I was trying to catch a crab I’d seen pop its head out of the sand a few times. The adults were all talking about how fast the week was going and how busy they’d be when they got back to work.
Becky and Mindy were reading. “I’m just about done with the book my teacher assigned me over the break,” Mindy said.
“Me too,” Becky said.
“Didn’t you have an assignment you were supposed to work on this week?” Mom asked me.
“Yeah,” I said.
“I haven’t seen you working on it at all. Where is it?”
“I kind of forgot it at home. I guess I’ll have to do it when I get back.”
Mrs. Cliff definitely heard, and I could tell she wanted to say something.
“Mrs. Cliff,” Mom said, sitting up, “I hate to ask you a teacher question on your vacation, but is the packet something Justin can complete when we get home?”
“It would be extremely difficult to do it well in such a short period of time. It is intended to be worked on a little at a time over the course of the week.”
“Justin,” Dad said, “I know we left in a hurry, but that was important and your responsibility to bring.”
“I have an extra copy in my room,” Mrs. Cliff said. “You’re welcome to it.”
I couldn’t believe my luck. I’d forgotten that packet on purpose, and now she had an extra in her room.
“That’s wonderful,” Grandma said.
“Yes, wonderful,” I said sarcastically.
17
Grounded In Paradise
That night Mom and Dad took the girls out for a fancy dinner, and I had to stay in the room with Grandma to work on my packet. The next morning, which was our second-to-last day at the hotel, Mom and Dad told me I had to stay in the room until the packet was done. They let me use Mindy’s laptop so I could research the different holidays, and Mom, Dad, and Grandma took turns hanging out with me in the room.
When it was Mom’s turn, she gave me this really long lecture about being responsible. She kept ranting on about the way the girls take care of their own things, get their schoolwork done on their own, and stay out of trouble. The last one was a total joke because the only reason the girls stay out of trouble is they’re really good at not getting caught. When I said that to Mom, she got really mad at me.
“It’s true,” I said. “They’re always picking on me and making fun of me, and you guys never say anything.”
“I think you’re just looking for something to blame other than yourself. You’re the one who forgot your packet, you’re the one who allowed your teacher and yourself to get pecked half to death by birds, and you’re the one who told your teacher she was awful on the last day of school. Whose fault is all of that?” Mom asked.
“Mine, I guess,” I said.
“You’re going to be in fifth grade next year, Justin. It’s time you start acting a little more mature. How are you doing on that packet?”
“I’m not even half done. Can’t I do it when we get home?”
“I’m afraid not. Your father and I decided that it’s your most important priority and you can do other things once it’s completed.”
“So I’m grounded even though we’re in a tropical paradise?” I asked.
“Yep,” Mom said, flipping through a magazine.
I was so mad it was hard to concentrate. There were so many amazing things I could have been doing out on the beach or by the pool, and I was stuck because of Mrs. Cliff.
18
I Wonder Where He Learned That?
At lunchtime, Mom told me to take a break, and we went down to meet everyone for lunch. I asked her if we could stop to see the exotic birds.
“Yes,” she said. “It’s right down next to the convenience store. I’ll run in and grab a few things, and you can check out the birds.”
Finally, I thought, something fun. I walked over to an area toward the back of the lobby where they had parrots in large cages. Mom went into the store and told me not to leave the area.
The parrots were so cool. Some of them talked too. There was one that said, “Hey, how’s it goin’?” It was pretty funny.
“Pretty terrible, thanks for asking,” I said.
The bird repeated, “Hey, how’s it goin’?”
“I told you already,” I said. “Pretty terrible. My annoying teacher, Mrs. Cliff, is here, and I wish she’d just leave me alone already. She drives me crazy.”
One of the other birds repeated, “My annoying teacher, Mrs. Cliff.”
I laughed. It was pretty awesome. I turned on my video camera and pointed it at the birds. “Mrs. Cliff is totally annoying,” I said.
The bird repeated, “Mrs. Cliff is totally annoying.”
I kept taping. Aaron and the guys at school are going to love this, I thought.
I taped it a few different times. Each time it made me laugh. I couldn’t wait to get home and edit the videos together. Then I noticed Grandma and Mrs. Cliff coming toward the bird area. I tried to walk back and cut them off, but they said they wanted to check out the birds too.
“Your mom asked us to come get you for lunch. These birds are simply miraculous,” Grandma said.
“I’d love a bird,” Mrs. Cliff said, “but they’re so much work.”
“And they live a long life. It’s not a small commitment. You don’t want to get a beautiful creature like this and then regret it,” Grandma said, turning to me. “Speaking of regretting things, I just realized you never apologized for letting Mrs. Cliff get attacked by those birds the other day.”
I tried to look as sorry as possible.
“Justin,” Grandma said, “I think you owe Mrs. Cliff an apology.”
“It would have been nice if you’d warned me,” Mrs. Cliff said. “It cut the top of my head with its beak. It was very frightening.”
“I didn’t think you’d get hurt,” I said. “It looked funny when the other people walked through.”
“Justin,” Grandma said again, “what do you have to say to Mrs. Cliff?”
I knew I had to apologize no matter how badly I didn’t want to. Grandma was getting more and more annoyed with every passing second, but I was having a hard time making myself apologize. She should be the one apologizing to me, I thought. She should have never even been on our trip.
“Justin, what do you want to say to Mrs. Cliff?” Grandma said one last time.
I was just about to apologize when one of the parrots said, “Mrs. Cliff is totally annoying.” He didn’t say it once either. He kept repeating it over and over: “Mrs. Cliff is totally annoying. Mrs. Cliff is totally annoying. Mrs. Cliff is totally annoying.”
“I wonder where he learned that,” I said, trying to look surprised. I’d never seen Grandma so frustrated.
19
Just Send It
By the time the last day of the trip rolled around, I had completely broken down. I couldn’t wait for the trip and the winter break to be over. It had been a total nightmare with Mrs. Cliff. All I wanted to do was get home to my pets and my room and forget the whole trip ever happened.
I finished my packet on the plane back to New York. I sat in between Grandma and Mrs. Cliff because Mrs. Cl
iff wanted the window seat and Grandma wanted the aisle. They were done caring about what I wanted. Everyone was upset with me.
I think even the stewardess was mad at me. When I was taping Mrs. Cliff snoring, the stewardess leaned in and said, “I think it’s rude to tape other people sleeping.”
“She doesn’t mind,” I said.
“But I do,” she said sternly, so I shut off the video camera, but not before getting some awesome tape of Mrs. Cliff sawing some wood.
After the long flight and another scary ride in Norton’s danger van, I was ready for some calm. Mom, Dad, and Grandma unpacked and plunked down on the couch. The girls called all their friends, and I headed straight to my room and hopped on the computer. I loaded up all the video from the trip and started editing it together.
I had a ton of video of the resort, the beach, and the pool. I also had a bunch of really funny clips of Mrs. Cliff: the bird attack, the parrot saying, “Mrs. Cliff is annoying,” and her snoring on the plane ride home. I edited them together.
Aaron called to see how the trip was and to welcome me home. He’d been taking care of my snakes and feeding my turkey while we were away. I told him all about the trip. He said his mom told him he didn’t have to do the packet and she would write him a note for Mrs. Cliff. I couldn’t believe that I had been grounded in Aruba to finish the silly packet and his mom didn’t even care if he did it or not.
“I can’t believe your mom grounded you while you were on vacation! And totally can’t believe Mrs. Cliff hung out with your family the whole time. Who has worse luck than you?”
“Probably no one,” I said. “I did get some amazing video of Mrs. Cliff, though.”
When I told him about it, he begged me to send it to him.
“I’ll send it,” I said, “but you have to promise to not share it.”
“I promise. Just send it!”
I sent it and then jumped into my own bed, happy to be home at last.
20
It’s Totally Not My Fault!
On New Year’s Eve, we stayed home and hung out with Grandma. We ordered in takeout and watched the ball drop on TV. After midnight, Grandma told me New Year’s Eve is a time for making changes and setting goals for the coming New Year.
“I think this is an opportunity for you to set some goals for yourself,” she said.
“What kind of goals?” I asked.
“You know what I’m talking about. You’re getting older. You can’t go through your whole school life complaining about everything. School can be a rewarding experience, but you have to give it a chance.”
“I guess you’re right,” I said. “I could try to be a little more positive.”
“You could try to be a lot more positive. I think you should also try to keep yourself out of trouble. You’re a good boy. There’s no reason you should be causing trouble at school. That needs to stop.”
“I’ll try, Grandma,” I said.
“Thank you, sweetheart.” Her phone buzzed. Her face looked concerned as she read the text.
I took a handful of pretzels and sat back on the couch. She was right. Maybe I had been being too negative at school and getting into too much trouble.
“Justin,” she said, sounding concerned, “Mrs. Cliff just texted me. There seems to be a video of her from Aruba posted on the Internet. Do you know how it got there?”
“Maybe,” I said. “But it’s totally not my fault!”