by J. Sterling
“It’s not really a great thing,” she said. “I mean, it does sort of suck that I’ll most likely get into all those schools because of who I am, not because I truly earned it. But I want to go. And I want to go to a good school, so I’m not above asking for help getting in.” Her face scrunched in an adorable way as she frowned at me. “Does that make me a crappy person?”
I let out a laugh. “No, it doesn’t. You’re aware that you’re asking for help. And you don’t act like you deserve all these things for nothing. Nothing about you is crappy, Paige. Except maybe your taste in ex-boyfriends.”
“Hey!” she squeaked out, her eyes wide and her jaw hanging open. “What about my taste in guys now?” She deliberately ran her gaze up and down my body, and I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and spank the sass right out of her.
“Still questionable,” I said teasingly.
She shrugged. “Can’t win ’em all.”
“I’m proud of you.” I walked over and wrapped my arms around her waist, then pulled her against me and dipped my head to kiss her soft lips.
“Thank you. That means a lot. So, where’d you apply?” she asked with a wink.
“You’re hilarious.”
“I mean it, Tatum. You shouldn’t let all that talent go to waste. You won’t let me give up on my dreams, so I can’t let you give up on yours.”
“My dreams aren’t as easy as yours,” I said, and instantly wished that I could take the words back as her relaxed stance turned defensive and she pulled out of my arms.
“Easy? Oh, that’s right, everything’s easy for me.”
“That’s not what I meant, Paige. It’s just—” I bit back my words, unsure how to fix this. “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. Please, I just meant that I don’t even know where to start anymore.” I closed the space between us, not wanting my stupid mouth to ruin the night.
“You’re just scared,” she snapped, and my temper flared.
I stared at her, a battle of wills brewing between us. Instead of fighting her, I nodded. “You’re right. I am,” I admitted as my defenses crumpled.
“I know it’s scary. Change is scary. And going after your dreams is terrifying.” She walked into the kitchen and leaned her arms on the countertop.
“I’m comfortable in my failure.” I sat on top of the coffee table and positioned myself to face her, even though she was across the room.
“You’re not a failure.”
“I think deep down I know that. But I’ve tossed everything I want aside. I’ve let my whole life simmer on the back burner for so long. And I think the honest-to-God truth is that it’s just easier that way.”
“Of course it’s easier. It’s always easier to not try, to not rock the boat, to not put yourself out there,” she practically shouted. “Of course it’s easier to stay complacent and pretend you’re happy when you’re just content. There’s a fire that burns inside you, Tatum—I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it when you play the guitar and you talk about music. It would be a real shame to let that fire burn out instead of feeding it.”
Throwing my head back, I closed my eyes for a moment before refocusing on her. Her words were powerful, and part of me couldn’t believe she was talking about me. When was the last time anyone had said something so inspired—and meant it in reference to me?
I shook my head. “You know what you want to do. You want to go to school and find that normal life you’ve been searching for. But nothing else in your world has to change if you don’t want it to. Everything in my life has to change. Every single thing.”
“That’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t feel ready.”
“When will you ever feel ready? Every day that passes is just more time you’re losing and can never get back.”
“I know.”
“Tatum,” she said in a soft, pleading voice, but my gaze stayed glued to the floor. “Tatum,” she said a little louder, and I looked up at her. “I don’t mean to push you. I just really think you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t at least try. I think you’ll eventually hate yourself for it.”
“Because you hated yourself?”
“I didn’t hate myself, per se, but I definitely regret not doing all of this sooner. Maybe I thought my desire for college would go away eventually. I don’t know, but it never did. It’s like a part of me that is this living, breathing thing. It wants to be recognized. It wants to be fed. That’s what I think music is for you. But I guess I could be wrong.”
I shook my head. “You’re not wrong.”
“You of all people should know how precious time is. That every day we’re given is a gift and not something to be taken lightly.”
My thoughts drifted to my father. Would he be proud of me and the man I became? I knew he would be. But would he want more for me and want me to follow my own dreams? He would want that as well.
With a sigh, I said, “Okay, I’ll do some research tomorrow. It’s a small step, but that’s probably how I’ll need to approach this.”
“It’s better than no steps at all.” Paige smiled and moved over toward me. She dropped to her knees and rested her forearms on my thighs. “You can do this, Tatum. You can do anything you set your mind to. I truly believe that.”
Her head tilted up as her lips met mine in the sweetest kiss. I opened my mouth and drank her in. Paige’s hands wrapped around the lower part of my back, her fingers digging into my skin, and I pulled her even tighter against me. She couldn’t get any closer, but that didn’t stop me from trying. I slid my hand up the small of her back and traced her curves before settling on the crook of her neck. When she moaned into my mouth, I lifted her from the floor and pulled her into my lap. Her hips wiggled as she moved against me.
“Paige, sweetheart, you’d better stop moving your hips like that.”
“Or what?” she asked, her lips moving to my neck and dropping kisses there as her hips still moved, driving me crazy.
“Or maybe I’ll stop being so nice and I’ll start taking advantage of you,” I whispered against her lips.
“Maybe I want you to take advantage of me.” She pulled back, leveling a serious gaze on me, and I met her eyes.
“Is that what you want? You’re ready to do this?” I asked as I desperately tried to keep my real brain in control.
“Are you?”
And that was the million-dollar question. Was I ready to have sex with her? Every molecule in my body wanted to get lost in her, but I knew my head would be royally screwed up if I allowed that to happen and then had to let her go. I was never good at the whole one-night-stand thing, and I definitely wasn’t the love-’em-and-leave-’em type. Being physical with her meant getting attached, and I couldn’t afford to do that with someone like Paige Lockwood.
“Not yet,” I admitted, and I swear I heard my dick cry out in protest.
Paige smiled. “Okay then. No more dry humping,” she said with a laugh before scooting off my lap.
“Aw, man. I didn’t say that,” I said with a whine.
She leaned down, giving me another mind-blowing kiss before saying, “I’m going to head to bed in the house. I’ll see you in the morning.” Her lips brushed against mine. “Don’t forget to start researching. Maybe we can make a list of everything you need to do just to see what sounds good to you, or where the schools might be. We can do that tomorrow, if you want.”
“Would that make you feel better about my future?”
“Don’t make fun of me. But yes, it would. I want to help, and I know this is the only way you’ll let me.”
I’ll be damned if she wasn’t right about that.
“Okay, babe. Tomorrow we’ll start researching my shit.”
“Yay!” She clapped her hands with excitement and I grabbed her by the waist, pulling her back down on me so I could lose myself in her lips.
“I changed my mind,” I mumbled between kisses, and she moved her mouth away from mine.
“I want you.”
I needed to get out of my own head for once and live in the moment. If I let Paige go without really knowing her inside and out, she would be one more thing I’d regret. This amazing girl materialized like magic into my life, and I was acting like a damn chick about it.
“Are you sure?” she said, her voice sounding so damn sweet, I wanted to taste it. “We don’t have to.”
But I wasn’t sure. Not entirely, but my body convinced me otherwise. “As sure as I’ll ever be. You?”
“I was just waiting on you.”
“So sweet.”
Without another word, I swept her up into my arms and walked us to my bedroom, my lips pressed against hers the whole time. The truth was, I was nervous. It had been a long time since my dick had seen any action, and even longer since my brain had wanted it to. My dick always wanted to get laid, but the smarter parts of me tended to win out. Thank God.
After laying her gently on top of my bed, I knelt on the bed and took a deep breath. Knowing what she was about to give me excited me in every way possible. Why would I ever deny myself this kind of connection with her?
Her hands found their way to the hem of my shirt, then she pulled it over my head and sighed a little as she stared at me.
Leaning back on my calves, I reached for her top with both hands and gently tugged while she shimmied out of it. Seeing her like this made my pulse race. I’d already seen her in a bikini, but a man knows the difference between a bathing suit and a bra. Seeing one usually means you’re getting lucky, and the other just means “Look, but don’t touch.”
“You are so beautiful, Paige.” I leaned down to kiss her neck, then skimmed my lips down her chest to drop another kiss in that sweet space between her breasts.
“So are you,” she said with another sigh, and I laughed.
“Really? Beautiful?”
“Hot, sexy, beautiful. Whatever.”
When she smiled up at me, I melted in her gaze. She trusted me; I could see it in her eyes. What we were about to do required trust on both our parts, and she was giving hers to me. Completely. I could see it as clearly as I could see her breathing beneath me.
I took my time exploring her body, removing the rest of our clothing bit by bit before I made love to her. Tasting every inch of her exposed skin, I found a new piece of heaven, right here with Paige. When I entered her, she cried out, and I almost lost it right then and there at the passion in her voice.
Slowly I moved in and out of her, not wanting it to end too soon, and that took almost all my self-control. Out of practice in this arena, I refused to let her down, but it took everything I had to hold myself back. Her body molded to mine as if she’d been made for me, her softness fitting perfectly with my firmness, and the closeness and warmth of her took my breath away.
“I’m not gonna last much longer, babe,” I whispered against her neck as our bodies moved in sync.
She said nothing, but dug her fingers into my back and pulled my hips toward her. I brushed my fingertips along the side of her face, stroking gently until she opened her eyes. Emotions overwhelmed me as she kept her eyes open to watch me move within her. She lifted her head and her lips met mine as our connected bodies moved together in an easy rhythm.
Her breaths came in little pants, and a moment later her back arched as her eyes widened with surprise. I thrilled at the knowledge she was coming and watched, mesmerized, as her eyes opened and closed while she absorbed the wave that moved through her until it was no more. I lost myself to it as well, my body rocking with spasms until they subsided, and then I rested my forehead on hers as my heart galloped within me.
Rolling onto my back, I pulled her with me and kissed the top of her head. “That was amazing,” I huffed out, my breathing still ragged.
“That was incredible. I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
Her admission made relief filter through me. Making love to Paige had felt better than I ever remembered it being before, and I wasn’t sure if it was just me or not.
“Stay with me tonight,” I whispered as I tightened my arm around her.
“For a little while,” she said in a sleepy voice. “I don’t want to be disrespectful to your mom.”
I fell asleep with her in my arms, but when I woke up, I was alone.
It’s Time
Paige
A hard knock at the door startled me from sleep. The knocking continued, harder and harder until I heard voices coming from outside the house, the sounds drifting clearly to me through the open window. Mrs. Montgomery shouted at whoever it was, sounding like she was trying to calm them down, but it was no use. The male voices grew more agitated as she pulled the door open.
“Where is she? Paige! I know she’s in here. Paige, I see your car out front!”
Pulling the sheet up to my nose, I recognized the voice immediately as my insides shriveled up and died on the spot. Jayson was here, but how? Buster wouldn’t stop barking and growling, yapping madly as I eavesdropped from the safety of my bed.
“Excuse me, young man, but you can’t just barge into my house and start screaming like you own the place.” Mrs. Montgomery’s voice was strong and, if I wasn’t mistaken, very pissed off. “You get out of my house, and we can address whatever it is you want like adults.”
“I don’t think so, ma’am. You have something I need.”
I cringed, knowing that I was the “something” he referred to. Jayson would never let me stay. And I wasn’t ready to leave.
“Didn’t your mama teach you any manners?” Mrs. Montgomery sounded as though she was seething, and I wanted to run out there and hug her.
The sound of the screen door slamming made me jump. “What’s going on in here? Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my mama’s house?”
Tatum.
His voice alone caused my breathing to even out, even though my heart wouldn’t stop pounding out beats like crazy. Tatum would protect me. He would keep me safe.
“Oh, this is just priceless.” Jayson’s laugh sounded sinister. “Come out, Paige. I know you’re here, and I can see now why you didn’t want to come home.”
Half-surprised that Jayson hadn’t tried to sign Tatum to his agency already—since he never missed the opportunity to represent a pretty face—I crept out of bed and quickly pulled on a sweatshirt and jeans. My hand on the bedroom doorknob, I took a deep breath to steady myself and then stepped out into the living room.
“Calm down, Jayson. I’m right here.”
Tatum rushed to my side, blocking my view of Jayson with his body before pinning me with worried eyes. “Tell me what to do. What do you want me to do?”
He sounded confused and desperate, and I wanted to take him in my arms and forget about the world. Although, that was what I’d been doing for the past three weeks. I was surprised I’d been able to stay away that long.
“There’s nothing you can do,” I said sadly.
The second Jayson arrived, my escape was all over. Everything I’d built in my time here was swept away in an instant. Out with the brave new-and-improved Paige, and in with the old scared-to-let-anyone-down Paige.
It was like being in an abusive relationship where freedom only came from being away from your abuser. Separated by a few states seemed like a good start. My soul had soared when I’d cut off ties with everyone who controlled me in LA, but it crashed to the ground in spectacular fashion as soon as Jayson’s voice broke the sanctity of the peaceful space I’d found for myself.
“I brought you a present, Paige.” Jayson eyed me. “Although I have to admit that I didn’t realize you wouldn’t need it.”
Confused, I frowned at him. Whatever Jayson referred to was completely lost on me until I heard the knock on the screen door. My cheating rat bastard of an ex-boyfriend stood outside, his face forlorn and his hair mussed in what I was sure was a calculated way.
Tatum tensed beside me, and I gave his hand a reass
uring squeeze. He squeezed back, but didn’t release the pressure. I couldn’t believe that Jayson had brought Colin all the way out here. It was one thing for my agent to come and play hardball, but it was downright dirty to bring Colin with him.
“You never answered my calls,” Colin said from behind the screen. “Or my texts or e-mails.”
I straightened my back and sucked in a breath. “I didn’t want to talk to you.”
Emotion tinged my words, and Colin’s face softened as he stepped through the screen door uninvited, clearly mistaking the meaning of my tone. Tatum must have misunderstood too because he dropped my hand and stepped away from me.
Surprised, I glanced at Tatum, wanting to tell him that he had it all wrong. I didn’t want Colin; my tone only reflected my surprise at seeing him here, nothing else.
“Don’t be like that, babe,” Colin said in a cajoling voice.
“Don’t call me babe, and don’t tell me what to do. Why are you even here?” I said harshly.
“Because I miss you. I wanted to see you. We belong together, Paige.”
When Colin took a step toward me, I edged back. I fumbled for Tatum’s hand and linked my fingers with his. “I don’t want you. And we don’t belong together. You’re delusional.”
“Don’t say that.” Colin practically growled at me, and Tatum sucked in a deep breath.
The air crackled in the emotionally charged room as Tatum stood a little taller and flexed his muscles as he boomed at Colin, “Your ears busted or something, man?”
Colin shifted his weight from foot to foot as Tatum leaned forward slightly and bit out, “Did you hear the lady or not?”
“I heard her,” Colin said, sounding more like a punk kid trying to talk back to his parents. “But we have history. And what—you think she’s going to stay here forever with you? What are you, a farmer?” He laughed, and Jayson followed suit.