“That’s sweet, Natalia.” He moved a loose curl out of his face. He leaned in and my breath caught, then he placed a soft chaste kiss on my cheek. My skin singed in the place he touched. My body froze before I snapped out of my daze and slowly got out of the car.
“Thanks, Hayes.”
“I’d walk you to the door but your hubby probably wouldn’t be too pleased.” He gave me a sheepish smile. Had he caught on to Mark’s abrupt demeanor with him earlier? I assumed so.
I stared at him in wonder. He was definitely a gentleman. “I’m okay. I just need to get off my legs and put my feet up.” I smiled back. “Have a good night.” In that moment I wanted to keep talking, to find a way of keeping him there a little longer. I wanted the feeling, whatever was budding in my chest, not to end, but like all good things in my life, I knew the moment had to end.
“Good night.”
He waited until I was safely tucked behind my front door, then I heard him drive away. I wondered when I would see him again.
Chapter Thirteen
Natalia
The next morning Immy dropped Lily off at home. I got her changed quickly and dropped her off at preschool. It didn’t involve doing much other than going through the carpool lane and having one of the teachers on duty take her from the car and head to the playground. As I was driving back home, my phone beeped with a Facebook message. At the red light I stopped to see who it was. The name Hayes Taylor lit up the screen. I didn’t know that was his last name.
Hayes: Where are you? Can we meet?
My heart beat fast. I told him to message me if he ever had a hard time sleeping or needed someone to talk to, but why did he want to meet? Didn’t he know it wasn’t right for us to meet on our own? Even if he was Shay’s cousin. It was one thing if we were hanging around Immy, but another if I was alone. I didn’t know what to do. My pulse thrummed at the thought of him. He hadn’t made any advances toward me. He hadn’t been disrespectful in any way. Well, except when he admitted he wanted me on his first visit. That didn’t feel disrespectful though, it felt truthful and I’d wanted him even if I would never act on it. If anything, he was kind to me, helpful. More than Mark had been since Lily was born.
At a stop sign I checked to make sure there were no cars behind me, and I messaged him back. We weren’t even friends on Facebook.
Me: I’m driving home.
The balls were rolling on my screen. He surely couldn’t come to my house. Mark worked at his store not far from home, but I never knew when he’d suddenly pop in. And why was I planning this in my head?
Hayes: Can I meet you for coffee?
The balls continued to roll.
Hayes: Short visit. Please. I know you need to stay off your feet.
Ugh! I thought long and hard. What was wrong with a cup of coffee? He was my best friend’s family. We would be in a public place. There was nothing wrong with that. Besides, he didn’t want me in that way, and there was the small detail that I was eight months pregnant. This was totally safe. I could meet Hayes for a cup of coffee or in my case herbal tea.
Me: Let’s meet by the beach.
I suggested the beach because it was farther away from home, and I hadn’t been there in months. I was acting suspicious when there was no reason. Maybe I was worried about Mark’s reaction if he found out. Even though he had taken out an old buddy’s sister who had been visiting from LA a few years back. I didn’t like the idea. He went out with her on his own. I thought it was weird, but Mark assured me it was the polite thing to do for an old friend.
Hayes: Message me when you get here.
Huh? Was he at the beach already?
When I arrived at the beach I looked at my phone to text Hayes when there was a knock on my window. I jumped and looked up. Hayes stared right at me.
I opened my window.
“You just scared me half to death.” I palmed my heart.
“Sorry. Saw you pull up. I rented a car for a few days. I was surfing here this morning.”
“Do you mean wind surfing?” I asked.
“No, actual surfing. Waves are really good today,” his grin was wide and infectious.
“Geez! It’s been forever since I surfed.” I sighed.
“I know how you feel. I live in Manhattan. I miss the beach.”
“So why did you choose New York?” I asked.
“Come out of the car and I’ll tell you.” He smirked. I suddenly looked at myself. I wasn’t put together very well. I’d planned on getting Lily to school and heading back home. I was in a pair of leggings, a plain grey T-shirt, and flip-flops. My platinum blonde hair was in a messy bun on my head.
“Shoot. I forgot. I don’t exactly look presentable.” I bit my lip.
“If you need to hear me say it I will. You are beautiful, Natalia.” Oh gosh. That accent. The way his eyes drank me in. It was intoxicating. When had Mark ever spoken to me like that? This kid was good.
“Well, come on.” He opened my door and extended his hand in front of him.
I swung my legs to the side and held my back with one hand while I used my car to pull me to a standing position.
“Yes,” he shouted with a cheer.
I shook my head and smiled.
“We can sit here at the coffee shop. I don’t want you walking far.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that.” I’d woken up this morning with swollen feet and ankles again; it was painful.
“What are you having?” He tilted his chin to my stomach.
“A boy.” I grinned. For a guy in his mid-twenties he was attentive.
“Nice.” He smiled.
“How about you? Any girlfriends?” I asked, because why was he taking an interest in an old pregnant woman?
“I had one in England before I left. We broke up. She knew I didn’t plan on going back for a long while,” he explained. He was wearing a pair of board shorts and a T-shirt, and his curls were blowing in the wind. He looked young and carefree. I thought back to my youth. Had I ever been young and free? I’d rebelled a little in high school, partying a lot with alcohol and a little marijuana. Then I graduated moved to LA, wanting space from my parents after Matt died. Then I met Mark. We fell in love.
“Yeah, I guess long distance is hard. And you’re young, why settle down so soon,” I said, and it wasn’t a question. I didn’t wait to test other fish in the sea. I found my fish and stuck by him. Where had that gotten me?
“How old were you when you met Mark?” he inquired. We reached the entrance to the coffee shop and walked toward a table. “This one okay?” He looked at me. I was five foot seven, but Hayes towered over me. I nodded. He pulled a chair out for me to sit.
“I was nineteen. My first year at UCLA,” I answered.
“Young,” he said. He looked over to a wall where a menu was written. “What can I get you?” he asked.
“I’m actually starved. I’ll get it. What can I bring you?” I offered and began to stand.
“Natalia.” He placed his hand on my arm. “Sit. Tell me what you want.”
My stomach was doing handsprings. The way his thick lips moved when he spoke. Why was I lusting over this kid? I had a husband, I was pregnant. Gah.
I exhaled. “I’ll take the number three breakfast special.” I said and reached into my purse.
“Natalia.” He said my name in a scolding way. “I’ve got it.” I nodded and sat back in my chair. I didn’t understand why I was here with him. He could be out surfing and picking up hot young women on the beach. Women who weren’t tied down and pregnant.
He sat down at the table. “They said they’ll bring the order over when it’s ready.”
“Thank you.” I smiled. “So why New York?” I asked again since he hadn’t answered my earlier question.
“It’s a big vibrant city. Very different from the small town I grew up in. I like the rush. I like the liveliness. I don’t know. It’s fun for now.” He shrugged.
“I grew up in Boca. Not too far from here. I went t
o UCLA then came back to Florida. I’ve never been to New York. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon. It was a gift from my father. That’s been it since then.”
“Does Mark not like to travel?” he asked, and I set that question up. What was it with Hayes? I had verbal diarrhea around him.
“Sorry, I-I . . .” I murmured.
“Don’t apologize. Whatever it is say it.” Gosh I’d become so used to walking on eggshells around Mark, I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I used to be this outspoken girl who said what was on her mind. I didn’t know what happened to me. I was lost.
He was about to place his hand on mine but pulled it back, slightly wincing.
“Is this like a therapy session?” I joked. It was a bad joke.
His brow wrinkled. “This is me trying to get to know you better. Don’t ask me why,” he said, holding up his finger with a devilish smile. He was challenging me.
“Because you like me,” I finished the sentence and giggled. It was like a breath of fresh air.
“Exactly, now answer the question,” he demanded playfully.
“What was the question?” It was my turn to wince; looking into his eyes made me feel off-kilter.
“Does Mark not like to travel? There was a reason you shared that with me,” he said.
Now I really felt like his patient.
“I’m sure Mark would like to travel. We just don’t have the money. I mean the store he opened isn’t doing great. I’m on bed rest, so I can’t work. It’s no big deal.” I shrugged it off even though I was ashamed. Our friends were moving up in the world, and we seemed to be falling behind with every step. I’d grown up in a home that I didn’t want for anything except love. This life was new to me.
“That isn’t easy. My mum was too proud to ask my grandparents for help when I was younger. My dad didn’t work. He didn’t do much. My mum held a secretarial job at an American firm for many years. Things were good until the firm closed their British branch. Then things turned bad.” He frowned. Now that he was sharing this with me, it didn’t feel so much like a therapy session, just two friends sharing details about their lives. Details I wouldn’t dare share with anyone else.
“What do you mean?” I asked, truly interested.
“Mum got fed up when she lost her job. Dad spent his time drinking, and he wasn’t willing to pitch in, so after years of being in a shitty marriage she left him and took me with her. We couldn’t afford our apartment. We moved to an even crappier apartment than we had for a while . . .” His voice trailed off.
“That sounds rough. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” I had an impulse to reach out and touch him. Console him somehow, even though I could tell by his demeanor it was all in his past.
“It is what it is. Now you know why I want to be a psychologist.” He exhaled.
“Because you want to help people.”
“Exactly.”
“Are you still in touch with your father?” I asked a little too curious.
“No, he’s back in the UK. Probably on welfare. Probably still acting shitty,” he said with a crooked smile.
“What about you?” he redirected. “Do you have enough money to get by?” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, that is an awful question.” His brows drew together. “I mean. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” He took my hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. He almost brought tears to my eyes. I didn’t realize how broken I was and how much I was craving attention until I met Hayes.
“I’m okay.” I nodded, but my chest felt tight, and I ground on my teeth, fighting my burgeoning emotions.
“I’m not going to ask you if he treats you right. That would be cliché.” His lip quirked in the corner like he was trying to make light of his words.
I gave him a small smile. I definitely didn’t want to tell him how my husband behaved. I barely understood it myself even if Hayes was a psychologist in training.
He gave me a knowing look. We sat quietly, staring at each other a beat too long when the man from behind the counter brought our meals over.
“Whoa. This looks good.” My mouth watered. “I’m sorry. I have a crazy appetite.”
“Don’t be sorry. Bon Appetit.” His lips turned up in a true smile like he was happy to see me content. “I don’t think there is a true translation in English.”
How was it that we were so in tune with each other? It was like our gazes shared understanding that our mouths never spoke.
I smiled and dug in, and best of all I didn’t feel self-conscious because Hayes didn’t look at me like I was some kind of ravenous beast the way Mark did when I ate. It was nice. Relaxing.
I cleared off the plate of eggs, pancakes, and hash browns. Hayes ate quietly. “This is good stuff for a coffee shop.” He pointed at his almost empty plate.
I swallowed the last bite.“It is pretty good.”
He finished eating and leaned back in his chair. “I like spending time with you, Natalia.” I was learning Hayes was an old soul in spite of being only twenty-five.
I blushed. “I like spending time with you too.” The words rolled so easily off my tongue, shocking me.
Now Hayes blushed through his boyish grin. He’s young, I’m married. I repeated to myself.
Hayes knew I didn’t have an attentive husband, and I didn’t like that he knew. I liked to pretend Mark and I were this perfect couple. That we were exactly like my friends who were couples, friends who enjoyed a healthy sex life, fun banter, and did familial things. We were supposed to be normal. If there was anything I wanted out of life, it was to give Lily a proper home and family. One I didn’t have but always felt was missing from my life.
I shifted in my seat. Hayes made me nervous.
“Sometimes you seem sad. Your eyes look empty.” He didn’t look at me when he said those words.
I leaned back and my arms came up and hugged my protruding belly.
“I remember my mum looking the way you do. When I was a kid,” he said, and the earth tilted sideways a little before righting itself. This was all making sense now. He wasn’t into me in a sexual way. Hayes wanted to save me.
“I’m okay,” I barely choked out as my chest tightened.
“That’s what you think now,” he said. It sounded eerie. I didn’t know what he was projecting from his past to me, but he was dead wrong. Mark and I were going to be okay. This was a rough patch. Every couple had one at some point, I was sure. I wanted to believe my own words, but it was hard to.
“No, it isn’t.” Sympathy for him washed over me. “I’m okay. I’m better than okay. I’m having a baby boy in a month who I can’t wait to meet. I love being a mother,” I said, my heart increased its pace, beating uncomfortably fast in my chest.
“You’re good at it,” he cut in. “Lily is lucky.”
I took a few calming breaths. He caused my emotions to funnel into a tornado. I reminded myself he had good intentions and he cared. My heart softened more. “Thank you.” I smiled sadly. “Please tell me you won’t worry about me.” My heart ached for him because his past clearly affected him, and he was projecting on me. I didn’t know what to do. A part of me wanted to hug him fiercely.
He nodded and looked melancholy.
“I should get going.” I forced myseld to stand slowly. “Thank you for breakfast.” I leaned over to give him a brief hug. Now that I knew he didn’t want me in a sexual way, he was safe. He held on to me a little longer than I expected, and as I took in the scent of sunscreen and salt water, a different feeling filled the space behind my rib cage, and a feeling I had never felt before took over.
“You take care, Natalia.” I was unsure why he was so sad but he was, and it broke my heart. I didn’t have it in me to stay any longer. The kid was sweet and endearing. He was handsome as hell, and I could’ve fallen hard for a guy like him in another life, but it wasn’t another life. This was my life, and I had made choices I had to live with. I ignored that feeling in my chest and walked out of the diner without looking b
ack.
Chapter Fourteen
Summer 2009
“Nat, your suffocating me,” Mark said as I propped myself up on him, riding his dick.
“What?” I asked breathless.
I’d been working hard to get off, and it wasn’t working.
“I can’t breathe with all your weight on me.”
My mind began to spin. I’d felt self-conscious about my body and weight since
Liam was born. After Lily my body pretty much bounced back to normal. I carried Liam differently. My stomach was pointy, and my skin looked like tiger claws had ravaged me. I didn’t care though, because I was excited to have my baby. Only now I had a little wrinkly area in my lower stomach and my boobs weren’t a B-cup that stood at attention anymore. I’d breast fed Liam for nine months. Now my breasts were a full C-cup and they didn’t hold themselves up the way they used to. I also had a good ten pounds of stubborn baby weight on me. I couldn’t believe Mark could be so cruel.
I rolled off him and lay in bed. This was awkward. I could barely remember a time when sex between us was easy. It always seemed forced.
“What are you doing?” he asked with an incredulous tone.
“Nothing. Going to sleep. I don’t want to suffocate you.” I said, pulling the blanket high to my chin while trying to hide the hurt from my voice and the piercing pain I felt in my heart.
“Fine,” he snapped and went to sleep.
Mornings were always a mad rush to get to school. Lily was six and Liam was two. I thought the terrible twos were a myth people conjured up because Lily never had any tantrums. Liam on the other hand, gave me a run for my money.
“Come on, honey.” I tried to get Liam dressed for daycare so I would be at work on time. I had stayed home with Liam for a full year as per Mark’s suggestion. This was one of the things I loved about my husband. He knew how much being a mother meant to me, and he gave me time with my babies. Even though things had been tight financially, I stayed home a full year and now I had a new job as a vet tech in a lab. I never believed in medical testing on animals, but the lab was working on groundbreaking research in cancer, and it would help a lot of humans survive.
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