Lily looked up to Natalia. “Can we go to the beach when you’re on break?” Her blue eyes gleamed like her mother’s.
Natalia looked to me. We both knew Lily was asking about Florida. Natalia hadn’t wanted to go back there for more than a few nights stay.
“Funny you should mention the beach. One of the doctors I work with has a beach house in Longport, right on the beach. I thought we could rent it over summer vacation,” I said.
“Really?” Lily asked, looking to Natalia to see if she agreed. “Can we stay on the beach, Mom? That would be awesome.”
“I don’t see why not.” Natalia kissed her cheek.
“Mom, I think you should go do your homework. Hayes will help me with math. He said he loves math. I feel bad not allowing him to help,” she said with a serious tone.
Natalia laughed and gave me a loving look. “We wouldn’t want to deprive Hayes of doing math.” She stood from the table and placed Lily in the chair. “My big girl,” she whispered.
When she looked at me, she mouthed, “Thank you.”
I shrugged as if it were nothing. Spending time with Lily and Liam had filled a void in my life I didn’t know I had. I never pictured myself as a family man until I met Natalia, even though I always craved a close sense of family like her. We didn’t live together, but the children understood I was her significant other.
“What can I do to convince you?” I asked her. I’d been dying to move in with her and the children since the moment she landed in Ithaca. First because I love her, but second because her husband was still at large, and I didn’t doubt he would come back for the kids one day. Natalia insisted she wasn’t scared. She attended day classes after she dropped the kids at school and picked the kids up at the end of their school day. I was not always around since I worked shifts in the hospital while also running a clinic to see patients regularly.
“Not yet.” She rolled onto her stomach. I came at night after the children were asleep and left before they woke in the morning, unless we were doing a day trip on the weekends. Last weekend we had gone to the falls and hiked a walking trail.
“You exasperate me, woman,” I said, kissing her nape. She leaned into me.
“Does that make you angry?” She looked at me and cocked a brow. You would think we hadn’t spend the last forty-five minutes or so making love.
“That makes me want to claim you as mine,” I growled and pinned her onto her back, holding her hands above her head. She pressed her hips into my erection. “You’re playing dirty.” I shook my head and smiled.
“With you, always.” She thrust her chest closer to my face, her nipples facing the ceiling, begging my attention. I dipped my head and suckled her left nipple in my mouth.
Her back arched off the bed and she moaned. “Yes.”
Her nipple hardened and puckered in my mouth, then I moved to the other. Suckling and nipping as her hips thrust into me.
“My greedy girl,” I growled.
“I could get off just by you saying that,” she replied, completely serious. I once sweet-talked her into an orgasm just by whispering naughty things in her ear.
“I want to get you off with more than my words.” I continued licking a trail down her belly. Her hands messed with my hair and the lower I got the wilder she became. When my tongue made contact with her slit she hissed into the darkness of the room.
My tongue moved slowly, teasing her. Her hips moved, seeking more friction, but I didn’t give in, wanting her writhing beneath me.
“Yes, please, Hayes,” her sultry voice echoed through the dark room as I suckled her hardened nub and she bucked off the bed. “Yes, yes.”
She wanted to get off on my tongue, but I needed her getting off on my cock. I moved up her body. Her pussy was slick and ready when I slid in.
“Oh yes,” she moaned. “I love you inside me.” I’d told her I loved her on many occasions but she’d never reciprocated. She told me it was because she doubted herself. She didn’t know how she could have ended up with a guy like Mark.
“I thought you were going to say you love me, but if you love my cock that will do. He is pretty awesome,” I retorted.
She burst into laughter and pressed her pussy into me.
“I love when you do that. I love the way your sweet pussy hugs me,” I whispered against her mouth, spreading kisses along her lips so she couldn’t answer while I ground and rolled my hips.
“That feels good.” Her chin tilted to the ceiling. I took that as a sign to pick up pace.
“Do you want me to fuck you harder?” I asked. She nodded. Thrust, roll, thrust, roll. Always such sweet agony as we drove each other higher and higher to sweet agony. My hands came down, and I grabbed her hips, holding her tight and close. Faster, harder, chasing the release. The telly blaring in the background with volume to drown out her moans.
“Fuck, yes,” she hissed, squeezing my cock so tight a jolt rolled up my spine as I fought the need to come. She detonated like a firecracker, always so responsive, moaning loudly into the dark room. I tried quieting her with kisses, but her pussy squeezed me so tight that the jolt in my spine turned into liquid fire. I came hard and fast, shooting my seed inside her, my body surrendering to the ecstasy.
She let me hold her tight as we both caught our breath. A lot of stuff was going on in her head. I watched her thinking sometimes when she was cooking or doing something mindless. She wore her scars like I wore mine, on my heart. It was one of the things that drew me to her from the start.
“I love you, sweetheart. It’s okay. You don’t have to say it back,” I reassured her as I always did, and as always she remained quiet, yet somehow she managed to hold me tighter, closer. It was the words she didn’t say that spoke to my heart.
“I want to say it,” she whispered so softly. “I still don’t trust myself.” She had confessed this truth many times before. I was grateful she felt she could be open and honest with me. She started therapy at the hospital since she was having post-traumatic stress about Mark kidnapping her and holding her at gunpoint. It seemed to be helping not only with the PTSD but also her own self-discovery.
“He was a con man. There was no way a sane person would be able to see what he pulled off.” I’d said this before and I’d say it as many times as she needed to hear it.
“The rational part of my brain knows that, but there is a part of me deep down that needs to find herself. To find a way to trust myself. To feel strong again. You know it has nothing to do with you. After everything you’ve done for me I—”
“Stop.” I pressed a finger to her lips. “I’m here because I love you, and I can wait.”
I kissed her forehead.
“Thank you,” she mumbled, her eyes drifting shut.
I couldn’t fall asleep right away. She’d recently received her divorce in absentia and her father and Anna took care of selling and donating everything from her life back in Florida. Even though Natalia worked hard for everything, she had insisted the excess funds, which weren’t a significant amount, be donated to the local animal shelter. She wanted to start her life on a clean slate, void of anything Mark. I knew she was on the path to finding her strength. Coming to New York and getting her doctoral degree in veterinary medicine was going to help her realize what a smart and strong woman she was. I knew it didn’t matter how many times I complimented her, she needed to heal inside. The divorce finalizing was another step forward. I would let her heal, and then I’d make her mine.
Chapter Forty-Three
Natalia
A phone rang. I squinted against the sunlight seeping in through the blinds and reached for my bedside table, picking up my phone, but it wasn’t ringing. My eyes shot open. Hayes! Hayes is here. He stayed the night. Shoot! I was suddenly grateful for the lock he installed on the bedroom door after Liam sleepwalked in here the first night we arrived.
“Hayes.” I shook him awake. It was a Sunday, which meant neither of us had to be anywhere. “Hayes.” I nudged him again. �
�Your phone,” I said. I didn’t bring up the fact that he accidentally fell asleep here. How in the hell was I going to sneak him out of here? The kids would be up soon.
“Hello.” His voice was raspy from sleep. “Higgins?” It was a question. My stomach sunk at the mention of that name. He was the FBI officer who worked on Mark’s case. He was shot the day I was kidnapped. Hayes shifted up in bed. “I see. You’re sure?” He looked pensive.
I wondered what they were saying. Last we heard the FBI believed Mark snuck into Mexico under the radar with Mateo Nunez. His brothers, mother, and two sisters were on trial in LA.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he hissed. “Why the hell would you tell me that, fuck.” Hayes was a calm man, but now he looked a little scary. “No, I would have rather you didn’t . . . yeah, well, you leave me no choice, you fucking wanker.”
“Quiet, and stop swearing. I don’t need the kids hearing you,” I whispered. He looked at me like he suddenly remembered where he was.
“Thanks, Higgins,” he snickered. “You too, man.” He closed the phone, and his eyebrows drew together. He looked like a cross between sad and relieved as he whipped the covers off him, revealing his buck-naked Adonis form. He paced the room.
“What is it? Tell me now.” I held my heart.
He stopped and gave me a blank stare. “They caught Mark.” Those words provided relief. I’d had too many nightmares where Mark snuck in here in the middle of the night, saying he wanted his children back, or worse I dreamt he had a gun with a silencer attached just like the day he kidnapped me, and it was pressed to my head between my eyes.
I took an easy breath for the first time in a long time. “That’s good. This is good. Now I know he can’t get to us. Can’t hurt us again.”
Hayes shook his head, pressing his thumb and forefinger to his nose between his eyes. “Natalia, Mark is dead,” he said softly, carefully walking over to the bed and taking a seat in front of me.
“What? What do you mean?” My heart skipped a beat as my emotions went through a fiery hurricane.
“He tried to sneak back into the US with Mateo. The authorities were alerted, and they were both shot,” he explained.
“Oh.” A lone tear rolled down my cheek. My relief washed in guilt. What would I say to my children now? I sometimes heard them talking about Mark. They were both waiting for his return. I’d told them he still needed time away. I didn’t tell them we were safer the farther away he was.
Hayes strong arms enveloped me. “I’m sorry,” he said. “So sorry. You’re allowed to be sad, angry, whatever . . . don’t hold it in.”
I laughed internally because that was what it was like to have a psychologist for a boyfriend. He was so in tune with my emotions. Caring about my well-being. After years of neglect I felt like I awoke in heaven, lucky enough to be the recipient of his love.
“I’m sad for the children, not myself.” I placed my chin on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around him. “I’m relieved. So relieved. I don’t have to look over my shoulder anymore. I don’t have to check the locks five times before I sleep.”
Hayes rubbed my back. He didn’t say anything. I pulled my head back so I could look at him. “What do I say to the kids? How can they possibly understand any of this?” He was the professional.
“I think you tell them Mark died in a tragic accident. It’s close to the truth. They are too young to know the reality, but one day you’ll need to tell them who their father was. No matter what, they’ll want to know.”
“What will that do to them? To know how messed up he was. The man was going to shoot me in the head. If you hadn’t shown up when you did, I would have died out there in the swamp.” I break down and cry. I cry because once I was a naïve girl who believed in love and goodness in the world. I cry for the woman who endured so much pain being married to a careless, evil man who didn’t protect her heart. And I cry for the woman I was now, grateful to have a kind and caring man in my life who both my children and I could rely on.
“I hate to say it, but it’s for the best.” Hayes said the words I was scared to breathe out loud.
“You’re right.” I swiped at my tears.
We heard the kids chatting in the next room. “Do you want me to hide in the bathroom or something?” he asked.
“I want to say no. I want to say it’s time they understand you sleepover here sometimes or even more than sometimes.”
“But . . .” He continued the sentence for me.
“I need to tell my children their father is no longer in this world. They’re going to be hurt. I don’t want to lay more on them,” I explained.
“Don’t feel bad. You’re a good mum. It’s one of the things I love most about you. I just . . .” He paused.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.” He looked at his hands and shook his head. “Now isn’t the time. I’ll sneak into the bathroom, hopefully undetected. You take them to the kitchen, and I can slip out the front door.”
“Good plan.” I press a kiss to his lips. “Thank you for being so understanding.” I was blessed to have him in my life.
After we’re both dressed, Hayes took my hand and looked at our interlaced fingers. “There’s something else. I don’t know why Higgins told me. It seems pointless right now. I swear if he was here in front of me I would want to punch him, and I’m not a violent man.” He paused and looked at our hands and not my eyes. I was surprised at how well I’d taken the news so far.
“Whatever it is, tell me. John must have told you for a reason,” I urged.
He shook his head exhaling harshly. “I fucking hate that I’ve been the bearer of bad news in your life. First with realizing Mark was a fraud and now . . .” His voice trailed off.
“You’ve been the bearer of everything good in my life. You’ve kept me afloat when I was alone and drowning.” I squeezed his hand and willed him to speak.
“Mark was being followed in Mexico. The CIA was onto him because they have undercover agents involved in the Panaola cartel.” He gritted his jaw. “Mateo Nunez and Mark were secret lovers, Natalia. They hid it from the cartel too, but Higgins’s source saw them together more than once. Higgins said they had suspected that was the case in Miami, but they never got inside Mateo’s apartment to confirm it. There were never any women around either of them. They spent hours in that apartment alone, together,” he said, and bile rose up my throat.
I slapped a hand to my mouth, “I’m going to be sick.” I smacked open my bedroom door and made a run to the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time to vomit. After I did, I held on to the toilet seat, gagging over it.
“Breathe, Natalia. I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Hayes rubbed my back, but my mind was spinning to the past.
I took a piece of toilet paper, wiped my mouth, then stood up. “Mark . . . was gay.” I said but, it was supposed to be a question.
“Mommy, are you okay?” Lily stood in the entrance to the bathroom and looked between me and Hayes. At least he was wearing his clothes. Maybe she would think he just got there.
“Yeah, sweetie. I just . . . I woke up with a sour stomach,” I said, but my voice shook, and looking into my daughter’s eyes made me want to cry.
So many things made sense now. His irritation with me. The reason he didn’t want me. He was such a motherfucking asshole. He did all that to hide the fact he was a drug smuggler. Living a lie was worth it for him. He deserves to rot in hell for all the cruelty he put me through.
“Let’s get you some water,” Hayes said, and I followed him into the kitchen.
Lily and Liam followed us too.
“Can you make pancakes for breakfast, Mommy?” Liam asked.
“Sure.” I answered, but I felt airy and lightheaded. I had to sit down. No, scratch that, I wanted to curl into the fetal position and cry my heart out. I obviously couldn’t do that in front of the kids.
“You sit down and take it easy. I’ll make the kids breakfast.” Hayes seemed insiste
nt.
“It’s okay,” I whispered, but I could tell he knew I was destroyed inside. Years of Mark putting me down, making me feel incompetent in the bedroom. My mind was spinning.
“Please, go take it easy. I’ve got this.” He placed his hand on my lower back and shooed me away from the kitchen. I asked Lily and Liam to come sit with me on the couch, and we watched one of their shows, but only I stared into thin air. I wanted to call Immy and tell her, but I felt like I should tell the kids first.
After breakfast Hayes said he was going to run home to prepare for the day. The kids weren’t the least bit suspicious about him sleeping over. They adored him. He’d behaved more like a father to them these past months than their own father ever had.
“Kids, come to the kitchen table,” I said once we were alone. And then I looked into the eyes of my innocent children and told them their father was gone.
Chapter Forty-Four
Natalia
2016
“I’m so proud of you.” My father leaned in to kiss my cheek. It was graduation day. My entire family came to Ithaca to support me. Mom, Desmond, Dad, and Anna were here on the beautiful grounds of Cornell University.
“Thanks, Dad.” I smiled at him. I wouldn’t have come this far without him. He even helped me study by phone over the years.
“Stand together and I’ll take a picture,” Mom said, holding up her phone.
Hayes, the children, and I stood for a picture, and I realize of how far we’d come together. I’d accomplished my dream of becoming a veterinarian. Lily was thirteen going on sixteen and Liam was a typical ten-year-old boy who plays too much PlayStation. I’d stayed with Mark for all the wrong reasons. I was terrified of messing my children up, but there they were, stable and happy, and it gave me a feeling of fulfillment. I was stronger and most importantly, I believe in myself. I felt it in the way I pulled my shoulders back, held my head up, and smiled a real smile for the camera. No more faking happiness. I didn’t have to hide behind secrets and lies or a husband who’s emotionally abusive. I had unconditional love from a man who had shown me over and over again I could rely on him.
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