Lord Meki heard his words in silence, and continued to stare at Kei as if trying to see his soul. Finally he sighed. “Kei, Reji, I know you’re sincere. But we’ll have nearly a thousand sailors and soldiers with us, as well as the hostages when they’re released. I hesitate to mention such a thing to you, Kei, because I know you’ve already suffered a great deal for your clan and our people. But that suffering, our efforts and the lives of all these people could be all for naught if either of you behave in an indulgent manner—or if you place your personal desires above the needs of the mission. I want your solemn oaths that you’ll do nothing whatsoever to distract any member of the team, regardless of the situation. If you can’t so swear, then I can’t let you go. If you do go and you fail to keep your oaths, you will spend the rest of the journey in the brig.”
Kei had turned pale, but he still shook his head. “I swear, my lord, on my honour and my clan’s name.”
Reji affirmed without hesitation, “And I also swear on my honour and the name of my clan, my lord.”
“Very well. I still reserve the right to order you to stay behind if the plans demand it, but for now, I’ll accept the general’s assessment of your usefulness. If you two would excuse me, I would like a word with him.”
Arman smiled reassuringly at his lover. “Kei, if you and Reji wait in our room, I’ll come to you there and we can go to the barracks.”
Reji took Kei’s arm. “Come on, Kei, we’ve wasted enough of his lordship’s time.”
Lord Meki gave them a polite, thin-lipped smile. “No waste of my time, young man, but there’s much to do. I will doubtless speak to you again. Good day.”
He waited until the door closed behind them before he turned to Arman. “Explain, general. I can tell you’re no more comfortable with this than I am.”
Arman asked if he could sit—his leg really ached this morning. “Kei’s problem—and the solution—requires my physical presence. The alternative is complete isolation from other people. I also happen to love him, and happily, he’s realised he loves me. However, he simply won’t countenance the idea of being apart if that means I might be killed in his absence. I didn’t have another solution, and he is actually as good as he claims to be.”
“And if you’re killed? What will happen to him?”
Arman tried to reply calmly even though this was his biggest concern—what would happen to Kei if he were lost. “I don’t know, my lord. I’ve been trying to help Kei recover for months, but the moment we’re forced apart, he begins to deteriorate. He’s simply not far enough along the path of healing to tolerate it. If he were forced to remain behind, he probably would have to go into isolation until I returned. If I died during that time...he would have to remain thus isolated.”
“A cruel fate indeed for such a young, and apparently able man.” Lord Meki sat down, and suddenly looked rather haggard. “Forgive me, general, for I find it hard to be objective on this subject myself. I lost my wife a year ago, almost exactly to the day—she had a wasting disease which no healer could cure, and died after a long period of severe pain. I felt I died myself that day. Since then, my life has been my work.”
Arman nodded sympathetically as he continued. “Sometimes, when I see young people in love, walking hand in hand, I want to say to them, beware, look at the pain that comes when you love them and they die. That’s when I’m feeling very low, you understand,” he said, baring his teeth without much humour in the smile. “Other times, I think, I had thirty-two wonderful years with a woman I adored, and I wouldn’t have missed that even to have spared myself this pain now. I suppose I’m saying...I understand how you want to be together and I know why he would fear losing you, even without this other thing which I don’t really understand. But part of me wants to tell you that you’re setting yourself up for grief. That’s an old, tired man talking, though.”
“I’m sorry,” Arman said, and meant it. “I don’t want to miss any time with Kei because of a fear of losing him, and if he wants to be with me enough that he is prepared to accept any risk, even that of losing me, then how can I say no?”
“You can’t,” Lord Meki said sadly. “You’re a lucky man, general. He’s clever and he’s passionate and he’s brave. We could do with more like him in our country. We could use someone like that here in Darshek, but I suppose he only wants to go home.”
“For now, yes, he does. I know I’m lucky, and I don’t deserve such fortune.”
“We rarely do, general.” He seemed to close in again, hiding the brief glimpse of his personal feelings. “Fine, it’s done and I think you all know what’s at risk. Our sailors have begun taking over the Prijian ships and they’ve started loading them with supplies. Tonight, you’ll meet with the mind-speakers who are coming with us to discuss the strategy. Let me have the plan Reji and Kei are making for the hostage return by then, so I’ll know if we need to bring extra equipment.” He drummed his fingers on the desk. “So much depends on whether we can use Kurlik Pass or not. We can get people across it whether or not it’s open but I don’t want to fight our way to it to use it.”
“And can you close it again if you need to?”
“Certainly we can—and Tirko Pass or any other your people choose to come through. We won’t be caught a third time. If this fails, Kuprij will find itself locked down tight. The Andonese won’t tolerate further aggression, and I have to say, neither will the Darshianese.” He gave Arman a hard look. “And at that point, you’ll need to decide which side of the border you want to be on, for good.”
“I’ve already decided, my lord. My place is with Kei, and Kei wishes to go home.”
“You’d actually bury yourself in a tiny place like Ai-Albon? Nonsense.”
“Why not? What’s the alternative, my lord?”
“Whatever you want, general. You have the freedoms of any Darshianese citizen. Make of it what you want. The Rulers and the country can provide a small income, but a young, able man—”
“With the wrong coloured hair and skin, being known as the butcher of Ai-Darbin? I think not, my lord. If Kei’s people will tolerate me, that’s more than enough,” Arman said, not wanting to discuss this further. It was, after all, his personal business.
“If you say so, but we’ll speak of this again, mark my words.” Arman bowed his head in agreement. “Very well. I’ll meet with you this evening, and don’t forget that report.”
“No, my lord. Good day to you.”
~~~~~~~~
“What’s wrong, Keichichi?”
Kei sat down in a chair and looked up at Reji. “Oh...just realising how real this is, how dangerous it is. I’d be happier if you stayed behind. There’s no point the village losing both of us.”
Reji came over to him and crouched down. “You don’t really expect me to agree to that, do you?”
“No,” Kei said, grinning sadly at Reji’s wry expression. “You didn’t expect me not to say it either.”
“No.” He stood and pulled a chair over. “He really cares for you, I’ll give you that. Bastard,” he added without heat.
“Don’t start, Reji. If Kurlik Pass isn’t going to be opened, then I think we’ll have to take everyone back via Darshek. The sick, injured or pregnant, if they can travel at all, we should take first and let them rest at each village. There’s a cart design....”
He spent the next few minutes absorbed in the plans with Reji and hardly noticed when the door opened. It was only when Arman touched his cheek that he looked up and smiled—he hadn’t thought Arman would be demonstrative in public, so it was lovely to be claimed. “We’re working,” he said gravely.
“Yes, I can see. Colonel Jiv is expecting me, though. Shall we go?”
Arman took them out to the front hall. Kei wanted to hide from the fearsome reception clerk—he really shouldn’t have said what he had, head wound or no—but Arman took him by the hand and led him up to the front desk. “Elsi, order the carriage for us, would you?” he asked in a drawling, arrogant tone Kei
hadn’t heard in months.
“Yes, general.”
“And I believe you’ve met Kei. Kei will be staying in my rooms with me and will be working closely with us on this project. I trust that meets with your approval.”
She flushed. “Yes, general, of course.”
“Thank you. The carriage is urgent, Elsi.”
“Yes, general,” she said, scurrying off to send the message.
Arman limped over to a chair and made Kei sit down too. He motioned Reji to join them. “What in hells was that about?” Reji whispered to Kei.
Kei leaned over. “Arman doesn’t like rude servants—or uppity ones,” he said with a grin.
“Or uppity lovers,” Arman said severely, but he still held Kei’s hand tenderly. Kei noticed he held his walking stick rather oddly, so that his fingers could caress the underside of the knot that formed the handle. Arman saw him looking and gave him a curious smile. Kei suddenly realised Arman had discovered the meaning of the carvings he’d made on the handle—carvings he’d made almost in desperation, never expecting to have to explain them to Arman, or why he’d carved them, for at the time, he hardly knew himself. From the way Arman was touching them, he not only had had them translated, but was pleased with the meaning—or one of them.
If Arman didn’t want to be dragged into a side room and kissed breathless, he really should stop looking at Kei like that.
He made himself look away instead, and sat up straight, trying not to seem like a man surrounded by lovers, one of whom radiated desire and love like a beacon, and who had just made a very public declaration that he, Kei, was his and was sleeping with him. Kei would never have expected a Prijian general to go so far. But then he would never have expected to love a Prijian general more than life itself.
Arman kept hold of Kei’s hand all the way into the carriage, and still held it as he asked them for their plans, saying Lord Meki wanted them by that evening. “Why the rush, general?”
“Call him Arman,” Kei chided Reji.
Arman shook his head as if to tell Kei such things didn’t bother him as he explained to Reji they wanted to know if they would need to take any equipment with them. It bothered Kei though. They didn’t use titles in the villages, and Arman was to live as one of them. It was important Reji treated him as he would anyone else.
The ride to the docks took a quarter of an hour. “How’s your control?” Arman asked quietly as the carriage jolted along.
“All right if you’re touching me—all right if no one shouts or gets upset. It’s improving but not what it was before...you know.”
“The brawl?” Reji asked.
Kei nodded. “Then stay by me as much as you can,” Arman said firmly. “Reji, would you keep anyone remotely...disturbing away from him if you’re with him? That applies on the journey as well.”
“Of course,” Reji said, and Kei could sense the pleasure at being asked to do something meaningful to help him. Kei patted his leg and gave him a smile in thanks. He wished this wasn’t so hard for him.
At the barracks, they were met by the colonel who saluted Arman, something Kei was rather surprised at—there was currently no rank of general in the Darshianese army, although there once had been, a long time past. Kei wondered exactly what position Arman had been asked to hold during this period of planning.
“Colonel Jiv, this is Kei, a healer from Ai-Albon. He’s going to be supervising the medical aspects and general welfare for the mission—would he be able to speak to the medics who are coming with us?”
“Of course. And this gentleman?”
“Reji, also of Ai-Albon. He’s going to take charge of the beasts, so you can leave your sergeant here.”
Colonel Jiv’s eyes narrowed. “Is that so? Rather unusual, isn’t it?”
“We have need of his assistance when the hostages come back—it’s just an economy of manpower,” Arman said calmly.
That placated the colonel immediately. “Very well. Reji, the stables are over there.” He called out for one of his men. “Seva, take this gentleman to the stable master. He’s to take charge of the beasts. Then get the medics we’ve assigned to the mission and tell them to come to my room.”
Seva saluted, and with a slightly worried glance back, Reji followed him out. Kei and Arman were taken to the colonel’s office where Arman spoke quietly to the colonel about preparations for the journey. The discussion of armour and weapons was necessary but it made Kei feel sick to his stomach.
After a few minutes of this, Arman glanced at Kei and stood up, urging Kei to do the same. “Excuse me, colonel—I just need a quick word with Kei before the others get here,” he said casually, taking Kei’s arm and leading him outside into the fresh air. “What’s wrong?”
Kei gulped down the nausea. “Just...talking about soldiers...war....”
Arman kept his hand on Kei’s arm, which helped. “If it’s having this effect on you now, how will you feel when we get to Utuk?”
Kei looked despairingly at Arman. “I don’t know.”
“Neither do I and it worries me.” Arman pulled him close, which amazed Kei since any of the soldiers in the courtyard could see them if they chose. “It’s not too late to pull out until we set sail,” he said in a gentle voice, right by Kei’s ear. “If you are going to suffer like this all the way and back, you would do better to stay because you’ll worry me sick, and distract me as Lord Meki fears.”
Kei could only rest his cheek against Arman’s neck. “If...I let this defeat me....”
“This is not something you need to defeat or get over, because it’s not part of your normal life,” Arman said in a low voice. “Can you speak to the medics, or do you want to go back?”
Kei made himself stand up straight. “Speak to them—I can handle my job.”
Arman reached up and touched his face, but Kei moved away from him. “People will talk,” he said.
“I don’t care. Walk in with me, or walk back to the carriage. I won’t think less of you whichever you choose.”
Arman’s eyes were full of concern, and nothing else. “I’m coming in.”
Arman nodded and took his arm again. By the time they walked back into the colonel’s office, the six medics were there. Kei concentrated on the immediate task and not on why his skills might be needed, and that helped him get through. The medics were only a little suspicious of his presence, but he quickly reassured them that he was competent, and with a little gentle prompting from Arman, took control of the meeting. After a little while, and with a concerned look from Arman to check he was handling things, he and the colonel left the office to them to continue their discussions. Kei was so absorbed, he didn’t miss Arman’s buffering presence.
The preparations the medics had made impressed him, but they had also missed some things, which he was able to advise on. The care and accommodation of the hostages was also something they spent time discussing—he was able to give them a better understanding of the likely condition of their people, and how the medics could prepare. One thing he was adamant on—no one with a sword, and preferably not in any kind of a uniform, should spend much time with the hostages.
After a good hour or more of planning, there was a knock on the door. Kei called the visitor to come in—he immediately regretted it when a broadly smiling Tiko came in. “They said you were here. Are you done?”
Kei looked at his colleagues and was disappointed to find they were in fact finished. He reluctantly called the meeting to a halt. “You can contact me via the general or the Rulers’ House,” he said, and ignored Tiko’s smirk.
The medics nodded and left. Tiko came over and offered his hand. “How are you, lad? We’ve been hearing all kinds of stories about you, and then one of my men said he saw you and the general kissing in the courtyard. I told him that couldn’t be, of course.”
“We weren’t kissing,” Kei said hotly, and then flushed bright red at Tiko’s pleased look at having caught him out. “Oh, leave me alone, you bastard. Why are yo
u here?”
“Polite as ever, Kei. I saw your general and asked after you, and he said you were here. Asked me to come find you and see if you were done, so I did. So if you want to lose your temper, lose it at him. Why are you here, lad?”
Kei looked at him warily. He didn’t want to listen to another rant about him going to Utuk. “I’m helping with preparations for the mission—medical matters, and advising about the care of the hostages.”
Tiko clapped him on the shoulder. “Good, I’m glad to hear that. I tell you, our medics need better training.”
“Then why in hells don’t you make sure they get it?” Kei said impatiently. “Have them at the academy, pay them officer rates, treat them as professionals. It’s not one step up from being a beast manager, you know, and they’re not even given that status.”
“Suggest it to the colonels then—or Lord Meki, since I suppose now you and the general are so well in with each other, you must have his ear as well.”
Kei growled and went for the door. He didn’t want to be teased on this subject—Tiko had entirely too much ammunition. “Have you seen Reji?”
“Reji? No, why?”
“He’s going to be the beast manager—he should be in the stables.”
“Beast manager? I thought you and he would be going back to Ai-Albon—ah, but then you’ll be wanting to wait for the general, I suppose,” Tiko said, nodding to himself at realising this.
“Where is Arman, anyway?” Kei asked as they walked out into the corridor.
“Stores—come on, I’m supposed to be showing you the way.”
The barracks were huge, and there were men and women everywhere. Tiko had previously told him there was accommodation there for seven hundred soldiers at a pinch, although there were never that many actually in Darshek itself most of the time—the core permanent force was rather small, but there were many more reservists to be called on at any time, as they would be for this expedition, and many of them appeared to be here today. However, the barracks served as training and equipment provision and home for the core force, those at least, who didn’t have families of their own. Tiko lived outside in his own small house with his wife. Kei wondered how she felt about Tiko being back for just a week before being sent off on another long mission—perhaps she was used to it.
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