Trace felt like he had a porcupine balled up in the pit of his stomach. Paisley meant the words to help him, but she had no idea that her statement didn’t make him feel the least bit reassured. The future was exactly what he was afraid of.
The only reassurance that he did have was the fact that she was standing beside him. Looking into her honest eyes bolstered his sliding spirit. He gave her a nod and then forced a smile for her benefit…it was weird, though, how the smile actually felt real the instant Paisley smiled back at him.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“She hasn’t mentioned Steph to me yet,” Trace said on Saturday, keeping his voice low. “Has she said anything during the day to make you think she remembers her mom at all?”
They had finished supper and were walking down the drive, on a big adventure with Zoey as she made her way along, pausing to smell every buttercup and brown-eyed Susan she came across. Watching her, Paisley continued to have that overwhelming sense of thankfulness that she was so carefree and was easily settling into her new life.
“She hasn’t acted like she remembers Stephanie at all. But—” she paused, placing her hand on Trace’s arm “—I’m not so sure that’s not a good thing for now. Look at her. She has come so far in less than a week. I was so afraid many days would be like the first day. And honestly if she did remember her mother and miss her terribly, can’t you imagine how much more traumatized she would be. She would be upset and sad and she would act out those emotions in the only way a little person knows how.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Trace looked conflicted as he watched her. His devotion to his niece was openly apparent on his face. “I understand what you’re saying, yet as mixed up as Stephanie was I still want Zoey to remember her. I mean, I can barely remember my mom.” He raked his hand across his brow and bumped his hat up from his forehead with a knuckle. His eyes were deeply troubled. “I bought that book she loves so much about the baby farm animals and their mothers, hoping it would help her remember.”
Paisley tore her gaze away from his profile and stared out across the pasture, blinking back her own emotions. She’d never thought about that part of it. Him not quite three with hardly any memory of his mother. Her heart wilted a little more.
“I was hoping the book would somehow help her connect to her mom. Is that crazy or what? She was one year old when she last felt her mom’s arms around her…who am I kidding?” he asked. “I don’t even know if Stephanie showed her any affection even then.”
“I’m so sorry,” Paisley said. Trace’s tortured gaze reached inside of her. She wanted to smooth his brow, to show him the tenderness he’d missed growing up. She wanted to hug him for wanting Zoey to have more than he’d had. “I love what you’re trying to do for Zoey.” She touched his jaw, unable to resist. “I believe God truly works in mysterious ways, and I believe this is one of those times. As hard as it is to acknowledge, it’s easier if she doesn’t remember Stephanie. She’s getting to know you and loving it. Her mother’s memory would do nothing but distort that right now.” She was saying the hard stuff. But it was the truth and she pushed on. “You’re right, she was very young when social services took her away from Stephanie and you can’t help that. Or change that, no matter how much you wish you could.”
“You’re right,” he said after a moment. “But it’s hard to swallow.”
That a woman got herself so messed up on drugs that she neglected her child was hard to swallow. “Zoey is lucky to have you,” Paisley said and meant it. In the short days that she’d been here, everything she’d believed about him had taken an about-face. And it was getting harder with each passing moment to keep up her defenses, to not let her feelings turn personal.
Zoey walked over and gave Trace a tiny white flower. She was beaming as she told him how pretty it was, then headed out for more leaving Trace with the tiny flower and a smile. It was so touching, and Paisley thought of the children she wanted to have one day. She found herself drawn to Trace, mesmerized by the love she saw in his eyes as he watched Zoey.
Paisley’s heart went still, aching.
Later, when she left to go home, she found it hard to leave.
* * *
Sam’s Diner was crowded the following Thursday night for all-you-could-eat catfish. Paisley smoothed her hand across her stomach and the slight wrinkle in the cotton material. Truth was, her stomach was kinking up in knots, and no amount of smoothing was going to get rid of them.
Trace had gotten home from work at a decent hour and asked her if she’d go to dinner at Sam’s with him and Zoey. She’d said no at first because it was just so…well it was just so dangerous to her weakening resolve to be around the man all the time. But then he’d said he wasn’t comfortable taking Zoey into a social evening by himself. Sucker that she was, she hadn’t been able to say no to that request. After all, she was hired to help acclimate Zoey to her surroundings, right?
Right.
And she had been doing exactly that over the course of the first two weeks. There had been plenty of ups and downs, with not every day being a smell-the-buttercups day. But all in all Zoey seemed to be a normal little girl. A few times she’d asked about the couple who had been her foster parents for the two months prior to her coming to Trace, but then she seemed to forget them. Trace had told Paisley she’d lived with three different families in the year that she’d been in foster care, and Paisley found herself continually thanking God for getting Zoey to Trace when He did.
With every passing day it grew harder and harder to get into her car and drive away from Zoey and Trace. It was obvious that she’d misjudged him, but still, that didn’t help her when it came to falling for him. She couldn’t fall for the man no matter how wonderful he was. Even debating the idea made her feel she was betraying Rene.
She and Rene had dreamed of marrying and buying little houses beside each other and raising their children together. Their dream included each wearing the veil with the little Forget-me-not flowers that had been passed down through generations. Family mattered. Dreams mattered. And now that Rene lived all the way up north in Dry Creek, Montana, that dream was only an option if Paisley moved there at the end of the year. Rene had mentioned she’d heard there might be an opening at the school. Rene missed her as much as Paisley missed Rene, there was no way that Paisley would ever, ever do anything that would strain their relationship. Falling in love with the man who’d broken Rene’s heart—no matter why or how the outcome had ended up—would be awkward any way you looked at it.
“Are you all right?” Trace asked, close to her ear. He’d been getting Zoey out of her car seat and Paisley had been too lost in thought to realize he’d come up behind her.
His breath sent a shiver of longing skittering over her skin and it mixed with the chill that had already come over her as she’d pondered her circumstances.
“I’m fine,” she said, with determination.
His gaze drilled into her, and she knew he could see troubled waters in her eyes as she looked over her shoulder at him. He smiled though, and placed his free hand at the small of her back, leaning close as they walked into the crowded diner. “Are you sure?” he asked. “You seem nervous or something.”
Oh, she was nervous! His lips inches from hers and the gentle hand touching her spine…“Just lost in thought,” she said, truthfully. “Hoping Zoey doesn’t get scared,” she added, and focused on Zoey.
“Look who’s here,” Esther Mae squealed and jumped up from the table where she and her husband, Hank, sat with Norma Sue and her husband, Roy Don. “It’s about time you brought that sweet baby out to meet us,” she admonished Trace.
“Don’t scare her,” Norma Sue barked, pushing out of the booth to follow Esther Mae.
Trace tensed out of his concern as to how Zoey would react to all the attention. Everyone had been patiently waiting to meet her, understanding that she needed time to adjust.
Paisley wasn’t sure what prompted Trace to decide tonight was the night for Zoey
to meet everyone, but she’d known it needed to be done. All the way into town they had talked to Zoey about how she was going to meet a lot of new friends. She’d seemed fine with the concept, holding her rabbit up and declaring, “Friend.”
Now, held in Trace’s arms, she leaned into him and studied Esther Mae and Norma Sue. After a moment she clamped her tiny palms onto Trace’s cheeks and stared excitedly into his eyes. “Friends. I not be ’fraid,” she said, as if explaining the situation to him. As if trying to calm him.
“Ohhhh,” Esther Mae crooned.
“If that ain’t the cutest little thing,” Norma Sue said.
Esther Mae nodded agreement. “Why, Trace,” she added. “She’s the spitting image of you!”
Zoey dropped her hands and turned back to her admirers with a wide smile. “Thanks,” Trace said, beaming. “But she’s much prettier than I am.”
That got him a round of chuckles. Paisley watched, feeling conflicted suddenly. Just look at the man. He’d thought he needed her, but it was obvious that he and Zoey had everything under control.
And that’s a good thing…right?
Right, she told herself. Sure, she reminded herself…then why did she feel such an irrational sense of sadness at the idea?
She tried to ignore the turbulent emotions churning inside her as they made the rounds. Thursday nights, the diner was filled with hometown folks. Unlike Friday and Saturday nights, which you would find a mixed group of hometown people and folks visiting for the old-fashioned theater show that was given in a renovated barn out on the edge of town. Or maybe one of the weekend festivals that they held on a regular basis. One of those was coming up in two weeks, actually, and Paisley was thinking Zoey would enjoy it. The fact that she was doing so well tonight pleased her. She just felt…what? Unneeded?
No doubt about it, she had troubles.
“Y’all look like a right smart couple,” Sam said toward the end of the evening when he came by to see if they wanted any pie.
Cassie who usually helped on Thursday nights, grinned as she passed by. “You really do,” she said.
“Yup,” Sam continued, as he patted Zoey’s head then crossed his arms over his chest and studied them. “My Adela, she can shor pickum. How you two gettin’ along?”
Paisley hadn’t expected this much unabashed frankness tonight. Tonight was supposed to be about Zoey…not this crazy matchmaking idea.
Trace surprised her by acting as if the statement didn’t mean what she knew he understood it meant. No, he just smiled slow and easy and held her gaze—there was something in that look that reached out and touched her…and her pulse reacted and there was nothing slow and easy about the way it began racing!
“We started out on a rocky slope,” he said, and she tried to concentrate on his words instead of the Olympic race happening inside of her. “But everything is leveling out nice and easy. Paisley is amazing. Isn’t that right, Zoey?”
Zoey was sitting in a highchair playing with a green bean, but at Trace’s question she pointed the bean at Paisley and declared in a loud voice, “Passy, ’may-zing.”
“You said it, kiddo,” Trace agreed, leaning back in his chair and giving her a big twinkle-eyed once-over topped off with a teasing grin. “She’s pretty ’mazing, all right.”
Paisley’s skin turned hot as all eyes in the diner zeroed in on her! How could he? Fighting for calm, she tried to find the right non-incriminating comeback. “I, I think Zoey is amazing, too,” she managed, dropping her head and sending Trace a scathing glare from beneath shuttered lashes. Tomorrow tongues would be wagging. Didn’t the man know that everyone would take that simple statement and blow their relationship all out of proportion?
* * *
Trace glanced at Paisley as he drove toward home. She’d been quiet all evening.
“Did I do something to upset you?” he asked, again. And just like she had the last time he’d asked the question she ignored him. Women—he didn’t understand them.
He’d thought them going out to dinner would be a good thing. Kind of get them more on a path toward—well, a path toward…more. He wanted more and he’d thought he’d seen signs that she might have changed her mind about him. That more was a possibility.
He’d thought they’d been getting along good up until now. He’d gotten to where he hated to see her leave every evening, and it didn’t have anything to do with Zoey. He wanted to get to know Paisley on a personal level. And after contemplating his move all week long he’d thought tonight would be a good excuse to see if she felt the same.
Obviously he’d thought wrong.
As soon as he pulled to a halt, she got out and headed toward her car. He glanced into the back seat of the truck, noted that Zoey was still sound asleep in her car seat and then he went after Paisley.
“Wait, Paisley. C’mon, tell me what I did wrong.” He skidded to a halt beside her car.
“Trace, it’s just time for me to go home. It’s been a long day. A long week. I need to go home.” She tugged her car door open. “You do remember that I have a home, right?”
He took a step back. “Sure,” he said. “I know you have a home. I only meant—”
“I know what you meant, Trace. But you don’t have to worry, you’ll do fine getting Zoey out of the car seat and into bed. You don’t need me to do that for you anymore. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She didn’t waste time leaving, tossing gravel as she wheeled the old clunker she drove out of the driveway. He snatched off his hat and slapped it against his knee. “That wasn’t what I meant at all,” he said out loud, mystified as he watched her taillights disappear into the night.
CHAPTER NINE
“I need to check fence lines in the back section of the land. I want you and Zoey to ride along with me. It’s a real pretty ride and it’d give me a little more time with Zoey,” Trace said the next day.
Paisley had arrived at work that morning fully expecting to answer for her behavior of the night before. But Trace had been in a rush to leave and had barely stopped long enough to tell her that Zoey had a good night’s sleep.
She’d had mixed feelings about his unexpected departure. It had been a relief of sorts not to have to face questions. But she’d expected questions when he came home that evening. Instead here he was telling her they were taking Zoey on a field trip.
“It sounds like a great idea,” she said, trying unsuccessfully to keep the edge out of her voice.
“Great!” he exclaimed, swooping Zoey into his strong arms and heading toward the truck.
His behavior baffled her. She wanted to tell him that she was angry at him for causing almost everyone at the diner to speculate that something was happening between them.
She knew she’d entered dangerous territory where he was concerned, and no matter how many times she told herself there could never be anything between them, she was having a hard time keeping her heart from falling for the man. She certainly didn’t need outside speculation, and this little excursion wasn’t going to help her situation either.
She climbed into the truck while he buckled Zoey into the car seat. He was telling her all about the adventure they were about to have. Listening to him, Paisley almost smiled—it was maddening the way he got to her. She reached for her seatbelt and resolved not to weaken.
“I’d have opened the door if you’d waited a minute,” he said, hopping in beside her and cranking the engine.
“I can open my own door.”
“I never said you couldn’t. You are formidable.” He gave her a teasing grin.
“Oh, that’s just what every woman likes to hear.”
“Hey, I meant it as a compliment. You are capable of doing everything,” he said. “But what I meant was that, for as young as you are you know a lot about kids. How did that happen?”
She glanced at him sidelong. “You do ask the strangest questions.” The man baffled her completely.
He shrugged. “I’m a strange guy, I guess. But really, h
ow do you know so much?”
“I babysat a lot growing up.” She almost added that most people knew as much about kids as she did, but that would only have made him feel worse about how little he thought he knew.
“I bet you were a natural from the beginning,” he said, turning the truck onto a dirt road. Glancing at her he pushed the button, letting the windows roll down. Zoey squealed with delight as the fresh air rushed inside, blowing her curls across her little forehead.
Paisley reached back and jiggled the tyke’s foot, making her giggle. “I’ve always enjoyed children.”
“So that’s why you chose to become a teacher?”
Okay, so it was get-to-know-Paisley day. Not good. “Yes. Plus it was a career that would give me flexibility around my future children’s schedules. A family of my own is all-important to me. And to Rene also.” She might as well lay it all on the table if that was what he wanted. “Rene and I had it planned out that we would have houses beside each other one day and we would raise our kids close, like we were. We even have a beautiful veil to share, passed down from our grandmother.” Paisley’s throat tightened. “We’ve just always been close like that.”
Out of the corner of her eye she saw his forehead crease below his hat and his lips flattened into a hard line. She wondered what he was thinking.
“And I came along and messed that up for you.” He pulled the truck to a stop beside a low-slung barn.
Regret clearly filled his voice and she found no joy in having brought the subject up again. “But, Rene is extremely happy now,” she offered and thought about sharing that they’d discussed her moving to Dry Creek—but that was too personal. She didn’t want to talk about that right now, and not with him.
“So what’s next?” she asked instead, glancing at the barn.
He climbed out and went after Zoey. “Now we have some fun.”
Fun wasn’t what she needed to have with Trace, she thought, as she followed him into the barn a few moments later. A tractor and a four-wheeler sat in the center of the metal building. Trace walked over to the utility vehicle and threw a leg over like he was climbing into the saddle of his horse. “Hop on,” he said, settling Zoey in front of him.
A Mule Hollow Match Page 6