But the nightmares…
Since sleep eluded me, I jumped in the shower. As I rinsed the soap from my hair and skin, I counted the tiles on the wall. Focusing on anything else helped. I wouldn’t let my past drag down my day. “I don’t live there anymore,” I whispered to the empty room.
Feeling foolish, I turned off the water and grabbed my towel. An overwhelming sense of dread swept through me, and I shivered. The chill in the air attacked my warm skin as things struggled to surface.
I forced those uneasy feelings back and doubled down my focus on Bayden.
He’d told me he wanted to see me again.
I wanted to see him again too, but I knew it wasn’t a good idea.
Dragging him into my life, into the middle of my unsolved problems … it would be cruel. I could never be the woman he wanted, the woman he needed, and I had to be careful until he knew the truth. I didn’t want to hurt him, and I didn’t want to wind up hurt, so distance seemed to be the best option. But was that possible? Fully dressed and geared up, I lifted my head as the doorbell rang. Panic kicked in, and my heart galloped a steady beat as I stared at the front door.
“Miss Miranda,” Max, our beloved and wise mailman’s voice rang out, and all my fears dissolved.
With a few quick steps, I made my way to the door, slid the three deadbolts free, and pulled the door open. “Max,” I said with a smile, genuinely glad to see him. “Good morning.”
He offered me a box, and I took it with thanks. “Come on in,” I said, swinging the door wide and taking the package into my kitchen table. “How are you today?” I asked. The smell of coffee made my mouth water as I set the package down.
“Doing well. But something tells me you’re having a rough go of it this morning.” His gentle tone didn’t hide the worry in his voice.
I turned to face him, noting the seriousness in his eyes. I already knew Max’s sixth sense was always in overdrive. The man could be a detective if he wished. He was a pro at ferreting out the truth and seeing through the facades people put up.
I sighed. “You’re right. It’s been a rough morning.” There was no use lying to Max, and I wouldn’t want to disrespect him like that, anyway.
“Want to talk about it?” He adjusted the strap of his mailbag, and I shook my head.
“No, but thank you.” I’d told him a bit about my life, but only the surface level things that most people knew. “Would you like some coffee?” I asked as the pot’s automatic brew cycle ticked off.
“Sure.”
I grabbed a couple of mugs and filled them. “Sugar, creamer, milk, help yourself.” Offering him a mug, I added some Irish cream flavored creamer to mine and a teaspoon of sugar. He added a teaspoon of sugar to his and took a sip.
“Hopefully, the day gets better for you. I’m up to my eyeballs in mail, but I always have time for our little chats. You know, I had been thinking about our last conversation, the one where you told me how you were in the National Guard Reserve before becoming the sheriff. Which, by the way, you are the best one this town has ever seen.” He took another sip of his coffee as the breeze picked up through the open door.
I moved over to close it and struggled against the urge to lock the deadbolts.
“Anyway, I was thinking about how that training probably helped you to be such a good sheriff. You give this town strength when we feel powerless.” He stared off into some point in the distance, and I knew he saw something I couldn’t. “But knowing we have someone we can trust watching over us, knowing that our local law enforcement has our backs, and simply knowing that you don’t think force is the answer to every issue … well, you’re exactly what the town needs.”
“Thank you, Max.” His words warmed me up, and I couldn’t hold back a slight smile.
“They say that sometimes the people who’ve been through the darkest times have the most empathy and compassion for others who are suffering.” He took another drink of his coffee. I followed suit with a nod.
I agreed with him; the world could be an ugly place, but sometimes that pushed people to the light instead of more darkness.
“I was thinking about that this morning. Feeling powerless.” He stared down into his cup as if the coffee within held all the answers.
“Do you ever feel powerless, Max?” I asked, curious.
He nodded. “Sometimes. Some things in life are out of our control. But I also wonder if sometimes we feel powerless because we lock ourselves in prisons of our own making.” His words trailed off, and I blinked at the profound thought.
“Anyway, I don’t want to hold you up, and I have more deliveries to make.” He smiled at me, drank down the rest of his coffee, and placed the mug in the sink.
“Thank you for stopping in. It’s always great to chat.” I smiled at him, grateful for our talk over coffee.
“Oh, the pleasure is all mine.” He gave me a quick around-the-shoulder hug before heading for the door. He hesitated, then turned to me. “I’m here if you need an ear.”
I nodded. Max was the keeper of secrets and a person the town could count on for wisdom. “The offer goes both ways,” I said.
“Thank you,” he said with a smile before letting himself out and closing the door behind him.
My walkie crackled. “Miranda, we have a disturbance on main.”
I grabbed my keys and headed out the door, careful to lock it behind me. “Details?” I asked as I headed for the Tahoe.
“There’s a protest about Benji outside the paper. He called in and said he’s scared.” Delilah couldn’t sound more bored as she relayed the information, but I took it as seriously as I did any other call.
“I’m on my way.” I got behind the wheel and pulled out of the garage, stopping only to make sure the garage door closed before turning out onto the open road. Benji’s actions had led to people being upset with him, but never protests. Given the other calls like this I’d had, it was likely one elderly lady yelling at him from the curb as she walked by, telling him some variation of shame on you for what you did to Kandra!
Still, I wasn’t making any assumptions until I knew the facts. As I drove into town, Bayden played a starring role in my daydreams, and a smile crossed my lips. Get it together. You cannot possibly entertain this schoolgirl crush; it would never work.
On Main Street, I saw no signs of a protest, but I saw Norman and Ethel sitting on a bench. I parked, got out, and casually strolled over to them.
“What are you troublemakers up to?” I asked.
Ethel laughed and elbowed Norman. “Hear that? We’re troublemakers.”
Norman chuckled and stared up at me. “Well, Sheriff, we may have told Benji what we thought about his little stunt with Kandra.”
I nodded. I doubted there were any threats from these two, but I also didn’t think they’d be nice for the sake of it. “Are you enjoying the sunshine this morning?” I asked.
“Norman was winded, so we sat.” Ethel lifted both shoulders.
“Take all the time you need,” I placed a hand on Norman’s shoulder. It was a public bench on public property. There was no need to ask them to leave. I headed toward the paper and opened the front door where Benji met me with crossed arms and too much attitude.
“You’re going to arrest them, right?”
I lifted my eyebrows. “Norman and Ethel?”
He nodded. “They followed me from my car to the front door, telling me that what I did was unforgivable. Then they sat outside, and now they’re waiting for me to come out so they can harass me again.”
I sighed. “Have they done anything like this before?”
He shook his head.
This whole situation with Benji had proven to be exhausting. “Benji, they’re not breaking any laws. They’re on public property and allowed to tell you what they think about your actions. That does not make it harassment. If they follow you home or anywhere else, please let me know. If they make threats against you or voice wishes to harm you, then I need to know that to
o.”
“What happened to freedom of the press?” His arms tightened across his chest.
“You’re free to print what you like; I won’t stop you. However, people are also free to voice their opinions about what you print.” This tired argument was one I’d be happy never to hear again. “Look, you aired someone’s dirty laundry, and it upset people. They have that right. However, they’re not allowed to attack you, threaten you, follow you, or otherwise harass you.”
“So, you won’t do anything?” His anger shone through in his words, but I kept my cool and responded.
“I’ll file a report, but there’s nothing more for me to do.”
Chapter Eight
Bayden
“Ugh, I’m so freaking excited.” Quinn seemed to vibrate as if an electric current was running through him.
As much as I hated to admit it, I was as jumpy and impatient for the news as he was. Last night we’d all gotten the word that Kandra had gone into labor. Noah, sounding stunned and afraid, had told us on a group call that he’d be missing work today.
We’d congratulated him, wished him luck and strength, and all of us were on pins and needles waiting for more news.
“Does it always take this long?” Ethan stalked up behind us, and Quinn lifted both shoulders.
“I don’t know, man.”
All at once, our phones rang. With significant, excited glances at one another, we all answered to Noah’s tired voice. “He’s here! Room 206.”
“On our way!” Quinn hung up and bolted for his truck. Ethan and I followed and rushed to our vehicles.
“I’ll get Mom.” I climbed in my truck as Quinn waved, and Ethan flashed a thumbs-up. We all took off. My brothers turned toward the next major town en route to the hospital, but I turned toward my childhood home to pick up Mom.
Pulling up in front of the house, I jumped out and rushed up the steps. Mom met me at the door with a kiss. “I was getting ready to go.” Her eyes glittered with joy, and I nodded.
“I’ll drive. Let’s go!” I grabbed her bag and took her arm before walking her toward my truck. We hurried, and I helped her climb in the passenger side before closing the door and jogging around the truck’s front to climb in.
“So how have you been?” she asked.
I snorted. “Mom, seriously. Noah and Kandra had a baby. It’s not about me right now.” I pulled away from the curb, and she gave me that infamous side-eye look that called bullshit on my attempt to divert attention away from myself.
“Well, we aren’t at the hospital yet, so, in the meantime, why don’t you tell me how you are doing?”
I sighed. “I’m good. Working. Sleeping well. Behaving and staying out of trouble. You know, the usual.” She wouldn’t let up until I gave her what she wanted.
She let out a slight, “Huh.”
I glanced at her. “What?”
“Oh, nothing. Just that trespassing out on the old farm isn’t my idea of staying out of trouble.” Her lips twitched and broke into a smile.
How the hell did she know that? “Okay, but I haven’t been arrested.” I knew better than to play semantics games with my mother. As I pulled out of town onto the freeway, I wondered if Miranda had told her. More likely, Ethel had caught on to my little game and had a conversation with my mother.
“But it is a great way to get to spend time with the sheriff, right?”
I groaned. “Mom, please.” Was nothing sacred or private anymore? As I merged into traffic, I heard her laugh as she patted my knee lightheartedly.
“She’s a beautiful woman, who’s fierce and independent. She’ll give you a run for your money, but you would be great together.” Mom’s approval shone through in her voice, and I struggled against disgust.
“Okay, okay, thank you. You know, your daughter-in-law gave birth to your first grandchild. Let’s talk about that.” None of us gave a damn that Noah wasn’t the child’s biological father. The little one was her grandchild, and our nephew, end of story. Blood meant nothing. The baby was family.
“I’m proud of you, Bayden. I know you’re intensely private about your love life, and that’s okay. Know that I’m here if you need to talk or if you want to talk. You don’t have to do this alone.” Her soft tone and warmth squeezed my windpipe.
“Thanks, Mom. I know.” I took the exit and followed the signs to the hospital. As I pulled into the parking area, I saw my brothers’ trucks and found a spot. Once parked, I helped Mom out of the truck, and we headed for the door.
“Room 206,” I said, and Mom nodded.
We knocked on the door to the room, and it slid open. Noah smiled and pulled Mom into a hug before squeezing me around the shoulder with one arm.
“You look like shit,” I told him in a joking tone.
“Thanks.” Despite his attitude, I could feel the humor radiating off him. Under his eyes, the dark circles told me he hadn’t slept, and he looked older than his years. No doubt, it was because of the stress of welcoming a new baby into the world. However, the joy in his features was undeniable.
Mom gave me a look and walked toward Kandra. The two talked, and Kandra handed off the little bundle of blankets. Mom took the little one gently, her face filled with awe and love.
“Where’d Quinn and Ethan go?” I asked.
“I sent them for food.”
I laughed. “That bad, huh?”
Noah rubbed a hand on the back of his neck with a sheepish look on his face. “Let’s say they’re a bit excited.”
I nodded. “They haven’t shut up about this all day.” I didn’t blame them; this was likely the most exciting thing to happen to any of us in, well, ever. “What did you name him?”
Noah glanced at his wife and newborn son, cradled in our mother’s arms. “Kip William Lockhart after both our fathers.”
My chest tightened. “That’s a damn good name. Dad would be proud.” I clapped him on the shoulder and headed for Mom. Peeking over her shoulder at the squished-faced baby, I couldn’t hold back a smile.
“How are you?” I asked Kandra.
She flashed me a tired smile. “Good. I’m glad you’re all here.”
“Is your mother on her way?” Mom asked.
“She’s actually out of town, but we’ve sent pictures and videos already.” Kandra’s sad voice brightened as little Kip wiggled and sighed. The door slid open to show my brothers.
“Pizza!” Quinn set the boxes down, and Ethan set the sodas on the counter.
“And drinks. Dig in, Noah.” Ethan walked up to Mom and me to peek down at the little sleeping one. “He’s so dang cute.”
Kandra’s smile grew, but Mom seemed lost in the moment, and she didn’t even respond.
“Well, we’re never getting a turn to hold the baby, so maybe we should leave and let Mom take him home.” I winked at Kandra, who chuckled.
“I would never,” Mom said, glancing up at me.
“Then you won’t mind if I…” I reached out and gently took the baby from her. Supporting his little head with one hand and his body with the other, I lifted him to my chest. I’d swear everyone was holding their breath, and I wanted to flip them all off. “Oh, come on, I know how to hold a baby.” I cradled him close and gently rocked him, wrapping an arm under his body and holding his head. He opened his little bright-blue eyes, squinted at me, yawned, and then went back to sleep.
“My turn?” Quinn crept up on me, arms out.
I pulled the baby back and growled at him. “Get your own.”
“He’s not yours.”
Kandra and Noah laughed. I continued to rock Kip for a few moments, telling him I’d be the world’s best uncle and not to worry about Quinn or Ethan. They were okay but not as great as I’d be.
“You should call Miranda,” Mom said, then glanced at Kandra. “I mean, if you two are okay with it.”
Kandra nodded. “Invite her. I know you two are getting kind of serious.”
I passed the baby carefully to Quinn while wondering if every
one in town knew about the sheriff and me. “Where did you hear that?” It only felt right for her to be here for my family event because I was happy and wanted to share that with her.
“It doesn’t matter where I heard it because it is written all over your face. You know we don’t care if she joins us, if she wants to.” Kandra smiled at me as she called me out, but I wasn’t upset.
“Okay, okay, I’ll call her.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and headed for the door. The buzz of voices brought a smile to my lips as my family talked about the baby. Meanwhile, I was thinking of the holidays and all the fun we could have. I was excited to teach Kip to swim, to play horse, to climb trees.
And it hit me; Holy hell. Do I want to be a dad?
I shook off the thought. I wasn’t even in a relationship; I had no business thinking about fatherhood for myself. I dialed Miranda’s number, and she picked up on the second ring.
“Hello?”
Her voice widened my smile. “Hey, I’m an uncle.”
“Congratulations.” Her warm tone heated me right up.
“He’s a little boy named Kip William Lockhart.” I could hear the excitement bleeding through in my voice, and she laughed.
“I love that name.”
I sat down in the little waiting room near the window in hopes of better reception. “Thank you. They named him after our dad and after Kandra’s dad.”
“How is Kandra?” Her supportive, friendly voice was music to my ears, and I realized that, as always, I enjoyed talking to her. Calling her for this event felt right, and I was glad I’d done so.
“She’s good! Tired, I think. They both are; it was a long night.” I thought about the exhaustion in my brother’s eyes and how worn out Kandra looked. That was to be expected, though, they’d been up all night bringing a life into the world.
“They wanted you to know that you’re more than welcome to come to visit.” I held my breath, wondering if my original gut feeling was right. Was this too weird? Too familiar? I mean, we were friends, but were we this close? Miranda didn’t strike me as the baby-crazy kind of woman who’d be in for anything because there’s a baby involved.
Fearless Hart (A Cross Creek Small Town Novel Book 2) Page 5