Hurt You

by Abby Mccarthy

  Antonio has been coming on full force. Everything he has been alluding to for the last nine years feels like it’s about to come to a head and I was scared; terrified. I began to shake from thoughts of Antonio. Then, there was Jules. I’ve already learned that I can't love someone. I know Antonio will destroy any chance I have at love. Can I be happy with Jules in secret, even for a little while?

  I believed Jules when he said that if I don't come to him that he’ll find me. I know it’s wrong and I should walk away, but I need Jules if only for a little while.

  Chapter 7

  The next few days were spent either at work or with my mom and Gino. I needed the comfort that my family provided. I showed up at mom’s house Wednesday after work with groceries in hand. I got out of work early and thought that she would enjoy not cooking for once.

  Gino was out front dribbling a basketball as I pulled up. “Hey you!” I called, “Come help me with the groceries.”

  His face lit up, like it always did. “Hey, Aunt Jen!” he called and set the ball down and ran to the car to help me.

  “Who’s here with you?” I asked him because I didn’t see Mom’s car.

  “Marcus is inside,” he said, picking up a bag.

  I walked into Mom’s house and was instantly calmed. This was the home I grew up in and it made me feel at ease. It grounded me.

  Marcus was sitting on the couch that still had the same doilies on the armrest that had been there since we were kids. He was watching a baseball game on TV and had his feet kicked up.

  “Hey! You staying for dinner?” I asked after I set the groceries down in the kitchen and then slapped the top of his ball cap.

  “You’re cooking?” he asked holding his face in disgust.

  “Oh, shut it. My lasagna is amazing and you know it.”

  “Only if it says Stouffers on the box,” he joked.

  “Fine. Then, I guess you can’t have any.” I said trying to keep a straight face.

  Marcus threw his hands up in the air surrendering, “Kidding, kidding. Don’t hold out on me.” Marcus’s cell phone rang and he flipped it open, “Hey Vito. I’m at Mom’s. Jenny’s cooking lasagna tonight,” he paused listening to what Vito had to say, “Cool, see you soon.” He hung up the phone and announced, “Vito’s coming for dinner.”

  “You sure I’m not going to poison him with my cooking? You’d risk your brother’s life?” I chided. Marcus responded by giving me a look.

  “Hey, Gino. You want to help me in here?” I asked, as I started taking out pots and a mixing bowl.

  “The Phillies are playing the Yankees,” Marcus said to Gino. Gino gave me a sympathetic shrug and said, “Sorry, Jenny. It’s the Phillies.”

  I grabbed a bowl and filled it with chips and brought it out to the guys. I was busy in the kitchen preparing dinner when Vito showed up. The guys kicked back watching the game. I heard Gino shout at the screen. This is what it’s all about, my family. How could I put any more of the men I love in danger? Watching them, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would do whatever I had to in order to keep them safe.

  ***

  “To what do we owe your cooking to? Not that I’m complaining, but is everything okay with you?” Mom asked as I helped her load the dishwasher after dinner.

  “Yeah, everything is fine. I just wanted to do something for you and Gino.”

  “Are you sure?” she asked squinting her eyes at me. “You know if anything was bothering you, you could talk to me.”

  “I know, Mom. Love you.”

  “Oh, sweetie. I love you too,” she said and then the phone rang breaking our moment.

  “Hi. Yes, of course,” Mom said to the person on the other end and then she covered the phone with her hand and told me it was her sister, Marcella, as she walked into the other room. Those two could be on the phone forever.

  I finished cleaning up in the kitchen and then my mom returned the phone to the receiver. “Gino, why don't you give the grown-ups a few minutes and go practice your free throw?” she asked Gino.

  “But Grandma…” he started to complain. All it takes is a certain look from my mom for everyone to bend to her will. He saw the look and immediately went outside.

  “What’s up, Mom?” Vito asked.

  “I just got off the phone with Marcella. She needs our help.”

  “Of course, Mom. Whatever she needs,” Marcus said.

  “A friend of hers and her daughter need a place to stay. She asked if I would help out and I gladly said yes. I’ll need help getting the rooms upstairs ready. They don't have much. The girl is close to Gino’s age.”

  “When are they coming? I can help get some clothes together,” I offered.

  “It could be as soon as a week.”

  “What might be in a week?” Carlo asked as he walked in the front door.

  “We’re going to have some guests. Carlo, do you have a few minutes? I need you to help me move something upstairs.” That was also my mom’s code for I want to talk to your brother alone, so Vito, Marcus and I kissed them goodnight.

  I walked to my car and noticed a tiny piece of folded white paper tucked into the seam of the window. I looked around fearful that this could be from Antonio, then grabbed the note and got into my car. I recognized this paper. It wasn't from Antonio. I looked around to see if I could spot him anywhere. There didn't seem to be a trace of him. Surely I would have heard the familiar rumble of his bike if he had been here. My heart rate picked up as I unfolded the paper anxious to see what it said.

  Tonight Ten you know where ~J

  I went home and contemplated whether or not I should go to him. I convinced myself that since I go to the overlook all the time, it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary if anyone saw me headed in that direction. I told myself that this would be the last time, and I would tell Jules that we couldn't do this. Even though I told myself this, I couldn't help but get dressed for him. I put on my sexiest red lace bra and matching panties. Followed by a black pair of jeans that made my ass look fabulous and a red tank top that did everything wonderful for my breasts and the cutest pair of peep toe heels that were black and white with small crossbones and skulls on them. I left my hair down and did my make-up minimally. I wanted to look hot, but not like I was trying. I told myself I would say goodbye, but I dressed like I wanted him to want me. I’m not even sure if I did it consciously. It wasn't fair. I was lying to myself that I could walk away. Even as I got into my car and headed in the direction of the overlook, I knew I was at war with myself. I looked in my rear view mirror to make sure I wasn't being followed and wondered if I could keep this from Antonio?

  It was dark when I pulled into the old overlook. The lot, which was long forgotten by most, was overgrown with weeds. It didn’t matter that there was a newer, more developed overlook not far from here. This one had a charm from the solitude it offered.

  I didn't see Jules until I got out of the car, and then he was cloaked in the shadows. The only way I knew that he was here was from the glowing red light of his cigarette.

  I wanted to approach him. I wanted to run away. I wanted to strip myself of clothes and leap into his arms. I wanted to push him and tell him to go.

  I wanted.

  I wanted.

  I wanted.

  So conflicted with what I was feeling, I stood there until finally the deep rasp of his voice broke through to me, “Jesus, you’re wound tight tonight, Jenny. Come here.”

  “But,” I tried to argue and he stopped me.

  “Come here.”

  I was helpless under his spell. I couldn’t have said no if I tried. So, I went to him. I curled my arm around his waist, closed my eyes and let the comfort of his touch wash away all of my fear.

  “Missed you,” he said as he kissed the top of my head. I wanted to tell him not to miss me because I could never be his. I wanted to tell him goodbye, but I was too weak. I lost the battle, far too quickly, and Jules won. “Come with me,” he said, leading me towards his bike. I
started to protest, afraid of being seen. It was as if he knew. “Trust me,” he commanded, then handed me a black helmet that covered my face.

  He wove the bike away from Wakeman, around the bends and curves of the hilly Pennsylvanian mountainside. The wind was warm as it rushed around me. The arrow on the speedometer rose higher and higher. I felt the vibration from the road, the wind on my skin and Jules’ hard warm body between my legs. Nothing else mattered. I understood the lure of the road. It was liberating.

  We eventually made our way back to the overlook and I felt one hundred percent different than when I first arrived. It was as if the road washed away all of the burdens I was carrying.

  “I feel great,” I said to Jules as I took off the helmet and handed it to him. “How did you know that would make me feel better?”

  “Because it always clears my head and I knew the first time you were on the back of my bike that it’s exactly where you belong.”

  “I belong on the back of your bike, huh?” I asked, batting my lashes.

  “You feel that weight lifted from your shoulders? How the road makes you feel alive and free?”

  I nodded, understanding what he meant because that’s exactly how I felt.

  “Can you picture yourself on the back of someone else’s bike?”

  “No,” I responded and walked over to the bench that I was used to sitting on. Jules followed me, then sat down and pulled me next to him.

  “Then you should know that not everyone is made for the back of a bike, but you, firecracker, are made for the back of mine.”

  “Jules,” I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder, “It’s pretty up here. Since you brought me here the first time, I’ve found myself coming here to clear my head.”

  “Beautiful,” he said looking at me as he tucked a hair behind my ear that was hanging in my face. “Jenny, what’s weighing on you?”

  “Please don’t ask me to tell you?” I pleaded.

  Jules ran his fingertips over my scar where I was bitten, “Does it have to do with this? Is this what’s weighing on your mind? Is this why you don’t want anyone to know about us?” He pauses and places a kiss where his fingers just trailed. “Are you still involved with the asshole who did this to you?” God, he thinks I’m in an abusive relationship.

  “Yes and no. The scar is a reminder. And no, I’m not involved with the guy who did this. I told you that. I’ve never been involved with him.”

  “Your scar is a reminder of what?” he asked.

  In reality, it’s a reminder to protect my family, but I can’t tell him that, so I tell a half-truth, “It’s a reminder that I need to be more careful. I don't like that I was put in a situation where I got hurt.”

  “Babe, it drives me nuts that I found you that way,” he said, concerned, but I didn’t want to dwell on the conversation so I did my best to change the subject.

  “Did you ever notice how the stars reflect into the lake from up here?”

  “I have, Jenny. I notice a lot.” The way he said that made my stomach tighten, there was a double meaning there. I just didn’t know how exposed I truly was.

  “It really is peaceful isn't it?” I asked, not really expecting an answer.

  Jules moved behind me and began rubbing my shoulders. “Tell me about your day,” he asked. I was surprised by this. I thought we would get together and have amazing sex, not talk. But, Jules was again showing me how wrong I could be.

  “I worked and then made my family dinner at my mom’s.”

  “You cook?”

  “I’m one hundred percent Italian.”

  “And?”

  “Of course, I cook!”

  “Do you cook at your mom’s a lot?” he asked.

  “Not that often, but my Nana has been sick and Mom’s been spending a lot of time at the nursing home. I try when I can. We all help out, especially with Gino. It's got to be a hard balance for her sometimes. She only retired a few years ago, but Gino can keep her busy. Heck, he can keep us all busy. I just wanted to do something nice tonight. They ground me.”

  Jules continued to rub my shoulders, “Was it just the three of you, then?”

  “No, my brother Marcus was there when I got there; then Vito called and he showed up for dinner too.”

  “You spend a lot of time with them, then?”

  “Yeah, I do. I’m closest with Carlo, but work keeps him pretty busy. Vito and Marcus are always around trying to watch over me. My other two brothers live close by too, but they are always busy with their own families. We have Sunday dinners together when we can. Sometimes everyone is there; sometimes just a few of us. It depends.”

  “Do you cook for those?” he asked.

  “Yeah right. I got away with tonight. My mom cooks for the family. She will sometimes let me help, but mostly I get to just hang out.”

  “I’m glad you have them. I understand you wanting to keep us from them a little better, but Jenny?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You do know what Carlo does for a living, right?”

  “I do know what Carlo does. I’m not blind to it, but Carlo didn't choose this life. When Gus died, it was like Carmine just sucked him in and didn't give him much choice. It’s hard on my mom. She worries about him all the time, and they constantly fight about it. I can't put us on her shoulders too.”

  “So you’re admitting there is an ‘us’?” he asked, moving the hair over my shoulder and kissing my neck. His lips were soft and moist as his tongue made the smallest connection with my skin. It felt like a tease.

  “There is something here between us. You know it and I know it,” I admitted.

  “Finally, she gets it,” he said and laughed.

  “Jules, we don't have a future. We are what we are for right now. Can that be enough for you?”

  Jules ignored my question and slipped his hand into the top of my shirt. He pushed my bra aside and began stroking my nipple while his mouth gave me more tortuous kisses along my neck, increasing in pressure and strength. My breast reacted by pushing into his hand and I arched my neck, opening up more to him.

  “You’re wrong. We do, and I’ll show you,” he said.

  I should’ve argued and told him he was wrong, but the way his lips on me felt, I couldn't really form words. Instead, I whimpered, which was a big mistake because hearing me make noises only fueled him on.

  “You think you could react like this for just anyone?” he asked as he undid my jeans and slipped his hand into my panties.

  “I think I like sex and you make me feel good,” I panted, lying through my teeth. The truth was that I did feel an unnerving chemistry that honestly was new to me. I’ve had lovers that were good, but Jules sparked something inside of me that no man, not Johnny or any other man, could’ve ever sparked.

  He moved his fingers over my clit, rubbing it in slow circles.

  “More,” I whimpered again.

  “You want more?”

  “I need more.”

  “Me too, Jenny,” he said plunging two fingers inside of me. “Me too.” His double entendre was loud and clear.

  Jules worked me so quickly that even my purple rabbit couldn't have made me come as fast as he did. A few pumps in and out, and I was clenching around his fingers. My head was thrown back as loud gasps came from my mouth.

  When I calmed down and came back to reality, I sat up straighter and met Jules’ eyes, who was grinning at me like crazy “What are you grinning at?”

  “You think someone else can set you off like that? You’re my firecracker.”

  “Jules,” I started to say, but he cut me off.

  “Stop, half the time you open your mouth, you’re spewing some bullshit. Close your eyes.”

  I wanted to protest, but Jules was Jules and something about when he told me to do something made me automatically comply. So I closed my eyes, and listened to his words.

  “I’m putting my bandana over your eyes. You’re so into your head, you need to let go and just feel.”
>
  I felt the fabric tied securely over my eyes. I wasn’t nervous, not even a little. Turned on, yes. Nervous, no. I felt his fingers graze over the side of my feet as he slipped off each heel. Then, he helped me up from the bench I was sitting on and walked me a few feet. I could hear him doing something, but I wasn't sure what. It was like he could read my curious mind and he answered my unasked question. “I’m laying my vest down on the ground, then I’m going to fuck you so hard on my vest that every time I put it on I smell your pussy and remember how it clenches around me.”

  Yep, and I may have just had a mini orgasm.

  True to his words, Jules laid me down on his vest, but not before he ripped my shirt from over my head and discarded my jeans. I could smell a mix of sweat and soap as he leaned over me. It was intoxicating. He was intoxicating. He started at my legs and hovered above my body. He wasn’t touching me yet, but I could feel his hot breath as it moved over my skin.

  “You are breathtaking,” he said and then continued to move over me. “Don’t think about what you should or shouldn’t be doing. Just feel.”

  It was then that he lifted one of my legs straight into the air and held it there as his tongue swirled along my clit and swept from one end of me to the other. He didn't hesitate to lick all the way back. He devoured every inch of me. I moaned and pulled at his hair. Jules was right, I couldn't think of anything else. It was me and him and all of these sensations.

  He grabbed my other leg and lifted it so that both legs were straight in the air. The tip of his cock slapped against my pussy and I couldn't help but murmur, “Oh, God, yes.”

  “Gonna fuck you now,” he said in that deep raspy way that Jules owned.

  Then, he did as he promised as he slammed into me. He was relentless. It was hard and raw, fast and demanding. His goal was to shut my mind off to everything else and to just feel. And feel I did, every inch of him as he slid in deep.

  “Jules.”

  “Can you take more?”

  “I’ll take everything you give,” I panted.